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Pot-pourri

What a bleak world this would be without flowers: without their gorgeous colour, and their sweet intoxicating, natural fragrance. In the warm months, flowers abound in and around our homes, with many practical reasons for growing them – not simply “to gladden the heart“. But in the cold months, one has to be more ‘deliberate’ about including them. That’s where potpourri becomes an invited guest, but before we get to that, lets talk about how important flowers are to our gardens. Here are 6 reasons to grow them.

1. To attract pollinators

Bee enjoying the flower head of garlic chives, cut and destined to be part of a kitchen bouquet

The most important reason I grow flowers is because I like them. But probably the most important reason I grow flowers IN the vegetable garden, is to attract pollinators. Bees are not the only pollinators, but they’re the most recognizable, and they’re every gardener’s friend. As the bees (and other insects) collect pollen, they distribute it to nearby fruits and vegetables pollinating as they go. The longer pollinators stay in your garden, the greater the pollination rate, so planting flowers among vegetables like zucchini and other squash, and cucumbers is very important. Look for bright coloured flowers. Studies indicate that bees like the colour purple. I grow Borage throughout my vegetable garden primarily because of their purple flowers which attract the bees.

2. As companion plants

rosemary in the centre, marigold to the right, red orach behind, poppy leaf at 11:00, borage leaf at 7:00

Sometimes for shade, sometimes to attract pollinators, sometimes to attract pests away from vulnerable neighbouring vegetables, sometimes to repel pests, flowers are more than just pretty faces in the garden.

3. To improve soil

Flowers from the legume family like Sweet peas, Lupins, Wisteria and Clover can improve nitrogen levels in your soil, not just from growing but even after they’ve finished growing. With the lawn mower, chop up spent bean and pea plants, and then use as mulch in areas of your garden that need nitrogen. As the mulch breaks down and rain filters through it, important minerals like nitrogen are returned to the soil. As my Borage grows bigger and begins to shade surrounding plants, I cut stems to put into summer bouquets, but remnants get added to the mowing.
There are many other plants (not just flowers) like Mullein and Comfrey – that provide great ‘green manure’ for your garden. Be open minded to a benefit you may not have considered before.

4. To eat

summer garden salad: garden greens including leaf lettuce, nasturtium leaves, lambs quarters, dandelion leaves, carrot greens, marigold petals, nasturtium flowers, candied pecans, fresh garden raspberries

Many flowers like nasturtiums are more than beautiful splashes of colour in the garden, and more than attractive faces to pollinators. They are delicious, and nutritious. Nasturtium flowers and leaves, pansies and marigold petals are the perfect addition to any summer salad. Making sure they’re free of chemicals is important, but you know what you’re adding or not adding to your own garden. Common edible flowers are Nasturtiums, Calendula (and other marigolds), Borage, and Pansies (including violas). I even freeze Delphiniums and Geraniums in ice cubes to add to chopped water in a glass dispenser.

All parts of the Nasturtium plant is not only edible and delicious, but highly nutritious: flower, leaves, stem and seeds. Search the keyword “nasturtium” to read other posts about this wonderful and versatile plant.

*cautionary hint: Not all flowers are edible so do some research and get recommendations before you freely harvest. My grandkids enjoy eating the many things I give them to try but we have a very strict rule which is – you cannot eat anything that isn’t a berry – unless Gramma gave it you to eat.

5. To gladden the heart

Getting back to the “gladden-the-heart” part. For most of my married life, my mother in law had freshly cut flowers on her table all summer long, and I came to find JOY in that. It is a rare day that I do not follow her example and have fresh garden flowers on my table during the warm months. Through doing so, I have personally come to know the meaning of what ‘gladden the heart‘ means. Growing flowers ensures a steady supply of every changing seasonal bouquets, and that has become increasingly important to me as I get older.

6. Preserving

Drying flowers when they’re in their prime extends their season and their reach throughout the winter. Who says we can’t have flowers on our table all winter long too? That’s where potpourri comes in.

Flowers in the house – Potpourri

The definition of Potpourri (pronounced ‘poh-poo-ree‘, is “a mixture of dried flower petals with spices, kept in a pot or jar for their fragrance“. Variations of potpourris have been used for millennia, all over the world – for fragrance. The type of potpourri I make is patterned after European recipes, mostly because of climate related ingredients. The mixture contains dried flower petals and spices, and essential oils, as well as ‘fixatives’ – the ingredient used to ‘FIX’ the scent.

While there may have been a myriad of reasons people used potpourri in days gone by, there is only one reason I use it. Because I love the smell of flowers. There is something about flowers that come from one’s own garden, lasting for years in a potpourri mixture . . . . I have a 3 gallon crock in my living room full of flower petals that I have dried – some of those petals have been there for decades. I add to it yearly, tossing new petals into the old. Making your own potpourri is easy, and using flowers and herbs from your own garden makes it personal and memorable.  

part one – the ingredients

When selecting flowers, look for ones that keep their colour.
* Rule #1 – don’t rush your potpourri. Like many good things, sour dough and potpourri cannot be rushed. You’ll be starting in the summer as you’re drying flowers, and you’ll be finishing mid winter – perhaps. This isn’t a race, and good potpourri will last for years and years – so relax, take a breath and enjoy the process.

* Rose petals have always been the most basic and important part of any potpourri mixture. I grow few roses, but I collect some from friends, and of course – I receive fresh roses from time to time throughout the year. I never waste them.

Other flowers: Any flower that has a pleasant natural scent and retains a nice shape and colour when dried, is a prime candidate for most potpourri mixtures. Carnations, lilacs, violets, pansies, geraniums, peonies and lily of the valley are good choices. The only petal that I keep separate for its own unique potpourri is ‘Lavender’, and that is simply because it is different enough that it deserves its own pot, and because I am particularly partial to the scent of lavender. If I am to add any other flowers to a lavender potpourri, they will also be purple, of small delicate petals and similar in general, like lilacs, dephiniums, corn flower (bachelor buttons) and forget-me-nots .

Common herbs: such as oregano, rosemary, marjoram, thyme, lemon verbena, basil, assorted mints, sage, lemon balm and meadow sweet are good choices to add to floral mixtures or to use separately.

Spices: fragrant spices such as cinnamon bark pieces, whole cloves and allspice are sometimes used, and I can see their value, but they don’t usually make it into my own mixtures unless I’m making something ‘Christmassy’.

Citrus peel: In many old recipes, dried whole oranges are crushed and mixed with spices. Or one could thinly pare the rind from an orange, lemon, lime or even grapefruit and dry till crisp. They can be added whole or crushed.

this jar is chopped and dried orris root from 2019 and 2020.
Probably next summer I will grind it up in my coffee grinder to use.

Fixatives: A fixative is a substance that absorbs scents and retains them for a long time.  You really need a fixative, the gentle scent of flowers is simply too delicate to last.

The only fixative I have ever used in ORRIS ROOT. You may find it in specialty shops like spice stores, some garden shops, health food stores, or even craft stores, and it is something I can make myself – which of course is always appealing. Orris Root is literally the root of an iris plant. When you buy it, it may come in ‘crumbles’ or as a fine powder not unlike icing sugar in texture. It is easy to use.

