“Use it up, wear it out. Make it do, or do without.”
For most of our married life – we’ve adhered to a continuous routine of fixing up our world as we could afford it. Our agreed upon routine has been one INDOOR project a year (usually done in the winter), and one OUTDOOR project a year (usually done in the summer). There’s never been a shortage of projects, and they move up and down the priority list according to need and affordability at the time.
This year our big indoor project was to refinish our dining room table. It had been moving up the list for a long time, well worn from 24 years of heavy use. Unfortunately, the time we chose ended up being the coldest weeks of the year – so opening the windows to get some air became a sketchy thing, but we had to a couple of times! The stain smell became very strong that we opened a few windows in -40C temperatures for a few hours to get rid of the worst of it, while Gramma Great watched tv in front of the woodstove downstairs.
As soon as the Christmas decorations were put away, we cleared the table, set in all four leaves and began a job we’d been putting off for years: that of refinishing our well worn oak table. We were nervous as heck which is why we procrastinated for a decade. But we’d collected advice and courage long enough – while our table continued to collect more scratches and worn areas – letting us know it needed a major face lift. Thank goodness it was only the top that needed attention.
Step 1 – Borrowing a friend’s super-duper sander/vacuum system, Dan sanded the top. That was the only area that needed refinishing. He did it in the house – right there in the dining area. We thought we’d need to hand plastic sheeting everywhere but as I said that sander was of the ‘super-duper’ variety, and it was fabulous.
Step 2 – We took a leaf to into a paint shop, trying to match the colour with stain. The leaf had the original colour still in the facing under the top. Step 3 – With the help and encouragement of a talented friend, Dan applied the stain. But the colour was toooooo ‘red’ for me. Argh. Step 4 – Back to the paint store to ‘brown up’ the stain colour. They did a great job. Step 5 – Dan applied another coat of stain but sadly, didn’t apply it evenly enough which resulted in some splotches. We tried to fix them up by applying another coat but that didn’t work. By this time we were into a week or working on it – around our regular working / living obligations. I knew I wouldn’t be happy with it. Argh again.
Step 6 – Re-sand the whole stupid thing and start over. As frustrating as that it, I have learned with many other projects over the years, sometimes that is the ONLY way – and it’s far better to concede sooner than later. Step 7 – Re-stain. But this time we did it together. Working quickly and efficiently together, we covered the table beautifully. Step 8 – Still, a few uneven spots. Our friend and neighbour came back to assess and advise us. Back to the paint store to buy a matching stain in a spray bottle. We lightly touched up the spots. Wow! Great stuff.
Step 9 – Applied the first coat of Varathane – with our friend. We let it dry, then I lightly buffed with fine steel wool. We applied another layer, and let it dry – then lightly buffed again with steel wool. One more coat, let it dry – then gently rubbed with a piece of brown paper to smooth out the finished job.
Step 10 – We brought out our well worn chairs and after rubbing with steel wool, I gently sprayed the seats with our matching stain. Let dry, then smoothed with the steel wool again and applied a coat of Varathane.
It was a happy day to let the whole project harden over night, then removes some leaves to clear out the kitchen area. I happily vacuumed well, handwashed the floor and tucked the chairs around.
Done. Two full weeks later! So happy we finally DID it, and now its behind us. I still have three more chairs to finish, but that’ll be a piece of cake in the next week or so.
Not looking forward to the first scratch, but I’m resigned to it happening. And I have full confidence that we’ll be able to touch up as needed with the tools and confidence that we now have at our finger tips.
Our first grandchild was born twenty two years ago yesterday. A grandson. His name is Samuel Raymond Daniel Burgess.
He didn’t stay here very long, only a few days. His destiny was different than many of ours. His was to gain a body and belong to a family. He accomplished both of those and then went back to heaven. I like to think he interacted with our other grandchildren before they left their heavenly home, and that he currently enjoys the company of his several great grandparents and a favourite uncle who live there now too.
We think of him often and wonder what life is like where he lives, but we never wonder IF he lives. We appreciate this week especially. It was a difficult time for his young mom and dad, but at the same time it was a privilege. Some babies are just like that. Spirits too special to stay here.
I have a stone from his grave displayed on a shelf in my living room. Its been there these 22 years. I have his name written on it and his birth date and death date. I called it Samuel’s rock. When his younger sister was little I would ask her from time to time (wanting to remind her about heaven and angels and such) “Olivia, where is Samuel?” She would go and get the rock.
I would say “No, this is a rock. Samuel lives in heaven.”
Then a few days later I would ask her again “Where is Samuel Olivia?” She would go and get the rock, and I would repeat “No, this is a rock. Samuel lives in heaven.”
And so it would go, eventually I hoped to solicit a response like “Samuel lives in heaven.”
One day I asked “Olivia, where is Samuel?”
She responded dismissively “Oh, he’s a rock.” I decided to wait a few months before we revisited the concept.
She and her younger siblings have it down pat by now. They get it. They know exactly where he is, and even all the cousins know about their older cousin who none of them met (at least not here). How grateful I am that families are eternal and that we know Samuel is not lost to us, and we’re not lost to him.
We are family. And that means, that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can live together again as families.
In the meantime, Happy 22th Birthday Sammy. If you were here, I have no doubt you’d laugh a lot with your younger siblings. They’re a hoot. But perhaps you chuckle with them even now, from your current vantage point. And probably roll your eyes a little at their shannanaggins. Like me.
Warmly,
Gramma Suelzle January 2024
PS I so appreciate the beautiful heartfelt words of someone who has gone through something deeply personal and moving. And I appreciate their willingness to share those sentiments so that others can feel the spirit of them – speaking right to, and right ‘from’ their own hearts. With that in mind, included here are the beautiful lyrics to a song written and recorded by Larry Pearson and Marie Pearson. Chosen by Samuel’s parents, and sung at his funeral by friend Leanne Smetaniuk, accompanied by friend Linda Purnell. Thank you Larry and Marie (brother and sister bytheway).
To Let Your Son Go Ever since I held him close and saw that tiny face I believed I understood why I’m in this place. Birth is but a letting go from the arms of God, But every tear of mine I’ve shed – When I had to give him back again.
Maybe someday I will understand, But if he’s not in my arms, then at least I’m sure He’s home within yours.
And within his newborn eyes, I’m sure I saw a light An angel as a living soul, too perfect for this life. I never knew what miracles I’d know because of him; If I knew how it would end – I still would go through everything again. He left Your home, then he left my own. I guess You know what it is really like – To let Your son go.
Please here my prayer, heal me now in my deepest need. Cause it’s enough to help me through To know the one who understands – is You.
He left Your home, Then he let my own. I guess You know what it is really like – To let Your son go.
the CD “One by One” by the Pearsons, produced cc 1998. I am sharing this image in the hopes that perhaps you might be able to find it one day either in the original CD, or Spotify or YouTube or wherever. It was independently done and I’ve looked in vain on line for any version that I could share with you here. Well worth the effort if you can find it.
over 100 questions to review with your sweetheart before you go any further
When my parents got married, they hardly knew each other. My dad had been serving in the Navy during the Korean Conflict, and my mom was a young teenager on the Canadian prairies. Her dad had recently died and she’d quit school to earn some cash to help out at home. In 1953 my dad was stationed on Vancouver Island. He took a leave and traveled by bus to southern Alberta to marry my mom. They hadn’t seen each other in nearly three years; she was not quite 18 years old. The night before the wedding they had a terrible fight – raising their voices. SHE hurled out “I don’t want to marry you!” HE surprised her by adding “I don’t want to marry you either.” That sobered them both up and they asked “What are we gonna do?” SHE said “I don’t know. But if we don’t get married, Mom will kill me. She’s been cooking all day.” . . . . . now this is a good moment to pause and reflect. Gramma was a widow with 8 children, struggling to make ends meet. My parents – being kids, decided that under the circumstances, their best option was to get married. Within 48 hours, they had all her worldly possessions packed into two suitcases, and were on a bus headed for the coast. Predictably, their life was not an easy one, they had little common ground. But they struggled their way through it.
Many years later, when I wasn’t much older than my mother had been, Dan and I lived in different cities during our courtship. Consequently we spent many hours on the highway driving from one place to the other. I lived in Cold Lake on the Military base finishing high school, Dan lived in Edmonton – a four hour drive. During those long drives (mostly in the winter and mostly in the dark), radio had poor reception the further north we drove, so we filled the time by talking. We shared opinions, philosophies and perspectives, as well as histories, traditions and dreams. We got to know each other. Touching just about every subject we could think of, we learned things about ourselves and each other, found common ground, made compromises, established boundaries, and agreed to agree on many things. I shared my fledgling testimony of the gospel.
Flashing forward a handful of years, we discovered that the things we understood better because of those long uninterrupted conversations set the groundwork for many little successes in our relationship. We had shared feelings about things that were important to us at the time, and made commitments of mutual respect to honour those feelings. We had sorted out some differences that likely would have been divisive later on.
We made a series of very important commitments to each other that sustained us for the decades that followed. We could not have guessed at how important or long lasting and strengthening those discussions would become. One thing we agreed on in those early years – long before any children came our way, was to never argue in front of our children. We agreed to never raise our voices at each other, never swear at each other, belittle or speak poorly of each other, never undermine the other – and above all, to maintain a “united front” of solidarity and mutual respect in front of our children. We understood that we wouldn’t always see eye to eye, but we agreed to take care of those issues privately until we did.
We had discussed family traditions, those we grew up with, those we observed outside our families, and those we wanted to establish in our future home. There were many things we couldn’t have anticipated, but in retrospect I am surprised at how many we did anticipate or accidentally hit on. I’ve always been glad we had that time – undisturbed by default, devoted to learning about each other as individuals, and US as a future family. It helped. It truly helped. Marriage is difficult enough – the merging of personalities, priorities, different backgrounds, expectations, feelings of right and wrong, and unique understanding of the world we live in. Difficult enough without adding powerful differences like our personal relationships with, and how we felt about God. We talked about that too; my feelings were much stronger. I had seen opposing examples of family life with God and without God, and my decision to establish a house with God had been cemented. Dan didn’t share that conviction but he respected it. It was almost enough.
As our kids grew up and began courting themselves, it became clear to me that they didn’t take the time to discuss the things I felt strongly that they needed to. They didn’t have those undisturbed hours on the highway without music or talk radio. I began to worry that they wouldn’t enjoy the unplanned but much appreciated benefit of those discussions that had served Dan and I so well. I decided to write down some of the questions that came to mind – the ones that stayed with me and that I was most grateful we had gone through. There will always be things one discovers later, things you wish you had talked about, ‘surprises’, but hopefully – with learned communication skills and a greater appreciation of the inner workings – they can be handled better.
The list of questions in this article is intended to be the beginning of ongoing dialogue between couples who are seriously dating and moving toward marriage. Ultimately, its purpose is to increase understanding and mutual respect between both and to prevent bringing unnecessary baggage to the marriage alter. Please go through them together, and in order as they are designed to progress – one section upon the other, from Temporal issues to Spiritual issues. Take your time, don’t rush through them. I suggest dedicating a whole week to each question. I also suggest you add your own questions as they come to mind.
You may discover one or two questions are repeated – this is not an accident. It is intended that the question be considered from a different perspective. Perhaps in your discussions, you might realize you have new insight. Perhaps in your discussions, you may find that your differences are irreconcilable. That will be very sad, but much better before the wedding than after. It happened twice in our family. It was sad to watch our kids’ broken hearts – but far better than marrying with those differences.
Temporal
FINANCES Money, and the use/misuse of it, is unavoidably part of our everyday lives and is one of the biggest causes for contention, arguments, and divorce.
? What is my/your/our – commitment toward TITHING? What is my / your testimony regarding this important commandment? What do I pay tithing based on – the gross or the net? How do I determine that? How strict am I in my obedience? We know that tithing is a principle with a promise. What promise? What blessings do I expect in return for my obedience? Is it wrong to expect a blessing when I am obedient to the principle upon which it is founded?
– Who will handle the day-to-day finances? – What are our long term financial goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to reach those goals? – What are our financial goals for the next year? For the next five years? – What kind of a budget will we set up? What kind of commitment will we have to it? – How will we pay for dentist bills? Eye glasses? Prescriptions? Car repairs? Emergency purchases like a new furnace? New fridge? – How will we make large purchases? – The strong counsel of the church has always been to stay out of unnecessary debt. What would constitute unnecessary debt? What is debt justified for? – How do I personally / you personally / we – feel about debt? What commitment do we have to adhering to the counsel of prophets on this important subject? – What purchases would we consider going into debt for? – Credit cards are a valuable tool in our world. They are also the vehicle for a terrible form of bondage. In what ways is this true? What is my commitment toward the use of credit cards? What am I willing to do without in order to keep that commitment? – How will we fit gifts into our budget? For each other? For others? How will we plan to pay for Christmas? – What is normal in my family / your family – regarding gift giving? What is tradition? What do I / you want to continue? What adjustments are we willing to make in order to be unified in this area? – Regarding gifts, does equal mean ‘the same’ / identical? Do we need to provide the ‘same’ way in order to provide equally? Do we need to spend the ‘same’ in all things in order to be equal? Do our individual needs, need to be ‘the same’ in order to be of equal importance? – Keeping in mind that we come from two entirely different backgrounds, what is important to one family, may not be important (or even meaningful) to the other. If one family has never done something before, and has no expectation of it, how necessary is it to begin doing it, simply to keep things ‘equal’ between our two families? – What examples can we think of that this might apply to? What can we do to avoid this being a contentious issue? What changes or compromises do I/you/we feel are important to make so that we bring the best of both our upbringings to this area, and so that we are both comfortable? – What things, or in what areas do I/you personally consider important enough to spend money that may not be an area others would consider important? What do I/you consider unimportant? What do I/you consider a waste of money? What would I/you really have a problem justifying spending money on? – What do I consider fair in the way of financial accountability to each other, and what do I consider over the top and being too controlling or too controlled? – There is a big difference between the financial struggle that accompanies shared goals, effort, sacrifice and growth, and when that ‘struggle’ morphs into feelings of helplessness and even despair. Although uncomfortable, struggle and growth are healthy and good. But there is no peace in debt. Living beyond our means soon enough causes distress. Financial distress causes despair. – In what ways is despair different than struggle? How will we be able to tell the difference? – What will we do if somehow, we have allowed ourselves to get into a financial situation that causes despair? What measures will we take to rescue ourselves? How will we stay united in this effort? – What commitment do we make to stand on our own two feet as a new family? – At what point do we go to our families and ask for help? How do we avoid or prevent ourselves from asking for help too frequently and expecting someone else to repeatedly rescue us from poor choices we’ve made? – Who will we feel comfortable asking for help? When do we ask for help? And what arrangements do we make to repay that help? – How important is it to share our good fortune with others? What obligation should we feel toward being charitable? What does charity mean to me/you? Is giving without sacrifice really charity? What sacrifices are we willing to make to help another in need?
2. CAREER You don’t have to choose career over marriage or marriage over career. You really should have both – and you can have both. TALK. And figure those details out together as you mutually move toward your goals.
