Law of the Harvest

There are some basic truths that rule life, no matter what culture or religion we come from. One that, whether we like it or not, we’re all subject to – is the “Law of the Harvest“. What exactly is that? Well, it is very simple and straight forward – essentially “We reap what we sow“. One of life’s great lessons.

A cousin of the Law of the Harvest is “the LAW OF ATTRACTION” which, simply put, is that “like energy attracts like energy”. A negative, complaining type of person always has something to complain about because they find the negative in everything, while a positive, cheerful person always finds the good to be happy about. I’m sure we all can think of examples of both types of people, and can acknowledge that they create self fulfilling realities for themselves. The law of attraction however, goes further. It is based on the idea that people and thoughts are made up of pure energy and that not only can a person attract positive or negative experiences through their positive or negative thoughts and affirmations, but that the process can literally improve one’s health, wealth and personal relationships. I believe this. To a certain extent. But I feel there is a critical component missing.

Let me explain. Harvest is a natural law, a tangible, physical, visual, easy-to-understand law. It says that harvest always comes after a season of sowing. Every farmer and backyard gardener understands the intimate relationship of sowing and reaping. And it is an analogy that transcends beautifully into all aspects of our lives, including spiritual applications.

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Galations 6: 7

In 1903, British philosopher James Allen published a book that he called AS A MAN THINKETH. It is based on Psalm 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he“, and follows the process of the mind guiding our footsteps as we progress along the pathway of life. “Purity of mind leads inevitably to purity of life, to the precious love and understanding that should control our everyday acts and attitudes towards friends and foes.” he wrote, and his life exemplified his philosophy.

James Allen, author of As a Man Thinketh

Born into a working class family in England, James was the older of two brothers. His mother could neither read nor write. His father was a factory knitter. In 1879, following a downturn in the textile trade of central England, James’ father travelled alone to America to find work and establish a new home for the family. Within the first two days of arriving in New York City, his father was killed, believed to be a victim of robbery and murder. At the tender age of fifteen, James was forced to leave school and find work to support his family.

Having a better education than either of his parents, he eventually found work as a private secretary in several British manufacturing companies, and by his early thirties, was earning his living in journalism and reporting.
He married, and found an occupation writing for a magazine where he could rely upon his spiritual and social interests and skill as a writer. This provided him the time and opportunity to be creative, and he published his first of many books, including “As a Man Thinketh”. James and his wife Lily, had only one daughter Nora. He died at the untimely young age of only 47, having written several books, and leaving material that would be published into several more. His words have had a positive impact on generations, and they illustrate the use of the power of thought to increase personal capabilities. Although he personally never achieved great fame or wealth, his words continue more than a century later, to influence people around the world.

The underlying premise of “As a Man Thinketh”, is that noble thoughts make a noble person, while lowly thoughts make a miserable person. Truly, he knew of that which he wrote. A lesser man could easily have let his difficult beginnings pull him down into a defeated life, but against all odds he rose above it. What he learned through a lifetime of application, was that purity of mind can bring happiness and confidence. By magic? By some miraculous process of magnetism? Not at all. But through hard work, and by applying guiding principles that he learned through heartfelt searching. No doubt his father’s tragic death and his family’s economic hardship shaped his future development. He observed that many people were trying to improve their worldly position without seeking spiritual betterment, when he had learned the opposite was true: that by seeking spiritual betterment one gained the power to improve worldly position. He didn’t teach about getting rich, or seeking power, except as it applied to personal empowerment to ACT. And it was through acting upon the truths he learned, that he created a good and fulfilling life for himself and his family.

Through his book, James Allen pointed the true way to a better life. “Out of a clean heart comes a clean life and a clean body,” he wrote, and likewise “Out of a defiled mind proceeds a defiled life and a corrupt body.”

James Allen may have introduced the concept of the law of attraction, but since then, it’s taken a turn that I kinda doubt he would be proud to be connected with. In its basic form – to me, the principle of attraction sidetracks at best, the part God plays in our betterment. For some reason, it seems to attribute the attraction of good to some mystic force of the universe, some inner energy without a name. It circumvents the missing piece of the puzzle. That piece is ACTION. Action follows intent. Intent alone – no matter how much energy we spend thinking about it, is insufficient to bring about change necessary for a different result.

Viktor Frankl – neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl proved that while we cannot always alter the outer forces of our experiences, we can determine the type of person we allow ourselves to become. He said “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl and James Allen could have been great friends if they had lived in the world at the same time. Each of them was influenced by their unique and tragic circumstances, and yet rose above them. Neither pretended it was easy, but their ‘thinking’ ultimately changed their lives.

And that brings us back to where I began – THE LAW OF THE HARVEST. It is a foundational gospel truth. One that we can count on to apply in all aspects of our lives. Yes, it is possible from time to time, for our harvest to be slightly delayed, tricking us into thinking we got away with something. But in the end it always catches up, and we WILL reap what we sow; in the end, we WILL get what we deserve.

That isn’t a threat, and it certainly isn’t always negative, although I admit, sometimes it comes across that way. To every action there is simply a consequence. Years ago, a teacher demonstrated this principle visually for me with a pencil on the table. We may only pick up only one end of the pencil, but the other end is unavoidably affected. We may choose an action, but we cannot choose the consequence. There will always be a consequence, and in many cases that consequence is a pre-selected, natural result – governed by nature.

Ben

I knew a handsome young man once who consistently made poor choices, but rarely seemed to pay their price. I’ll call him Ben. Inevitably Ben’s poor choices would catch up and then pile up, and suddenly some spark would ignite the whole pile, and the world would come crashing down on him in consequence of his latest series of poor choices. Most of those times, Ben chose not to take accountability for the results. It was always easier to blame others, or circumstances beyond his ability to control. Of course, it is more comfortable that way. Not very productive, but a whole lot more comfortable to never accept responsibility for ones failures.

Eventually Ben started making better choices, some might even say – excellent choices. Choices that were difficult, and didn’t show too much comfort in the immediate future, and which required firm resolve and commitment to follow through with them. But the consequences of his previous poor choices had long lasting results and he still had to pay the piper. For a time it seemed that no matter how much he did right, he still lived with the ill consequences of his prior actions. He was still reaping – albeit a little late, the dismal harvest he originally sowed. And ironically, that harvest continued to be in affect a long time after his attitude changed course.

A couple years into these better choices, Ben began to see better results. He had become so accustomed to living with his prior consequences, that he was unprepared when they began to fade into the background. One day he realized his life had taken a turn for the better and he literally marveled at the good place in which he found himself. But it was not by accident, nor coincidence, nor even simply a change of heart. The fact was, that the unfortunate consequences had nearly all run their course, and he was starting to live with the results of his better choices. The natural consequences of THEM. A much fuller harvest.

Specifically, how did the Law of the Harvest apply in Ben’s life?
He paid a price for his poor choices. At the time the price seemed disproportionately high to him, and lasted too long, and in some ways, he is still living with the regrets of some of them. But he has placed them in the past and moved forward. When his choices matured, and his actions followed, he began reaping a richer harvest.

Amelia

Amelia is a lovely young mother with a handful of cute kids. Now if you’ve never had four or five kids at the same time, trust me – some days can be challenging, even overwhelming. I get it. And overwhelmed she was. Amelia began to dream of the education she wished she had taken seriously in her younger, pre-mom days. And it became easier to escape into a desire to improve her mind, than it was to take care of her children. She justified it of course, because who can find fault with the desire to improve one’s education? It is a noble goal. But the timing was now difficult. Children aren’t ‘hobbies’. They are living, breathing human beings with personalities and potential. Their health and well being is completely dependent upon their parents. They literally have CLAIM upon us, legally, morally, and eternally.

The truth was, Amelia found reading her ‘lessons’ more fulfilling than doing dishes, changing diapers and cleaning house. She found the things that she was learning were insightful, satisfying, and rewarding. The more she escaped to her studies, the worse life became around the house. Who’s gonna make the meals? Not mom. She’s busy improving her mind. Who’s gonna clean the house, take the kids to school, help them with homework, ensure they get their chores done, learn personal grooming, develop good friendships and interpersonal skills, gain confidence to deal with challenges and to go into the big wide world? Not mom. She’s busy improving her mind and getting the education she wished she got when she was younger. Can you see where this was headed?

The result was a house of chaos, and the more chaotic it became, the more Amelia retreated behind closed doors to study her ‘lessons’ – because after all, she had important things to do. Education was important, and she was choosing it. It made her feel good. It was much more meaningful that the lowliness of housework, and the drudgery of meal planning – both of which as we all know, never-Ever end. But no matter how distracted you are, there are basics that need to be done in any household, especially where there are children. So who was preparing the meals? Doing the laundry? Doing the shopping?
It isn’t that Amelia didn’t love her children. Any one could see she did. She simply found it easier to depend on others to rescue her when she so often fell behind. She got used to friends bringing in family meals. Often. She got used to friends coming in and cleaning when the house got away from her. She began thinking it was her ‘due’. She expected it. She couldn’t even count the times her well-meaning friends and neighbours had helped out with various things – trying to lighten her load. Sometimes when the meal wasn’t just right, or it was a few minutes late, or was too similar to what someone else brought recently, she’d even complain. Just a little.

The Law of the Harvest was gonna play out in Amelia’s situation; of that there was never any doubt. In fact, it already was. And it was beginning to look tragic.

If I had a relationship of trust with Amelia, the first thing I would suggest she do, is to visualize what kind of harvest she wants at the end of this metaphorical ‘season’. My guess is that in her heart of hearts, she’d want happy, healthy children – equipped to handle the adult world confidently, who know and love their Heavenly Father, and keep his commandments. I believe she’d want to have a happier marriage, where both she and her spouse were not only contributing active parents, but equal loving partners. If I am right, I might suggest she look at her current actions and ask herself serious questions like:
“How is this action going to help my son have a better day in school tomorrow? my daughter be a good friend? show my children that I love them and that home is a safe and happy place? How is this going to help my children grow into the happy, confident individuals I want them to be? How will this help me be a better mother and/or a better spouse, and show my spouse that I value him?” and so forth . . .

If the honest answer to any of these questions is “Its not” then, I might suggest its time to reassess the action. Children grow up all too soon, there will be time for Amelia to catch up on her education. It’s alright for her to lay it aside for the time being and focus on those who need her.