Sandalwood. I have never used sandalwood, mostly because I don’t know where to buy it, but I do like the smell of it, and wouldn’t be opposed to using small pieces or slivers of it in a potpourri mixture from time to time.

Essential oils: Essential oils are added to potpourri mixtures to strengthen the scent. Be adventurous and experiment: of course you’re going to use your favourite scents, but try combining oils of ‘like’ scents, try mixing floral and herb scents that you like. Constantly test the ‘scent’ when mixing into your bowl of flowers.

part two – colour and texture

Potpourri should be as beautiful to look at as it is to smell, so pay particular attention to the dried colour of what you’re using. Occasionally you come across a flower or herb, that when dried, completely loses its beautiful colour. Don’t use it unless it smells so amazing you cannot pass it up, but seriously, I cannot think of a single example of an ugly dried flower that smells that amazing. Flowers that dry with beautiful shapes and colours are: borage, delphinium, forget-me-nots, hydrangeas, marigolds, nasturtiums, pansies, salvia, tansy and zinnias. Consider adding rose hips and other interesting treasures in your garden for texture.

Sometimes you come across such perfectly shaped small flower heads or beautiful whole buds, that it seems immoral to rip them apart. Keep them in their form. If drying them is an issue, you can use a drying agent – a ‘dessicant’ to help.

using desiccants for texture

Silica Gel
The most commonly used medium for drying flowers is SILICA GEL. You should be able to buy from a drug store, a craft store or a hardware store. To use, simply put a one inch layer of silica gel in an airtight container, gently place the trimmed bud or flower on top of the gel, stem tip down. Some flowers may want to lay on their side, some might be best laid stem tip up. Be flexible. Gently pour the gel on top of the flower, taking care to get gel between petals if possible, eventually covering the whole flower. Seal the container and place in a secure place, safe from being jostled. Expect it to take 2 – 6 days for most flowers depending on how dense they are.
* hint: Afer use, silica gel must be re-dried. Spread out on a tray and dryin a low oven until completely dry. Store away for future use.

Borax
I have never used borax to dry flowers but it sounds very compelling to me. I will for sure try it. According to directions, take 1 part BORAX and 2 parts cornmeal and stir to completely blend. Layer borax mixture in airtight container the same as for silica gel, place flower on top in the same way as above, gently sprinkling borax mixture over top. Not necessary to completely cover. Seal and put away. Leave for about two weeks, checking occasionally after the first week.

part three – harvesting and drying

Flowers: Just when the flowers are at their most beautiful – usually just before fully opening, is when they’re perfect. Afterward, both scent and colour will begin to diminish. Gather on a dry day, mid morning is best – after the dew has dried but before the heat of the sun.

When drying, pay particular attention to not crowding them. I usually just leave them spread out and loose on a clean tea towel in the open air inside the house and away from direct sunlight which may fade them. If you have a lot, use a baking rack to keep the air circulating. Petals should be dry and slightly crisp, which could take several days in some cases, so don’t be in a hurry.

part four – assembling your Potpourri

– Dry all flowers and leaves till they are crisp.
– Use a glass or ceramic bowl or pot to mix. Never use plastic or anything porous, or metal. Plastic will keep the smell long after making it difficult to use for anything else, and some metals may react to some oils. You really should dedicate your bowl to potpourri – then you don’t have to worry about scents lingering.
– Place all your petals and leaves in large bowl, add any other non powdered ingredient.
– Mix your scent and fixative: Simply add drops of the essential oil of your choice a few drops at a time and mixing well after each addition to an amount of orris root. How much orris root? Depends on how much potpourri you’re making, but maybe start with 4 ounces for approximately 6-10 cups petals. Blend essential oil into the powder with your fingers or the back of a spoon until thoroughly blended.
– Sprinkle the scented orris root onto the flower mixture, then toss with your hands to ensure it is sufficiently incorporated.
– Add whole citrus peel, whole spices and buds if using. Gently toss with fingers again.
– Gently move potpourri mixture into jars, crock, or ziplock bags. Seal to leave for about 6 weeks to set. If in a jar or bag, do not leave in direct sunlight. Toss petals or shake bags frequently – every day or two to prevent fixative from settling.

part five – Enjoying your potpourri. For years!

My 3 gallon Medalta crock is the main container for rose scented petals of all kinds. I’ve been using this crock for about 40 years. It can never be used for anything else at this point; I expect that scent has become part of the crock.

For many years I kept my potpourri in a crock pot in the living room. When the house whas freshly cleaned, I would remove the lid, toss the petals and let the scent waft through the room. A very good friend of mine developed a sensitivity to perfumes that evolved into sensitivity to most scents, including flowers. At first, I paid attention to NOT having the potpourri open when I was expecting her to visit, but it got so that I stopped lifting the lid at all in case she stopped by. I didn’t want her to not be comfortable in my house. This was quite a sacrifice at first, but soon we mostly forgot about what was in that crock. Life changes and my friend moved away. One day I rediscovered my lost love of potpourri and began the process of getting back into the habit of using it.

How to use

rose scented and mostly rose based in an antique jar and a not-so-antique jar

Don’t leave your potpourri out in the open for days at a time. The smell will dissipate over time. Personally, I never bring it out until the house is cleaned. It’s kind of a reward I suppose, but it just makes sense to me that a clean smell should go with a clean house.

1. Pour your potpourri into an attractive bowl in your living room. Toss with your fingers. Before you go to bed, pour back into the crock, or jar.

2. Make small sachets out of thin cotton fabric. Store them in your drawers, closet, linen cupboard, or even pillow cases.

3. Keep in pretty antique jars that you can put on the table, your dresser or your bathroom counter when desired. When done, replace the lid and put away. Keep jars out of sunlight.

Remember, that even the best oils will eventually lose their scent. Toss the petals with your hands from time to time, and refresh your potpourri with a few more drops of oil when needed. You can always start a new batch next summer, or continue to add to existing batch every season. For years I have two potpourris going. The big one is probably one third roses, so I use ROSE as my primary scent of choice. The smaller one is LAVENDER which is about half lavender petals and leaves, and the other half – supplemental petals like lilacs, delphiniums and borage flowers.

Lavender with a few like coloured flower petals like pansies, violas, lilacs and even a rose.

4. I buy nice little jars or make nice little cloth sachets and fill them up for gifts. Tie a piece of ribbon or lace.

I’d love to hear your experience with homemade potpourri. If this is your first time making one, be brave – you cannot go wrong. Have fun and tell me how it went.

warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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there is Power in the Book

President Ezra Taft Benson declared:
“There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called ‘the words of life’ (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance. … [You will also enjoy] increased love and harmony in the home, greater respect between parent and child, [and] increased spirituality and righteousness.”
“These promises,” President Benson assured, “are not idle promises, but exactly what the Prophet Joseph Smith meant when he said the Book of Mormon will help us draw nearer to God” (GC, Oct. 1986)

I have found over my life, that these words are true. I have taught that they are true. And one can receive the blessings from that power according to the personal diligence that one gives to the book. I taught my seminary students that if they were to do nothing but carry that book in their arms to and from school, and between classes and lay it beside them during classes, they would receive strength from it. How much more then, could they receive from it, if they opened it up and looked at the pictures now and again? And if so, how much more strength could they receive from it if they actually read from its passages? And then – what if they chose to start at the beginning and read it through? And finally, WHAT COULD BE OUR BLESSING if we seriously engage in an earnest STUDY of it? With a faith filled desire to know and understand its mysteries?