– What are his or her long range career goals? – Where does he or she realistically expect to be in one year? Five years? Ten years? – What effort will be required to achieve these goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to accomplish these goals? – What skill will we have acquired sufficiently and have enough experience in, to fall back on if or when an additional wage is needed? – What are we willing to do to ensure that she or he has an additional marketable skill? – Will she work after children come into the family? – What are our feelings in this area? What are our family backgrounds in this area? What are our personal priorities? How has my/your attitude and commitment been influenced by the experiences and priorities we grew up with? – How important is it to me that our children have a mom home fulltime? How important is it to you? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” – How important is it to us that we are in line with this or any other prophetic counsel? – What adjustments in our attitudes and perspectives do we need to make to be reconciled with this prophetic counsel? – What are we willing to sacrifice to achieve this?
3. HOUSEHOLD CHORES
* No matter how much we’d like to avoid them, they’re part of our life. While it is important to have spousal roles established, it is equally important to be flexible.
For instance: in our marriage, the house has always been Mom’s responsibility although Dad was quick to help whenever it was needed. Providing financially has always been Dad’s responsibility, but Mom has always done whatever possible to help ease the burden, and for awhile became the major breadwinner. Cars and yard work have always been Dad’s domain, while gardening has always been Mom’s, although both have chipped in when needed. Dad does the heavy work, Mom does the ‘fiddley’ work. Dad enjoys barbequing, Mom enjoys indoors cooking. Dad wants meat so he, for the most part cooks it, otherwise we would be eating much less of it. Those were our established ‘roles’, that we ourselves chose and were comfortable with. At times however, necessity demanded that we adjust – sometimes dramatically for a time. It was an ‘adjustment’, sometimes even a painful adjustment, but not a reversal of roles. When the need abated, former rolls fell back into place. – Cindy Suelzle
– What are your priorities in the area of roles and expectations? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” – How will the chores be divided up? How will they differ or adjust when ‘she’ quits work to nurture children? Or continues working? – Who will take responsibility for what area? – What are our role definitions? – What are our role expectations? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better wife/mother/nurturer? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better husband/father/provider? – What am I willing to do to learn better skills, and what am I prepared to do to help YOU learn and grow in your responsibilities?
4. FOOD, NUTRITION and HEALTH
There’s a connection. Undeniably.
– What do we consider important here? – What foods are “comfort foods” to me? or my personal or traditional favorites? Do I have an opinion on the ‘type’ of foods we eat as a family? – Am I willing to have new food experiences? – What foods do I have a strong dislike to? How will we compromise here? – Review Section 89 of the D&C. – How do we interpret this section? What are our insights? To what extent are we willing to follow the noncompulsory parts of its direction? – What kind of responsibility do I feel toward proper nutrition? – What are my standards on the “quality” of the food we buy or grow?
– How will we deal with minor illnesses in our family? – What kinds of medication do I consider appropriate? – How will we deal with major illnesses?
“When we were newly married, we decided on some basic things which we thought were important to acquire for our independence and self reliance. ie: a few flashlights, coal oil lanterns with extra wicks and sufficient oil for many days use, wheat grinder, food dehydrator, canner, sufficient jars for home canning, juicer, battery operated radio etc. Money was always an issue. We used birthdays and Christmases and any other opportunity to acquire them for each other or to put on our wish lists if anyone else was interested. ” – Cindy
– What are our priorities in the area of Family Preparedness and Emergency Preparedness? – What is the difference? – What are our goals? What are we prepared to do to meet these goals? – Read David A. Bednar’s talk WE WILL PROVE THEM HEREWITH
There is strong counsel to STORE WHAT YOU EAT, AND EAT WHAT YOU STORE. To store food you don’t normally eat, doesn’t make any sense at all. But to not eat what you’ve got stored so that it is constantly be rotated, also doesn’t make sense, and leads to waste.
– What are our individual opinions on the counsel to store food? – How do we feel about that counsel and what is my/your/our commitment to it? – How does that counsel fit into what we see going on in the world around us? – How much of our family budget are we prepared to spend building up and then maintaining our year’s supply of food and other necessities? – How will we obey the prophet’s counsel to plant a garden in whatever living situation we find ourselves? Remember that we receive no commandment without the Lord providing a way for us to accomplish that thing. (1N3:7)
6. ENTERTAINMENT and GIFTS
“When there is a good movie in town, consider going to the theater as a family. Your very patronage will give encouragement to those who wish to produce this type of entertainment, and use that most remarkable of all tools of communication, television, to enrich their lives. There is so much that is good, but it requires selectivity. Let those who are responsible for any efforts to put suitable family entertainment on television know of your appreciation for that which is good and also of your displeasure with that which is bad. In large measure, we get what we ask for.” “…if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (A/F 13) – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How will we honour ‘date night’? – Do we like to host? What is important to me/you in hosting? – What is my favorite type of entertainment? – What type of entertainment would I consider as a regular form of entertainment? – On a monthly basis? – On a once in awhile basis? – On a seasonal/yearly/anniversary celebration basis? – How much money would I consider fair and reasonable to budget/spend on these forms of entertainment?
– Some couples do not give gifts to each other. Some consider it very important. How do I feel about it? – How do YOU feel about it? If our opinions differ, what will we do here? – What do I expect in the way of a birthday gift? Christmas gift? Anniversary gift? – What would disappoint me and hurt my feelings concerning a gift from you? – What would I absolutely love to receive from you? – What type of gift would always be a hit with me?
7. PERSONAL STANDARDS
Personal standards are hugely important, and their variance affects every facet of our lives. We are ruled by our own personal standards. So what are mine? And am I consistent with them? Do they transition smoothly to all areas?
“The flood of pornographic filth, the inordinate emphasis on sex and violence are not peculiar to North America. The situation is as bad in Europe and in many other areas. The whole dismal picture indicates a weakening rot seeping into the very fiber of society. Legal restraints against deviant moral behavior are eroding under legislative enactments and court opinions. This is done in the name of freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of choice in so-called personal matters. But the bitter fruit of these so-called freedoms has been enslavement to debauching habits and behavior that leads only to destruction. A prophet, speaking long ago, aptly described the process when he said, “And thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell” (2 Nephi 28:21). ……. I am satisfied that there is no need to stand still and let the filth and violence overwhelm us or to run in despair. The tide, high and menacing as it is, can be turned back if enough … will add their strength to the strength of the few who are now effectively working. I believe the challenge to oppose this evil is one from which members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as citizens, cannot shrink. …. Respect for self is the beginning of virtue in men. That man who knows that he is a child of God, created in the image of a divine Father and gifted with a potential for the exercise of great and godlike virtues, will discipline himself against the sordid, lascivious elements to which all are exposed.” – Gordon B. Hinkley
– How do I feel about protecting my home, my family and myself from the plague of Pornography? – What steps am I prepared to take against it? – What about Inappropriate music? And other forms of entertainment which chase away the spirit of God? – How do I feel about the prophet’s admonition to not watch R–rated movies, or anything like unto them? – How important is it to me to have the spirit of the Lord in my home at all times? What am I prepared to do to make sure it is always there? – Do I sup from the scriptures daily? And do I consider it important to study daily as a couple and family? – How will we do this? What commitment will we make to each other to continue? – If circumstances interfere from time to time, what will we do to get back-on-the-wagon? – How important is it to me to align myself with the counsel of the leaders of the church? Of what value is this in my life? – How important is it to me to have a clean house? What does this even look like to me? What am I prepared to do to accomplish this? – Do we have similar standards on personal hygiene/grooming? Are we compatible in this area? – How important is it to me to keep a close relationship with my immediate family? – What am I prepared to do to learn to appreciate and come to love YOUR family? – If one of my siblings needs help, what obligation will I feel toward them? Will I feel the same obligation to one of your siblings?
Etiquette is a societal thing; it changes from one society to another, but wherever you live, it is very important. It is a set of ‘norms’ of personal behaviour in polite society. They show respect to others. Eating at someone else’s table where you don’t understand proper etiquette can be offensive, disrespectful, intimidating and embarrassing. Learning regional and cultural variances is easy to adjust to when you have a good foundational knowledge of some basics. Understanding and being comfortable with good table manners will always put an individual in the advantage. – Cindy Suelzle
– How important are table manners and table etiquette including setting a proper table to me? How will they help us be comfortable in social situations and help our kids to be comfortable eating with others as they grow older? – What about good manners in general?
Speaking about personal respect for each other . . . .
– How will we show respect to and for each other? – How will we honor each other? – How should we treat each other in public? What things should we agree to NOT discuss with other people? – What guidelines could we agree on to ensure that we do not say things around other people that may hurt our sweetheart’s feelings? – How will we know when we have offended our sweetheart’s feelings? And what will we do about it? – What do I consider RUDE? What do I consider inconsiderate or thoughtless? – How do we fix things between us? – What do I need to feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss with you, things that are important to me? …things that are sensitive to me? …. things that are hurtful to me? – What can I do to help YOU feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss those things openly with me? – We have been admonished to study “out of the best books”. What do we consider Best Books? – How important is a “gospel library” to me? – How important is it to me to have a good “classic library”? – What kind of plan should we implement to accomplish our goal?
“You know that your children will read. They will read books, and they will read magazines and newspapers. Cultivate within them a taste for the best. While they are very young, read to them the great stories which have become immortal because of the virtues they teach. Expose them to good books. Let there be a corner somewhere in your house, be it ever so small, where they will see at least a few books of the kind upon which great minds have been nourished. … Let there be good magazines about the house, those which are produced by the Church and by others, which will stimulate their thoughts to ennobling concepts. Let them read a good family newspaper that they may know what is going on in the world without being exposed to the debasing advertising and writing so widely found.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is music to me? – What do I consider worthy/appropriate music? How do I feel about a music library?
“Let there be music in the home. If you have teenagers who have their own recordings, you may be prone to describe the sound as something other than music. Let them hear something better occasionally. Expose them to it. It will speak for itself. More appreciation will come than you may think. It may not be spoken, but it will be felt, and its influence will become increasingly manifest as the years pass.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is it to me to develop a musical talent of mine? What kind of support will I expect?
7. TRADITIONS
– How did my family celebrate Christmas? What was my favourite part? – What was our traditional meal? – When did we open gifts? What kinds of things did we get in our stockings? – How do I feel about continuing my family’s Christmas traditions into our own family? – How do I think we should keep Christ in our Christmas celebrations? – What are the best parts of the ways we each celebrated Christmas in the families we grew up with? – What could we do differently in our home that we will both be happy with? – What traditions will I bring with me? You with you? Do we agree on the value of these traditions? – How did my family celebrate Easter? What was my favourite part? What part do I want to continue in my own family? – How do I feel about Halloween? – Thanksgiving? – Summer vacation? – What is my favorite holiday? And why? How can I share my enthusiasm for this special day with you? – What style of furniture do I like? What can I be happy with? What compromises am I willing to make?
Spiritual
8. TEMPLE ATTENDANCE
With temples being so close to the bulk of the membership, many couples set a goal for regular attendance. – What is my feeling about the promise of eternal families that temples represent? – What goal will we set for ourselves relative to attending the temple? – And of continual temple worthiness?
9. PERSONAL or PRIVATE SPIRITUAL COMMITMENT
– What commitment will we make specifically about scripture study, individual/couple/family prayer, journal writing and family record keeping? – How will we choose to preserve family memories? (i.e. photos, slides, videos, albums, scrapbooks etc) – What Christ-like attribute most impressed me about you? drew me to you? and made me want you for my companion? – What is the thing I admire/respect most about you that I would like to emulate in my life? – How important to me are the laws, ordinances and principles of the gospel? – How important is it to me to be align myself to them? How important do I think it should be? Is there even any value in obedience? – What efforts am I willing to make in my personal desire to have a relationship with my Saviour? – What is my feeling about regular church attendance? – What is my feeling toward church service? – The counsel of the brethren is to dress as if we are wearing temple garments, even if we are not. – How do I feel about modesty in dress and speech? – What commitment do I feel to dress so that I reflect church standards at all times?
Testimonies are living breathing things in need of constant nourishment. They can become weak and even sickly if they’re not taken care of. What will I do if you lose your testimony? What will you do if I lose mine?
10. CHURCH RESPONSIBILITIES
– What is my commitment level to callings and responsibilities within the Church? – How willing am I to serve selflessly and faithfully in the Church? – What will I do to encourage my partner in his/her ministering stewardships? – What will I do to support and sustain my partner in his/her individual callings?
11. TITHES and OFFERINGS
– What do I regard as an honest and full tithing? – Do we agree on what we consider Increase? – How do I feel about fast and other offerings? – What do I consider a generous fast offering? – Do we agree on this? – What about other donations such as the Perpetual Education fund or the Missionary fund? Do I believe that blessings will come into our lives as a result of our obeying the law of tithing and of contributing to other funds organized by the Church for the benefit of the charity the Church provides? – Do I have an understanding of the principle of ‘offerings’?
12. SABBATH OBSERVANCE – What do I consider proper Sabbath observance? – What are some of the things we should DO on Sunday? – What are some of the things I feel that we should NOT do in order to keep the Sabbath day separate and holy? – What are our expectations of each other in this area? – What would disappoint me regarding our/your Sabbath observance?
13. FAMILY HOME EVENING
“A better tomorrow begins with the training of a better generation. This places upon parents the responsibility to do a more effective work in the rearing of children. The home is the cradle of virtue, the place where character is formed and habits are established. Family home evening is the opportunity to teach the ways of the Lord.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– What will we do to ensure that we observe the counsel to keep Monday evenings for family when we are still just a couple? What will we do to use this opportunity to strengthen our family in the gospel? – How will we keep it a priority? – What commitments are we prepared to make now that would directly impact our future children regarding Family Home Evening (FHE)?
ROMANCE
14. FRIENDSHIP
What things are important to me in our continued relationship as FRIENDS? What are my expectations from a best friend? What am I prepared to do to BE your best friend? What do I consider healthy as far as other best friends in my/your life? What freedom will I be willing to give my spouse in their pursuit of relationships with other friends?
15. DATE NIGHT
– How committed are we to obeying the council to have regular date night? What value do we see in this practice? – What good examples can I think of concerning regular date night observance? – What are we prepared to do on a daily basis to keep the romance in our marriage alive? – How will we observe special days such as our Anniversary? Each other’s birthdays? Valentine’s Day? Etc. (i.e. some couples celebrate their anniversary date by attending the temple to do sealings. In this way it is a continual reminder of the covenants they made and the promises they could depend on.)
If I intend to be happily married to you in 40+ years, what am I prepared to give until then to ensure it? – How will we talk about each other in front of other people? (even if we are upset with the other) – How will we talk toeach other in front of other people? – What precautions will we take to ensure we never undermine, belittle, ridicule, embarrass or insult our sweetheart? (in private or in front of others) – What if we do offend the other not intending to? – What if they get their feelings hurt over something we considered innocent or even funny? – How will we refer to each other? What terms of endearment am I comfortable with? – What will we do when we fall out of love? (WE WILL bytheway) – How will we stay married, and healthy and committed to each other if one day we think that we’ve grown apart? How will we help each other through it? – How will we communicate to each other that we are in distress, and that something is very wrong in our relationship? – What are we prepared to do to overcome major difficulties in our relationship? – What do we expect from each other in the area of commitment and communication? to our marriage – to our children – to our own family – to Family Home Evening – to Date Night – to our extended families – to our ward – to the Church – to God – and to our community?