How awful would it be, to finally reach the top of the ladder we spend years climbing, only to find out it is leaning against the wrong wall?

Specifically, how can Amelia use “the Law of the Harvest” to guide her life?
Amelia planted tomatoes in the sun, and she waters them when she feels motherly, but she’s expecting others to stake them and prune them.

She could try to understand that as a mother, she owes her children more than she is currently giving them. By nurturing the seeds she’s already sown, she will be investing in a more rewarding harvest at the end of season, with fewer regrets. Taking care of the immediate priority of children now, doesn’t imply that she will never be able to fulfill her dream of getting her degree. Not at all. To everything there is a season. Delaying the harvest of one, for the harvest of another that is more important, and by necessity more immediate – is not failure. It is a conscious choice of priority.

Alex

Alex was a sales rep for a well known tech company. His company was the biggest in the country, and he was one of the top sales reps in his region. His clients were professionals, and he was a man of no small reputation. Some time ago, a competing company hired Alex, thinking to benefit from his experience and success in the field, and perhaps even to gain some of his existing customers.

They soon discovered however, that though he was knowledgeable in his field, he was arrogant and unteachable. They learned that though he could give exemplary service, he rarely did; he didn’t like being inconvenienced. Yes, he represented his company with confidence, but he was pushy and impatient with prospective clients. He was the top of the food chain and he liked it there. He felt that he shouldn’t have to work as hard as others did anymore, after all, his ship had already come in. And it was a yacht. His reputation among his clients and peers was now one of mixed reviews. Some respected his knowledge, others resented his arrogance. Some appreciated his confidence, others did not feel he valued their opinions.

Specifically, how is the Law of the Harvest playing out in Alex’s life?
At some point, Alex had sown good seed to get where he was. Because the harvest he was currently reaping was the result of previous work, Alex is choosing to not pay attention to how things are changing. Perhaps his previous company had an edge earlier, because of something completely independent of him, and he may have been in the right place at the right time. Perhaps existing clients simply don’t like change, so they stuck with him out of habit. Who knows? Whatever the truth is, his previous reputation and professional success was a harvest he happily reaped. But he forgot about the principle of choice and accountability, and its close tie to the law of the Harvest. He neglected to take into consideration how small the professional world in his field is, and how reputation spreads. With his current attitude and work ethic, he is now sowing an entirely different crop than the one he wanted. He wants tomatoes, but he was caring for them as if they were hostas. Hostas don’t want sun; tomatoes must have it. If you want tomatoes Alex, you must do more than put the seed into the ground. You must give them what they need to flourish.

Frank

Sometimes we get in our own way and we refuse to take responsibility for our own faults. Frank is not getting the shifts he wants at work. He feels persecuted by his supervisor, and is considering filing a complaint with the union. Frankly, (no pun intended), he is lazy and has a reputation for shuffling off when there’s work to be done. Colleagues don’t like working with him, and some have even asked not to. The problem is, that Frank convinces himself he is a good employee, and tells anyone who wants to hear it. He doesn’t think there is anything amiss with his performance.

Sometimes we need to take a long hard look at ourselves and ask what our responsibility is when we are not seeing the desired harvest. I have no idea what can be done for someone who is so blind to their own faults.

Helen

Helen is negative about most things: her job and the people she works with, her neighbours, her friends, her spouse, her in-laws, . . . . . She has a hard time seeing the good in people and talks ‘smack’ about them behind their backs. When people hear what she says about others, they wonder what she says about them. She has a victim mentality and feels like everyone is out to get her (and by extension, her family). She is quick to be offended, and has no problem telling people off when she is. She considers herself a loyal friend, but usually that means taking up their fight with them. Consequently she doesn’t have a good group of friends who want to be around her. Her nature makes it difficult sometimes to recognize the blessings she has in her life.

Like Frank, Helen may need to take a long hard look in the mirror to discover her responsibility when she doesn’t see her desired harvests. The most important thing she needs to recognize, is that many of her problems are self made. She can learn to alter her thinking with a little hard work, but first she must be able to accept that the common denominator in all she finds wrong with her world, might be herself. And that is not an easy thing to admit. For anyone.

Dean

Dean just got laid off. He hadn’t seen it coming, and assumed it never would. He had had a government position, and kinda felt that he was immune from such things. Like thousands of others, he had been working a lot from home during the Covid months, but was asked to come into the office Monday. That was that. Done. A fair severance, but no job. Understandably, it took a few days to digest it and to be able to talk about it. He reviewed his family’s situation: He had three young children at home. His wife had been working part time – picking up shifts now and again. He had been with his current employer for almost a decade and had a good reputation there; he knew he could get some good references. He and his wife had a house with a mortgage of course. They didn’t live outside of their means. They paid an honest tithing, and understood the blessings that came from doing so. They had a couple of older vehicles that he always kept in good condition. Most importantly, other than their mortgage, they had strictly avoided debt. What a relief that was at the moment! He felt sure that that fact alone was going to reduce the stress and nervousness of being between jobs for awhile.

Hard to say how long it might take for Dean to find another job in this market. Thankfully, they have some modest savings that they’d have to be careful with, but when combined with his severance, it will help. But back to the debt thing. They have NO credit card debt! No heavy monster interest hanging over their heads.

Specifically, how does “the Law of the Harvest” apply here?
One cannot assume that doing one’s best will shield them from trials. Trials are inherent to our mortal experience, and we can learn a lot from them, but there are things we can do in preparation to prevent them from being worse than they have to be. We can in fact, soften their blow. By paying an honest tithing, and avoiding credit card debt, Dean protected himself and his family in the very best way he could have. Although this unemployment experience was not on his radar, he was prepared for it. He understands that while it is only a bump in the road, it could be a big bump. But it is not the harvest. The harvest is yet to come.

The moral of these stories is singular: “If you want tomatoes, plant TOMATOES.”
Plant exactly what you hope to sow. Tomato seeds yield tomato plants, which in turn produce more tomato seeds.
Keep your desired harvest in mind: TOMATOES.
Choose your actions intentionally.
Whatever they are, YOU WILL REAP WHAT YOU SOW. Using my friends Ben, Amelia, Alex, Frank, Helen and Dean as examples, consider the seeds you are currently planting, and ask yourself if those are the ones you really want to harvest? At one time Alex sowed tomatoes, but he hasn’t taken care of them for a long time, and he cannot expect to continue to reap a harvest he is no longer nurturing.

sometimes we Sabotage ourselves with self defeating behaviour

When one finds problems overwhelming, or maybe even painful, it is tempting to find a bandage, some kind of self-medicating behaviour, rather than learning from those experiences or developing strategies to work through them. Self medicating behaviours are ones that offer relief from pain, or fear-of-failure, and though some can be helpful in the short term, many times they are counterproductive. Self medicating behaviours that remove the worst of our fears, might take the form of alcohol, drugs, inappropriate relationships, self harm, over eating, over exercising, pornography, over spending, excessive indulgences, and so forth. The problem with this solution is that eventually it wears off. And reality comes back into focus, revealing the same problem that never really went away, and has now resurfaced. And we have still not developed skills to deal with it. Instead of learning skills to improve, we have simply learned to escape, and very often have introduced a new problem that can be worse than the original. Addiction.

The more one employs escape strategies, the more dependent we become on them. We find relief there. In our self medicating behaviour we chill out, we become more confident, we like ourselves better, we lose our usual inhibitions. Its a happy place for us. But soon enough it ends again, and we’re back to where we started – again. And the only things we seem to be learning, are quicker ways to escape those things we find difficult. Addiction is forming. Addiction to what? Addiction to whjhjhatever behaviour you are employing to avoid the pain you are living with. The longer you go on, the more serious your addiction becomes and the less you are equipped to deal with the new consequences that it brings with it.

And of course, there will be a reaping of this too.

In my studies and reflection, I have come up with five principles of the Law of the Harvest. They’re not official, not very profound, and probably never gonna be written anywhere else but here. But they are personal to me, learned through my experience. Understanding them helps me apply them to my benefit, and they help me hold myself accountable. Perhaps you may find them of benefit as well.

Lesson 1 – We Reap what we sow

Look ahead. What is it you WANT to end up with?
If you want tomatoes, start by PLANTING tomatoes. Find out all that tomatoes need to thrive and do you very best to give it to them. They need as much sun as possible, so pick a sunny spot. They need nutrients, so make sure their soil is rich, continually adding to it with compost and mulch. They need air, so prune and stake them to ensure they have space to grow, and air flow to prevent disease. They need water, but water remaining on their leaves may cause disease, so water from beneath.
When you ensure tomatoes have the very best environment and care, you can reasonably expect a bountiful harvest of beautiful, flavourful, nourishing tomatoes. Taking shortcuts in any of these areas will reduce the quality of your harvest. Planting marigolds will not give you a basketful of tomatoes. And letting dandelions flourish will not give you a basketful of tomatoes.

Reading text books will not get your kitchen cleaned up, and meals made. Browsing Pinterest, and flipping through magazines will not give you the kitchen you desire.
Staying in bed all day because you’re overwhelmed, with not help your kids learn the golden rule and develop feelings of self worth.

When you have decided what you WANT in a final harvest, plant THOSE seeds, and NURTURE them along the whole season.

Lesson 2 – Sometimes the harvest is not immediate

Trying to cheat the natural consequences of our actions prevents us from valuable learning opportunities and preparation. We simply will not develop the skills we should have. Our world is governed by natural laws; its how we know objects will fall down instead of up, how we know the sun will rise in the morning, and why we know the rain will get us wet. These are things we can count on, without which life would be chaos.

Sometimes we make poor decisions, choices others may even have warned us not to make, actions that we innately sense are not for our own good, . . . nevertheless, we don’t suffer. In fact, everything seems to continue on pretty much as normal. We enjoy the immediate fruits of over spending, we neglect to change the oil in our car regularly, or maintain tire pressure properly, and yet it seems to run fine, we eat poorly but our health doesn’t suffer, we don’t study but we do well in class, …. etc. The delay of consequences can be empowering. We might even feel that we cheated them. Then all of a sudden, the exam looms and we know we’re going in unprepared, we can’t afford to pay the bills, the motor in our car fails and our tires wear out quicker than they should, our lack of energy catches up to us, and we seem to be getting sick a lot, . . . . . . Our lack of preparatory work becomes painfully evident, and bluffing our way through isn’t working anymore. It seems the whole world comes crashing down all at the same time, and we can’t “catch a break”. We compare ourselves to others, and fail miserably. And most importantly, we are stressed to the max, and unhappy.