I testify from my own personal experience that the power and strength one receives from the Book of Mormon, will be in direct association to the time and focus one devotes to it. There is, as President Benson promised – “a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book.”

Who among us does not want
* greater power to resist temptation?
* power to avoid deception?
* power to stay on the strait and narrow path?
* life in greater and greater abundance?
* increased love and harmony in the home?
* greater respect between parent and child?
* increased spirituality and righteousness?

Are you kidding? What would I be willing to give in order to see these promises fulfilled in my life? What would YOU be willing to give to see them fulfilled in your life?
As with so many things that come from God, the deal is not complicated. The answer in fact, is deceptively simple. ‘Simple’ does not necessarily mean ‘easy to do’, it just means ‘straightforward’ and ‘uncomplicated’. A prophet of God – Ezra Taft Benson, promised me that “When [I] begin to hunger and thirst after those words . … ” I will see those blessings manifest in my life. I took him at his word. I engaged in the ‘challenge’, and I though I loved the book before, my appreciation for it increased exponentially, and my love deepened.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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a house should have a cookie jar

Many years ago I happened upon this little poem, and I wrote it down. Where? or when? or from whom? I cannot even venture a guess at this point in time, but it has been in my collection for decades – and I’ll have to leave it at that. When my mom was a little girl she promised herself that when she grew up to be a ‘mommy’, she would ALWAYS have a cookie jar that was full of cookies. I can attest that we had a cookie jar when she was momming, and occasionally it had cookies in it. I on the other hand, made no such promise.

“A house should have a cookie jar for when its half past three
and children hurry home from school as hungry as can be
there’s nothing quite as splendid as spicy, fluffy ginger snaps and sweet milk in a cup.

A house should have a mother, waiting with a hug. No matter what a child brings home, a puppy or a bug
for children only loiter when the bell rings to dismiss
if no ones home to greet them with a cookie and a kiss. “
– annonymous

And that’s all I have to say about that.

But I’d love to hear your experiences with a cookie jar.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle



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Thanksgiving – food and memories

I don’t know when I started loving fall and Thanksgiving. The colours, the smells, the foods, the geese flying south, the warmth of the sun on still autumn days, the crunch of leaves while walking in the river valley, sitting around the fire on crisp evenings, . . . . . Not sure if I always have loved it, or if it started with autumn memories that included Dan. We started dating in Edmonton during the late summer, and I moved away within weeks to Cold Lake.  I was a teenager just starting high school. He came up to see me a time or two and we wrote for a while, but long distance romances when you’re that young are difficult at best.

Two years later I was passing through Edmonton again in the late summer and we reconnected for a short while. A couple of dates and I was back in Cold Lake in September to begin my final year of high school. I had grown up a little, he had grown up a little more.  The following weekend, he drove to Cold Lake to visit me and I prepared us a picnic lunch.  There are plenty of beautiful places to go for picnics around Cold Lake, and we had a lovely time.  This became the beginning of many weekend pilgrimages from Edmonton to Cold Lake, throughout the fall and winter.  It wasn’t long before we became engaged.  He got an insider look at my family in all our glory: good, bad, and yes, even the occasional ugly.  He came to church with me on Sundays and met many of my friends.   Conversations lasting many hours helped us get to know each other, and eventually winter turned to spring.  He wanted to get married in the spring, but for me, it had to be fall.   I needed a little bit of time between high school and the commitment of marriage. And fall had become a significant time in our story anyway.  We were married the following October.  Thanksgiving weekend.  My apologies to everyone who had to give up their Thanksgiving weekend that year to travel to our wedding. That meant you didn’t get your usual traditional Thanksgiving Dinner – which I never considered at the time.   Sorry ’bout that.

Thanksgiving includes DINNER to me – one that involves planning and preparation.   In the beginning, we were always at one of our parents’ homes on the Thanksgiving weekend. There were some constants between our homes of course: roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes with gravy,  cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. And there were some variables: brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, broccoli salad, perogies, cabbage rolls, variations on pies and pumpkin, and my Gramma Harrison’s marshmallow fruit salad – depending on where we were.  But it was always with family. That was the critical component.

Thanksgiving however, is more than dinner. It’s memories. It’s harvesting the garden. It’s late summer tomatoes. It’s apples, and apple juice, purple grapes and high bush cranberries. It’s the humidity of the canner, the hum of the dehydrator. It’s crisp outside, warm inside. It’s family. It’s the time of year (not just the day, but all the weeks leading up to it) that the bounty of the season causes one to pause and reflect on those things we’re most grateful for. And more than that, its a good time to vocally express our appreciation to others and to Heavenly Father.

Over Dan and my years together, Thanksgiving evolved from us going to our parents homes, to us hosting our parents and others.  That was when the metal of tradition was put to the test.  Which of our family’s established traditions would we incorporate into our lives? and which new traditions would we create with and for our children?  For those traditionalists like me, we like certain things done the same way, every time.  We like revisiting celebrations the same way.  For me, Thanksgiving must include turkey with all that means to me. Christmas Eve much include bread and cheese.  Easter must include coloured eggs.   All the above must include PEOPLE. But in these difficult Covid times that are messing with our usual way of doing things we can still find ways to celebrate and enjoy important ‘traditions’.   In fact there has probably never been a time when we were in more need of the cohesiveness of traditions.

apples, apple juice, apple sauce, apple leather, apple crisp, and of course . . . apple pie

I am a gardener, so harvest has particular meaning to me, and a definite connection to our Thanksgiving menu.  In addition to the must-have turkey with fixings, dinner must include things I’ve harvested.  Things like Cranberry juice from our own high bush cranberry. Made into a sparkling drink.  Homemade Cranberry sauce – made from fresh or frozen cranberries, or even better – freeze dried cranberries. Dressing made with homemade bread, onions, garlic and other herbs from the garden. Vegetables of course, from this year’s harvest. Apples: apple pie, apple juice, apple sauce, apples in salad. Pumpkin: maybe pie, maybe tarts, maybe cheese cake, maybe cookies, maybe dip for gingersnap cookies. Grape: pie from our own grapes.  Bread – homemade rolls. And of course, FAMILY – the greatest harvest of all.  This year, by stupid covid necessity our numbers will be fewer.  One son’s family will be with their other grandparents.   One son’s family will be with another son’s family.  My mother will be with my niece.   Our daughter’s and another son’s families will be with us.  Friends – another great harvest, will be not be around our table this year.  But we will gather as we can, and enjoy the food and companionship of each other.  