16. INTIMACY and PREGNANCY
– How do I/you feel about purity before marriage? – Can we be honest with our personal history concerning that? – Can we deal with it? How will we deal with it? – Do we see the need for using a form of birth control? If so, what form will we use? – What will we do to make sure we are educated and properly informed about current methods of birth control? – How important is a feeling of ‘trust’ and safety to me in regards to intimacy? -How important do I think it is that we both feel comfortable about being open and honest in our discussions about intimacy? – What will we do to be sure we are educated and properly informed about pregnancy and child birth? – What will we do to ensure optimum health for Mom and baby? How involved do we want Dad to be in the birthing? – What if the unthinkable happens? ….. miscarriage? What if . . . our baby dies? How will we help each other through this hard thing? – What if another unthinkable happens? . . . . . infidelity? What will we do? – Can we see ourselves able to forgive? – What are our ‘non-negotiables’ in this area?
17. PARENTING
– How many children do we want? – Will Mom stay home to raise them? – What is my idea of discipline? – What are some things that I consider very important in child rearing? – What should we as parents do to ensure that we teach by example such things as respect for womanhood? Manhood? Etiquette? Table manners? Good housekeeping? Personal cleanliness? Personal responsibility? The law? – What are things I consider essential to teach children? -Where will we turn to learn parenting skills? – How will we teach our children that the Church is true? That we love, respect and obey the prophet? And that Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of our life? – How will I show my children that the scriptures are important to me? And that they can come to know Jesus Christ through their own personal study of them? – What efforts will we make to encourage our children to stay active in the Church? And to adhere to the counsel it provides? – How will I show them the importance of education and help them to develop a love of reading? – What are some absolute taboos concerning children in my opinion? – What do I feel very strongly about – concerning behaviors we will encourage, those we allow and behaviors we will absolutely forbid? Do we agree? What should we do to ensure compliance with these behaviors? – What if we have an unhealthy child? Perhaps a down syndrome child, or one who has a serious illness or disability? How do we plan to be the best parents possible no matter what that looks like? – What did our parents do right in the parenting department, that we’d like to emulate? – What improvements can we make over our parents’ best attempts, to continue to become the best parents our children deserve?
18. OTHER THINGS of IMPORTANCE TO CONSIDER
– What are my priorities in the area of TIME? – What do I consider a big waste of time? – a moderate waste of time? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my flexibility of my partner doing something I consider to be a waste of time, money and energy? Or something I abhor? – What are my priorities in the area of money? – It is likely that we may look at money differently. One might resent frugality. One might resent spending freely with no regard for budget. What do I consider a big waste of money? – a moderate waste of money? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my tolerance of my partner spending money in what I consider to be a waste of money? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day with you? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day without you?. .
These questions have been edited continually since I first drafted them for Sarah – many years ago.
You need not ‘report’ on any discussion, but I think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone that you have indeed been through each one. For my kids, I tried to give them one sheet at a time, and when they told me they were ready for another, I gave it to them.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to communicate, now and throughout your marriage. Take them seriously. I once asked a friend who used these “Did you not go through those questions?” She affirmed that they did. “Well how did this one get missed then? It’s pretty straight forward.” “I didn’t think it was that important. I didn’t think he was that serious about it.”
That’s not fair. Not being straight up and owning your words, not doing what you committed to do – not fair. If there are serious ‘issues’ with any of these questions, have those issues today, BEFORE you are married. If they cannot be resolved, it is best to learn that before you go to the alter.
For years this quote was over my kitchen door leading out to the garden. Sadly I had to take it down a couple of years ago to repaint the wall, but its in the plan to replace it. It is an essential life truth.
Is there a difference between home grown tomatoes and store bought tomatoes? Oh My! YES! The taste of a homegrown tomato is UNlike anything else this world has to offer. And a store bought tomato tastes nothing like it, even when grocer’s says they are “vine ripened” . . . . Let’s talk about “vine ripened” for a minute: what it is and what it is not. Ostensibly, that term should be clear right? It means ripened-on-the-vine. . . . Right? Allowing fruits to ripen on the plant before harvesting ensures the completion of its growing cycle, implying that all of nature’s nutrition is intact. But don’t be fooled; when you see a sign that says “vine ripened” with tomatoes that are together on a small branch. The whole truth is that those tomatoes ripened while still attached to that little branch. No one says that branch was on the plant or that the plant was still in the ground at the time they ripened, so yesssss, okay – by definition I guess we cannot dispute it, but by its truest definition – NO! They are NOT necessarily ripened on the plant. I hate when I see that term, because if we believe everything we read we’ll fall for the implication that THESE tomatoes are somehow better than other tomatoes we see on the shelf without the ‘sign’. I seriously doubt it. In most cases, the only difference is that little branch – those 4 or 5 tomatoes that are clustered together. And No, in most circumstances they were not ripened ON a plant which was still living.
In central Alberta even in our home gardens, it is not possible for all of our tomatoes to ripen on the plant before the season is over, so we pick the last of them green, allowing them to ripen in their own time. It’s the best we can do with approaching winter. Tomatoes naturally produce their own ethylene gas which causes them to slowly redden as they ripen at their own pace – even once they’re picked. This of course takes time. To speed up the process of ripening, many companies lock immature green tomatoes in an ethylene-filled chamber. This seems like a good solution on the surface, but it merely forces them to turn red, not affecting the “ripening” process enough. The result is that yes, they may be red, but they never had the chance to develop flavour – which is usually a natural companion to ripening AND an indicator of nutritional value. If like me, you have to pick some of your tomatoes not quite red or still green, allow them to ripen in their own time, the way nature designed. You will be richly rewarded by the homegrown tomato-taste, and its associated nutritional value.
Okay, thank you for the chance to rant a little – on one of my pet peeves. I’ll set that aside for now.
“A tomato may be a fruit, but it is a singular fruit. A savory fruit. A fruit that has ambitions far beyond the ambitions of other fruits.” – E. Lockhart
Several years ago I decided to put more effort into eating IN THE SEASON. The concept is encouraged by a directive in what I consider ‘scripture’. “All wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature and use of man – Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof . . . .” 1 This is good counsel indeed, especially since we understand now that nutritional value begins to dissipate in the hour after harvest. The fresher the produce, the more nutrition it contains, so eating it in the season we are guaranteed to have the best that nature can offer. Keeping that tomato for months in it’s “fresh” state, gives us the outward impression that it is nutritional, but in actual fact it is impossible. In my opinion, we use the word “fresh” too loosely in this context.
Based on tomato retail sales, the average North American eats almost 30 pounds of tomatoes a year. If you like pizza or spaghetti, you probably eat more. If you like salsa, you probably eat even more. If you don’t like tomatoes, then I’m pretty sure I ate enough to make up for you. But what about those of us who grow and preserve our own? How would stats ever reflect that? I’m pretty sure no statistician keeps track of how many plants I grow (this year, 28 plants), or the fact that we eat FRESH tomatoes every single day from mid July through till the last one gets eaten in late November. I do not ever buy tomatoes from the produce department because they are almost always supremely disappointing. So based on sales of ‘fresh’ tomatoes, I wouldn’t even be counted, but make no mistake – our household consumes a LOT of tomatoes.
Let’s get it over with and off the table. Yes tomatoes are really ‘fruits’, and yes we eat them as vegetables. Why? Simply because their natural ‘sugar’ content is much less than other fruits, making it more suitable to be used in a salad or main dish rather than a dessert. In fact, because the seeds are inside (like a blueberry, gooseberry, currant or grape) the tomato is actually a ‘berry’. It doesn’t make any difference, we’re still gonna eat tomatoes as vegetables – but it is interesting.
where do tomatoes come from?
Tomatoes originated in South America where the indigenous people cultivated them to use in their cooking. Not surprisingly, it was the Spanish who brought them to Europe and ultimately to the rest of the world. Within a short time, they became very popular in Spain, and were distributed throughout the Spanish colonies in the New World, including the Caribbean, and Central America, even as far away as the Philippines. They grow easily in warm climates so it was an easy fruit to adopt, and it literally changed the way the world ate.
In Europe it took a little longer, as they were regarded with suspicion for a number of reasons. They were identified as part of the nightshade family, and though the fruit was edible, it was well understood that the plant itself was dangerous; that was hard for many to get over. As well, wealthy Europeans often ate off pewter plates. Pewter being a metal alloy includes tin, copper, sometimes lead, and sometimes silver. The acid in tomatoes reacts with many metals and lead poisoning could result when lead is present. It’s not the tomato’s fault, but the chemical reaction with tomato acid and the pewter dishware would definitely come to everyone’s attention. Consequently, in England and her colonies tomatoes were considered ‘unfit’ to eat. In fact in most of Europe (even Italy) for almost a century, tomatoes were grown primarily as an exotic ornamental plant in flower gardens. Ironically, the poorer people ate off wooden plates or pottery, so that chemical reaction would never have been an issue for the more common folk. Who could have guessed, that simply using clay dishes would make tomatoes wonderful, while using pewter dishes could make them deadly?
The plant’s ability to adapt and even to mutate, creating new and different varieties contributed to its spread throughout the warmer European countries. Still, it took a very long time for the fruit as a ‘food’, to gain favour among the general European population. Even in areas where the climate was perfect for growing them, the fact that they grew naturally along the ground suggested ‘low status’. Funny how people can be that way. Still it was a beautiful fruit, and for the rich, it became a tabletop decoration – not eaten, just enjoyed esthetically. Although tomatoes were embraced sooner in Spain and Portugal, it took nearly two hundred years before they were incorporated solidly into the bigger Mediterranean cuisine. But it was the invention of pizza in Naples, Italy in the late 19th century, that endeared tomatoes to Italians. By then, fears surrounding them had begun to fade, and tomatoes had grown immensely popular in America.
In the east, it was a very different story. From the Philippines (under Spanish colonialism), tomatoes spread to southeast Asian and then to the entire Asian continent. It was brought to India by Portuguese explorers and exploded in popularity as it was perfectly suited to the climate. Today, China is the highest consumer of tomatoes in the world, and India is second, but the sheer population of those two countries (being the most populace in the world) would account for that. Per capita, one might expect Italy to score the highest for consumption because we all have pizza, spaghetti, lasagna in mind, but in actual fact – Egypt, Turkey, Iran and Uzbekistan are all ahead of Italy. Yes, tomatoes play a big role in Mediterranean cuisine, but evidently they are pretty crucial in the cuisine of the Middle East as well. But the big surprise is the third highest consumer – the United States. 1. China 2. India 3. United States
and Now?
Tomatoes are the king of ‘versatility’, present in almost all cuisines. They can be used in soups and noodle dishes – like in China; curries – like in India; pasta dishes like in Italy; salads, grilled, gazpacho, and various stews in Europe and the Mediterranean; stewed – like in the Middle East; salsas – like in South and Central America; goulash in Eastern Europe – and an amazing cross over of all the above in our global adaptation to different cuisines. EVERYONE eats tomatoes.
Highly cultivated the world over – even in Russia and Scandinavia, tomatoes are one of the most popular backyard garden vegetables in North America. In northern climates like our own, they must be started indoors to extend the season long enough to make them viable, but that is not a problem when every commercial greenhouse grows thousands of them.
The varieties are endless, but there are essentially two distinct types of tomatoes: determinate and indeterminate. It’s easy to remember which is which because a ‘determinate‘ tomato is one that has a finite or ‘determined‘ size, and amount of fruit. It is a smaller plant, ‘determined‘ to grow to a ‘pre-determined’ height, with all its fruit coming on in a short amount of time – perfect for a climate like ours with a short growing season. Because of this, it is considered an annual even in its native land. It grows easily in a pot, or within the confines of a tomato cage, so for those who need something easily contained, it’s your best option.
An INdeterminate tomato on the other hand, will grow and grow and grow, continuing to produce new fruit until the winter kills it. In its native land or in warmer climates, it could grow for years, and left to its own it will be a trailing plant, continuing to grow along the ground. Everywhere the stem touches the ground is a potential spot for the plant to grow new roots, conceivably having innumerable new independent plants all along the trail. I have no idea how long it could grow, or how it would eventually die in its native Central and South America. In a temperate climate (with distinct seasonal changes) like our own, it is the winter that kills it, but during the growing season it never stops reaching to new heights.
are tomatoes good for you?
almost 2 1/2 pounds this tomato will be dinner tomorrow after a made a loaf of sourdough bread for it. It deserves a thick slice of toasted sourdough and some fresh pesto mayo. A September treat. These Romanian Giants are the best tasting tomatoes I’ve every grown.
YES! In a word, they sure are! Tomatoes are nutrient-rich powerhouses, packed with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. Their secret ingredient is the antioxidant LYCOPENE, to which we owe the beautiful strong red colour. They reduce the risk of heart disease and cancer, improve eye health, digestive health, and the risk of osteoporosis. In the kitchen in they offer immense versatility and flavour.
* Fresh (as in uncooked) tomatoes are rich in vitamin C – a powerful antioxidant which is important for skin, bones, and connective tissue. It also promotes healing and helps the body absorb iron. * Fresh tomatoes are rich in Potassium – needed to build proteins in the body, including muscle. * Fresh tomatoes are rich in Vitamin K – required for blood to clot.
Like most fruits and vegetables, it is preferable to eat tomatoes FRESH, straight out of the garden to get the best nutrition and benefit. But that doesn’t mean that eating tomatoes grilled, fried, roasted, sauced, dried or juiced aren’t wonderfully good for us too. One of the best things about tomatoes is their versatility in adapting easily to an infinite number of different cooking styles, and using them in their many forms and styles opens up their full range of nutritional benefits.
There’s a very good reason they’re so popular in dishes ranging from Greek Salad to Thai Curry to Italian pasta to Mexican Pico de Gallo to toasted tomato sandwiches. Tomatoes have a unique flavour that isn’t found in any other vegetable. They are acidic, but less sour than other acidic fruits. That acid causes the colour to remain bright, but also contributes to the texture of the dish it is in, including acting as a tenderizer.
That’s at least — in part — why so many cultural cuisines such as Italian, Mexican, Middle Eastern etc rely on tomatoes in such a wide array of dishes. Foods like pasta and pizza sauces, stews, and casseroles rely on tomatoes. Because North American cuisine is made up of dishes and flavours from numerous immigrant cultures, it is no wonder we find ourselves reaching for tomatoes so often in the kitchen.
Growing
In North America, we generally plant tomato plants outside after all danger of frost is over. Starting seedlings indoors months in advance, is a must in Alberta, and if we cannot personally do so, not to worry – every greenhouse has a huge assortment to pick from. In Alberta, plan to plant them indoors by mid to late March at the latest. If you plant in February, they’ll be bigger, but sometimes that gets difficult to handle in the house. Expect to put them outside mid to late May, after all danger of frost has passed. You can grow them well into September in a typical year, but be prepared to cover up on cold nights, or to pick in a hurry if a cold front settles in.