Then the opposite may also be true from time to time. We try our best. We do everything we know how to do, to abide by ‘the rules’ associated with promised blessings. We work tirelessly, we follow the golden rule, we put God first, we pray for help, we teach our children, we show them by example the path we’d like them to follow, . . . and yet it seems, the same problems continue to plague us. We can’t get ahead, the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away we can’t see it clearly, our kids choose paths we know will bring them misery. I’ve been there, I know how discouraging some of those things can feel. But I have learned that no matter what it looks like now, the promised harvest is absolutely assured. We must carry on, stay the course, do the right thing because IT IS the right thing, having faith that God is in control.

A favourite scripture of mine says:
“There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated – and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” (D&C 130:20,21)
I have seen it come true time and time again. I have absolute confidence in it. You might say it has become a mantra to me, encouraging me on, trusting that God is in control and that I will receive the promised blessing.

Lesson 3 – Trust that the harvest WILL come, and it will be exactly what we sowed.

We live in an immediate gratification world that sometimes makes us believe everything should happen instantaneously. That’s hard to argue with, when so much around us reinforces it. Infinite information is a only a click away. We talk to anyone we want, practically anytime we want, from wherever we happen to be. New furniture is ours with the click of a mouse, delivered to our door next Monday. There is an app for everything. Instant results. We don’t like to wait, and we don’t see why we should have to. Hey, I live in the same world. I am as guilty as anyone else.

So how do we trust in something that doesn’t seem to be happening quick enough? How do we learn to step back, take a breath and have confidence in something we seemingly have no assurance of? Well, there are some things we DO have assurance of. Some things that we can count on.

“I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (D&C 82:10)

“Do what I say.”? . . .
I can do that. I want to do that. I will do that. I made a commitment long ago to do that. Sometimes I might have to learn His will on a particular subject, but when I do, I will do whatever is necessary to align myself to it. Why? Because of this assurance: “My words are sure and shall not fail, …. wherefore be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; …. ” (D&C 64:31-34)

I decided long ago that there was no one I wanted bound to me, more than God. His counsel here is simple and straight forward, hard to misunderstand: “DO WHAT I SAY”. His promise is equally simple and straight forward: “I THE LORD AM BOUND”. The opposite is true in reverse “when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.”

Someone recently told me that not only was I relying on unsustainable promises regarding the law of the harvest, but that I was encouraging others to put too much stock in harvests that may never come. She pointed out that sometimes a gardener plants and cares for a garden only to lose it through no fault of his or her own. Drought. Disease. Hail. Early frost. Any number of rotten tricks that nature can play on us will affect a harvest. And can even remove a season’s harvest completely from the picture. I know that. I’ve lost seasons’ harvests to unexpected early frosts, to hail and to other things beyond my control. But it has not diminished my testimony of the bigger picture.

Many years ago, we had an experience that taught me a life long lesson, that became the foundation of what would develop into a strong testimony of this principle. It is a lesson that I have seen recur multiple times, not just in my own life, but in the lives of those I love. Dan and I lived in a small Alberta city – Camrose. Our first baby had just been born, Dan was working in a bank there, and we began to set down roots, expecting Camrose to be our home for some time to come. We bought a modest home that we were to take possession of July 1, and since it was empty, we asked if we could plant a garden before we moved in. It was to be our first ‘real’ garden in our very own ‘real’ home. We felt so grown up.

We planted the garden. I have no idea what we planted in it, only that we did. About the middle of June, Dan lost his job. Big surprise, and overnight everything changed. We couldn’t take possession of the house obviously, and we had already put in notice with our landlord. So we packed up and moved into Dan’s mom’s basement while we tried to figure out what we were going to do from there. By September, Dan was back at school upgrading, working on the weekends delivering pizza, and we found a little apartment in our old ward on the west side of Edmonton. Friends in the ward were harvesting their own gardens and we received garden gifts from time to time. Cucumbers here, tomatoes there, lettuce, carrots and beets – it was wonderful. One day I mentioned to my new friend Shirley Clelland, “I didn’t even have a garden this year, and yet I am harvesting probably more than I would have if I had had one .” She offered a perspective I had never considered, with a gospel truth I had not known.

“You may not have harvested your own garden Cindy,” she said “but you DID plant a garden. And it is because of your garden that you are being blessed this way.“ She pointed out the principle of obedience. That promise that when we obey a law, we receive the blessings associated with it. Plain and simple – according to her. The prophet said “plant a garden” – we had. The circumstances surrounding the fact that we didn’t harvest it were incidental. The principle stood. She bore testimony to me in her straight forward way, that I could count on that principle all the days of my life. “There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated.” she recited, “And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which is is predicated.” (D&C 130:20,21) I didn’t know it then, but my life changed that day.

I had seen the fruit of the principle with my own two eyes. And yes, Shirley was right, I had planted a garden. Pitiful though it might have been, I had been obedient. I had tried my best to obey. That was all that mattered. God is in the details. When we get stuck in expecting the harvest to look exactly how we think it should, we may miss a lot.

Lesson 4 – Don’t discount a harvest simply because it looks different than you expected

Assurance of a harvest doesn’t mean you’re always gonna have a bumper crop of tomatoes. It doesn’t guarantee employment, or freedom from problems. And obeying gospel laws and principles doesn’t protect us from all of life’s trials. But it will frame them differently, and it will make all the difference in the final outcome.

We’ve had our share of unemployment. Along with many others in the economic downturn Alberta experienced in the mid 1980’s, we lost our house. Dan went back to school and worked part time when we had four children. There were many hard things about those years, and in the following years of repaying student loans. And there were great blessings too, although none of them looked much like money. We learned the importance of having a Food Storage, and we relied upon it. We learned to live within our means. We learned the difficult lesson of staying out of debt. Dan got a job he enjoyed with the government, and we got on with the business of raising our children.

In 1996 we bought a failing business that we believed we could turn around. An independent niche Bookstore. It wasn’t a dream we’d always had, it simply presented itself one day, and it felt like the right thing to do. Dan continued to work full time, and I took over the management of it. Our kids all worked there over the years we owned it, and there were many wonderful things that came from those years. But it was very hard too. 60 hour weeks. The first four years of no income from it – every dollar went back into it, paying off the bank loan, overhead, stock, freight, staff, . . . . etc etc etc. About five years later, we had a big surprise. One day Dan went to work as usual, and was home two hours later.

Downsized. It took our breath away. We were stunned. Could hardly speak. It took a few days before we could even tell the kids. We had five children by then, our daughter had just gotten married, our oldest son had recently returned from a mission. Our other boys were aged 11 – 17. While we sat together in a family meeting, our oldest asked the question that was on everybody’s mind: “What does this mean? What is this going to look like on the day-to-day? What’s going to change? What do we do different?”

It was with relief and tremendous gratitude that I could reassure them with “We are in good shape. Other than the house, we don’t have any debt. We own two decent cars, if we have to sell one, we can. Our priority is to not loose the house. Every ounce of energy will go into protecting it, and we will do without what we must do without to keep it safe. ” I reminded them of our Food Storage. “From the outside looking in,” I said “it will appear as if life is going on the same as it ever did. We pay our tithing and the Lord will sustain us. We’ll simply be careful until Dad is back to working fulltime.”

It went on a lot longer than we expected; in fact – Dan never did get back into his field. It was an emotionally difficult time, especially hard on him, as much of his confidence and feelings of self worth, were tied up in being gainfully employed. He picked up part time seasonal work at a local hardware store, then started building fences and decks. He eventually started a maintenance business and gained a contract with a big property company in the city. But that took years. Through it all, we still had our bookstore, which just before his layoff had turned a corner in that we had finally paid it off. So many times in the months and years that went by, I paused and considered “Wow! Who could have imagined that this would go on as long as it has? What would have happened to us if we had had credit card debt?” I had no doubt that had we been in unnecessary debt, we would have lost the house.

Bad things happen. Even to good people. Job loss happens. Illness happens. No one is exempt from trials in this life. And some of the harvests are less than stellar. Sometimes what we worked for ends up being regrettable. As difficult as that episode was for us, it was a first rate lesson in the importance of staying out of debt. Debt would have changed our harvest considerably. It was a tangible, touchable lesson for our whole family. Most of our kids were old enough to understand, and went into their own marriages with a healthy appreciation for living within one’s means. For that alone, I would say it was worth it. Not that I’d ever want to go through it again, but what we gained from those hard years is hard to put a price on. The harvest? Nothing we pictured in the beginning. But as so often happens when the Lord is involved, it turned out much better.

Lesson 5 – Don’t look back.

Every season gardeners learn new lessons about what they’re growing. Sometimes the lesson is what worked beautifully, so that we can repeat it. Sometimes the lesson is what NOT to do next time. But whatever we learned, it took the whole season to finalize the lesson. Nothing can be done to reverse a season, and we only get one chance at it. We may even lose the whole season’s harvest.

There is nothing to do, but to go forward. Next time – simply do better, applying what we learned, gaining confidence along the way with improved skills. Maya Angelou’s counsel is another mantra to me, and I have it written in big letters on a wall I see every day. “Do the BEST you can until you know better. Then when you know better, DO BETTER.” I love it because it doesn’t dwell on past mistakes. It encourages me not to grovel in guilt after I have repented. It motivates me to go forward and do better. It is simple and straight forward – just like the gospel. I do best with “simple-and-straight-forward”.