Don’t ever discount the importance of food in celebrations, traditions and memories.  Most of us have very strong food-memories, for good or bad. That is why food is so important in how we celebrate special days, and in how we associate with certain people. A strong (and good) food memory for me is “chicken noodles”; many years of family gatherings and happy times are associated with this family favourite. And it is the natural suffix of Thanksgiving turkey. Ukrainian Cabbage Rolls are another strong food-memory for me. No one could make cabbage rolls like Dan’s step-mom Margaret, and no family dinner that she put on would be complete without them. Its been a loss for many years. University of Massachusetts Professor of Psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne teaches us that “Food memories involve very basic, nonverbal areas of the brain and can bypass your conscious awareness.   This is why you can have strong emotional reactions when you eat a food that arouses deep unconscious memories. . . . The memory goes beyond the food itself to the associations you have to that long ago memory.”   For many of us, those food memories are already well established, but our children’s food-memories are still forming, and we have a tremendous influence on their creation and evolution.   Wouldn’t it be nice if most of those associations were good ones?

Happy Thanksgiving dear ones.


Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle

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a Good Neighbourhood . . .

Good neighbourhoods do not exist independently of people. They’re not specific about the size of houses or yards. Whether your nearest neighbour lives across the hall, across the street, down the alley, across a field, or down the road, you live in a ‘community’. And everyone who lives in the same community has one thing in common. Its the one thing that every good neighbourhood needs no matter where it is: good neighbours.  So how do you GET good neighbours?   Ah, that’s the mystery isn’t it?  Its really very simple. If you want to live in a good neighbourhood, you must be a GOOD neighbour.  There.  That’s the long and short of it.  The consistent inescapable reality – that “it always comes back to you“. 

When speaking about friends, Christian songwriter Michael McLean said:
“Everyone hopes to find one true friend who’s the kind
They can count on for forever and a day.
BE that friend, be that kind that you prayed you might find
And you’ll always have a best friend, come what may.”

Well the same thing applies to neighbours.  Why should you care?  and why do you want to live in a good neighbourhood anyway? I suppose there must be many personal reasons, but these are the ones that are important to me. Perhaps some of them might be important to you too. Here’s the clincher though: good neighbourhoods don’t just happen. They’re created by the good neighbours who live in them. So herein, you might find some ideas worth implementing, you may even find courage to step out of your comfort zone and make it happen. Somebody’s gotta start the ball rolling. It might as well be you.

10 reasons you want to live in a ‘good’ neighbourhood and how to make your’s one.

1.   People are social beings. 
Whether you want to admit it or not, we ALL need other people.  Of the things we learned from Covid, one of them is that we cannot be happy for long without other people.  Perhaps you consider yourself more of a loner.  Yeah, whatever.  So am I.  But whether you admit it to yourself or not, everyone has the same basic social needs and that is to be *safe, *loved, and *to feel important.  So deny all you want, I don’t believe you.   We are not an island and we were never intended to be an island.  

2. Living where people are friendly makes for a more comfortable, peaceful environment.  Even for the grump who inevitably lives in every neighbourhood. 

3.  Good neighbourhoods are SAFER.  
Good neighbours pay attention.  They notice things.  They watch out for each other and their property.  They are invested in your safety, just as you are invested in their’s. 

Several years ago, when our kids were teenagers, it was a common prank among their peers to TP each other’s houses.  Their friends’ homes, their teachers’ homes, their neighbours’ homes.   Don’t ask me why.  TP is toilet paper if you didn’t know.  Sneaking to a friends’ house late at night and stringing TP over their trees, hedges, vehicles, fences … anything they could reach.  You wake up in the morning, and …. you’ve been TP’d.  It was a fun thing to do, and fun thing to have done to you too.  Like I say, don’t ask me why.  My kids did it too, so you can’t expect not to get TP’d if you are also a culprit.  What goes around comes around.  I must admit, we have some fun memories involving toilet paper. 

Late one fall night I got a concerned phone call from my neighbour across the street.  “Cindy, sorry for calling so late. I was on my way home, and I noticed something going on in your yard so I pulled over to watch.  Some kids. ….”
“Are they causing damage?”
“It doesn’t look like it.  Hard to say.  Just go look out your front window.”   I absorbed his concern, and peaked out my front window. 
“OH!  That.  Its okay Dwight.  Its just a bunch of Sarah’s friends.”
“But they’re … “
“I know. Its what they do.  Don’t worry about it.  I’ll have Sarah take care of it in the morning.”  We had a rule in our house.  If it was your friends who did it, then you get to be the one cleaning it up.  Like I say, what goes around comes around. “Thank-you for worrying about it Bryce, but this sorta thing is just part of living with teenagers.  My kids do it too.  Its okay.  Its not vandalism.”

The point is, that our neighbour cared enough to notice, to be concerned, and he-knew-our-phone-number to alert us of something he thought was amiss.  Good neighbours are also the most logical ones to keep an eye on your house while you’re away from home.  There’s added security in knowing that you all have each others’ eyes and ears. 

4.  Good neighbours share. 

I know it seems so cliche to borrow an egg from a neighbour, but sometimes – you just need something you didn’t expect to run out of, and it sure is handy to have that reciprocal relationship.  You wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t know if you could borrow a cuppa sugar, or an egg, or some other small thing. 

Sometimes neighbours share bigger things too.  We bought a weed trimmer several years ago with one of our next door neighbours.  You only use something like that how many times a year? and they last forever.  It didn’t seem necessary for both households to own one.  So we shared, and its worked out well for many years.

Sometimes neighbours even share BIG things.  We don’t often need a snow blower in Edmonton, but we live in a crescent so once in a while it sure would be nice to have one. But for the few times a year that you’d use one it was cost prohibitive and difficult to justify, unless . . . . you could co-own one . . . . .  Dan talked to the three neighbours closest to us and all agreed to jointly buy a snow blower.  You wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a stranger about entering into that kind of relationship, but this too, has worked well for many years. 
The common thread is that actually ‘knowing’ your neighbour, makes it easier to lend, borrow and jointly own – or not.

Sharing on building (and replacing) common fences is another ‘co-owned’ investment that benefits everyone involved.

5.  Good neighbours HELP. 
Its an easy thing to lend a hand when you see a neighbour struggling with a package, or involved in a project.  And even just a few minutes assisting someone can be relationship defining. Look for those opportunities, and take them.
We share a common front lawn with our neighbour.  Not really, but neither of us know nor care exactly where the property line is.  When one is mowing the front lawn, how easy is it to mow both sides of it?  So we do, and so do they.  Its been much appreciated on both sides, for many years. 

6. Good neighbours ARE RESPECTFUL AND CONSIDERATE.

Maintain your yard and shared spaces.  Keep your weeds down, and your pets under control.  Even if you’re not that motivated to keep your property tidy, consider what it looks like to your neighbours, and go the distance.   Don’t allow garbage to accumulate, keep your lawn watered and mowed and tidy.  If you don’t like to weed, then establish a low maintenance yard, but keep it tidy. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough.  

Don’t make a lot of noise, especially after dark. 
If you’re gonna have outdoor company with excessive noise or a fire in the backyard, give your neighbour the respectful heads up, and promise to keep it reasonable.
Don’t let your teens party hardy late into the night either.  They can make a LOT of noise.