Tomatoes love sun so pick the sunniest spot in your garden for them. Conventional wisdom suggests that crops be rotated every year, and for most vegetables I do that, but my one exception is tomatoes. In small backyard gardens its not always practical to change locations, and in mine, if they’re to have the sunniest spot, I am limited in my options. Growing in the same SPOT is not the same as growing in the same SOIL. My garden is set up for tomatoes to be in one spot, with a semi permanent trellis to tie them to. For this reason, my attention to soil amendment is important. Adding new compost and other organic matter every spring replenishes the soil’s fertility, and is my best line of defense against pests and disease. Rotating faithfully without taking proper care of your soil is only half the job.
When I plant a new tomato plant, I dig a DEEP hole – deep enough to bury all but the top 6 inches of the plant if possible. I put a raw egg in the bottom of the hole, crack it with my trowel and place the plant in the hole, laying it slightly if necessary to get as much of the stem below the surface as I can. This gives the plant a stronger base especially if your stem has gotten a little spindly before transplanting outdoors. If you look closely at the stem of a tomato plant (from the main stem to the little stems at the very end of each branch), you’ll notice thousands of little ‘hairs’ called “trichomes’. These have a distinctive ‘smell’ which is repugnant to pests, and their texture makes it difficult for ants and other insects to climb. You’ll also notice numerous small bumps or nodules along the lower stem – among the trichomes. These are potential root starts which will grow roots if that part of the plant touches soil. Burying the stem will allow all these little nodules to develop into roots, strengthening the base of plant. The broken egg adds protein to nourish the new plant as it grows, and calcium as the shell breaks down – which is an important nutrient for tomatoes.
Throughout the growing season, adding crushed egg shells to the base of your tomatoes adds the “promise of future calcium”. Calcium is important and egg shells take an entire season to break down, so its a long term commitment. Sprinkling egg shells will deter soft bodied pests like slugs and cutworms and will eventually breakdown to add calcium, so plan to add them often and throughout the growing time. Mulching with dry grass or compost around the base of your plants will keep water from evaporating too quickly and will add nutrients as it breaks down.
Tomatoes are a vine, but unlike other vines they don’t naturally climb up. They want to trail. Gardeners want them growing up to keep free air flow and to make best use of ground space. Stake them and tie frequently as they grow, securing them. I trim all lower leaves as the plant grows, at least for the lower 6-8 inches. As the plant grows and I can spare the room, I prune the lower leaves higher – as high as 18 inches. This prevents water from splashing on the leaves (which may cause decay and introduce disease), and allows light penetration and free air flow making for a healthier environment.
The tomato usually has a single main stem, but every branch has the potential of having a new stem grow out of its ‘elbow’, creating many other stems and directions for the plant to take. These additional stems are rarely suitable for staking purposes, so clip them out when you can. If your plant was allowed to grow for years and take over your garden, you might want to leave many of those sub stems on, but because of our shortened season, it is advisable to reduce them – encouraging the plant to put more energy into fruiting rather than building an empire.
Indeterminate tomato plants can easily grow 8-10 feet high, even in an Alberta summer. About the end of July, I begin topping mine off – pruning the growth that comes from the top, encouraging growth on the existing plant. By mid August I begin pruning all branches without fruit and the ends of the branches with fruit – reducing the energy going to green growth and redirecting it to existing fruit.
I plant a few cherry type tomatoes that will start producing early, ripening by mid July for early eating, and then bigger tomatoes for later eating and eventual harvest. That way I stretch the season of eating tomatoes out as long as I can.
Harvesting when they’re ripe
almost, but not quite ready. Give it another few days. These tomatoes are about 2 pounds each. Romanian Giants. As most heritage types, they’re not the prettiest tomatoes on the block, but definitely the most delicious I’ve ever grown. I’m committed to them.
Most of my earlier tomatoes are picked purely for eating out of hand or to add to garden salads. When the bigger ones start ripening and you’re picking to slice for a sandwich, look for firm texture and that beautiful red colour we all love. When the numbers increase and you can harvest more, then roast, grill or fry them to use as building blocks for pasta, soup, pizza, or to use as simple sides next to your favorite entrees. Two of our favourite ways to eat fresh tomatoes are on a toasted sandwich with pesto mayo, and in a fresh tomato bruschetta on focaccia or sour dough bread. Fresh tomato soup is a dish I wait all year for. For months not a single day goes by that tomatoes are not a major part of our meals. We’ve waited all year long for this season and I will not waste it.
When your tomatoes are ripening faster than you can use them – happy day. That’s when you look for ways to preserve the excess: can them in quarts or pints, make salsa to eat fresh or can, make roasted tomato sauce, freeze them whole to buy yourself some time, or freeze your roasted tomatoes, dry roast them in your oven with garlic, oil and a few herbs (my version of ‘sundried tomatoes’), or even dehydrate them in slices to use for tomato powder if you have enough.
Store at room temperature – in the kitchen – where you can see them and constantly pick out the ripe ones to use. They retain they’re distinctive acid-base flavour at room temperature. Never ever, ever store them in the refrigerator unless they’re ripening too fast and you intend to cook them right away anyway. Refrigerating them wrecks the taste of tomatoes and softens the texture. Once they’ve been refrigerated they’re only good for cooking.
On the other hand, a cut tomato must be refrigerated. Some say that storing it cut side down and wrapped in plastic is the best way, but time if of the essence. A day or two at most is all you can expect it to stay good.
Harvesting when they’re green
At the end of the season, covering your tomatoes with a big sheet for the night, is good protection for a short term frost. And its worth it, if there’s promise of another week or two of warm September weather. But if you have to do that every night, its time to give up and concede that summer is over. Get some big boxes out there and pick your tomatoes. Pull the plants out and turn upside down to see all the potential harvestable tomatoes. Twist and pull them off the stem and gently lay in the box. I separate the partially ripe ones so that I can keep a closer eye on them. Store them at room temperature.
Don’t waste anything: I prune the smaller branches off the main woody stalks and mow them up to add to our end-of-season compost. The big stalks I put in the city compost as they’ll take too long to decay in my little garden set up.
Saving seed
When you have a heritage tomato you’re in love with, do yourself a favour and save its seed for planting next late winter or early spring. Easy to do in a fully ripe tomato: simply use a spoon to scoop out some seed. Rinse in a fine sieve to get rid of additional pulp and lay the seed on a piece of paper towel in a single layer. Allow seeds to fully dry out on the paper towel, then roll it up, label the type and year with a black felt pen and store in in plastic or paper bag with your other seeds. That’s it. It really is that simple. When you’re ready to plant, gently remove the seed from the paper towel. If it doesn’t want to come off, no problem – just bury the piece of paper with the seed. It will germinate just fine.
Preserving tomatoes
CANNING: See my post Stocking Up: Food Preserving – Canning 101 for suggestions on canning tomatoes. Specifics: Blanching is important to help you peel them. The time table for canning tomatoes in a hot water bath is 35 minutes for a pint, 45 minutes for a quart. Use 1 teaspoon salt in a quart and 1/2 teaspoon in a pint. I also use 1 tablespoon lemon juice for quarts and 1/2 tablespoon for pints to up the acid level just a little. A friend told me this year that she adds coarsely ground peppercorns to her canned tomatoes which I think is a wonderful idea. I plan to do that. Might be my new thing.
FREEZING: When I freeze tomatoes I’m usually in a hurry – so I don’t prep them at all. I just put them whole in a freezer bag and try to lay them flat in the freezer till they freeze. I label them with a date of course, and I try to use them that first winter to free up freezer space and because freezing has a shorter shelf life than we might imagine.
tomato slices on a dehydrator rack
DEHYDRATING: is not my first choice for preserving tomatoes, and I would only use it as a method if I had lots to spare. Slice fresh ripe tomatoes, remove excess water and seeds, lay slices flat on your dehydrator racks. I try to keep the temperature around 110 degrees. It will take a good 24 hours+ to dry fully. When they’re crisp enough that you can break in half, they’re done. Store in a glass container out of the light. Use in soups or chilies. Or put them into the blender to powder them. Use the powder in place of tomato paste in any recipe.
yes its true I could make my own tomato powder, but its hard to beat the quality of Thrive Life products, so since I rarely have a harvest big enough to justify dehydrating, this is the tomato powder I choose to use. With a 25 year shelf life, its the perfect addition to my long term food storage.
This post is too long to add tomato recipes, so I’ll create another post for my favourite recipes. I’d love to hear some of yours too.
Homegrown tomatoes are my favourite garden crop. I hope you’ll grow them and discover the value of them and how easy it is to add them to your life. I’d love to hear your comments and your experiences with tomatoes.
Over our married life there have been many discussions about Hallowe’en. We haven’t always seen eye to eye on it, but we manage to get through unscathed. We’ve noted that candy hits the grocery store shelves a lot earlier than it used to; in fact some of it never leaves, it just increases in volume for two or three months.
I’ve never been big on having candy in the house on a regular basis. My kids pretty much all agree that that was one of the bigger mistakes I made as a mom, and they went into adulthood with those scars. I conceded (with limitations) at Hallowe’en, Christmas and Easter. Some things haven’t changed very much. I can’t help it. I simply cannot be the one who gives children ‘candy’. One day my 5 year old grandson Braeden said “I have a healthy gramma and a candy gramma.” Oh oh, I knew exactly where this one was gonna go, but I opened the door anyway. “Which one do you like best?” I asked. With absolutely no hesitation – he had already made his decision “The candy Gramma.” LOL
I chuckled when I mentioned it to my daughter-in-law later, and she was mortified assuring me he didn’t mean it. But he did mean it, and that was 100% okay with me; I wasn’t offended then and I’m not offended now. It was funny to me, and it still is. He spoke from the immediate perspective of an innocent – focused on instant gratification, and the facts. The most important fact at the moment was that he.liked.candy. That’s okay. The truth is, I also like candy. If we’re talking only about the ‘taste’ of milk chocolate, I like it as much as anybody else – possibly more than many. And if that was the only consideration, we’d eat it for dinner at my house. But sugar and I have had a tumultuous relationship over the years.
I have a lotta dental work that can attest to how much candy I ate as a child, combined with poor training on personal dental care. And I have struggled my whole life with weight issues. It didn’t make any sense to me to allow candy a place of honour in the home I raised my children in. The jury’s still out on what the best parenting choices regarding sweets might be, but suffice it to say that most parents make the best choice they know how. Certainly I did. But eventually the kids grew up, gained more autonomy over their candy choices, and in their turn made the best parenting choices they could.
In the meantime, I still like chocolate and I still live in a 1st world country which pretty much worships it. I may have a lotta personal strengths, but willpower has never been one of them. Case in point is this dialogue below – which is absolutely true in every word, with varying degrees of repetitiveness over the years.
Sept 1, Dan says: “I saw Halloween candy over at Sobeys. Guess we better get some eh?” me: “Why? We don’t need a bunch of chocolate bars taking up residence in this house – two months before they have to.” he: “Well we don’t want to wait so long that they run out.” me: “Oh come on! The last time a store ran out of Halloween candy was the Halloween day that I was 10 years old. (a childhood memory) he: “I just thought it would be good to get it over with. Then we won’t have to worry about it.” me: “Do you lose sleep worrying about possibly forgetting to pick up Hallowe’en candy? We both know that if that stuff comes into this house we’ll eat it all up, and then have to buy some more. And so do the stores know that. Which is why its on the shelves on Labour Day.” he: “Well we might eat ‘some’ but that’s okay.” me: “No its not Dan. Because unlike you, I don’t eat ‘some’. It will haunt me and I’ll be into it everyday till its gone. I can’t have that kinda temptation around. I’m sorry you married such a weak person.” he: “I’ll hide it. You’ll be fine.” me: “I won’t be fine. I’ll rip the house apart till I find it.” he: “I’ll keep it in the garage.” me: “You don’t think I know how to find your little stashes in the garage?” he: “I’ll put it in the freezer.” me: “I love frozen chocolate.” he: “I’ll keep it over at the store.” Oh that’s a good one. We owned a family bookstore (Generations LDS Bookstore) at the time – where I might add, I spent the biggest part of each day. me: “Oh THAT sounds like a brilliant plan!” he: “I’ll keep it in the trunk of the car I drive. When I’m not home, it won’t be here.”
. . . . . . . let’s face it, to some of life’s issues there are just no perfect solutions, and that’s okay. We’ll get through them and keep things in perspective. Life is full of compromises.
I know some people don’t ‘do’ Santa. I know some who don’t think we should ‘lie’ to our kids (as if Santa was a lie). And I know some who worry that he detracts from the true meaning of Christmas (hey I used to be one of those). And I even know some who think we should get back to the way Christmas was before Santa became ‘the thing‘. But before anyone jumps all over Santa Claus for being the antichrist of Christmas, we should take a little history lesson. Before Clement C. Moore brought St. Nick and children together in 1822, Christmas was hardly even recognized in North America, let alone celebrated.
Here are 10 facts that provide clarity into Santa’s real role in the way western society celebrates Christmas, and why that is a GOOD thing. A surprisingly good thing.
fact 1: December 25 is not the date of Christ’s birth and never pretended to be. It is the date set aside to celebrate His birth – not the same thing. Probably the biggest misunderstood fact of Christmas. It’s alright. Nothing wrong with it not being the actual date, lets just accept it and get on with our celebrations anyway.
fact 2: For centuries pagan religions all over the northern hemisphere celebrated the last half of December because …… , well, …. after the winter equinox, sunlight hours begin to increase. As agricultural cultures, the ‘return of the sun’ was full of hope and promise, effectively putting the dark days of winter behind them. I’m all for that too.
fact 3: In early days of the Christian Church, Rome was already entrenched in the week long celebration of an annual festival dedicated to Saturnaelia (December 17-24). Public places were decorated, gifts were exchanged and the revelry was . . . . W.I.L.D. New Roman Christian converts easily fell back into old pagan habits and customs – when they were as all encompassing as this one. The church didn’t approve of course, but it was a hard tradition to break.
fact 4: In or around the year 125, in an effort to replace the wild celebrations associated with Saturnaelia the second Bishop of Rome declared that the church should set aside a time to recognize the “nativity of our Lord and Saviour”, but as no one knew the actual date, acknowledgement of His birth began on arbitrary ‘guess-dates’, and even then, only half heartedly. It was intended to be a day for quiet reflection. Quiet reflection is a little boring when compared to the celebrations of Saturnalia, so it wasn’t a successful substitution.
fact 5: Approximately two centuries later, the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great, (recently converted himself, and no doubt under pressure from early church leaders to cancel-out the pagan midwinter celebrations), introduced December 25 as an immovable celebration of the “nativity of our Lord”. The timing was deliberate – another attempt to redirect the festivities, and although it might have been a step in the right direction, the nature of the celebration was pretty much the same merrymaking already associated with the winter equinox for so long. No quiet reflection – back to wild abandon. You cannot rule out centuries of established tradition so easily.
fact 6: Midwinter celebrations of one sort or another were everywhere in Europe. Apparently we all like the idea of the days getting longer. In the 1500 and 1600’s of Great Britain for instance, while the name had evolved into a “Christmas” celebration, the pattern was the same drunken week of partying it had been in pre-Christian times. Serious attempts were made to ban – even outlaw the festivities, but in the long run – the tradition was ‘of the people’ and though they had little say in any other affairs of their lives, this particular tradition prevailed – against the best attempts of the church and state to end it.
fact 7: Caroling in the streets was common, but not the way that we practice it today. Old English folk tunes like “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” celebrated the revelry with veiled threats. Large groups of drunken men would go to homes of the wealthy demanding hospitality in the form of food, drink and even money. If homeowners did not comply their residences were looted.