The law of the harvest is as real to me as the sun and the moon. I have seen it implemented year after year, simple and straight forward, and above all dependable. I have confidence in it. I have reaped many harvests – not all of them good, but they were what I sowed. I am currently reaping a harvest I set in motion many years ago. I trust the principle so much that it is a guiding influence in my life. It motivates every decision. Some people refer to serendipity. Some refer to karma. Some refer to luck. Those things imply fickle ‘chance’, and I cannot invest in chance. The law of the harvest is not chance. It is a natural law, as much as gravity is a law of physics, and we can count on it to the same degree. Even more so. And when we do, I pray that it will be the JOY OF HARVEST we experience, as is so beautifully depicted in Simon Dewey’s classic picture above.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the law of the harvest and how it applies to life outside the garden as well as in it.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

Pot-pourri

What a bleak world this would be without flowers: without their gorgeous colour, and their sweet intoxicating, natural fragrance. In the warm months, flowers abound in and around our homes, with many practical reasons for growing them – not simply “to gladden the heart“. But in the cold months, one has to be more ‘deliberate’ about including them. That’s where potpourri becomes an invited guest, but before we get to that, lets talk about how important flowers are to our gardens. Here are 6 reasons to grow them.

1. To attract pollinators

Bee enjoying the flower head of garlic chives, cut and destined to be part of a kitchen bouquet

The most important reason I grow flowers is because I like them. But probably the most important reason I grow flowers IN the vegetable garden, is to attract pollinators. Bees are not the only pollinators, but they’re the most recognizable, and they’re every gardener’s friend. As the bees (and other insects) collect pollen, they distribute it to nearby fruits and vegetables pollinating as they go. The longer pollinators stay in your garden, the greater the pollination rate, so planting flowers among vegetables like zucchini and other squash, and cucumbers is very important. Look for bright coloured flowers. Studies indicate that bees like the colour purple. I grow Borage throughout my vegetable garden primarily because of their purple flowers which attract the bees.

2. As companion plants

rosemary in the centre, marigold to the right, red orach behind, poppy leaf at 11:00, borage leaf at 7:00

Sometimes for shade, sometimes to attract pollinators, sometimes to attract pests away from vulnerable neighbouring vegetables, sometimes to repel pests, flowers are more than just pretty faces in the garden.

3. To improve soil

Flowers from the legume family like Sweet peas, Lupins, Wisteria and Clover can improve nitrogen levels in your soil, not just from growing but even after they’ve finished growing. With the lawn mower, chop up spent bean and pea plants, and then use as mulch in areas of your garden that need nitrogen. As the mulch breaks down and rain filters through it, important minerals like nitrogen are returned to the soil. As my Borage grows bigger and begins to shade surrounding plants, I cut stems to put into summer bouquets, but remnants get added to the mowing.
There are many other plants (not just flowers) like Mullein and Comfrey – that provide great ‘green manure’ for your garden. Be open minded to a benefit you may not have considered before.

4. To eat

summer garden salad: garden greens including leaf lettuce, nasturtium leaves, lambs quarters, dandelion leaves, carrot greens, marigold petals, nasturtium flowers, candied pecans, fresh garden raspberries

Many flowers like nasturtiums are more than beautiful splashes of colour in the garden, and more than attractive faces to pollinators. They are delicious, and nutritious. Nasturtium flowers and leaves, pansies and marigold petals are the perfect addition to any summer salad. Making sure they’re free of chemicals is important, but you know what you’re adding or not adding to your own garden. Common edible flowers are Nasturtiums, Calendula (and other marigolds), Borage, and Pansies (including violas). I even freeze Delphiniums and Geraniums in ice cubes to add to chopped water in a glass dispenser.

All parts of the Nasturtium plant is not only edible and delicious, but highly nutritious: flower, leaves, stem and seeds. Search the keyword “nasturtium” to read other posts about this wonderful and versatile plant.

*cautionary hint: Not all flowers are edible so do some research and get recommendations before you freely harvest. My grandkids enjoy eating the many things I give them to try but we have a very strict rule which is – you cannot eat anything that isn’t a berry – unless Gramma gave it you to eat.

5. To gladden the heart

Getting back to the “gladden-the-heart” part. For most of my married life, my mother in law had freshly cut flowers on her table all summer long, and I came to find JOY in that. It is a rare day that I do not follow her example and have fresh garden flowers on my table during the warm months. Through doing so, I have personally come to know the meaning of what ‘gladden the heart‘ means. Growing flowers ensures a steady supply of every changing seasonal bouquets, and that has become increasingly important to me as I get older.

6. Preserving

Drying flowers when they’re in their prime extends their season and their reach throughout the winter. Who says we can’t have flowers on our table all winter long too? That’s where potpourri comes in.

Flowers in the house – Potpourri

The definition of Potpourri (pronounced ‘poh-poo-ree‘, is “a mixture of dried flower petals with spices, kept in a pot or jar for their fragrance“. Variations of potpourris have been used for millennia, all over the world – for fragrance. The type of potpourri I make is patterned after European recipes, mostly because of climate related ingredients. The mixture contains dried flower petals and spices, and essential oils, as well as ‘fixatives’ – the ingredient used to ‘FIX’ the scent.

While there may have been a myriad of reasons people used potpourri in days gone by, there is only one reason I use it. Because I love the smell of flowers. There is something about flowers that come from one’s own garden, lasting for years in a potpourri mixture . . . . I have a 3 gallon crock in my living room full of flower petals that I have dried – some of those petals have been there for decades. I add to it yearly, tossing new petals into the old. Making your own potpourri is easy, and using flowers and herbs from your own garden makes it personal and memorable.

part one – the ingredients

When selecting flowers, look for ones that keep their colour.
* Rule #1 – don’t rush your potpourri. Like many good things, sour dough and potpourri cannot be rushed. You’ll be starting in the summer as you’re drying flowers, and you’ll be finishing mid winter – perhaps. This isn’t a race, and good potpourri will last for years and years – so relax, take a breath and enjoy the process.

* Rose petals have always been the most basic and important part of any potpourri mixture. I grow few roses, but I collect some from friends, and of course – I receive fresh roses from time to time throughout the year. I never waste them.

Other flowers: Any flower that has a pleasant natural scent and retains a nice shape and colour when dried, is a prime candidate for most potpourri mixtures. Carnations, lilacs, violets, pansies, geraniums, peonies and lily of the valley are good choices. The only petal that I keep separate for its own unique potpourri is ‘Lavender’, and that is simply because it is different enough that it deserves its own pot, and because I am particularly partial to the scent of lavender. If I am to add any other flowers to a lavender potpourri, they will also be purple, of small delicate petals and similar in general, like lilacs, dephiniums, corn flower (bachelor buttons) and forget-me-nots .

Common herbs: such as oregano, rosemary, marjoram, thyme, lemon verbena, basil, assorted mints, sage, lemon balm and meadow sweet are good choices to add to floral mixtures or to use separately.

Spices: fragrant spices such as cinnamon bark pieces, whole cloves and allspice are sometimes used, and I can see their value, but they don’t usually make it into my own mixtures unless I’m making something ‘Christmassy’.

Citrus peel: In many old recipes, dried whole oranges are crushed and mixed with spices. Or one could thinly pare the rind from an orange, lemon, lime or even grapefruit and dry till crisp. They can be added whole or crushed.

this jar is chopped and dried orris root from 2019 and 2020.
Probably next summer I will grind it up in my coffee grinder to use.

Fixatives: A fixative is a substance that absorbs scents and retains them for a long time. You really need a fixative, the gentle scent of flowers is simply too delicate to last.

The only fixative I have ever used in ORRIS ROOT. You may find it in specialty shops like spice stores, some garden shops, health food stores, or even craft stores, and it is something I can make myself – which of course is always appealing. Orris Root is literally the root of an iris plant. When you buy it, it may come in ‘crumbles’ or as a fine powder not unlike icing sugar in texture. It is easy to use.

Sandalwood. I have never used sandalwood, mostly because I don’t know where to buy it, but I do like the smell of it, and wouldn’t be opposed to using small pieces or slivers of it in a potpourri mixture from time to time.

Essential oils: Essential oils are added to potpourri mixtures to strengthen the scent. Be adventurous and experiment: of course you’re going to use your favourite scents, but try combining oils of ‘like’ scents, try mixing floral and herb scents that you like. Constantly test the ‘scent’ when mixing into your bowl of flowers.

part two – colour and texture

Potpourri should be as beautiful to look at as it is to smell, so pay particular attention to the dried colour of what you’re using. Occasionally you come across a flower or herb, that when dried, completely loses its beautiful colour. Don’t use it unless it smells so amazing you cannot pass it up, but seriously, I cannot think of a single example of an ugly dried flower that smells that amazing. Flowers that dry with beautiful shapes and colours are: borage, delphinium, forget-me-nots, hydrangeas, marigolds, nasturtiums, pansies, salvia, tansy and zinnias. Consider adding rose hips and other interesting treasures in your garden for texture.

Sometimes you come across such perfectly shaped small flower heads or beautiful whole buds, that it seems immoral to rip them apart. Keep them in their form. If drying them is an issue, you can use a drying agent – a ‘dessicant’ to help.

using desiccants for texture

Silica Gel
The most commonly used medium for drying flowers is SILICA GEL. You should be able to buy from a drug store, a craft store or a hardware store. To use, simply put a one inch layer of silica gel in an airtight container, gently place the trimmed bud or flower on top of the gel, stem tip down. Some flowers may want to lay on their side, some might be best laid stem tip up. Be flexible. Gently pour the gel on top of the flower, taking care to get gel between petals if possible, eventually covering the whole flower. Seal the container and place in a secure place, safe from being jostled. Expect it to take 2 – 6 days for most flowers depending on how dense they are.
* hint: Afer use, silica gel must be re-dried. Spread out on a tray and dryin a low oven until completely dry. Store away for future use.

Borax
I have never used borax to dry flowers but it sounds very compelling to me. I will for sure try it. According to directions, take 1 part BORAX and 2 parts cornmeal and stir to completely blend. Layer borax mixture in airtight container the same as for silica gel, place flower on top in the same way as above, gently sprinkling borax mixture over top. Not necessary to completely cover. Seal and put away. Leave for about two weeks, checking occasionally after the first week.

part three – harvesting and drying

Flowers: Just when the flowers are at their most beautiful – usually just before fully opening, is when they’re perfect. Afterward, both scent and colour will begin to diminish. Gather on a dry day, mid morning is best – after the dew has dried but before the heat of the sun.