If you’re having a large group and parking might be an issue, let your neighbours know ahead of time and try to keep it manageable.  Ask your company to be courteous.   If nothing else, apologize ahead of time. LOL

7. Good neighbours are PATIENT and Overlook the small stuff.
When our kids were young we had a trampoline.  It was a magnet for all their friends and the source of a lot of kid-noise.  We never had a neighbour complain.  To be fair, most of their kids spent considerable time on it too.  Once, when I was jumping on it, I noticed how visible many yards around us were from the high point of the jump.  No one had any real privacy with our trampoline. I realized that our trampoline affected people in the several houses immediately surrounding us.  It was not lost on me that no one had ever complained, and I really appreciated it. 

One of our next door neighbours used to have a few friends over once or twice on summer evenings to sit around the fire.  They played music and after a few beers, they could get a little noisy, and yes, maybe even a little irritating if you were trying to sleep.  It made it difficult to escape with our backyards adjoining and bedroom windows open as they most often are in the summer.  These were the times to remember our noisy kids on the trampoline in the daytime. We never complained about those noisy parties, they were infrequent enough that in the big picture, we considered them more than a fair trade.

For years I had several wind chimes hanging outside our kitchen door and along our back deck.  One day as I stood on the back deck visiting with Glenda our next door neighbour there was a slight breeze which made the wind chimes happy.  For the first time I took note of the fact that their bedroom window was open and right across the fence from my wind chimes.   Our bedroom window was around the corner, so on breezy evenings, we were never bothered by the chimes, but it was impossible for our neighbours to not be bothered from time to time.  So I asked “Do these chimes bother you at night sometimes?” Glenda admitted that sometimes they bothered George.  “OH! I am so sorry!”  I exclaimed “Why didn’t you say something?” 
“Oh it’s not that bad.” she claimed, but she was lying of course.  I know what its like to lay awake by an irritating night noise.  I took the wind chimes down that very hour, never to go back up in that area of our yard again.  They appreciated it.

Now in a different house, we have grandchildren. Once a year in the summer time, we have a Grandkids Day, (sometimes a few days).  All 18 of our grandkids come over to hang out with us.  Outside mostly.  On the trampoline, in the treehouse, riding bikes in the crescent, and making their share of noise.  That’s a lot of kids. And that can be a lot of ‘kid-noise’. In the beginning I was hyper sensitive about bothering our neighbours.  Dan and I delivered notes around the crescent to let them know of our plans, asking for their patience and also their extra care in backing out of their driveways with all the bikes, scooters, and other riding toys that would be in use.  They were and continue to all be very patient. 

As our teens grew they all got cars, and on the evenings their friends came over, there could be a lotta cars parked around our house.  Our most immediate neighbour jokingly commented once that living next door to the Suelzles was like living next door to a used car lot.  They weren’t that far off. Well, time went on and our kids all married and left home.  Most days it was just Dan and I.   But those same neighbour’s kids grew up and got cars.  Sometimes their friends would come over for the evening and there could be a lotta cars!  I jokingly complained to them one day that “Living next door to the Bowdens was like living next door to a used car lot!”  And more time went by. Their kids are all gone now too.  . . . There’s no sense in getting all bent outta shape about a minor irritation when in due time it will take care of itself.  Save those bent-outta-shape moments for when the problem is more serious. 

8.  Good neighbours are KIND and SUPPORTIVE. 
Neighbours care about each other, and can be counted on to lend a hand in time of need, and can be a good resource for kids to go to if they need help when you’re not home. 
* One winter day our 17 year old son played with the neighbours’ young children pulling their sleigh on the ice. Little did he expect they would come over often after that asking him to come out and play with them.  Sometimes it wasn’t convenient but he did when he could. 
* For years now Dan keeps small packages of cookies in the garage to give to the neighbour kids and grandkids when they come over.  One summer two wonderful little boys moved into the rental house on the corner. They were the only children in our crescent at the time, and as they rode their bikes one day, Dan gave them each a cookie. They were regular visitors after that, and sometimes we’d come home to find them playing with the riding toys we kept in the yard. I told them they were welcome to use them as long as they made sure to put them away when done. They were pretty good at that. I jokingly told Dan “I guess we’re the Mr. and Mrs. Wilson in our neighbourhood now“. (from Dennis the Menace if you don’t know). Those nice little boys only lived in our crescent for a year, but I missed them after they were gone. One neighbour’s grandkids call my husband “Cookie Dan” and come over when they’re visiting their grandparents asking “is Cookie Dan home?” Its mostly about the cookies of course, but that’s okay. LOL

* Dan and I are involved with our city’s annual Food Drive each fall. Our crescent neighbours contributed occasionally if they remembered, until the year we decided to talk to them all and introduce ourselves, putting a name and a face with the service project.  We didn’t ask for donations, just told them we were involved, and that on Saturday morning someone would be by to pick up donations, and if they could help us out we’d sure appreciate it. On Saturday morning we saw nearly 100% participation from the people we spoke to.  

* There have been times we’ve asked for a neighbour’s helping hand.  There have been times we lent a helping hand. The point is, you’re not going to ask a complete stranger to help move that bookcase, but you’d probably ask a good neighbour.

9. Good neighbours become FRIENDS. 

We find our friends in the areas of our lives we invest in.  We have something very important in common with each of our neighbours.  We each chose to make our homes in the same neighbourhood.  From there, we can find other things in common to share.  From friendly over-the-fence conversations about the weather, to sharing concerns about our children, we start to socialize and create relationships that we otherwise would not have had.  Don’t wait for that relationship to flourish, don’t wait for your neighbour to initiate it.  WE can and should be the ones who start the dialogue.  A smile and wave coming and going.  A plate of cookies, a loaf of homemade bread, a bouquet of garden flowers, asking to borrow that proverbial couple of eggs (and then returning them), sharing the news about a bargain we find at the grocery store, bringing a meal when a baby is born, a small Christmas gift, an invitation to sit around the fire, . . . .

If our neighbour needs a ride to pick up their car from the shop, will they feel comfortable asking us?   Would we feel comfortable doing the same?
If our neighbour has an emergency and can’t make it home in time for the kids coming home from school, will they feel comfortable phoning and asking us to watch for them? Will their kids feel comfortable with us?  Would we do the same?   Do they even have our number? Do we have their’s?

We can also learn much from people who are different than us. Becoming friends bridges a gap between cultures and customs as well as religion.  Sharing our differences enriches all parties and expands understanding and tolerance.  It doesn’t mean we are trying to convert others, it means we are feeling safe enough to share an important part of us.  It involves risk and vulnerability, but it makes us relatable.  When we first moved to our current house, our neighbours were Sikhs. A little older than us, with adult children.  The parents didn’t speak much English.  We had little in common and it was difficult to communicate short of a smile unless their kids were home. Within a short time we were sharing garden herbs, and building our joint fence together.  We were invited to their daughter’s wedding which was a wonderful opportunity to experience a religion and culture very different from our own. They have long since moved and we may never see each other again, but I am so glad we got to know them when we did.   That neighbourly opportunity opened up a whole new world for both of us.