We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year Good tidings we bring to you and your kin We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year
Oh, bring us some figgy pudding. Oh, bring us some figgy pudding Oh, bring us some figgy pudding And bring it right here! . . . . . We won’t go until we get some. We won’t go until we get some We won’t go until we get some So bring it right here! Good tidings we bring to you and your kin We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year . . . (wink wink)
Notwithstanding the apparent cheer of “good tidings we bring to you and your kin“, homeowners fully understood the threat of “we won’t go until we get some“.
fact 8: When the Puritans left England and established themselves in the new world, it is no wonder that outlawing Christmas celebrations was one of the first things they did. Who could blame them? Controlling it had proved impossible. Forbidding it from being established in their “New England” society was the only way to stay on top of it. Or so they thought . . . . but with boatloads of immigrants pouring in from Europe over the next century, the laws were eventually ignored and the drunken riots of Christmas Day became an American thing – as well as a British thing.
fact 9: In Germany, acknowledging Christmas Day had evolved very differently than it had in England. It had become a time for gathering family and friends in celebrating the birth of our Saviour. Why did it work there and not in England? Well its anyone’s guess I suppose, but my guess is that since Germany had already separated itself from the Catholic Church, they weren’t involved in the Church’s attempts to make it a sober day of reflection. Instead, it evolved naturally under the influence of Martin Luther’s theological teachings. The facts that Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Catholic Church in 1517, and that the New Testament was published in the German language in 1522 meant that the German people could access the scriptures in their own language earlier than English speaking people could. In any case, they eventually came to mark Christmas Day as a time to acknowledge the nativity of Jesus Christ by sharing food and fellowship with those they loved. It became the second most important religious holy day – following Easter.
fact 10: When Queen Victoria married her German cousin Albert in 1840, he brought with him a German way of celebrating Christmas with family oriented traditions including the Christmas tree and a creche. After centuries of change being forced upon them, the British people began to willingly adopt it through the peaceful, patient and reverent example of the royal family.
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Backing up to sometime in the 10th century, the Byzantine author “Simon of Metaphrastes”, collected and compiled scores of stories about various Catholic saints – including one named Nicholas of Myra, an Archbishop who had lived in the southern part of present day Turkey, sometime during the 4th century. It was Saint Nicholas’ kindness, generosity and love of children that endeared him to the people. The day of his death – December 6, became known as St Nicholas Day, a time when children were often visited and given gifts. As time went on, the reputation of St Nicholas’ Christlike qualities inspired many – one such, being a young man living in what is now the present day Czech Republic. The Bohemian Duke of Borivoy was a devout Christian who put into practice the spirit of Christian charity. Though he lived at a time we now call the dark ages, he wished to reflect God in all that he did. He was murdered at a young age but the legend of his goodness and generosity lived on. 800 years later, an Anglican Priest (and linguist) – John Mason Neale, wrote (or may have translated from Czech) a beautiful Christmas Carol – “Good King Wenceslas” which extends the legend of the Bohemian Duke into our time. It was a song well known when I was a child, and it was a personal favourite of mine. I always hoped there really was such a person as the good king.
an interesting explanation of the origins of the beloved carol Good King Wenceslas
Almost every European country eventually came up with their own version of St Nicholas, visiting children and leaving gifts, including the English Father Christmas.
Where actual truth and legend intersect in each account of a benevolent Christmas ‘man’, is impossible to know. Such is the nature of time and legends. But collectively they help us understand the extraordinary character of the being who eventually morphed into our present day Santa Claus. In 1808 American author Washington Irving, wrote about the Dutch Sinterklaas, who dressed in typical Dutch clothes with knee britches and a broad brimmed hat. He travelled in a flying horse drawn wagon, dropping gifts down chimneys.
No doubt knowing the legend of Sinterklass, another American author from New York wrote a fanciful poem for his children about what happened one Christmas Eve while they were sleeping (dreaming about sugar plums). He wrote it in 1822, calling it “A Visit from St Nicholas“. One year later a friend released it to a newspaper for others to enjoy, but Clement C. Moore declined to have his name published with it, worried how it would be received with his academic and religious credentials. He didn’t publicly ‘own’ authorship till 1844, but in those twenty plus years, his description of what happened during the night before Christmas had affected the way Americans celebrated the holiday. With hardly even mentioning ‘children’, he made Christmas all about them, and from him, we learned what St Nicholas looked like and dressed like. We learned that he smoked a pipe. We learned that he gained entry into the house through the chimney (clever). We learned that he arrived in a flying sleigh, powered by eight magical reindeer. We even learned all of their names. Suddenly, Moore created a physical persona based on a little known old-world saint who, folklore taught, was kind and charitable, and gave gifts to children. And, he brought him to New York! The rest – as they say, became the stuff of legends. The time was right. Over the following decades, Christmas evolved from a holiday characterized by drinking and riots into a day of family and giving.
And while all this revelatory information was taking root in America, Victoria’s England was finally ready for a Christmas revelation of their own, through another beloved author – Charles Dickens. In December of 1843, A Christmas Carol was published. Though it wasn’t a financial success, it literally changed the way Great Britain celebrated Christmas. Between Queen Victoria’s example of reverence for the season, and the transformatory story of Ebeneezer Scrooge, the ground was ripe and ready to harvest. Almost two centuries later, neither story has ever left publication, and during that time – the spirit of love, kindness and charity has ruled over the previous drunken parties of yesteryear.
Of the Christmas pudding, “Bob Cratchit said, and calmly too, that he regarded it as the greatest success achieved by Mrs. Cratchit since their marriage.”
Though Mrs. Cratchit’s Christmas goose and pudding suggest those dishes were the typical Christmas menu for Londoners, it only became so because Dickens implied it already was.
Through Fred’s veneration of Christmas we might believe he spoke for all Londoners when he testified “I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time when it has come round, …. as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!” This is the perfect example of how ‘art’ made the world a better place. After 1843, Londoners began celebrating Christmas the way Dickens said they already did.
It was upon this fertile ground that Scrooge and Santa literally changed the way we celebrate Christmas. They may have stood on the shoulders of German Lutherans and St Nicholas to do so, but it is to them that we owe the charitable, increased Christlike love we feel this time of year. Rather than wanting to go back to a ‘simpler time’ before Santa squeezed in, I hope we give him the credit he’s due. He in fact, is the emissary of the REAL meaning of Christmas in North America. Throughout all those dark centuries of apostasy, the light of Christ lived on – a spark here and a spark there, that made the world they lived in a better place, not only while they lived, but through the stories that were told about them long after they died. It was a slow revelation to me as a young mother. I was suspicious of Santa’s motives at first, and I worried he’d harm my children’s outlook, but I’ve since learned to appreciate his unique role, and be grateful for him. I see him now as an instrument, used to flame the light of Christ that had never disappeared, but had previously grown dim from time to time. The pairing of the nativity of Jesus Christ with the ungodly midwinter festivities of days gone by, may have been a mean joke of the adversary in the beginning, but as always – God is in the details, and He prevails.
With the commercialization of Christmas those living in North America and England got a chance to experience the real meaning of Christmas. Santa put an end to the drunken Christmas riots of pre-Victorian England and America. He started appearing everywhere: stores, street corners, displays, etc. Presents and decorating trees became important traditions, and Christmas slowly became an official holiday in many American states. Churches began to open their doors for believers to worship, sing about Christ’s birth, and to celebrate. Ironically, with the introduction of Santa and Scrooge, Christ was finally welcomed to Christmas. So lets give Santa a break. We owe him a LOT. He did more to bring the Savior BACK into Christmas than he ever did to discourage our remembrance of Him. Santa Claus rocks!
Coming from “a long line of believers” I hope I imparted some of that to my kids growing up. He is real. Yes, there comes a time when Santa changes. Just a little. Not in the way he looks, or in those things that people most commonly say about him. But in the twinkling of an eye, he literally transforms from the Santa you thought he was, to the Santa he’s been all along – which much to your surprise, may be better than you even dreamed. And then you can spend the rest of your life believing in him – as I have. And wanting those you love to believe in him too.
Merry Christmas Friends!
Cindy Suelzle
ps – it warms my heart to know that a few of our best loved European Christmas hymns were written in the 1700’s, evidence that though the masses had not embraced a more Christ-centered Christmas, there were some who did – according to the dictates of their own conscience. Further evidence that though dim, the light of Christ shone through it all.
In the name of family and of all that is good in this world, we have this beautiful, tender scene painted by Robert T. Barrett – of two brothers embracing. It is a scene of forgiveness, and one of a shared bond that was ultimately stronger than differences. After two decades of separation, caused by two opposing perspectives, offence given and offence taken, misunderstanding and vengeful anger, they come together on a field that could have just as likely, been a bloodbath. Every reason to hate still valid, because though a lifetime had lapsed, the facts still remained. The ball was in Esau’s court so to speak, he could have gone either way. He may have even been uncertain himself, after all he came out to meet Jacob with 400 men. But there. On that field. After long absence, and tremendous mutual familial loss, including the death of their mother in Jacob’s absence, we see one of scripture’s great lessons on forgiveness.(1) Esau let go. There was no chance of bringing back what was lost, nor of undoing what had been done, and to persist in a attitude of vengeance would only cause further hurt and further loss.
Esau and Jacob Embrace by Robert T. Barrett
At what point does one say “Enough is enough. And this truly IS enough!” ? Does it take a year? a decade? more? A veritable lifetime of separation? Does it take the death of a parent? Wherever that point was for Esau, he had reached it and crossed over. And though Rebekah did not, Isaac lived to see it. I can scarce imagine the gut wrenching sobs and father-tears of both grief and joy to hear the news and to feel with his very own hands (for his sight had long ago failed him), both of his boys at the same time. I’m sure he had all but given up hope that he ever would.
Such a reunion! And how could Rebekah not have looked on with similar emotion from her heavenly vantage point? Brothers. Sisters in law. Cousins who never knew each other. Each family had followed a different path, and their futures wouldn’t necessarily be intertwined, but old grudges were gone and peace could once again prevail, as they parted ways, this time with mutual acceptance and respect. “That’s what its all about, ” says singer songwriter Sam Payne “Having good reason to hate each other and not hating each other anyway.” (2)
Most of us can pull an Esau-Jacob story from our family files. Maybe they ended well, maybe they have not yet. For me, I have a few. Some are not quite completed. One saw resolution many years ago, and has gone on to yield life long loving familial relationships, and eternal blessings not even imagined before. My dad came from a large family of sixteen natural born children. Fourteen of those children grew to adulthood and had families of their own, and yes, you’re right – that makes for a lotta cousins for me. When I was very young, we lived many hours drive from my grandparents. We generally saw them once a year. But my Harrison cousins, many of them also lived many hours drive, and I saw them seldom. We had our very first “Harrison” family reunion when I was in elementary school. In Waterton park. I was shy around so many aunts and uncles and cousins. I had a brief but memorable exchange with one cousin from far away during that reunion. I didn’t know how we fit together, but the adults told us we were cousins, so we played. Her name was Jerilyn. We were the same age and we shared the same last name because our dads were brothers. We had been playing together for a time when her family got ready to go on a planned outing; she invited me to come with them. I’m not sure what motivated me to accept, as they were virtual strangers and I was very shy, but I did, and my mom consented. Her dad was an anomaly to me. He was soft spoken and kind. He laughed – with children! He genuinely seemed to want to be with them. He spoke to me directly. He told dad jokes and my cousins were easy and comfortable around him. My memory of that event is brief, and would have faded altogether I believe, had it not been for a converging of our two families only a few short years later.
Sometime in my childhood, whether before or after that reunion I don’t know, my father had been sent to Winnipeg on an assignment. He was in the Royal Canadian Air Force (as it was called then). While there, he was invited to dinner at his brother’s house. This same brother, who also served in the Air Force. My dad was a couple of years older, both in their mid 30’s. By all accounts, dinner went well. I’m sure it was delicious – my aunt was a good cook. I’m sure my cousins were well behaved, there were 4 of them. All girls. After dinner, my dad pulled out a cigarette as was the habit of smokers. It was no secret that he smoked. Most adults did in those days, certainly the ones in my world. Whether it was my aunt or my uncle who asked my dad not to smoke in the house, is unclear, but my dad attributed it to Aunt Jolayne. He went outside on the front porch to have his cigarette. It was winter. He might have been mildly annoyed at first, but as he stood there smoking, he became increasingly annoyed – even offended. It is so common for people to not smoke in homes nowadays that it may be difficult to imagine a time when it was not only acceptable, but very common. My dad was easily offended at the best of times, so this was the perfect opportunity to do what came naturally for him. As he blew smoke out, he became quite indignant at having to do so outside. In the winter no less. And he walked away. Building up a defensive wall with every step. He had been insulted in the house of his brother. Offended. Never would he darken his door again. My uncle’s wife had insulted my dad, and by association, so did he. They were intolerant and inhospitable, and judgmental, and rude. The extent of the perceived offence grew as the distance between them grew. I can only imagine what that may have felt like from the perspective of my aunt and uncle inside the house. Especially if they watched my father walk away. They had all been raised in southern Alberta “Mormon” towns, in Mormon families. Both families lived by the tenants of their religion and keep the word of wisdom – which included abstaining from tobacco, alcohol and tea and coffee. My dad was one of the brothers who deviated from the family religion.
Distance and time created more distance and time, and as sometimes happen, the wound festered. You could say it had even become infected. I didn’t know my aunt and uncle, and I didn’t know this story, until when I was ten years old we learned that they were moving to our base. My uncle Merlin had been transferred to the airforce base in Cold Lake, Alberta. As children, we couldn’t even imagine what having cousins live so close might be like. My parents did not seem happy about the news, so we were filled with concern, but secretly, I was just a little excited at the possibilities. The old wound however resurfaced, and if we had missed it before, we understood more fully now how significantly bad it was. I didn’t even know what my Aunt Jolayne looked like, but I knew she was a “religious fanatic“. I knew she kicked my dad out of her house for smoking. On a winter day! Smoking in my world was like breathing. Every adult did it. Her action was unimaginable and there was no question that it was unforgiveable. We prepared for the worst.