When drying, pay particular attention to not crowding them. I usually just leave them spread out and loose on a clean tea towel in the open air inside the house and away from direct sunlight which may fade them. If you have a lot, use a baking rack to keep the air circulating. Petals should be dry and slightly crisp, which could take several days in some cases, so don’t be in a hurry.

part four – assembling your Potpourri

– Dry all flowers and leaves till they are crisp.
– Use a glass or ceramic bowl or pot to mix. Never use plastic or anything porous, or metal. Plastic will keep the smell long after making it difficult to use for anything else, and some metals may react to some oils. You really should dedicate your bowl to potpourri – then you don’t have to worry about scents lingering.
– Place all your petals and leaves in large bowl, add any other non powdered ingredient.
– Mix your scent and fixative: Simply add drops of the essential oil of your choice a few drops at a time and mixing well after each addition to an amount of orris root. How much orris root? Depends on how much potpourri you’re making, but maybe start with 4 ounces for approximately 6-10 cups petals. Blend essential oil into the powder with your fingers or the back of a spoon until thoroughly blended.
– Sprinkle the scented orris root onto the flower mixture, then toss with your hands to ensure it is sufficiently incorporated.
– Add whole citrus peel, whole spices and buds if using. Gently toss with fingers again.
– Gently move potpourri mixture into jars, crock, or ziplock bags. Seal to leave for about 6 weeks to set. If in a jar or bag, do not leave in direct sunlight. Toss petals or shake bags frequently – every day or two to prevent fixative from settling.

part five – Enjoying your potpourri. For years!

My 3 gallon Medalta crock is the main container for rose scented petals of all kinds. I’ve been using this crock for about 40 years. It can never be used for anything else at this point; I expect that scent has become part of the crock.

For many years I kept my potpourri in a crock pot in the living room. When the house whas freshly cleaned, I would remove the lid, toss the petals and let the scent waft through the room. A very good friend of mine developed a sensitivity to perfumes that evolved into sensitivity to most scents, including flowers. At first, I paid attention to NOT having the potpourri open when I was expecting her to visit, but it got so that I stopped lifting the lid at all in case she stopped by. I didn’t want her to not be comfortable in my house. This was quite a sacrifice at first, but soon we mostly forgot about what was in that crock. Life changes and my friend moved away. One day I rediscovered my lost love of potpourri and began the process of getting back into the habit of using it.

How to use

rose scented and mostly rose based in an antique jar and a not-so-antique jar

Don’t leave your potpourri out in the open for days at a time. The smell will dissipate over time. Personally, I never bring it out until the house is cleaned. It’s kind of a reward I suppose, but it just makes sense to me that a clean smell should go with a clean house.

1. Pour your potpourri into an attractive bowl in your living room. Toss with your fingers. Before you go to bed, pour back into the crock, or jar.

2. Make small sachets out of thin cotton fabric. Store them in your drawers, closet, linen cupboard, or even pillow cases.

3. Keep in pretty antique jars that you can put on the table, your dresser or your bathroom counter when desired. When done, replace the lid and put away. Keep jars out of sunlight.

Remember, that even the best oils will eventually lose their scent. Toss the petals with your hands from time to time, and refresh your potpourri with a few more drops of oil when needed. You can always start a new batch next summer, or continue to add to existing batch every season. For years I have two potpourris going. The big one is probably one third roses, so I use ROSE as my primary scent of choice. The smaller one is LAVENDER which is about half lavender petals and leaves, and the other half – supplemental petals like lilacs, delphiniums and borage flowers.

Lavender with a few like coloured flower petals like pansies, violas, lilacs and even a rose.

4. I buy nice little jars or make nice little cloth sachets and fill them up for gifts. Tie a piece of ribbon or lace.

I’d love to hear your experience with homemade potpourri. If this is your first time making one, be brave – you cannot go wrong. Have fun and tell me how it went.

warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

there is Power in the Book

President Ezra Taft Benson declared:
“There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called ‘the words of life’ (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance. … [You will also enjoy] increased love and harmony in the home, greater respect between parent and child, [and] increased spirituality and righteousness.”
“These promises,” President Benson assured, “are not idle promises, but exactly what the Prophet Joseph Smith meant when he said the Book of Mormon will help us draw nearer to God” (GC, Oct. 1986)

I have found over my life, that these words are true. I have taught that they are true. And one can receive the blessings from that power according to the personal diligence that one gives to the book. I taught my seminary students that if they were to do nothing but carry that book in their arms to and from school, and between classes and lay it beside them during classes, they would receive strength from it. How much more then, could they receive from it, if they opened it up and looked at the pictures now and again? And if so, how much more strength could they receive from it if they actually read from its passages? And then – what if they chose to start at the beginning and read it through? And finally, WHAT COULD BE OUR BLESSING if we seriously engage in an earnest STUDY of it? With a faith filled desire to know and understand its mysteries?

I testify from my own personal experience that the power and strength one receives from the Book of Mormon, will be in direct association to the time and focus one devotes to it. There is, as President Benson promised – “a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book.”

Who among us does not want
* greater power to resist temptation?
* power to avoid deception?
* power to stay on the strait and narrow path?
* life in greater and greater abundance?
* increased love and harmony in the home?
* greater respect between parent and child?
* increased spirituality and righteousness?

Are you kidding? What would I be willing to give in order to see these promises fulfilled in my life? What would YOU be willing to give to see them fulfilled in your life?
As with so many things that come from God, the deal is not complicated. The answer in fact, is deceptively simple. ‘Simple’ does not necessarily mean ‘easy to do’, it just means ‘straightforward’ and ‘uncomplicated’. A prophet of God – Ezra Taft Benson, promised me that “When [I] begin to hunger and thirst after those words . … ” I will see those blessings manifest in my life. I took him at his word. I engaged in the ‘challenge’, and I though I loved the book before, my appreciation for it increased exponentially, and my love deepened.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

a house should have a cookie jar

Many years ago I happened upon this little poem, and I wrote it down. Where? or when? or from whom? I cannot even venture a guess at this point in time, but it has been in my collection for decades – and I’ll have to leave it at that. When my mom was a little girl she promised herself that when she grew up to be a ‘mommy’, she would ALWAYS have a cookie jar that was full of cookies. I can attest that we had a cookie jar when she was momming, and occasionally it had cookies in it. I on the other hand, made no such promise.

“A house should have a cookie jar for when its half past three
and children hurry home from school as hungry as can be
there’s nothing quite as splendid as spicy, fluffy ginger snaps and sweet milk in a cup.

A house should have a mother, waiting with a hug. No matter what a child brings home, a puppy or a bug
for children only loiter when the bell rings to dismiss
if no ones home to greet them with a cookie and a kiss. “
– annonymous

And that’s all I have to say about that.

But I’d love to hear your experiences with a cookie jar.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

Thanksgiving – food and memories

I don’t know when I started loving fall and Thanksgiving. The colours, the smells, the foods, the geese flying south, the warmth of the sun on still autumn days, the crunch of leaves while walking in the river valley, sitting around the fire on crisp evenings, . . . . . Not sure if I always have loved it, or if it started with autumn memories that included Dan. We started dating in Edmonton during the late summer, and I moved away within weeks to Cold Lake. I was a teenager just starting high school. He came up to see me a time or two and we wrote for a while, but long distance romances when you’re that young are difficult at best.

Two years later I was passing through Edmonton again in the late summer and we reconnected for a short while. A couple of dates and I was back in Cold Lake in September to begin my final year of high school. I had grown up a little, he had grown up a little more. The following weekend, he drove to Cold Lake to visit me and I prepared us a picnic lunch. There are plenty of beautiful places to go for picnics around Cold Lake, and we had a lovely time. This became the beginning of many weekend pilgrimages from Edmonton to Cold Lake, throughout the fall and winter. It wasn’t long before we became engaged. He got an insider look at my family in all our glory: good, bad, and yes, even the occasional ugly. He came to church with me on Sundays and met many of my friends. Conversations lasting many hours helped us get to know each other, and eventually winter turned to spring. He wanted to get married in the spring, but for me, it had to be fall. I needed a little bit of time between high school and the commitment of marriage. And fall had become a significant time in our story anyway. We were married the following October. Thanksgiving weekend. My apologies to everyone who had to give up their Thanksgiving weekend that year to travel to our wedding. That meant you didn’t get your usual traditional Thanksgiving Dinner – which I never considered at the time. Sorry ’bout that.

Thanksgiving includes DINNER to me – one that involves planning and preparation. In the beginning, we were always at one of our parents’ homes on the Thanksgiving weekend. There were some constants between our homes of course: roast turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes with gravy, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. And there were some variables: brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, broccoli salad, perogies, cabbage rolls, variations on pies and pumpkin, and my Gramma Harrison’s marshmallow fruit salad – depending on where we were. But it was always with family. That was the critical component.

Thanksgiving however, is more than dinner. It’s memories. It’s harvesting the garden. It’s late summer tomatoes. It’s apples, and apple juice, purple grapes and high bush cranberries. It’s the humidity of the canner, the hum of the dehydrator. It’s crisp outside, warm inside. It’s family. It’s the time of year (not just the day, but all the weeks leading up to it) that the bounty of the season causes one to pause and reflect on those things we’re most grateful for. And more than that, its a good time to vocally express our appreciation to others and to Heavenly Father.

Over Dan and my years together, Thanksgiving evolved from us going to our parents homes, to us hosting our parents and others. That was when the metal of tradition was put to the test. Which of our family’s established traditions would we incorporate into our lives? and which new traditions would we create with and for our children? For those traditionalists like me, we like certain things done the same way, every time. We like revisiting celebrations the same way. For me, Thanksgiving must include turkey with all that means to me. Christmas Eve much include bread and cheese. Easter must include coloured eggs. All the above must include PEOPLE. But in these difficult Covid times that are messing with our usual way of doing things we can still find ways to celebrate and enjoy important ‘traditions’. In fact there has probably never been a time when we were in more need of the cohesiveness of traditions.

apples, apple juice, apple sauce, apple leather, apple crisp, and of course . . . apple pie

I am a gardener, so harvest has particular meaning to me, and a definite connection to our Thanksgiving menu. In addition to the must-have turkey with fixings, dinner must include things I’ve harvested. Things like Cranberry juice from our own high bush cranberry. Made into a sparkling drink. Homemade Cranberry sauce – made from fresh or frozen cranberries, or even better – freeze dried cranberries. Dressing made with homemade bread, onions, garlic and other herbs from the garden. Vegetables of course, from this year’s harvest. Apples: apple pie, apple juice, apple sauce, apples in salad. Pumpkin: maybe pie, maybe tarts, maybe cheese cake, maybe cookies, maybe dip for gingersnap cookies. Grape: pie from our own grapes. Bread – homemade rolls. And of course, FAMILY – the greatest harvest of all. This year, by stupid covid necessity our numbers will be fewer. One son’s family will be with their other grandparents. One son’s family will be with another son’s family. My mother will be with my niece. Our daughter’s and another son’s families will be with us. Friends – another great harvest, will be not be around our table this year. But we will gather as we can, and enjoy the food and companionship of each other.