10.  Good neighbours are INclusive.
It is good to develop a friendship with our neighbours, and its alright if we feel closer to one or two, but it is not alright to exclude some from a circle that should be inclusive.  Remember that all of Heavenly Father’s children have the same social needs of feeling Safe, Loved and Important.  That means the neighbour two doors down as well as the one next door, and the one across the street too.  Be the glue that ties others together.

Years ago we had a yearning to get to know our neighbours better.  We were young, shy, busy and quite introverted.  But it bothered us that though we could wave and smile at each other, none of knew each other’s last names.   We decided to take the plunge, the RISK (make no mistake, it is a risk), and host a neighbourhood get-together in our backyard, including our immediate neighbours on either side of us and the three directly across the street.  It was August and fresh corn was available, so we chose to have a corn-roast thinking it would be easier in the backyard. Corn roast made it an easy menu and the kids could jump on the trampoline.  We picked a date and went to each one of those five doors to introduce ourselves, and invite them to a ‘get-to-know-your-neighbour corn roast‘ in our back yard.  The reception we received was hesitant, even strained. And in the end not a single one of them ended up coming. We were very disappointed and more than a little discouraged.  It shook our confidence and our resolve for a few months, but soon those same nagging feelings that we could be doing better began to surface, and we decided to try again.

By this time it was February so we would have to meet indoors, that meant adult only.  We had a small house with five children, and hosting a sizable group ‘inside’ was a little intimidating to us, but in February there aren’t a whole lot of options in Edmonton, so ‘inside’ it would have to be.  I made up some handwritten invitations in the shape of a house.  We referred to ourselves “the-people-in-the-brown-house-with-all-the-kids“, and we called them “the-people-across-the-street-in-the-white-house-with-the-spruce-tree-in-their-front-yard” or whatever they were.  We went together and knocked on their door.  I readily admit we were terrified.  It is always easier on paper, but once you knock on the door you’re committed.  We introduced ourselves again.  “Hi.  We’re Dan and Cindy. We live over there in the brown house with all the kids.”  We handed them the invitation, telling them we were inviting them to a neighbour party. We didn’t ask for a commitment right away, but told them to RSVP before Thursday. Then we said our goodbyes with a  “hope you can make it,  we look forward to all getting together,”  and went to the next house.

Once the initial invitations were given, we set about happily readying ourselves.   But then we started second guessing ourselves, wondering what on earth we were thinking, wondering where we got the idea that we were up to this, wondering if they’d think the games we planned were lame, wondering if we’d make fools of ourselves, wondering if it would just be one big awkward mess!  All our insecurities came to the surface.  And then a new thought entered my mind.  What if they smoked in the house?  What if someone brought a case of beer?  We were a non smoking, non drinking house – I wasn’t prepared to deal with that possibility, didn’t even know how I might, it had never happened before.

One by one our neighbours called before Thursday to say they were coming.  Each new phone call solidified the reality of the mess we’d gotten ourselves into. The day of, I was a total wreck.  I worked myself into such a state that I cried all day.  Was the house clean enough?  What about the food I planned?  Was there enough?  Why did I pick that dish anyway?  And now there was no time for a change in menu. Dan offered to cancel it.  Secretly he was hoping I’d take him up on it so he could use me as the excuse.  He was just as nervous as I was.  But I knew if we cancelled, we’d never rise above it. We would have lost our best chance to get to know our neighbours, and for them to know each other, and it would be even harder to try again . . . .  

The end of the story is that we went ahead with it.  And yes, we had a few surprises.
1) We were surprised to observe that each of our neighbours were nervous when they arrived. 
2) We were pleasantly surprised that no one brought alcohol, and no one smoked in the house (this was in the days when people still smoked in houses). 
3) We were surprised that everyone enjoyed the games we chose. 
4) Our biggest surprise of all was that though each of them knew our first names and perhaps the first names of the people directly beside them, none of them knew anyone else, even though most of them had lived there much longer than us. 
Into the evening we were laughing and thoroughly enjoying each other.  We all commented about how wonderful it was to finally get together and we promised to do it again. Which we did. Several more times over the next few years, each taking turns hosting.  In retrospect, it was the best thing we ever could have done for each other.  Since then we’ve moved out of that neighbourhood, but we still remember fondly those wonderful people we shared a it with.  They made it hard to leave. Recently we ran into Ann-Marie at a hospital.  We greeted each other warmly and caught up with each other like the old friends we were.  We each walked away smiling, happy to know the other was doing well. 
. . . . . . .

People of faith preach a gospel of peace. We accomplish this through our actions, using words only when necessary.  Doing so makes the world a better place for everyone.  It makes the world our neighbourhood.

It is easier to love people that we live in close proximity with, and as we get to know them personally, we feel a connection that bridges possible differences.  Though it sometimes might feel complicated or intimidating to reach out to strangers (even those who  live beside us), the concept of loving our neighbour is really very simple. We are here to love each other.  Jesus taught us to “love thy neighbour” in the New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. (DC 59:6, 3 N 12:43)   In fact he said it was “like unto the first and great commandment” which is to love the Lord with all our heart, and with all our soul and with all our mind. (Matt 22:37-40).  While we know that this admonition to love our neighbour includes more than the people we live near, home is a good place to start. 

I’d love to hear about your experiences in building a better community within your neighbourhood. Please share your comments below. I promise to read them.

Warmly,


Cindy Suelzle

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do better … that’s enough

Studies show that of the 45% of Canadians who make New Years Resolutions, 75% maintain the momentum thru the first week of January. 46% of us last past the 6 month mark, and 8% follow through sufficiently enough to reach their goals.

The key words of course are: FOLLOW THROUGH.
If it was a good idea on Dec 31, then it is still a good idea. If we have slipped or wavered from our intentions, we don’t have to throw our hands up in the air and give up – again. There is an alternative. Admitting that you fell off the wagon may be discouraging, but getting back on the wagon is a good strategy.

Self-improvement or education related resolutions take the top spot at 47%. I’m surprised, because I didn’t know there was any other kind of resolution. I mean really, if its not going to make you a better human being, what was the point of making the goal? Oh well, who am I to question statistics?

I know enough however, to know that anything we do that is better than we did, is a step in the right direction. The Best time to Do Better was a long time ago, but the second best time is always today.

I have this quote silk screened onto a scarf that I wear often. It is a personal reminder to me of my commitment to do better, and permission to let go of mistakes: “Do the Best that you can until you know Better. Then when you know better, DO Better.” Maya Angelou

Here’s to RE-commitment to better choices even though January is over ….

Cindy Suelzle

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money really did buy happiness – best money ever spent

Thirty years ago we bought the best trampoline that we could afford with the money we earned delivering flyers for two years. It was a long two years of seeing little reward except the hope and promise of a trampoline. We had four kids at the time and it was a family effort, not without it’s share of frustration. Hot days. Cold days. Rainy days. Busy days. Days when they’d rather do anything else. Days when they said “This is stupid. I don’t even want a trampoline!” Sometimes I said it too. Quietly to myself. Shhh.

We wondered if we’d EVER have enough, but every nickel we earned went into that savings account, and then one day it was over! We took our money and all of us went to buy the trampoline we had chosen after much research and deliberation.