My uncle came ahead and lived temporarily in the barracks while he waited for a PMQ, and for his family to arrive. One night we invited him for dinner. My dad wasn’t home, so my mom and I went to the barracks to pick him up. We shared a meal with this stranger who we knew was our uncle, and he was . . . nice! And kind. He brought us gifts. Hot chocolate mix, something we had never seen before. All four of us got our very own, which my mom protested was too generous, but he insisted and we were very happy. He was complimentary of the meal, and spoke easily with all of us, even directly to us kids. He asked about our interests and school. We didn’t know how to take him – I had not taken note of too many times in my life that an adult other than a teacher, had spoken directly to me, let alone being interested enough to listen to my response. After dinner, he sat at the table with me as I did my homework. I was writing some kind of report about the pyramids in Egypt, using our ‘Book of Knowledge’ encyclopedia. He told me he had been to Egypt! He had seen the pyramids, the very ones in the picture we looked at. I had never met another man like him in all my long life of ten years. I went with my mother to drive him home and listened to them chat in the front seat. When he got out of the car and waved goodbye, I said to my mom “I like him.” She said “I like him too.”
Sometime after that dinner, Uncle Merlin’s family arrived. They came to visit us and we may have had supper together. We cousins became acquainted with each other. I showed my cousin Shawna my guitar, and played her a song I was learning. Having cousins live in our community was such a strange idea. They would even be coming to our school!
When they got settled in their new house, they invited us to dinner. We were all familiar with “the story” by then, and we wondered how it would play out. We were not just a little apprehensive, and I seem to recall my mom reassuring my dad that all would be well, and that he could suck it up for one evening. After all, he had sworn to never go there again. It was . . . our field. And quite literally, it was our Esau and Jacob moment. Though our two households had had touch-points, we had never as a family, been in their ‘home’. We went, my dad – less willing and still carrying his comfortable crutch – a ‘grudge’. He had after all, been offended, and that could not be forgotten, nor set aside.
When we arrived, they met us at the door and welcomed us in. My aunt Jolayne handed my dad a clear, glass ashtray, purchased for this occasion. She told him “Wes, you can smoke in my house any time you want.” To this day, I cannot think of that single gesture without weeping. I don’t recall my dad’s response, but on the drive home, he said to my mom “Well, if that doesn’t beat all. All these years, she hasn’t forgotten. It has been eating at her like it was eating at me.” He affirmed that never in this life, would he be disrespectful enough to smoke in Aunt Jolayne’s house, but that thoughtful gesture skyrocketed her in his esteem. His dislike transformed almost instantly into admiration, even respect. And over the years that we both lived in Cold Lake, it evolved into love. We spent many happy hours in the company of Uncle Merlin’s family. My dad was a better dad in his brother’s company. Without being too dramatic, it set the wheels in motion for not only life altering changes in my life, and life long friendships between our households, but eventually, the sealing of our family as an eternal unit. That is another story for another time. A story of my utter love and gratitude to Uncle Merlin’s family, and for all that came from the seemingly insignificant gift of a small glass ashtray.
Destructive conflict is “when our inability to collaboratively solve problems with others leads us to hurting others or ourselves.” so says Chad Ford, Professor in Intercultural Peacebuilding at Brigham Young University-Hawaii. “With destructive conflict comes a fear of pain both in anticipation and as a consequence of the conflict, a fear of not being loved or seen the way we want to be seen . . . .” (3) Though our dislike of someone who has offended us may devolve into hatred, hopefully it doesn’t de-escalate to the murderous level Esau’s did. He had sold his birth right to Jacob for a bowl of lentil soup (see Genesis 27: 6-29). At the time, he didn’t have proper respect for the value of his inheritance, and when the time came that he had to own his choice, and live with its consequence, he hated Jacob. So great was that hate, that he swore to kill him. Knowing the violent propensity of their elder son, both Jacob’s parents encouraged him to leave home and to travel to the distant land of his mother’s people – where he could not only find temporary refuge, but also find a wife among believers of the one true God. For two decades, Jacob lived among his mother’s people, marrying two of her brother’s daughters, and accumulating for Laban (his father in law), great wealth by his industry and the blessings of God. Laban recognized that God was with Jacob. At length, God directed Jacob that it was time for him to return to Canaan, the land of his inheritance, which in conference with his wives, he set about to do.
As they travelled and neared the place where he grew up, Jacob worried about Esau and his murderous grudge. He prayed for help. “Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.“(4) He sent notice announcing that he was coming home. His servants returned, telling Jacob that they delivered the message and that Esau was in fact coming out to meet him. With four hundred men! – a veritable army. Rightly fearing his brother’s intent, Jacob separated his company into two groups, reasoning that if Esau attacked one group, the other would have time to escape. He separated generous gifts and sent them ahead with instructions to graciously deliver them to his brother, hoping to communicate his desire to reconcile before they met face to face. Unbeknown to Jacob, Esau may have already reached his peace. Whether Esau had forgiven him before that day, or whether it was a gradual transition, softened by the demonstration of good faith as he was offered generous gifts, we’ll never know – and he himself may not even have known. And it doesn’t even matter. What mattered was that he allowed the gesture to touch his heart, and he was softened to his brother. (My dad was softened toward his brother and sister in law, but it wasn’t until the gift of the ashtray, that he finally allowed the sweet spirit of charity, the gift of final forgiveness to take hold and sooth all that had passed – never to be revisited except to recount a happy outcome.)
Brother’s Road by singer songwriter Sam Payne
When they came within view of each other after so long, Jacob prostrated himself respectfully, and was no doubt surprised that “Esau RAN to meet him, and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him; and they wept.“(5) What a glorious scene! Can anything be more beautiful than unresentful reconciliation, powered by true and open forgiveness, a letting go of a former grudge? Who cares what past offense fueled it? In this beautiful story, we see the example of truly “letting go”, of genuine and sincere forgiveness. Of charity in its truest form – which scripture defines as the pure light of Christ. “Deciding to love those who could hurt us allows us to push past fear and become filled with charity.” says Chad Ford. “Love allows us to see our brothers and sisters we are in conflict with, so clearly that THEIR needs and desires matter as much to us as our own . . . . We’ll do whatever it takes to find solutions that meet their needs as well as our own.” (6)
“It took courage for Jacob and Esau to acknowledge the truth that they were not enemies – they were Brothers. It took mercy to forgive each other. It took righteousness – the kind of justice that makes right what we or others have made wrong. . . . When all three of those elements were present, it allowed them to live in peace.” (7)
We all have our Esau and Jacob moments. Offence is given and offence is taken. It’s unavoidable, part of our mortal experience. Perhaps they are within our own family. Perhaps they are between neighbours, former friends, or colleagues at work. It never matters which character in the story we play, but the script is usually recognizable. When we are in destructive conflict we justify our behaviour and our feelings. We rationalize that we are in the right, and that no right-minded person could see otherwise. If they try, we firmly place them in the opposite camp. We may villainize the offender, refusing to empathize with them or the situation. We may rally our troops to try to “infect” others with our intolerance of the offender, and their great offence against us. We in fact, do not want to see their side. We do not want to forgive, or to extend ‘mercy’. We crave only justice, but not justice for all, only justice for us.
We cannot start the process of reconciliation without Courage. I cannot imagine the trepidation that my aunt must have felt in trying to make peace for an offence she didn’t willfully intend, but nevertheless perpetrated. We cannot proceed without Mercy. We must try to see the situation from the perspective of the other person. We must try to FEEL it the way they feel it, without trying to explain away or minimize our own part in it. Mercy requires Empathy. And we cannot sustain it without a commitment to continued Righteousness in our chosen path of reconciliation. We cannot truly ‘let go’ without a change of heart that we are committed to. True forgiveness never goes back. To experience the lasting effect of that sweet spirit of final forgiveness, is to never revisit it, “except to recount a happy outcome“.
The picture at the top – Esau and Jacob Embrace by Robert T. Barrett, spoke to my heart. When I first saw it, I saw a powerful story. One of the world’s great stories of forgiveness. A story of siblings who were angry with each other, and felt justified in their resentment. Insults were given and received – whether accurate or magnified doesn’t even matter; they were real enough to them. I saw the inability or refusal to feel empathy, and of course, the resulting offences. All. Let. Go. On that field. Symbolized by a long, tearful brotherly embrace. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and it was to me. As a mother that is my wish, my hope, and my daily prayer. That unlike Rebekah, I will witness such an embrace, and I won’t have to wait to do so from an other world’s vantage point.
I’ve read many different perspectives on the story of Esau and Jacob. Some paint Jacob as ‘the deceiver’. Some paint Rebekah as the conspiring accomplice. Some paint Esau as a brute who was outwitted. Some paint Isaac as a puppet. All those are short sighted and one sided in my opinion, too easy to judge people of antiquity by the ‘woke’ standards of our day. The story is complex with many layers that would take volumes to discuss. My point here is only to get to the core of what matters most: unconditional love. True ‘Charity’. Moroni says “if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth.” He says that charity “is the greatest of all, for all things must fail— But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever “. (8)
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
footnotes: 1. Genesis 25-35 2. introduction to Brother’s Road, youtube live video 3. Liahona magazine March 2022 pg 26 4. Genesis 32:11 5. Genesis 33:4 6. Liahone magazine March 2022 pg 27 7. ibid pg 28 8. Moroni 7: 46,47
Oats are a staple food in my house for many reasons, and in all the variations. Although I usually prefer the nice thick rolled oats, and even the oat groats, quick oats have a firm place on my list of favourites too. Quick oats are where wholesome goodness and convenience meet, and because of that they’ve earned their spot in my pantry. Adding a little quick oats to baby food helps provide well balanced protein, good representation of vitamin B, and a sustainability that will help baby feel satisfied longer. Keep some handy to add a tablespoon to pureed fruit, soups and yogurt.
I grew up on oatmeal porridge, and oatmeal raisin cookies. Moms for generations instinctively knew that oats were ‘good for you’, and since they’re relatively inexpensive, they were the perfect choice. Good and affordable. Oats had the reputation of “sticking-to-your-ribs”, so were a popular choice for breakfast. But what does that even mean? They are actually, a great source of dietary fiber, (both soluable and insoluable). The primary type of soluble fiber in oats is beta-glucan, which is slow to digest (hence they stick-to-your-ribs), and YES, this is a good thing, as it increases satiety, and suppresses appetite. In short, it is satisfyingly filling, and keeps you comfortable for longer.
But did you know that oats are even better for you than your mom and gramma understood? In fact, oats are among the healthiest grains on earth! They are a gluten-free whole grain and a great source of important nutrients. Although delicious and nutritious, most people are unfamiliar with the whole grain – groats: the hulled, whole seeds of the plants. We’re more familiar with rolled oats.
Oats are a great source of important vitamins, minerals, fiber and antioxidants, like potassium, calcium, magnesium and several B vitamins and Vitamin E, as well as trace minerals: manganese, copper, iron, phosphorus, selenium and zinc, AND – big bonus . . . Oats are a good source of protein. One of the richest sources of protein in the grain family: 11-17% dry weight. Truly, the humble OAT is a grain that deserves a place in your kitchen and in your family’s daily diet.
Groats: All oats start off this way: the whole, unbroken grains. Before being processed into any other form, groats are usually roasted at a very low temperature. This not only gives the oats their nice toasty flavor, but the heat also inactivates the enzyme that causes oats to go rancid, making them more shelf-stable. If you have never cooked up groats, then you owe it to yourself to give them a try. Because they are the original source of oats, they should always be the first “go-to”, but admittedly, they take a little longer to prepare (which is still worth it bytheway), so in our fast passed society, they often get sidelined. Cooked groats have a beautiful chewy texture that retains much of its original shape, and more of a nutty, earthy flavour than regular rolled oats. – see recipe below –
Steel Cut Oats: are simply groats that have been cut to make them quicker to cook. Sometimes referred to as Irish oats, these oats look similar to rice that’s been cut into pieces. Chopping them makes them easier to cook and exposes the starches inside to the water. These starches dissolve during the cooking process, creating a thickened, creamy porridge. It takes a little less time to cook than the whole groats, but has that same beautiful chewy texture. True Scottish oats are ground on stone mills from whole oat groats. They are not rolled, nor cut; they are ground. The texture of Scottish oatmeal is fairly fine.
Steel cut groats are more than porridge: add to stuffing, and even made a savory congee. – see recipes below –
Rolled Oats (or Old Fashioned Oats) These are the oats I grew up with, but in those days we mostly used them for porridge and cookies. My mom also used them in meatloaf.
I’ve since, taken oatmeal to a whole new level and I think I make the best in the world. (only slightly kidding). See recipe (such as it can be) below.
When I was a young mom, my mother in law introduced me to OATMEAL SOUP. The name is not very inviting, but it became a family favourite in our house. I’ve often made it for others, but I never call it by that name because of the images it conjurs up lol. – see recipe below –
My first experiments with Muesli were with the old fashioned rolled oats, which I started the night before. It was pretty much rolled oats and chopped dates in milk, soaked over night. I liked it, but my daughter disliked dates. Immensely. The concept of an uncooked ‘oatmeal’ intrigued me though, so I determined to keep it up, with some necessary adjustments. See below for more on Muesli.
Quick Oats Oat groats that are steamed for a longer period of time and rolled into thinner pieces so that they can absorb water easily and cook very quickly, or not even at all. NOT to be confused with the boxed “instant oatmeal”, available in stores now which contains quick oats plus a lotta sugar and artificial flavours. Instant oatmeal does not deserve a spot in my pantry.
For porridge, I never use quick oats, but they do come in handy for other things. Their convenience justifies their position in my pantry, and I though I rarely used them when my kids were younger, I wouldn’t want to be without them now. They are the base for my Muesli recipe (below), and I often add quick oats and blueberries to yogurt.
the flexibility of oats Truly, I do not know why oats are not more of a common food in most households. They are SO much bigger than the porridge of our childhoods.
Oatmeal: Yes, that generational breakfast favourite – cooked rolled oats. I have fond childhood memories of oatmeal on winter mornings before school, and I hope my kids have those same memories. I’m doing my best to make sure my grandkids do. – see recipes below –
Oat Flour: Your can buy or grind your own oat flour. Throw a little into cookies or bread for a boost of nutrients, and added chewiness.
Oat Bran: Oat bran comes from the outer part of the groat. If you grind your own flour, you can get oat bran by sifting coarsely ground groats. Or you can buy it. When oatmeal is processed, the bran (outer layer), is removed. Oat bran is a good source of protein, B vitamins, iron and soluble fiber. It is used to make porridge, and as an ingredient in a variety of hot and cold cereals, as well as in breads, cookies and muffins. Fiber adds bulk (not calories) to foods, so it helps “fill you up without filling you out.” Oat bran is particularly rich in a type of fiber called soluble fiber, which turns into a gel-like substance in your stomach. This helps you take in fewer calories overall.
Oat Risotto: Simply replace oat groats in your favourite risotto recipe. Easy peasy.