Don’t ever discount the importance of food in celebrations, traditions and memories. Most of us have very strong food-memories, for good or bad. That is why food is so important in how we celebrate special days, and in how we associate with certain people. A strong (and good) food memory for me is “chicken noodles”; many years of family gatherings and happy times are associated with this family favourite. And it is the natural suffix of Thanksgiving turkey. Ukrainian Cabbage Rolls are another strong food-memory for me. No one could make cabbage rolls like Dan’s step-mom Margaret, and no family dinner that she put on would be complete without them. Its been a loss for many years. University of Massachusetts Professor of Psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne teaches us that “Food memories involve very basic, nonverbal areas of the brain and can bypass your conscious awareness. This is why you can have strong emotional reactions when you eat a food that arouses deep unconscious memories. . . . The memory goes beyond the food itself to the associations you have to that long ago memory.” For many of us, those food memories are already well established, but our children’s food-memories are still forming, and we have a tremendous influence on their creation and evolution. Wouldn’t it be nice if most of those associations were good ones?

Happy Thanksgiving dear ones.

Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle

a Good Neighbourhood . . .

Good neighbourhoods do not exist independently of people. They’re not specific about the size of houses or yards. Whether your nearest neighbour lives across the hall, across the street, down the alley, across a field, or down the road, you live in a community. And everyone who lives in the same community has one thing in common. Its the one thing that every good neighbourhood needs no matter where it is: good neighbours. So how do you GET good neighbours? Ah, that’s the key. If you want to live in a good neighbourhood, you must be a GOOD neighbour. There. That’s the long and short of it. The consistent inescapable reality – that “it always comes back to you”.

Good neighbourhoods do not exist independently of people. They’re not specific about the size of houses or yards. Whether your nearest neighbour lives across the hall, across the street, down the alley, across a field, or down the road, you live in a ‘community’. And everyone who lives in the same community has one thing in common. Its the one thing that every good neighbourhood needs no matter where it is: good neighbours. So how do you GET good neighbours? Ah, that’s the mystery isn’t it? Its really very simple. If you want to live in a good neighbourhood, you must be a GOOD neighbour. There. That’s the long and short of it. The consistent inescapable reality – that “it always comes back to you“.

When speaking about friends, Christian songwriter Michael McLean said:
“Everyone hopes to find one true friend who’s the kind
They can count on for forever and a day.
BE that friend, be that kind that you prayed you might find
And you’ll always have a best friend, come what may.”

Well the same thing applies to neighbours. Why should you care? and why do you want to live in a good neighbourhood anyway? I suppose there must be many personal reasons, but these are the ones that are important to me. Perhaps some of them might be important to you too. Here’s the clincher though: good neighbourhoods don’t just happen. They’re created by the good neighbours who live in them. So herein, you might find some ideas worth implementing, you may even find courage to step out of your comfort zone and make it happen. Somebody’s gotta start the ball rolling. It might as well be you.

10 reasons you want to live in a ‘good’ neighbourhood and how to make your’s one.

1. People are social beings.
Whether you want to admit it or not, we ALL need other people. Of the things we learned from Covid, one of them is that we cannot be happy for long without other people. Perhaps you consider yourself more of a loner. Yeah, whatever. So am I. But whether you admit it to yourself or not, everyone has the same basic social needs and that is to be *safe, *loved, and *to feel important. So deny all you want, I don’t believe you. We are not an island and we were never intended to be an island.

2. Living where people are friendly makes for a more comfortable, peaceful environment. Even for the grump who inevitably lives in every neighbourhood.

3. Good neighbourhoods are SAFER.
Good neighbours pay attention. They notice things. They watch out for each other and their property. They are invested in your safety, just as you are invested in their’s.

Several years ago, when our kids were teenagers, it was a common prank among their peers to TP each other’s houses. Their friends’ homes, their teachers’ homes, their neighbours’ homes. Don’t ask me why. TP is toilet paper if you didn’t know. Sneaking to a friends’ house late at night and stringing TP over their trees, hedges, vehicles, fences … anything they could reach. You wake up in the morning, and …. you’ve been TP’d. It was a fun thing to do, and fun thing to have done to you too. Like I say, don’t ask me why. My kids did it too, so you can’t expect not to get TP’d if you are also a culprit. What goes around comes around. I must admit, we have some fun memories involving toilet paper.

Late one fall night I got a concerned phone call from my neighbour across the street. “Cindy, sorry for calling so late. I was on my way home, and I noticed something going on in your yard so I pulled over to watch. Some kids. ….”
“Are they causing damage?”
“It doesn’t look like it. Hard to say. Just go look out your front window.” I absorbed his concern, and peaked out my front window.
“OH! That. Its okay Dwight. Its just a bunch of Sarah’s friends.”
“But they’re … “
“I know. Its what they do. Don’t worry about it. I’ll have Sarah take care of it in the morning.” We had a rule in our house. If it was your friends who did it, then you get to be the one cleaning it up. Like I say, what goes around comes around. “Thank-you for worrying about it Bryce, but this sorta thing is just part of living with teenagers. My kids do it too. Its okay. Its not vandalism.”

The point is, that our neighbour cared enough to notice, to be concerned, and he-knew-our-phone-number to alert us of something he thought was amiss. Good neighbours are also the most logical ones to keep an eye on your house while you’re away from home. There’s added security in knowing that you all have each others’ eyes and ears.

4. Good neighbours share.

I know it seems so cliche to borrow an egg from a neighbour, but sometimes – you just need something you didn’t expect to run out of, and it sure is handy to have that reciprocal relationship. You wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t know if you could borrow a cuppa sugar, or an egg, or some other small thing.

Sometimes neighbours share bigger things too. We bought a weed trimmer several years ago with one of our next door neighbours. You only use something like that how many times a year? and they last forever. It didn’t seem necessary for both households to own one. So we shared, and its worked out well for many years.

Sometimes neighbours even share BIG things. We don’t often need a snow blower in Edmonton, but we live in a crescent so once in a while it sure would be nice to have one. But for the few times a year that you’d use one it was cost prohibitive and difficult to justify, unless . . . . you could co-own one . . . . . Dan talked to the three neighbours closest to us and all agreed to jointly buy a snow blower. You wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a stranger about entering into that kind of relationship, but this too, has worked well for many years.
The common thread is that actually ‘knowing’ your neighbour, makes it easier to lend, borrow and jointly own – or not.

Sharing on building (and replacing) common fences is another ‘co-owned’ investment that benefits everyone involved.

5. Good neighbours HELP.
Its an easy thing to lend a hand when you see a neighbour struggling with a package, or involved in a project. And even just a few minutes assisting someone can be relationship defining. Look for those opportunities, and take them.
We share a common front lawn with our neighbour. Not really, but neither of us know nor care exactly where the property line is. When one is mowing the front lawn, how easy is it to mow both sides of it? So we do, and so do they. Its been much appreciated on both sides, for many years.

6. Good neighbours ARE RESPECTFUL AND CONSIDERATE.

Maintain your yard and shared spaces. Keep your weeds down, and your pets under control. Even if you’re not that motivated to keep your property tidy, consider what it looks like to your neighbours, and go the distance. Don’t allow garbage to accumulate, keep your lawn watered and mowed and tidy. If you don’t like to weed, then establish a low maintenance yard, but keep it tidy. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough.

Don’t make a lot of noise, especially after dark.
If you’re gonna have outdoor company with excessive noise or a fire in the backyard, give your neighbour the respectful heads up, and promise to keep it reasonable.
Don’t let your teens party hardy late into the night either. They can make a LOT of noise.

If you’re having a large group and parking might be an issue, let your neighbours know ahead of time and try to keep it manageable. Ask your company to be courteous. If nothing else, apologize ahead of time. LOL

7. Good neighbours are PATIENT and Overlook the small stuff.
When our kids were young we had a trampoline. It was a magnet for all their friends and the source of a lot of kid-noise. We never had a neighbour complain. To be fair, most of their kids spent considerable time on it too. Once, when I was jumping on it, I noticed how visible many yards around us were from the high point of the jump. No one had any real privacy with our trampoline. I realized that our trampoline affected people in the several houses immediately surrounding us. It was not lost on me that no one had ever complained, and I really appreciated it.

One of our next door neighbours used to have a few friends over once or twice on summer evenings to sit around the fire. They played music and after a few beers, they could get a little noisy, and yes, maybe even a little irritating if you were trying to sleep. It made it difficult to escape with our backyards adjoining and bedroom windows open as they most often are in the summer. These were the times to remember our noisy kids on the trampoline in the daytime. We never complained about those noisy parties, they were infrequent enough that in the big picture, we considered them more than a fair trade.

For years I had several wind chimes hanging outside our kitchen door and along our back deck. One day as I stood on the back deck visiting with Glenda our next door neighbour there was a slight breeze which made the wind chimes happy. For the first time I took note of the fact that their bedroom window was open and right across the fence from my wind chimes. Our bedroom window was around the corner, so on breezy evenings, we were never bothered by the chimes, but it was impossible for our neighbours to not be bothered from time to time. So I asked “Do these chimes bother you at night sometimes?” Glenda admitted that sometimes they bothered George. “OH! I am so sorry!” I exclaimed “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Oh it’s not that bad.” she claimed, but she was lying of course. I know what its like to lay awake by an irritating night noise. I took the wind chimes down that very hour, never to go back up in that area of our yard again. They appreciated it.

Now in a different house, we have grandchildren. Once a year in the summer time, we have a Grandkids Day, (sometimes a few days). All 18 of our grandkids come over to hang out with us. Outside mostly. On the trampoline, in the treehouse, riding bikes in the crescent, and making their share of noise. That’s a lot of kids. And that can be a lot of ‘kid-noise’. In the beginning I was hyper sensitive about bothering our neighbours. Dan and I delivered notes around the crescent to let them know of our plans, asking for their patience and also their extra care in backing out of their driveways with all the bikes, scooters, and other riding toys that would be in use. They were and continue to all be very patient.

As our teens grew they all got cars, and on the evenings their friends came over, there could be a lotta cars parked around our house. Our most immediate neighbour jokingly commented once that living next door to the Suelzles was like living next door to a used car lot. They weren’t that far off. Well, time went on and our kids all married and left home. Most days it was just Dan and I. But those same neighbour’s kids grew up and got cars. Sometimes their friends would come over for the evening and there could be a lotta cars! I jokingly complained to them one day that “Living next door to the Bowdens was like living next door to a used car lot!” And more time went by. Their kids are all gone now too. . . . There’s no sense in getting all bent outta shape about a minor irritation when in due time it will take care of itself. Save those bent-outta-shape moments for when the problem is more serious.

8. Good neighbours are KIND and SUPPORTIVE.
Neighbours care about each other, and can be counted on to lend a hand in time of need, and can be a good resource for kids to go to if they need help when you’re not home.
* One winter day our 17 year old son played with the neighbours’ young children pulling their sleigh on the ice. Little did he expect they would come over often after that asking him to come out and play with them. Sometimes it wasn’t convenient but he did when he could.
* For years now Dan keeps small packages of cookies in the garage to give to the neighbour kids and grandkids when they come over. One summer two wonderful little boys moved into the rental house on the corner. They were the only children in our crescent at the time, and as they rode their bikes one day, Dan gave them each a cookie. They were regular visitors after that, and sometimes we’d come home to find them playing with the riding toys we kept in the yard. I told them they were welcome to use them as long as they made sure to put them away when done. They were pretty good at that. I jokingly told Dan “I guess we’re the Mr. and Mrs. Wilson in our neighbourhood now“. (from Dennis the Menace if you don’t know). Those nice little boys only lived in our crescent for a year, but I missed them after they were gone. One neighbour’s grandkids call my husband “Cookie Dan” and come over when they’re visiting their grandparents asking “is Cookie Dan home?” Its mostly about the cookies of course, but that’s okay. LOL

* Dan and I are involved with our city’s annual Food Drive each fall. Our crescent neighbours contributed occasionally if they remembered, until the year we decided to talk to them all and introduce ourselves, putting a name and a face with the service project. We didn’t ask for donations, just told them we were involved, and that on Saturday morning someone would be by to pick up donations, and if they could help us out we’d sure appreciate it. On Saturday morning we saw nearly 100% participation from the people we spoke to.

* There have been times we’ve asked for a neighbour’s helping hand. There have been times we lent a helping hand. The point is, you’re not going to ask a complete stranger to help move that bookcase, but you’d probably ask a good neighbour.

9. Good neighbours become FRIENDS.

We find our friends in the areas of our lives we invest in. We have something very important in common with each of our neighbours. We each chose to make our homes in the same neighbourhood. From there, we can find other things in common to share. From friendly over-the-fence conversations about the weather, to sharing concerns about our children, we start to socialize and create relationships that we otherwise would not have had. Don’t wait for that relationship to flourish, don’t wait for your neighbour to initiate it. WE can and should be the ones who start the dialogue. A smile and wave coming and going. A plate of cookies, a loaf of homemade bread, a bouquet of garden flowers, asking to borrow that proverbial couple of eggs (and then returning them), sharing the news about a bargain we find at the grocery store, bringing a meal when a baby is born, a small Christmas gift, an invitation to sit around the fire, . . . .

If our neighbour needs a ride to pick up their car from the shop, will they feel comfortable asking us? Would we feel comfortable doing the same?
If our neighbour has an emergency and can’t make it home in time for the kids coming home from school, will they feel comfortable phoning and asking us to watch for them? Will their kids feel comfortable with us? Would we do the same? Do they even have our number? Do we have their’s?

We can also learn much from people who are different than us. Becoming friends bridges a gap between cultures and customs as well as religion. Sharing our differences enriches all parties and expands understanding and tolerance. It doesn’t mean we are trying to convert others, it means we are feeling safe enough to share an important part of us. It involves risk and vulnerability, but it makes us relatable. When we first moved to our current house, our neighbours were Sikhs. A little older than us, with adult children. The parents didn’t speak much English. We had little in common and it was difficult to communicate short of a smile unless their kids were home. Within a short time we were sharing garden herbs, and building our joint fence together. We were invited to their daughter’s wedding which was a wonderful opportunity to experience a religion and culture very different from our own. They have long since moved and we may never see each other again, but I am so glad we got to know them when we did. That neighbourly opportunity opened up a whole new world for both of us.

10. Good neighbours are INclusive.
It is good to develop a friendship with our neighbours, and its alright if we feel closer to one or two, but it is not alright to exclude some from a circle that should be inclusive. Remember that all of Heavenly Father’s children have the same social needs of feeling Safe, Loved and Important. That means the neighbour two doors down as well as the one next door, and the one across the street too. Be the glue that ties others together.

Years ago we had a yearning to get to know our neighbours better. We were young, shy, busy and quite introverted. But it bothered us that though we could wave and smile at each other, none of knew each other’s last names. We decided to take the plunge, the RISK (make no mistake, it is a risk), and host a neighbourhood get-together in our backyard, including our immediate neighbours on either side of us and the three directly across the street. It was August and fresh corn was available, so we chose to have a corn-roast thinking it would be easier in the backyard. Corn roast made it an easy menu and the kids could jump on the trampoline. We picked a date and went to each one of those five doors to introduce ourselves, and invite them to a ‘get-to-know-your-neighbour corn roast‘ in our back yard. The reception we received was hesitant, even strained. And in the end not a single one of them ended up coming. We were very disappointed and more than a little discouraged. It shook our confidence and our resolve for a few months, but soon those same nagging feelings that we could be doing better began to surface, and we decided to try again.

By this time it was February so we would have to meet indoors, that meant adult only. We had a small house with five children, and hosting a sizable group ‘inside’ was a little intimidating to us, but in February there aren’t a whole lot of options in Edmonton, so ‘inside’ it would have to be. I made up some handwritten invitations in the shape of a house. We referred to ourselves “the-people-in-the-brown-house-with-all-the-kids“, and we called them “the-people-across-the-street-in-the-white-house-with-the-spruce-tree-in-their-front-yard” or whatever they were. We went together and knocked on their door. I readily admit we were terrified. It is always easier on paper, but once you knock on the door you’re committed. We introduced ourselves again. “Hi. We’re Dan and Cindy. We live over there in the brown house with all the kids.” We handed them the invitation, telling them we were inviting them to a neighbour party. We didn’t ask for a commitment right away, but told them to RSVP before Thursday. Then we said our goodbyes with a “hope you can make it, we look forward to all getting together,” and went to the next house.

Once the initial invitations were given, we set about happily readying ourselves. But then we started second guessing ourselves, wondering what on earth we were thinking, wondering where we got the idea that we were up to this, wondering if they’d think the games we planned were lame, wondering if we’d make fools of ourselves, wondering if it would just be one big awkward mess! All our insecurities came to the surface. And then a new thought entered my mind. What if they smoked in the house? What if someone brought a case of beer? We were a non smoking, non drinking house – I wasn’t prepared to deal with that possibility, didn’t even know how I might, it had never happened before.

One by one our neighbours called before Thursday to say they were coming. Each new phone call solidified the reality of the mess we’d gotten ourselves into. The day of, I was a total wreck. I worked myself into such a state that I cried all day. Was the house clean enough? What about the food I planned? Was there enough? Why did I pick that dish anyway? And now there was no time for a change in menu. Dan offered to cancel it. Secretly he was hoping I’d take him up on it so he could use me as the excuse. He was just as nervous as I was. But I knew if we cancelled, we’d never rise above it. We would have lost our best chance to get to know our neighbours, and for them to know each other, and it would be even harder to try again . . . .

The end of the story is that we went ahead with it. And yes, we had a few surprises.
1) We were surprised to observe that each of our neighbours were nervous when they arrived.
2) We were pleasantly surprised that no one brought alcohol, and no one smoked in the house (this was in the days when people still smoked in houses).
3) We were surprised that everyone enjoyed the games we chose.
4) Our biggest surprise of all was that though each of them knew our first names and perhaps the first names of the people directly beside them, none of them knew anyone else, even though most of them had lived there much longer than us.
Into the evening we were laughing and thoroughly enjoying each other. We all commented about how wonderful it was to finally get together and we promised to do it again. Which we did. Several more times over the next few years, each taking turns hosting. In retrospect, it was the best thing we ever could have done for each other. Since then we’ve moved out of that neighbourhood, but we still remember fondly those wonderful people we shared a it with. They made it hard to leave. Recently we ran into Ann-Marie at a hospital. We greeted each other warmly and caught up with each other like the old friends we were. We each walked away smiling, happy to know the other was doing well.
. . . . . . .

People of faith preach a gospel of peace. We accomplish this through our actions, using words only when necessary. Doing so makes the world a better place for everyone. It makes the world our neighbourhood.

It is easier to love people that we live in close proximity with, and as we get to know them personally, we feel a connection that bridges possible differences. Though it sometimes might feel complicated or intimidating to reach out to strangers (even those who live beside us), the concept of loving our neighbour is really very simple. We are here to love each other. Jesus taught us to “love thy neighbour” in the New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. (DC 59:6, 3 N 12:43) In fact he said it was “like unto the first and great commandment” which is to love the Lord with all our heart, and with all our soul and with all our mind. (Matt 22:37-40). While we know that this admonition to love our neighbour includes more than the people we live near, home is a good place to start.

I’d love to hear about your experiences in building a better community within your neighbourhood. Please share your comments below. I promise to read them.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

do better … that’s enough

Studies show that of the 45% of Canadians who make New Years Resolutions, 75% maintain the momentum thru the first week of January. 46% of us last past the 6 month mark, and 8% follow through sufficiently enough to reach their goals.

The key words of course are: FOLLOW THROUGH.
If it was a good idea on Dec 31, then it is still a good idea. If we have slipped or wavered from our intentions, we don’t have to throw our hands up in the air and give up – again. There is an alternative. Admitting that you fell off the wagon may be discouraging, but getting back on the wagon is a good strategy.

Self-improvement or education related resolutions take the top spot at 47%. I’m surprised, because I didn’t know there was any other kind of resolution. I mean really, if its not going to make you a better human being, what was the point of making the goal? Oh well, who am I to question statistics?

I know enough however, to know that anything we do that is better than we did, is a step in the right direction. The Best time to Do Better was a long time ago, but the second best time is always today.

I have this quote silk screened onto a scarf that I wear often. It is a personal reminder to me of my commitment to do better, and permission to let go of mistakes: “Do the Best that you can until you know Better. Then when you know better, DO Better.” Maya Angelou

Here’s to RE-commitment to better choices even though January is over ….

Cindy Suelzle

money really did buy happiness – best money ever spent

Thirty years ago we bought the best trampoline that we could afford with the money we earned delivering flyers for two years. It was a long two years of seeing little reward except the hope and promise of a trampoline. We had four kids at the time and it was a family effort, not without it’s share of frustration. Hot days. Cold days. Rainy days. Busy days. Days when they’d rather do anything else. Days when they said “This is stupid. I don’t even want a trampoline!” Sometimes I said it too. Quietly to myself. Shhh.

We wondered if we’d EVER have enough, but every nickel we earned went into that savings account, and then one day it was over! We took our money and all of us went to buy the trampoline we had chosen after much research and deliberation.

Our kids grew up on that trampoline. Thousands of hours of fun and noise. Very patient neighbours. Innumerable memories. Not a single regret. Not even for those flyer delivering days.

Three decades later our grandkids are growing up on it too.
Seriously this trampoline is right up there with the Top 10 Best Purchases of our life.

What would you say are a few of your Top 10 Best Purchases?

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

One step at a time. One project at a time.

Every year since we bought our first house in our early married years (a real honest to goodness fixer upper), we’ve kept to a plan of home improvements as we could afford them. Limiting ourselves to two projects a year, helped motivate us without overwhelming us. It also kept it affordable. Over the years, we’ve stuck to it in every house we lived – even when it was a low income rental when Dan went back to school. It kept us thinking, planning, and making things better for ourselves, while keeping projects in perspective and manageable, All these many years later, we still follow the same formula. One inside project. One outside project.

Some have been big projects – like 2015’s kitchen, and the 2021 greenhouse.
Some have been smaller projects – like planting a tree, painting a wall, replacing a fixture or a single window or laying some reclaimed brick in the garden paths. The outside project is in the warm months, the inside project is reserved for the cold months. No one wants to waste beautiful summer days working in the house.

hard to see the glass brick patio in this little bistro area off the kitchen door, but this is where it is. To the right, you can catch a glimpse of a 45 gallon rain barrel hooked up to the rainspout

One year we scored some glass bricks from a friend’s reno project. I was so happy! Dan – not so happy. They sat around for a year or two, Dan trying to talk me into getting rid of them, (hoping they’d break so I’d have to) and me just ‘knowing‘ they had a higher purpose in my life. LOL.

In 2002 a big bush winter killed and had to be removed. Just outside the kitchen door, which was very provident! I had the boys chop it down and dig the roots out. We could have planted another tree, but I had visions of a little bistro-type area. Zack and Joseph were willing to make my vision come to life. Dan was not convinced it would work, and didn’t like the idea of the glass bricks being a floor, so he kept his distance from what he was sure was a doomed project. The boys created a base out of sand from the sandbox, and laid the glass bricks as if they were ‘bricks’. Truth be told, I only expected those bricks to last a year or two. None of us were very hopeful about what the winter might do to them, but we had nothing to lose by trying, and everything to gain. So we did it anyway.

These pictures were taken 14 years later. We’ve had to replace a brick or two from time to time, but not more than 6 or 8 in total. They’ve sunk a little bit, owing to our amateur job of packing the base layer in. But they’re still wonderful, and I still love the spot on our east side, just outside the kitchen door. The perfect spot for a summer breakfast, or a dinner in the shade. In the picture above you can see the strings from the hammock (on the left) strung from this tree to the one next to it.

In 2016, our inside project was a big one that took 10 times longer than we anticipated. We created a bathroom downstairs adjoining a room that we call “Gramma’s room” for my mom. This was the first big project in preparation for my mother coming to live with us, hence the name “Gramma’s room“. We used to call it Uncle Luke’s room, but things have changed. It was a very big deal. The first project quite so all inclusively complicated. When it was done, we considered having a “Bathroom Done Party” to celebrate. If you came to visit in the months after it was finished, we probably invited you to come see it. LOL. We rejoiced for months and I found myself going down to look at it several times a day for the first few weeks.

We had started the bathroom in January and finished the end of June. When I use the word “WE”, I am of course referring to the “royal WE”. Meaning Dan, although I do the clean up when things get done. There were lots of domino projects that had to get done simultaneously to make it possible. It was a big project that impacted every room downstairs before it was done, and our grandchildren couldn’t play downstairs for so long, they forgot we had a downstairs.

The adjoining bedroom “Gramma’d bedroom” would be the next year’s inside project, but that was a subject we avoided discussing for a very long time. Not surprisingly, the outside project that year was a small one. It was tempting to not do anything that year, but we had made the decision long ago, and that meant we would make one improvement a year outside and one inside. And sticking to it was important.

We painted the fence panel behind our bistro area in the backyard. I know. Big deal. It only took me one day. (We needed easy because the bathroom sucked all our energy.) But easy doesn’t mean ‘do nothing‘. It is important to be flexible with our energy and our expenses, and to not bite off more than we can chew, or afford. Some jobs are big and some are just small. But each one moves us forward, and brings with it a sense of accomplishment. It is just as important to stick to the plan, and move forward. Progress means forward. One step at a time.

Do you have a plan for fixing things up in your little world? I’d love to hear it.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

I Will Walk You Thru the Night. . . . . a mother’s promise

Thank goodness, its not over and I still have time to learn. Grandchildren are the great gift of second chances – a chance to make restitution. Whew! And I hold out hope that one day – perhaps by running out of mistakes to make, I will have exhausted the list, and I will finally get it right, and be the kind of mom my kids deserve.

“If God will grant my wish then I will wait for you
beyond the veil, just before you slip through.
As you softly close your eyes I will sing my lullabies to you,
and before you make your way into the light
I will walk you thru the night.”

There were many times as a younger mom when I knew I had made a mistake.

Sometimes I would be so ashamed – I wanted so much to be a ‘good mom’. I wanted to raise my children to the Lord, and have them be well rounded and strong and healthy in every way. I wanted them to enter their youth and adulthood prepared for all that this telestial world could throw at them. But alas, I was so flawed as a mother – that sometimes I realized I was failing miserably at being the mom they deserved.

Sometimes I would try to make it right – and I’d sit on my oldest son’s bed at night and tell him “I know you didn’t mean to ….. I know you’ve never been a little boy before and you’re just learning how, and that you’re doing your best. I never have been a mommy before either, and I’m just learning how, and sometimes I make mistakes too. But I’m trying to get better.” Sometimes I would make deals with him, and always I would promise to be better at it tomorrow. But I don’t know that I always was. More likely, I just discovered a new mistake to make. I was always great at making discoveries. 🙂
image by Brian Kershisnik
One day when he was a teenager and we were having yet another one of our ‘disagreements‘, he sarcastically asked “Is this gonna be another one of those times when you come sit on my bed and say you’re sorry?”
Whoah! To say his timing was poor – was to put it mildly. I was after all, still the flawed Mother, and I certainly was in no mood to hear that!

“MaaaaayBe.” I retorted “But right now – it doesn’t feel that way!”
I admit it, it wasn’t my finest mothering moment, and I do believe it marked the end of those tender little bedtime talks.
. . . .
So, long story short – we finally made it, and my kids are all grown up. I’d like to say I finally got it right and that all my mistakes are in the past. ….. But sadly – I am painfully aware that I’m still making them. Sheeeesh. I hate to break it to all you moms who are younger than me, but you may never really ‘get it‘. ….. Or maybe YOU will. ….. Thank goodness, I don’t seem to be repeating a lot of the same mistakes. Nooooo, I am inventing new ones as I go. I told you I was good at making discoveries. It is a talent I don’t seem to have lost.

I am comforted by a revelatory experience I had when my oldest was about 7 or 8 years old. It suddenly occurred to me that he was now the age that I was when I began collecting more vivid memories from my childhood, and specifically of my own mom. I realized that the memories my kids were making NOW would be with them their whole lives, and I also realized – with a stark reality check, and a healthy dose of humility, that my mom had done the very best she knew how – just like I was trying to do. And I was filled with compassion for her, and forgiveness – for whatever mistakes she may have made along the way, and for whatever faults she may have had. And I fervently hoped that one day, my kids would realize the same thing, and would also forgive me for all my mistakes in this great circle of life, because one day in their turn, they too would be doing the best they know how to do, and one day to follow, they too would pray for forgiveness for not always getting it right. I hoped they would learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones – that somehow they would be better than me, and that with every generation we could minimize the mistakes in our family, and become better parents and better people. Who knows? Maybe – if we were allowed enough generations before this ol’ world comes to an end, and if we put all of our effort into it, we might even become really good parents.

I came across a quote from May Angelou a few years ago and it is very prominently displayed in my home. “Do the BEST you can until you know better. Then when you know better, DO BETTER.” I don’t beat myself up about things I did. I know I did the best I knew how to do, and there is great comfort in that. But I do know better now, and it is my obligation to act on what I know.

Cherie Call put some of my most tender thoughts as a mom to music (she seems to read my mind sometimes) in this wonderful song WALK YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT on her album GRACE. (Mercy River also sings it on their album COME ALIVE.) Perhaps the words speak for you too. Thank-you Cherie – you speak to my heart.

“I may not be the best at very many things
but I believe I love you perfectly . . . ”

If good mothering could be judged by that attribute alone, then I could be the best mom ever!

“. . . you are bound to have some nightmares
so am I
but you can count on me to hold you
when you cry . . . .
I can’t promise that I’ll always get it right,
but I will walk you thru the night.”

click HERE to find out more about Cherie

image by Brian Kershisnik

Cindy Suelzle