Our kids grew up on that trampoline. Thousands of hours of fun and noise. Very patient neighbours. Innumerable memories. Not a single regret. Not even for those flyer delivering days.

Three decades later our grandkids are growing up on it too. 
Seriously this trampoline is right up there with the Top 10 Best Purchases of our life.

What would you say are a few of your Top 10 Best Purchases?

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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One step at a time. One project at a time.

Every year since we bought our first house in our early married years (a real honest to goodness fixer upper), we’ve kept to a plan of home improvements as we could afford them. Limiting ourselves to two projects a year, helped motivate us without overwhelming us. It also kept it affordable. Over the years, we’ve stuck to it in every house we lived – even when it was a low income rental when Dan went back to school. It kept us thinking, planning, and making things better for ourselves, while keeping projects in perspective and manageable, All these many years later, we still follow the same formula. One inside project. One outside project.

Some have been big projects – like 2015’s kitchen, and the 2021 greenhouse.  
Some have been smaller projects – like planting a tree, painting a wall, replacing a fixture or a single window or laying some reclaimed brick in the garden paths. The outside project is in the warm months, the inside project is reserved for the cold months. No one wants to waste beautiful summer days working in the house.

hard to see the glass brick patio in this little bistro area off the kitchen door, but this is where it is. To the right, you can catch a glimpse of a 45 gallon rain barrel hooked up to the rainspout

One year we scored some glass bricks from a friend’s reno project. I was so happy! Dan – not so happy. They sat around for a year or two, Dan trying to talk me into getting rid of them, (hoping they’d break so I’d have to) and me just ‘knowing‘ they had a higher purpose in my life. LOL.

In 2002 a big bush winter killed and had to be removed. Just outside the kitchen door, which was very provident! I had the boys chop it down and dig the roots out. We could have planted another tree, but I had visions of a little bistro-type area. Zack and Joseph were willing to make my vision come to life. Dan was not convinced it would work, and didn’t like the idea of the glass bricks being a floor, so he kept his distance from what he was sure was a doomed project. The boys created a base out of sand from the sandbox, and laid the glass bricks as if they were ‘bricks’. Truth be told, I only expected those bricks to last a year or two. None of us were very hopeful about what the winter might do to them, but we had nothing to lose by trying, and everything to gain.  So we did it anyway.

These pictures were taken 14 years later. We’ve had to replace a brick or two from time to time, but not more than 6 or 8 in total. They’ve sunk a little bit, owing to our amateur job of packing the base layer in. But they’re still wonderful, and I still love the spot on our east side, just outside the kitchen door. The perfect spot for a summer breakfast, or a dinner in the shade.  In the picture above you can see the strings from the hammock (on the left) strung from this tree to the one next to it.

In 2016, our inside project was a big one that took 10 times longer than we anticipated. We created a bathroom downstairs adjoining a room that we call “Gramma’s room” for my mom. This was the first big project in preparation for my mother coming to live with us, hence the name “Gramma’s room“. We used to call it Uncle Luke’s room, but things have changed. It was a very big deal. The first project quite so all inclusively complicated. When it was done, we considered having a “Bathroom Done Party” to celebrate. If you came to visit in the months after it was finished, we probably invited you to come see it. LOL. We rejoiced for months and I found myself going down to look at it several times a day for the first few weeks.

We had started the bathroom in January and finished the end of June. When I use the word “WE”, I am of course referring to the “royal WE”. Meaning Dan, although I do the clean up when things get done. There were lots of domino projects that had to get done simultaneously to make it possible. It was a big project that impacted every room downstairs before it was done, and our grandchildren couldn’t play downstairs for so long, they forgot we had a downstairs.

The adjoining bedroom “Gramma’d bedroom” would be the next year’s inside project, but that was a subject we avoided discussing for a very long time. Not surprisingly, the outside project that year was a small one. It was tempting to not do anything that year, but we had made the decision long ago, and that meant we would make one improvement a year outside and one inside. And sticking to it was important.

We painted the fence panel behind our bistro area in the backyard. I know. Big deal. It only took me one day. (We needed easy because the bathroom sucked all our energy.) But easy doesn’t mean ‘do nothing‘. It is important to be flexible with our energy and our expenses, and to not bite off more than we can chew, or afford. Some jobs are big and some are just small. But each one moves us forward, and brings with it a sense of accomplishment. It is just as important to stick to the plan, and move forward. Progress means forward. One step at a time.

Do you have a plan for fixing things up in your little world? I’d love to hear it.


Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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I Will Walk You Thru the Night. . . . . a mother’s promise

There were many times as a younger mom when I knew I had made a mistake.

Sometimes I would be so ashamed – I wanted so much to be a ‘good mom’.  I wanted to raise my children to the Lord, and have them be well rounded and strong and healthy in every way.  I wanted them to enter their youth and adulthood prepared for all that this telestial world could throw at them.  But alas, I was so flawed as a mother – that sometimes I realized I was failing miserably at being the mom they deserved.

Sometimes I would try to make it right – and I’d sit on my oldest son’s bed at night and tell him “I know you didn’t mean to ….. I know you’ve never been a little boy before and you’re just learning how, and that you’re doing your best. I never have been a mommy before either, and I’m just learning how, and sometimes I make mistakes too. But I’m trying to get better.”  Sometimes I would make deals with him, and always I would promise to be better at it tomorrow.  But I don’t know that I always was.  More likely, I just discovered a new mistake to make.  I was always great at making discoveries. 🙂
image by Brian Kershisnik
One day when he was a teenager and we were having yet another one of our ‘disagreements‘, he sarcastically asked “Is this gonna be another one of those times when you come sit on my bed and say you’re sorry?”
Whoah!  To say his timing was poor – was to put it mildly.  I was after all, still the flawed Mother, and I certainly was in no mood to hear that!

“MaaaaayBe.” I retorted “But right now – it doesn’t feel that way!”
I admit it, it wasn’t my finest mothering moment, and I do believe it marked the end of those tender little bedtime talks.
. . . .
So, long story short – we finally made it, and my kids are all grown up.  I’d like to say I finally got it right and that all my mistakes are in the past. ….. But sadly – I am painfully aware that I’m still making them.  Sheeeesh.  I hate to break it to all you moms who are younger than me, but you may never really ‘get it‘. ….. Or maybe YOU will. ….. Thank goodness, I don’t seem to be repeating a lot of the same mistakes.  Nooooo, I am inventing new ones as I go.  I told you I was good at making discoveries.  It is a talent I don’t seem to have lost.

I am comforted by a revelatory experience I had when my oldest was about 7 or 8 years old.  It suddenly occurred to me that he was now the age that I was when I began collecting more vivid memories from my childhood, and specifically of my own mom.  I realized that the memories my kids were making NOW would be with them their whole lives, and I also realized – with a stark reality check, and a healthy dose of humility, that my mom had done the very best she knew how – just like I was trying to do. And I was filled with compassion for her, and forgiveness – for whatever mistakes she may have made along the way, and for whatever faults she may have had. And I fervently hoped that one day, my kids would realize the same thing, and would also forgive me for all my mistakes in this great circle of life, because one day in their turn, they too would be doing the best they know how to do, and one day to follow, they too would pray for forgiveness for not always getting it right. I hoped they would learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones – that somehow they would be better than me, and that with every generation we could minimize the mistakes in our family, and become better parents and better people. Who knows? Maybe – if we were allowed enough generations before this ol’ world comes to an end, and if we put all of our effort into it, we might even become really good parents.