Oat Congee: Congee is a thick Asian comfort food, traditionally made with rice in a meat broth. Simply substitute in oats. Because it uses more water and is cooked longer, congee began as a way to stretch the rice in hard times. Usually a thick stew, or even a porridge (or gruel) type of dish. From its humble beginning, who knew it would turn into a favourite food of so many, and even find its way onto restaurant menus? I guess that’s the way with most comfort foods, they start out as necessities: poor people’s food. Adding rice to a brothy soup and simmering it till the rice actually thickens the soup, essentially IS ‘congee‘. Well you can do the same thing with barley, so why not oats? Remember, you’re the boss. You can add it to any soup recipe that calls for rice or barley. And you can flavour it any way you like. – see below for sample recipe –
Muesli
Let’s talk about Muesli, because it really does deserve more attention than it gets. Developed in the early 1900’s by pioneer nutritionist, Swiss physician Maximilan Bircher-Benner, he used it for convalescing patients in his private hospital. It was not originally intended as a breakfast, but more of an appetizer. Bircher-Benner’s focus was a diet rich in fresh fruit and vegetables which he used as an essential part of his nutritional therapy. Truly, he was ahead of his time. Who knew that over a hundred years later we’d finally understand how important a focus on fruits and vegetables is to our health. And Muesli has stood the test of time, as it is ever growing in popularity.
The original 1900 Bircher-Benner recipe consisted of : apples and nuts in a base of rolled oats, with lemon juice. The oats were pre-soaked water for up to 12 hours, then mixed with grated apples (the most readily available fresh fruit in Switzerland at the time). They were served with milk or cream, sweetened with honey or a small amount of sweetened condensed milk. The lemon juice helped keep the apples from browning. The idea was to serve a small amount of muesli immediately before every meal, as an appetizer of sorts. Modern adaptations of Bircher-Benner’s recipe includes more fresh fruit.
Years ago, when my older kids were little, I came across what was referred to as a traditional Swiss Muesli recipe: large flaked oats, dates and other dried fruit and topped with yogurt and toasted almonds. It was delicious and nutritious. Soon enough I realized the potential for flexibility, and muesli progressed to include whatever fruit was fresh in the summer, or whatever home canned fruit I had on hand in the winter. Some things were constant: usually shredded apples and raisins. Some things varied: sometimes apple juice, sometimes milk. Muesli is like that. Flexible and wonderful.
Though my recipe has evolved over the years, I’ve generally depended on apples as the fruit base, mostly because they were so readily available throughout the year. Other fruits I added depended on the season. As time went on, and freeze dried fruit became more available, my dependence on seasonally available fruit lessened. And less nutritious canned fruit became a thing of the past. The base is still oats, but it fluctuates between rolled oats or quick oats. Rolled oats if I start the night before, quick oats if I decide at the last minute (which is more often these days). Its a breakfast for us, or a lunch, or even a late day snack. – see recipe below –
RECIPES
Oat Groat Porridge ready to go!
Oat Groat Porridge(for two servings) remember, you’re the boss. If you prefer all water, or all milk, or all another type of milk – you do you. This is just how I do me.
1/2 cup oat groats 1 cup water pinch of salt (not more than 1/8 t) 1 cup milk I T maple syrup or brown sugar or honey
Because groats are a whole grain, they take longer to cook, so I find it helpful to give them a little head-start. 1/2 cup whole groats in 1 cup water, bring to a boil, stir, then turn heat off. Let sit overnight (8 hrs-ish). In the morning, t will already be tender and chewy, turn the heat back on and stir, bringing the groats to a boil again. Add a cup of milk and lower the heat a little to bring it back to a slow boil, stirring frequently to prevent sticking. Reduce to low, cover and let simmer gently for about 15-20 minutes, stirring once in a while to prevent sticking. The texture will be gently soft, but still chewy. If desired, sweeten with your choice of sweetener. I like maple syrup. Serve and Enjoy.
Steel Cut Oat Porridge A basic ratio for making steel-cut oat porridge is 1 cup of oats to 3 to 4 cups of water. Less water keeps the oats more intact and chewy. More water makes a silkier porridge. Try it a few times to nail down the way you prefer it. I like to start with 3 cups water, and then add the last cup in milk toward the end. Or use all milk. You’re the boss. Add a pinch of salt of course.
Cooking steel-cut oats is easy. Simply boil water, add oats, reduce heat, and simmer. But give it ‘time’, like 20 to 30 minutes to become tender. Start testing your porridge around 20 minutes, and continue slow cooking, testing every few minutes till its perfect. If the oats are tender at 20 minutes, it will still thicken up a little to leave it on heat for a little longer. Try it a few times to find your favourite way. To serve, pour a little more milk over top, and add a spoonful of brown sugar. Try using maple syrup to sweeten instead of sugar. I like putting raisins, or dried or freeze dried apricots on the top.
Because groat porridge takes so long to prepare, you might want to cook a little more, and refrigerate some for tomorrow. It will get dry in the fridge, but don’t despair, just add a little more milk and warm it up. Problem solved.
If you’re the type of person that must see an actual recipe, then see below, but remember, you can edit the details to your heart’s content.
1 cup steel cut oats 2 cups of water and 2 cups milk a pinch of salt (about 1/8 teaspoon) Bring 2 cups of water to a boil. Add the salt and groats, stir well to prevent sticking on the bottom. Return water to a boil, stirring. Reduce heat to low, add 1 cup milk, stir again and cover. Allow to gently simmer for about 10 minutes, checking every once in a while and stirring to prevent sticking. Cover again, and continue to simmer for another 10 minutes. Add that last cup of milk if you want and simmer another 5-10 or so minutes. That’s where personal choice comes in. When it is the way you want it, spoon into bowls and serve with a little more milk over top and a little brown sugar. Serves three or four depending on how much milk you added at the end.
Cindy’s Oatmeal: I cook mine as little as possible. Bring 2 cups water (with a dash of salt added) to a boil. Add 1+1/2 cups rolled oats. Return to a boil, stirring to prevent clumping. Add 1 cup milk and a little sweetener (usually brown sugar). Gently simmer a few minutes and serve. I occasionally add raisins to the boiling water (just before the oats), as a special treat. Or maybe some freeze dried fruit at the end: blueberries, raspberries, apricots. To me, oatmeal is great with several different fruits like apples, peaches, pears and cranberries. I never use Quick oats for cooked porridge (too mucky, I like the integrity of whole rolled oats). I do however, use them for Muesli, or to add to yogurt bowls.
Overnight Oats: a quick, easy no-cook option. For one person use a pint sized jar: put ½ cup rolled oats + 1 cup milk of your choice + ½ cup fruit of your choice (banana, apple, peaches, etc). Add 2-3 T Greek yogurt + 1 T brown sugar or maple syrup. Put lid on, and shake vigorously till all is incorporated. Refrigerate overnight. The oats will soften and the mixture will thicken. Optional: sprinkle toasted nuts or seeds over top in the morning. Ready to “Grab n Go”.
fresher than fresh muesli made with freeze dried fruit
FRESHER THAN FRESH MUESLI serves 2 or 3, uses mostly freeze dried fruit and takes five minutes to prepare. It doesn’t get any easier than this. 1 c. Quick Oats 1/2 c. dehydrated Applesauce 1/2 c. freeze dried Blueberries 1/2 c. freeze dried Raspberries 1/2 c. freeze dried Strawberry Slices 2 c. Apple Juice (approx)
Lightly stir to moisten completely, and let sit for 5 or so minutes to absorb juice. Add more juice as desired to keep it the texture you want. Serve. That’s it. It really IS that simple, and that quick. And that delicious. NO fat, NO sugar, NO dairy, NO wheat, NO additives of any kind. Super Nutritious and Delicious. Remember, you’re the boss. If you don’t have or want berries, then use what you have or prefer. Option 1: use any kind of fruit, substitute your faves or what you have on hand Option 2: use any kind of juice or milk, substitute your fave or what you have on hand. I prefer apple juice because is mild tasting allowing the other tastes to come through. Option 3: top it off with added nutrition in your bowl: a scoop of plain yogurt, a sprinkling of toasted nuts, or seeds: sesame / chia / hemp seeds. Be creative. Muesli is flexible.
Muesli takes on a whole new world of possibilities with freeze dried fruits. Always ‘fresh’ and always at their nutritional peak, you can have any kind you want because you have all-the-fruit all-the-time in your home-store. No matter what time of year, THRIVE freeze dried fruit is “fresher-than-fresh”.
basic recipe for a Greek Lemon Chicken Soup. Instead of using rice, use groats
Oat Congee first of all, don’t get tied up in using a specific recipe like this one. Congee is simply adding the rice (or groats) to more liquid than usual and slow cooking it till they come to a very soft stage where they thicken the broth. 1 cup steel cut oats 4-6 cups vegetable or meat broth 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup minced onion (I use chopped freeze dried onion) 1/4 cup finely chopped carrots (I use Thrive Life dehydrated carrots that are diced) 1/4 cup chopped mushrooms (I use freeze dried mushroom pieces) small amount of diced meat (leftover meat of your choice, or use diced freeze dried beef) 1 T freshly grated ginger, or 1 teaspoon fresh ground ginger 1 teaspoon soy sauce 1 teaspoon rice vinegar Bring the broth to a boil and add everything in. Reduce to a simmer and gently cook for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking. If it starts to get a little ‘thick’ add more liquid.
CINDY’S OAT SOUP (serves 6) 1 cup rolled oats 1/3 cup butter + 2 Tablespoons 1 onion chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 8 cups chicken broth (or bouillon) 1 or 2 bay leaves 1 quart home canned tomatoes, or equivalent in canned or ripe tomatoes (3-4 peeled and chopped) 1T dried oregano crumbled salt and pepper to taste later Melt butter in large heavy skillet, over medium low heat. Add oatmeal and brown slowly, stirring constantly to prevent burning. It will burn suddenly, so be watchful. When nice and toasted, and smelling good, remove from heat and set aside in a bowl. In soup pot, use remaining butter to saute onions and garlic. Add stock, tomatoes, bay leaves and oregano. Bring to a boil and add toasted oats. Reduce heat. Simmer covered for about 45 minutes, stirring once in a while to prevent clumping or scorching. Taste and adjust seasoning if needed. Turn heat off and allow to sit for 15 minutes to thicken before serving. This is a soup that is just as good on the second day, and will have thickened even more. And yes, this is a type of ‘congee’.
PATTI SHENFIELD’S OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES (our family’s favourite cookie) 1 1/2 cup butter or margarine 1 1/2 cup white sugar 1 1/2 cup brown sugar 3 eggs 2 t vanilla 1/4 cup milk 3 cup flour 1 1/2 t baking soda 1 T baking powder 1/2 t salt 3 cups rolled oats 3/4 cup coconut (optional) 3 cups raisins (or chocolate chips or both) In large bowl cream butter and sugars. Add eggs one at a time, vanilla and milk – beat until fluffy. Combine dry ingredients separately then add to creamed mixture one cup at a time. Mix until well blended. Stir in oats and raisins and coconut if you’re using. Preheat oven to 350 F. Drop by teaspoon onto ungreased baking sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes. Yield 7 dozen cookies.
* Are oats gluten free? Yes, oats are gluten free, but many commercial brands are processed in facilities that also produce gluten grains like wheat, rye, and barley. Since cross-contamination is common, many GF people feel the need to avoid oats altogether. Big fat shame, and big loss to the individual. If you’re a gluten free person, you don’t have to miss out on oats. Simply look for the “gluten free” label signifying that they’ve been protected from contamination.
I have a simple rule that I apply to everything I ‘did’. Whether its my garden, an event that I was involved in, or a class that I taught – doesn’t matter, it pretty much always applies. At the end of whatever it is, I ask myself these THREE Questions (and answer them of course). 1. What went well? What was I pleased with? 2. What could have been better?What could I have improved on? 3. What did I learn? In my opinion, the most important.
All three questions are very important, and must be asked in order. It is very easy to get down on yourself when something didn’t go right. None of us seem to be short on negative self talk, if the season (or event) was disappointing. Its easy to get discouraged and give up if we focus on the bad, on the things that didn’t work out. So DON’T!
What went well? There is always something that was good. Think about it, and WRITE DOWN the answers. A fruit or vegetable that grew well – a new skill that came in handy – a new hack that paid off – etc. Write down everything that was good about this year’s garden.
For my 2021 garden: What went well?
* Kale. I grew great kale. The year before was the first time I planted kale and I only planted 6 plants, but it encouraged me to plant again, this time I planted double that amount, and some variation. I planted them in three or four different spots, I picked from the plants all summer long, and well into October when I finally harvested the last of it. I used fresh kale in salads, omelettes and scrambled eggs, soups, casseroles, chopped in sandwiches, and smoothies. I tried kale chips in the oven for the first time, and was wowed. Repeated that several times, using less oil each time lol. I dehydrated the excess and ended up with two FULL 2 quart jars of dehydrated kale, crushed into them.
* Tomatoes. I had a reeeeeally good harvest of tomatoes this year. Lots of tomatoes! Mostly the Romanian Giants. For the first time, I grew tomatoes all season long IN my new green house. Eight or ten tomatoes there, four around an arbour in the first garden bed, four around an arbour in the large horse trough, and some in their usual spot on the west side of the house. And some cherry tomato in planters on the patio. Made for a LOT. I admit it – tomatoes are my thing. The backbone of my garden, the one thing I look forward to the most. Everything else exists around them. The most successful places (in order), was the green house, garden arbour and large horse trough arbour – all in the sunniest locations. We ate fresh tomatoes pretty much all of August, September and October. We’ll have fresh tomatoes into November. I canned the excess that ripened faster than we could eat, a couple dozen quarts. I made fresh bruschetta and salsa, canning about 15 pints of salsa. I oven roasted lots of tomatoes. We had so many different types of tomato based soups.
* Compost. We reorganized our compost area since building the greenhouse, adding another large old garbage can turned upside down. Also had a mound of dried lawn trimmings in our compost area, ready to add to compost piles as needed, and use to mulch gardens. We also added to the city compost from time to time – with undesirable compost: either branches and things that take too long to break down, thistle, scraps that included oil or meat, ….. that sort of thing. It was valuable to be able to recycle these organics even though we didn’t want them ourselves.
* Greenhouse. Dan built me a new greenhouse this spring. Not very big, 8×12 – the perfect size for our needs. I dug the soil down deep on both sides, and added gravel, compost and aged horse manure to the soil. When the shelves were no longer needed, I removed them and planted tomatoes, peppers and nasturtiums in the soil.
* Soil amendment in the former spruce area. We took out two massive spruce trees a year and a half before and the following summer it was almost a dead zone. Nothing we planted did well, so we gathered our resources and came up with an amendment plan, thanks to the suggestion of our friend Scott Campbell. Aged horse manure, barley straw and early spring mowing. Became positively LUSH compared to last year.
New Discoveries
Horse trough raised beds Hori hori knife (my new favourite tool) Mexican Tarragon, Papalo, and Epezote
What could have been better?
Grapes. Plums. Carrots. Potatoes. Strawberries. Basil. Beans. Butternut Squash. My planting was too condensed, and I ended up shading some things I’d rather not have. I thought I planted bush beans, when they were in fact pole beans, and consequently they weren’t placed in the best spot. That was unfortunate. I experimented with two different ways to grow potatoes. Both were interesting and I’m glad I did it, but not that great of a yield.
What did I learn?
We’ve been growing tomatoes on the west side of the house which we knew was short on sun, but the best we had at the time. This year, the new greenhouse resolved that issue. 2021 is our last year for westside tomatoes. Next year, that partial sun/partial shade area will be best suitable for greens: lettuce and arugula, chard, kale, nasturtiums and celery.
We topped up all of our beds with aged horse manure and completely redid the entire strawberry bed, including new plants, following the recommendations of some trusted friends. I allowed too many other things to grow in it as the summer progressed: dill, poppies and sunflowers. Next year, I’m gonna limit that. We’ll deep water the strawberries right away (end of October), and cover them in leaves to tuck them in for a long winter’s sleep, and hope for better strawberries next year.
Plans for improvement next year?
Gonna rent a small inground garden plot in our community garden, to plant carrots, potatoes and maybe beets. Those root crops I just don’t seem to have sufficient room or sun for in my small garden, and if there’s one thing the community garden has a lot of, it is SUN!
Seeds for Next Year’s Garden
I ALWAYS buy seeds one year in advance. For the most part, what I plant in 2022 will be the seeds I purchased in late winter 2021, and so forth. It’s part of my personal philosophy of preparedness. There will always be an exception, something I decide to try NOW, but generally speaking, I plan at least one year ahead for gardening. I don’t ever want to have a spring when for some unforeseen reason, I am unable to get seeds. Preparedness is not just food storage.
Some of those seeds will be seeds I saved myself, especially tomato seeds from my own Romanian Giants, Nasturtiums, Poppies and Dill. Garden preparedness includes ensuring I have sufficient potting soil for next spring, as well as planting containers.
I get my seeds from assorted sources: a local seed store on the west side, one of several Canadian seed companies I order online, the odd package that catches my eye at a greenhouse or garden centre, and of course those that I propagate myself or that friends have shared. But for next year I have decided to try another Canadian seed company a friend recommended. I am looking for a company that deserves my loyalty.
Keep your plans for next year ACHIEVABLE.
Seed catalogues are full of all sorts of potential, and it’s good to try something new every year. Some thing you haven’t tried before, a new vegetable, a new type, a new way of doing things, . . . And there’s nothing wrong with trying something totally ‘out there’ from time to time, like watermelon, cantaloupe, grapes, honeyberries …. You never know what’s gonna WORK, and you very well may be surprised. Some things may simply have been fun to try, but not really worth investing too much energy down the road, not to mention the garden space that may have been better used for other vegetables. And other things may be tremendous successes. However, keep the bulk of your garden plans for the “most likely to succeed” crops. Go for the tried and true types. Ask other gardeners for their recommendations.
We’re fully expecting our Honey Crisp Apple, which we transplanted into our former spruce area two springs ago, to amaze us in 2022. It got set back when we transplanted it, and had a rough season in exceptionally poor soil, but we’ve apologized, and have done our best to make up for that rough start. I also have high hopes for our Royal Plum, which produced this year, but sparsely.
I highly recommend keeping a garden journal of sorts. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re gonna be a great journaler if you’ve never done well with journals before, but don’t be a defeatest either. Commit to it. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, just a simple notebook will suffice – but have a book that is gonna stick around. Not just a collection of note papers.
Keeping a garden journal WILL improve your gardening experience, I promise. Why? Because you will hone your skills based on what you learned from previous seasons. It will provide you with historical information that will help you better predict future results. It will help you keep an inventory of your seeds and perennials, as well as record your harvests. It can effectively evolve into a personalized garden TEXT BOOK, and every year you add to it, it becomes more and more valuable.
What to include in your garden journal? 15 suggestions
Date your entries and write down your answers to the three questions above. Every year. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did. This will be your core.
A pencil sketch of your garden layout with the year clearly marked. This is more important than you might think. You will want to ensure you rotate most crop areas, avoiding using the same spot year after year for the same vegetable.
A list of the plants that worked out best, and the ones that did NOT.
Dated sources for specific plants: greenhouses, nurseries or garden centres, seed companies, friends or neighbours.
Planting times, ready times, harvest times. Maybe even a few recipes you discovered.
Be more specific about times: dates you started seeds indoor, dates you transplanted them, and dates you planted seeds directly into the garden. Germination times. All these are things you THINK you’re gonna remember. Yeah right, you won’t. The information will come in handy for future years.
Soil tests, soil amendments and subsequent assessments of that soil.
Any problems with pests, diseases or other issues
Approximate dates of harvests and the type of yield you got. I don’t have the patience to weigh, measure or count, but I know some do that. I think that’s great. Just not for me.
Weather. I know right? But seriously, every year is unique, and not every season is good for every crop. So record your assessment on the weather trends by recording details, and make note of what crops are doing better than others. For instance, I have noticed that in our part of the city, we seem to be have less violence in the weather. The worst seems to go around us. I have also noted that other areas seem to get a frost quicker than we do, perhaps owing to our number of nearby trees creating a minor microclimate. You’ll be more likely to make note of weather patterns if you’re writing them down.
New changes and experiments. How else are you gonna track what works?
Suggestions, recommendations, and even recipes shared by other gardeners. I know, again with the recipes.
Expenses: how much spent in greenhouses and garden centres, seed catalogues, garden paraphernalia, new builds, maintenance of raised beds etc, cold frames, lattices etc
Hacks, suggestions, inspiration and ideas. Using your garden journal as the place to make quick notes about what they are, or where to find them, is the best way to keep them all in one spot for easy reference later
Personal reflections, inspiration and musings . . . . . after all, it IS a journal. It is part of you. It is a record of yourself.
What plans do you have for your garden next season?
Thanksgiving is always the second Monday in October for Canadians, about six weeks before our American neighbours celebrate the same holiday. It is an important and very unique holiday for a number of reasons. For one, it’s secular in origin, not religious like Christmas and Easter, and rather than celebrating an ‘event’, it celebrates gratitude, something society as a whole seems to have a hard time practicing in general. Although it isn’t religious in origin, its roots lie with the very Christian American pilgrims who gave thanks to God for bounty at the end of a successful harvest in 1621.
For 400 years North Americans have traditionally paused to give thanks at the conclusion of harvest. Even though most of us no longer feel we’re connected to harvest, make no mistake, it is still a successful harvest that ensures a comfortable winter – for all of us. Never in my life has that been more evident than in the year of 2020. For the first time in memory, the planting of spring was in jeopardy across the nation due to supply chain issues and minimized seasonal foreign workers (upon which many market gardens, grain farmers and ranchers depend), and during the first few months, issues with social distancing caused many meat plants to shut down creating a problem for meat producers who depended on them to get their meat to market. Over the months, we came to accept, and even expect in-store shortages and not being able to get what we order as soon as we were used to getting it. True definition of a first world problem at the best of times, but a little more tangible recently.
Bountiful harvests in 2020 and 2021 were questionable right from the onset of spring planting, and many people were worried. Me included. It looked like we were in for desperate food shortages, and very high prices. But from the perspective of hindsight, we can say that the inconveniences of ‘out-of-stock’ items has been only that, an inconvenience. Some prices rose, but the situation warranted that. Though frustrating at times, these inconveniences were only ever ‘lumps-in-our-oatmeal‘. At least for the time being. Other things were a little more impactful: special events that had to be altered, postponed or even cancelled, ill loved ones we couldn’t visit, funerals that sadly got missed, family gatherings that didn’t happen, loneliness – especially for the elderly or immune compromised, jobs that were affected, income reduced, businesses that suffered and some that couldn’t survive, dental care and other health related appointments that were set aside, as well as the loss of other services we enjoyed and upon which many jobs were dependent. Our economy was driven to its knees and we worried about the reliable availability of food and other necessities.
Now, in the autumn of 2021, we’ve learned many things. We’ve learned to continue on, keeping a bigger distance between each other, washing our hands more often, masks have become part of our outer clothing, and technology has become our connection with the world outside our front door. We’re still seeing results of the global upset, and it is affecting our food supply, promising to be more than an inconvenience in the near future.
But we have SO much to be grateful for, and it is more important than ever to not only acknowledge these blessings, but to focus on them. Yes, in some ways its been tough, but there are many good things that came out of our unwilling courtship with covid. I am so grateful that THANKSGIVING gives me pause to reflect and appreciate the specifics of my bigger picture.
If I were to get into details, the things I am grateful for, are innumerable. Though I try to consciously “count my many blessings, and name them one by one“, to do so takes a long time. Those are better left for personal reflection and my journal, for me to review from time to time with my Heavenly Father. But more generally, I can summarize many of them in these broader points.
1. Jesus Christ The gospel of Jesus Christ blesses my life in every way. Through it, I understand where I came from, where I am going, and what I am doing here. It provides a clearer vision of what I want, it helps me appreciate the many roles I play and helps me define my core values. I am grateful for His atoning sacrifice that paid the price for my sins, and swallows up my sorrows. I am grateful for the example He set, the unconditional love and the gate through which He walked which points the way to my Heavenly Father. I am thankful for His gospel which continues to be a beacon in my life, helping me to let go of the past, overcome weaknesses and to focus on becoming the person I want to be. I am grateful for scriptures that teach of Him, and for prayer that is the means of communication He makes available to me.
2. My family Those who produced me, and those I had a hand in producing and in whose lives I had influence – I hope I did enough. For siblings and cousins with whom I walked in my formative years, and who are still in my life. For nieces and nephews who choose to continue to stay in my life. For those of my family who have gone on before me – I appreciate so much, the choices you’ve made to bring me to this place and time. I will do what I can for you. And for those who have yet to be born – I feel some accountability to leave you a better world, and a faithful family in which to grow.
3. Dan The man I share this life with, and with whom I share all these children and now grandchildren. For the growing experiences we’ve had together both good and bad – they’ve made us who we are. I am grateful for love in my life. And as time goes on, I am increasingly grateful for the future we still have before us. I am grateful with confidence that we will grow old together – sealed for this life and the next.
4. The church I belong to which provides doctrine to help me understand my relationship with God, and my responsibility to my fellow human beings. It provides community to me, of like minded people who I love and respect; a community of people I can rely on, people I can reach out to, and people I can help, serve with and learn from. It has been the village that helped raise my children. It is the vehicle through which I make sacred covenants with my Heavenly Father, which sustain me, bringing me comfort and confidence as I walk that covenant path. It provides me with meaningful service opportunities which allow me to put myself and my perspective aside from time to time, to focus on a bigger, all inclusive picture.
5. Good health and strength to accomplish the things that are most important to me. As an extension of this, I am grateful for a good medical system that serves my community. Doctors, nurses, dentists, pharmacies, and all those who work in the medical field, that I most often take for granted.
6. Good nutrition which is the building block of good health. For many of our early years, we lived from month to month, not being able to afford a lot of extras, and many times not even buying much in the way of groceries in any given month, but through it all because of gardens, food storage, tithing and careful management, there has always been healthy food on our table. That blessing was always appreciated.
7. Friends. We’ve been blessed with dear friends over our lifetime. We don’t get together in the same way of course, we don’t sit for hours and chat face to face like we used to, we don’t go to movies or out to lunch as we have in the past, but we do what we can in these covid times. We’re still in each other’s lives and we’ve found ways to be creative. The important thing is that when we do get together its as if there’s never been an absence. How I appreciate the love of good friends.
8. Tradition. Traditions are a critical part of our culture. In many ways they are the building blocks of what brings us together, and holds us together. They connect us to our history and provide clues about why we are the way we are. They separate us from others in a good way, providing unique similarities that bind cultural identities, and family units. They provide context for those who came before us, acknowledging the contribution they’ve made to the quality of our lives and the way we understand our world. They are an important thread in the tapestry of what makes us unique – providing a sense of comfort and belonging. Traditions don’t have to be old, handed down from generations before. We can develop new meaningful traditions that have the power to bless our lives in the future, and to create a legacy that will enhance the quality of life of those who come after us. Truth is, we are all creating a legacy of one sort or another – consciously or not. How much better it could be if we focused on what that legacy will look like to those we’re leaving it to.
Not all traditions are good. Part of our responsibility to our family is not only to pass on healthy traditions, the ones that connect and edify, that strengthen and uplift – but to break the cycle of unhealthy traditions, the ones that foster hate and prejudice, division, unhappiness and abuse.
9. Technology Never thought I’d ever say it, but I am grateful for technology. Even to the degree that I understand it, and the terrifying learning curve that is repeatedly before me, I must concede that it has enhanced my life. It has kept me connected with the people I love and care for, the information I need, the community I want, and a multitude of opportunities to serve those around me. Mobile phones, tablets, desk top computers, televisions, the internet that makes them all friends, and yes even social media avenues that help me reach beyond my own immediate circle. Without technology this year, it would have been a lot lonelier than it was.
10. Our Garden
For many years while I managed our family business, an LDS Bookstore – I didn’t have time to fully enjoy my garden. It was a chore that somehow compelled me from spring to fall. I put in the work, and while I can admit I often found solace losing myself for hours in the distraction of it, I confess that I hardly ever harvested it in those busy years. Some years I was tempted to let it go, reasoning that because the store kept me so busy every fall, the final satisfaction of harvest alluded me. But one day I realized that it wasn’t the harvest that soothed me during the calm peaceful summer hours that I quietly weeded with only the birds and squirrels. It wasn’t the harvest that distracted me from business worries and stress in the spring while I planted flowers and potatoes. It wasn’t the harvest that took me on pleasant greenhouse excursions looking for evening scented stock and some new herb that I hadn’t yet grown. I realized that my garden was therapy, and though one day I hoped it would become a-year-long therapy, I would be making a terrible mistake if I stopped the process simply because one portion of it wasn’t working for me. From this vantage point, I am very glad for that decision long ago. My garden has paid me back many times over for the hours I devoted to it these many years. It has been good for me.
I am grateful for continual clean water, electricity, furnaces and fireplaces, hardwood floors, meaningful employment, vacuum cleaners, brooms, chickens, cherries, kale, dill and sunny days. I am grateful for Vitamin D and aloe vera plants, books, movies and this blog that gives me an outlet of expression. I am grateful for the constant drive to improve and learn new things. I am grateful for Santa and teddy bears and quilts and clotheslines.
Being grateful makes us happier. It really does. Because it helps us develop a more positive outlook, it promotes optimism, lowers stress, depression and anxiety. There is growing scientific evidence that demonstrates expressing genuine gratitude improves our physical health as well as emotional. It improves our quality of sleep and even enhances our immune system.
Thanksgiving is a gift. It is the opportunity we often neglect to take without a reminder, that is to pause, take a few minutes, reflect on what we’re really grateful for. I hope you take this time to do exactly that. I’d love to see your list. No doubt you’ll remind me of many more things I too am grateful for.
I decided to wait a few months before we revisited the concept. 
They get it. They know exactly where he is, and even all the cousins know about their older cousin who none of them met (at least not here). How grateful I am that families are eternal and that we know Samuel is not lost to us, and we’re not lost to him.