I came across a quote from May Angelou a few years ago and it is very prominently displayed in my home. “Do the BEST you can until you know better. Then when you know better, DO BETTER.”  I don’t beat myself up about things I did.  I know I did the best I knew how to do, and there is great comfort in that.  But I do know better now, and it is my obligation to act on what I know.

Cherie Call put some of my most tender thoughts as a mom to music (she seems to read my mind sometimes) in this wonderful song WALK YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT on her album GRACE.  (Mercy River also sings it on their album COME ALIVE.)  Perhaps the words speak for you too. Thank-you Cherie – you speak to my heart.

“I may not be the best at very many things
but I believe I love you perfectly . . . ”

If good mothering could be judged by that attribute alone, then I could be the best mom ever!

“. . . you are bound to have some nightmares
so am I
but you can count on me to hold you
when you cry . . . .
I can’t promise that I’ll always get it right,
but I will walk you thru the night.”

Thank goodness, its not over and I still have time to learn.  Grandchildren are the great gift of second chances – a chance to make restitution.  Whew! And I hold out hope that one day – perhaps by running out of mistakes to make, I will have exhausted the list, and I will finally get it right, and be the kind of mom my kids deserve.

“If God will grant my wish then I will wait for you
beyond the veil, just before you slip through.
As you softly close your eyes I will sing my lullabies to you,
and before you make your way into the light
I will walk you thru the night.”

click HERE to find out more about Cherie

image by Brian Kershisnik

Cindy Suelzle

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Remember When Jesus Gave You a Present and He Said SURPRISE!?

One day whe Luke was three or four years old, he said to me “Remember when Jesus came to our house Mom?”
hmmmm, I was a just a little confused …. “Nooo Luke. I don’t remember that.”
“Mom! He came. Remember?”
I racked my brain trying to recall some bearded man who had recently come to visit us. But couldn’t. “uh, no Luke. I am sorrry. I don’t remember.”
“Mom! You were there!” Had Brother Blommaert come to visit? He had a beard.
“Mom! He ringed the doorbell!” Had Brother Blommaert dropped something off recently? When I wasn’t home perhaps?
“And he gave you a present.”
…. oh my – this was getting very mysterious. “Jesus gave ME a present Luke?” Brother Blommaert MUST have been by.
“Yes! And the present was all wrapped up in a blanket.”

Feeling very sorry to disappoint him, but not recalling any recent event that might fit into the description he was giving me, I admitted defeat. “No Luke. I am sorry. But I cannot remember when Jesus came to our door and gave me a present.”
“MOM! And he said SURPRISE! and when you opened it up, it was ME!”
The light went on.
“Oh Yes! I certainly do remember when Jesus gave me a wonderful surprise, and you’re right, it WAS you. Best surprise ever. …… But Luke, Jesus didn’t actually ring the doorbell.”

Luke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t heard the wonderful story of how he came to our family. “A long time ago, there was just Mommy and Daddy, and Jacob, and Sarah, and Zack and Joseph. But no Luke. We thought everybody in our family was home. But you weren’t with us yet. You were still living in heaven. You were waiting for your turn to come to us, but we didn’t know that because it was a surprise. And we were just going about doing our stuff. And you were saying “Wait! Wait for me.” but we couldn’t hear you. We were having a picnic, and riding our bikes, and eating dinner and reading stories and you were saying “Hey! Wait for me!” And then one day, Heavenly Father said “its time to go join your family” and you were so happy. And Heavenly Father told us “Surprise!” and He gave you to us. And we were so surprised! And so so so happy.”

Well that boy is almost thirty years old. And just about three decades ago Heavenly Father really did tell us “Surprise!”, and a few months later, Luke joined our happy family, completing that generation of it. April 7 1990. A Happy Day for all of us. Luke gave Jacob the chance to re-find his tender-big-brother-side, Sarah the chance to practice being a mommy on her own real-live doll. He gave Zack and Joseph a little brother to play with and to take care of. And he gave Dan and I another chance to put into practice all the things we learned from the other kids. Another chance to get it right. Baby Luke was a delight to us all. Never was there a little boy more loved and cared for, and cuddled and read to. He was always in someone’s arms. Sitting in church became a political problem …. he was three years old and everyone still wanted to hold him. I am amazed he ever learned to sit on his own, let alone walk on his own.

Why the story? Because at one point, before 1990 we thought we were finished having children. The doctors had strongly advised that my fourth caesarian should be my last, and after months of confusion, and praying for guidance about such an important decision, we decided at length to follow the doctor’s counsel and leave the details up to the Lord. We never had that conclusive feeling that our family was finished, but we knew with God all things are possible. We had good examples of adoption in our extended families. We had fostered briefly. We had provided a home for two years for the teenaged child of a friend. We knew there were numerous ways a child could join a family. It didn’t need to be traditional. We figured that if we were open and receptive, then one day, when the time was right, Heavenly Father would find a use for these parents who still had years to give. We trusted that one day – we might be surprised, and that if we would just be watchful, and receptive to the promptings, that we would respond appropriately when the time came, and the Lord might be able to work through us. It never occured to us that a child could come to us through the normal means after we had taken measures to ensure I didn’t get pregnant again. We didn’t think that was possible. Well, guess what? It is. With God – ALL things are possible. He knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And He was patient with our decision five years before – knowing afterall, that He was in control. “You do the best you can until you know Better.” right?

My fear was that one day Luke might hear the word ‘surprise‘ from another source,and another perspective. All of our friends and family knew the miracle by which he came to us. I was afraid that at some point, he might overhear a portion of his story out of context, and he might deduce that ‘surprise’ meant something else. I wanted him to always know he was important, and loved and welcomed to our family with open arms and open hearts. I wanted to make sure that he never had a reason to doubt that, and I concluded that the only way I could ensure he never thought differently was if he heard it all from ME first. So from before the time he could talk, he heard his story. About how we didn’t know he was going to come to our family, but we were so happy when we found out. I told him in a way that I thought he could absorb. Funny how kids fit truth into their own reality. They sort it out in the way that they see the world. In the way that makes sense to them. I was okay with that. I knew that as he grew and his understanding developed, he would sort out the details. The only thing that was critically important was that he always feel loved.

Somewhere along the line, Luke grew up. And now he has two babies of his own. Very wanted and welcomed and loved babies that he shares with his lovely wife Pam, and with the rest of us. Cause that’s what families do. But he’s still my baby. And I still refer to him as my baby. And sometimes the grandchildren feel the need to object. “Uncle Luke isn’t a baby!” they say.
I tell them “oh yes he is. Don’t ever fool yourselves. Uncle Luke will always be our baby. And you know what? He likes being the baby. Don’t you Uncle Luke?”

“Yup.” (that’s how he talks)

And the world continues to turn. And babies grow up. And mom’s get older too. But some things should never change.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle