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Joining the Conversation: Doing our part in the Gathering of Israel

President Nelson speaking to youth of church

President Russell M. Nelson told us two years ago that “the Gathering of Israel is the most important thing taking place on earth today.   Nothing else compares in magnitude.   Nothing else compares in magnificence.   Nothing else compares in majesty.”   He clarified “When we speak of the Gathering, we are simply saying this fundamental truth: Every one of our Heavenly Father’s children on both sides of the veil deserves to hear the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.”   He clarifies further “To accept and receive His gospel with all its blessings, that God promised to the lineage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”  
(Russell M. Nelson, July 27, 2018)

I heard the question asked recently “How does Covid fit into this important mandate to Gather Israel?” One response was that during these trying times of loneliness and isolation many people are hurting, and many people are more receptive to the tender message of the gospel. These are opportunities for us to reach out and give a comforting word, offering the hope and courage that the gospel of Jesus Christ possesses. 

There are many things we as members of the church can do to help brighten the day of others and to be a beacon of the light of Jesus Christ in their lives.  Hopefully, in the five months of good weather we just finished, we took the opportunity to visit our neighbour frequently, at the very least with a smile and a cheery word in the front yard.   Hopefully we took the opportunity to invite someone to eat with us out in the fresh air of either our back yard or another place.  Hopefully we walked with a friend on beautiful summer evenings.   Even those of us without yards, have access to public parks and walkways.   How easy it was to invite someone to join us often as we breathed the fresh air of those beautiful days.    

We’re now going into a season where we will have to be a little more creative in how we interact with others.   The weather has turned cold (its past the middle of October at time of writing), and we’re driven inside where we’ll stay for the next several months.   I hope we’re not going to use this as an excuse to isolate ourselves socially just because it is required we isolate ourselves physically.   They are NOT the same.   It is important that we don’t breath the same air as another not living in our house.   That does not mean we cannot be part of their day or part of their life.   If we have anything at our fingertips, it is opportunity to influence Heavenly Father’s children for good.   Covid or no covid.   We know “that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” (3N 3:7)

It is no coincidence that the last several decades have led to our ability to not only communicate but to be intimately involved in each other’s lives from anywhere in the world including our own homes. 

Many years ago, President David O. McKay spoke of accomplishments and scientific advances that stagger the imagination. “we will yet see” he said in 1968, “exciting developments unfold as research continues.”  How amazed he might be today.   A decade later, President Kimball said “The Lord will lay in our hand inventions which we can scarcely conceive, whereby we will be able to bring the gospel to the peoples of the world. … I have faith” he said “that the Lord will open doors when we have done everything in our power.” (GC Oct 1974)

So here we are, with tools to communicate at our finger tips that even five years ago we couldn’t imagine.  All of them inspired of the Lord, for the purpose of Gathering Israel.   Even Social media.  Yes, even Facebook.   Is there bad about social media?   Of course there is.   Satan is the great imitator.  He has always taken the Lord’s tools and manipulated them for his purposes.  Elder Ballard reminds us that “some of these tools – like any tool in an unpracticed or undisciplined hand, can be dangerous.” (December 10 2017 BYU Hawaii Commencement)  But the responsibility is ours to go forward and use them for good.  Elder Gary E. Stevenson said “There are so many applications for the use of technology in appropriate and inspired ways.  We should do all we can to teach the righteous use of technology to the rising generation, and warn and prevent unrighteous use and associated hazards as well.  Ours is a message of peace.  You are the messengers that preach it.  And you can do this through these new and exciting channels of technology.”  (BYU Womens Conference 2017)

The responsibility is ours to minister to our brothers and sisters, to cheer and uplift, to  “comfort the weary and strengthen the weak“, to spread the gospel in everything we do, using words only if necessary.  And that responsibility is not suspended because of some outside distraction like Covid19.  

54 easy ways to share the gospel just by being you

1 – thank someone who made you smile

2 – share a positive note via email, private message, text or good old fashioned mail – OFTEN

3 – post heart attacks with encouraging words or your fave quotes – on doors, windows or vehicles

4 – give a genuine compliment

7 – offer to run errands for them

5 – SMILE more

being the kind of neighbour who makes the neighbourhood a good one:

6 – check on your neighbours from time to time, especially if they’re elderly or disabled 

8 – go to five doors on either side of you, introduce yourself if necessary, and leave your contact information in case someone could ever use a hand

9 – be the kind of neighbour that others will feel they can ask to help out from time to time: watch a pet, check their house while they’re away, mow their lawn, help with Christmas lights or help in an emergency . . . .

10 – be the kind of neighbour who notices things: when someone is celebrating a happy occasion as well as if they might be in distress.   Everyone remembers the neighbour who brought a baby gift, or a plate of something for the funeral

11 – be respectful of your neighbours by keeping your yard tidy

12 – be part of making your neighbourhood a cheery place by decorating seasonally ie: putting up Christmas lights

13 – while you’re mowing your front lawn or shovelling your sidewalk, mow or shovel for your neighbour.

14 – support your community league by taking a class they offer

15 – volunteer at a few community league events now and again

16 – offer to teach a skill you have to your community group, free of charge of course

17 – play a musical instrument in the park, on your balcony or on your front porch for others to enjoy

18 – chalk drawings on the sidewalk with happy cute images or any message intended to create a smile

19 – share something personal with your neighbour: some flowers or produce from your garden, baking, or an extra treat you bought yourself, . . .

20 – take a plastic bag on your next walk to pick up the trash you see

21 – take your children to a public park and invite other children to join the fun

22 – SMILE more

Being a friend

23 – phone someone just to chat and see how they’re doing. Who doesn’t like to know you’ve been thinking of them?

24 – pray for people you know are struggling

25 – start a light-hearted challenge with a friend to see how many people you can greet with a smile, a few words, a text, email, etc.  Set the rules so each individual has to improve their personal-best.

26 – have the missionaries over for dinner once a month, and invite a friend or neighbour at the same time, so all can see how pleasant and ‘unthreatening‘ they are

27 – get to know the people our missionaries are visiting by offering to accompany them in their lessons

28 – by phone, email, text, or Private message, reach out to one less active member of your ward this week (and another one next week) just to touch base with them so they know they are missed.

29 – invite the adults and youth you know to follow some of these suggestions too.

30 – ask the Lord to bless you with the opportunity to touch someone’s life for good today, and follow the promptings.

31 – when you go grocery shopping, offer to pick something up for your someone who could use a hand

32 – plan to make extra for dinner and then phone a friend and tell them when dinner will be delivered

33 – share a book

34 – SMILE more

Being the kind stranger

35 – slow down. stop and chat with someone in line. You’re not going anywhere anyway.

36 – offer to let people go ahead of you in line when they have a small amount, or look like they are uncomfortable or in a hurry

37 – put a happy face on your mask

38 – go for a walk around your neighbourhood.  Notice people.

39 – wave, nod, smile or say hello to people you pass while walking

40 – set a goal to say hello or otherwise greet one more person than you said hello to yesterday. Keep increasing your goal.

41 – SMILE more

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”  Seeking is good, but sharing on Social media is better.

42 – post a tender video clip or a fave quote from General Conference on social media

43 – like and comment on others’ uplifting and edifying posts

44 – share a fave music video on social media, and give the reason you like it.

45 – share a recipe on facebook, and tell why you’re sharing it

46 – share your gratitude for blessings on social media

47 – start a fun interactive group text or messenger chat with a survey asking something like “best cake ever eaten?”

48 – SMILE more

JOIN the CONVERSATION

If you’re looking for an example in the church for participating on social media, you’ve got it. The Church has embraced all media in its effort to reach out.  If that is where people are communicating, then that is where we should be talking.   Elder M. Russell Ballard said “There are conversations going on about the Church constantly.  Those conversations will continue whether or not we participate in them.  We cannot stand on the sidelines while others, including our critics attempt to define what the Church teaches.  … Perceptions of the Church are established one conversation at a time.

“May I ask that you join the conversation” he implored, “by participating on the Internet to share the gospel. … You can start a blog, … You can download videos from the Church and other appropriate sites, and send them to your friends. …. Far too many people have a poor understanding of the Church because most of the information they hear about us is from news media reports that are often driven by controversies. 

49 – take the time to gently and kindly correct misrepresentations in the media about the Church or its teachings

50 – share tender testimony of a specific principle when prompted: in person, in a shared social media post, in response to another’s comment, or in a self written blog or social media post

51 – pray for experiences to share the gospel, and then open your eyes to them

52 – “be thou an example of the believers” (1 Timothy :12) in all you do.  Be honest, be fair, be kind, be gentle, be warm, be joyful ….

53 – remember that you represent the Lord in all you do.  You took on that responsibility at baptism and you weekly “witness that you are willing to take upon yourself His name, to always remember Him and keep His commandments.” (Moroni 4:3)  Take that responsibility very seriously. 

“Let us all stand firmly and speak with faith in sharing our message with the world.”  Elder Ballard continues “… Your outreach can be international.  … As you participate in this conversation and utilize the tools of the new media, remember who you are. .. We simply need to have a conversation, as friends in the same room would have, always guided by the prompting of the Spirit and constantly remembering the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, which reminds us of how precious are the children of our Father in Heaven.”                                                             (excerpts taken from ‘Sharing the Gospel Using the Internet’
                                                                                                      News of the Church, June 2008) 

54 – SMILE more

In case you didn’t see a recurring theme, its a reminder to us all to ‘SMILE’ more.   We have so much to be grateful for, even in these troubled times.  There is peace in gospel living, in living the principles of provident living, and in living the principles of preparedness – on all levels.   We should rejoice as we go forward, because we have so much to rejoice over as we continue to do our best. 

May God Bless us in our efforts to love our neighbour as ourselves, to link arms in our efforts to Gather Israel, and to be obedient in all things. 

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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getting enough fruits and vegetables . . . yeah right

okay be honest now, how many servings of fruits and vegetables do you get a day? Go ahead count ’em. How many did you get yesterday? How many so far today? And what about the variety?

The new Canada Food Guide says that at least half of what we eat in a day should be fruits and vegetables. . . . . uh, wait a minute while I soak that in. I believe I eat more fruits and vegetables than most people I know on most days, but I’d be hard pressed to say it is consistently half of what I eat. The recommendation is for an adult to have at least 10 servings a day! What does that even look like?

Vegetables:
2 cups raw leafy vegetables
1 cup cooked leafy green vegetables
1 cup raw vegetables
1/2 cup cooked vegetables
1 medium potato or sweet potato
1/2 cup vegetable juice

Fruit:
1 cup raw fruit
1 medium apple, orange, banana
1/2 cup fruit juice

If 5 of your servings in a day came in the shape of a watermelon . . . well, good for you, I love watermelon too. But variety is where we’re going to get the assortment of nutrients we need for good health. 3 apples a day might be great once in a while but we NEED variety. And a good variety of ‘fresh’ (as in picked within a day or two) is almost impossible for most of us. Are you eating your colours? . . . enough cleansing greens? enough immune enhancing yellows and oranges? enough heart healthy reds? and enough deep antioxidant rich blues and purples?

If you’re like so many North Americans, you’re lucky to get a quick bowl of cereal, bagel or cup of coffee in the morning. You make it to lunch with zero fruits or vegetables. And then it goes down from there. For me, I have to FOCUS on making sure my diet includes enough Fruits & Vegetables. If I am not intentional about it, before I know it, I’ve slipped into old habits and I can easily make it to dinner time – lucky to have eaten an apple.

sigh ….. what to do?

If you’re still reading this, I am willing to bet you’d like to be eating better. And you probably even try hard to make sure your family does. And you are likely better than average, but 10 a day? Come on, that’s hard for anyone on a consistent basis. Especially in the winter (which is a long season in my part of the world). Did you know that 80% of us don’t get enough nutrition from plants? Sadly our SAD way of eating (Standard American Diet) causes severe health problems: 40% of North American adults (and 20% of young people ages 2 – 19) suffer from obesity, which puts them at risk for heart disease and stroke and type 2 diabetes, as well as tooth decay, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, osteoporosis and many types of cancer.

that’s a big yikes! and it deserves our attention

I think we all know a thing or two about the importance of fruits and vegetables and the reasons they should make up the majority of our diet, and yet . . . . . here we are. What holds you back from eating more fruits and vegetables in the day? Here are some of the typical answers North Americans give. Do any of them describe your situation?
* don’t know how to prepare them * too much time to prepare * too much energy, its easier to eat non vegetable meals * don’t like the taste * scheduling issues * haven’t made it a priority * too expensive * too much waste when we don’t eat it quick enough. …. And millions turn to supplements to compensate for our lack of nutrition. Supplements instead of real food. I am not anti-supplements, but they’re only intended to ‘supplement’ good eating, not replace it. That’s why they’re called s.u.p.p.l.e.m.e.n.t.s.

Divide the 10+ servings into your day. That means consuming 3 – 4 servings at every meal with some nutritional snacking along the way. I know that sounds like: how can I even eat that much food? Well, the idea is that if you’re eating enough fruits and vegetables you won’t have enough appetite for the junk, or the less nutritious options. It’s not as hard as you might think. Here’s the HACK: it’s called “RUVI” – from the root for “Roots of Life”. (Ru = Roots, Vi = Life)

* most helpful HACK for consistently eating more fruits & vegetables

Not a supplement. Not a juice. Ruvi is fruits and vegetables. Nothing more (really, nothing added) and Nothing less. Seriously, all the natural fibre you’d get if you ‘ate’ those fruits and vegetables, except you drink it. I know right! How easy is that? Each of the four blends contains the equivalent of FOUR complete servings! That’s freeze dried fruits and vegetables – the absolute most nutritious way of eating them. And you DRINK THEM.

And remember those reasons we have for not eating more fruits and vegetables?
* don’t know how to prepare them: hello, mix them with water and shake
* too much time to prepare: 20 seconds is all it takes
* too much energy, its easier to eat non vegetable meals: not sure what could get easier than Ruvi
* just plain don’t like vegetables : each blend is the perfect mix of fruit with the vegetables to make them delicious
* scheduling issues: what can be easier than a Ruvi in your purse, glove compartment, gym bag, locker at school, desk at work, trailer, 72 hour kit, and kitchen. Doesn’t matter what your day throws at you, you’ve got YOU taken care of.
* haven’t made it a priority: give yourself a 30 day challenge. Use Ruvi every day for 30 days, then step back and analyze how you feel. You’ll be thrilled by how much difference true nutrition makes.
* too expensive: if you were to buy the variety of fruits and vegetables that go into Ruvi – you’d be spending several times more $. This is the BEST and least expensive way of eating more nutritiously.
* too much waste when we don’t eat it quick enough: no waste with Ruvi. All the nutrition of ‘fresh’ produce and Zero waste (that means huge savings).

bottom line

There really is nothing like Ruvi. It’s straight up goodness that your body is craving in the simplest, easiest-to-consume form: freeze dried whole fruits and vegetables, and nothing else.

wanna find out more? click this link:
https://www.goruvi.com/?ref=thrivewithcindy

I want to know what your experience is with eating more nutritiously.
I want to know how you incorporate more vegetables into your daily diet.
I want to know what you think of “drinking your colours”.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle
https://www.goruvi.com/?ref=cindy


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a Good Neighbourhood . . .

Good neighbourhoods do not exist independently of people. They’re not specific about the size of houses or yards. Whether your nearest neighbour lives across the hall, across the street, down the alley, across a field, or down the road, you live in a ‘community’. And everyone who lives in the same community has one thing in common. Its the one thing that every good neighbourhood needs no matter where it is: good neighbours.  So how do you GET good neighbours?   Ah, that’s the mystery isn’t it?  Its really very simple. If you want to live in a good neighbourhood, you must be a GOOD neighbour.  There.  That’s the long and short of it.  The consistent inescapable reality – that “it always comes back to you“. 

When speaking about friends, Christian songwriter Michael McLean said:
“Everyone hopes to find one true friend who’s the kind
They can count on for forever and a day.
BE that friend, be that kind that you prayed you might find
And you’ll always have a best friend, come what may.”

Well the same thing applies to neighbours.  Why should you care?  and why do you want to live in a good neighbourhood anyway? I suppose there must be many personal reasons, but these are the ones that are important to me. Perhaps some of them might be important to you too. Here’s the clincher though: good neighbourhoods don’t just happen. They’re created by the good neighbours who live in them. So herein, you might find some ideas worth implementing, you may even find courage to step out of your comfort zone and make it happen. Somebody’s gotta start the ball rolling. It might as well be you.

10 reasons you want to live in a ‘good’ neighbourhood and how to make your’s one.

1.   People are social beings. 
Whether you want to admit it or not, we ALL need other people.  Of the things we learned from Covid, one of them is that we cannot be happy for long without other people.  Perhaps you consider yourself more of a loner.  Yeah, whatever.  So am I.  But whether you admit it to yourself or not, everyone has the same basic social needs and that is to be *safe, *loved, and *to feel important.  So deny all you want, I don’t believe you.   We are not an island and we were never intended to be an island.  

2. Living where people are friendly makes for a more comfortable, peaceful environment.  Even for the grump who inevitably lives in every neighbourhood. 

3.  Good neighbourhoods are SAFER.  
Good neighbours pay attention.  They notice things.  They watch out for each other and their property.  They are invested in your safety, just as you are invested in their’s. 

Several years ago, when our kids were teenagers, it was a common prank among their peers to TP each other’s houses.  Their friends’ homes, their teachers’ homes, their neighbours’ homes.   Don’t ask me why.  TP is toilet paper if you didn’t know.  Sneaking to a friends’ house late at night and stringing TP over their trees, hedges, vehicles, fences … anything they could reach.  You wake up in the morning, and …. you’ve been TP’d.  It was a fun thing to do, and fun thing to have done to you too.  Like I say, don’t ask me why.  My kids did it too, so you can’t expect not to get TP’d if you are also a culprit.  What goes around comes around.  I must admit, we have some fun memories involving toilet paper. 

Late one fall night I got a concerned phone call from my neighbour across the street.  “Cindy, sorry for calling so late. I was on my way home, and I noticed something going on in your yard so I pulled over to watch.  Some kids. ….”
“Are they causing damage?”
“It doesn’t look like it.  Hard to say.  Just go look out your front window.”   I absorbed his concern, and peaked out my front window. 
“OH!  That.  Its okay Dwight.  Its just a bunch of Sarah’s friends.”
“But they’re … “
“I know. Its what they do.  Don’t worry about it.  I’ll have Sarah take care of it in the morning.”  We had a rule in our house.  If it was your friends who did it, then you get to be the one cleaning it up.  Like I say, what goes around comes around. “Thank-you for worrying about it Bryce, but this sorta thing is just part of living with teenagers.  My kids do it too.  Its okay.  Its not vandalism.”

The point is, that our neighbour cared enough to notice, to be concerned, and he-knew-our-phone-number to alert us of something he thought was amiss.  Good neighbours are also the most logical ones to keep an eye on your house while you’re away from home.  There’s added security in knowing that you all have each others’ eyes and ears. 

4.  Good neighbours share. 

I know it seems so cliche to borrow an egg from a neighbour, but sometimes – you just need something you didn’t expect to run out of, and it sure is handy to have that reciprocal relationship.  You wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t know if you could borrow a cuppa sugar, or an egg, or some other small thing. 

Sometimes neighbours share bigger things too.  We bought a weed trimmer several years ago with one of our next door neighbours.  You only use something like that how many times a year? and they last forever.  It didn’t seem necessary for both households to own one.  So we shared, and its worked out well for many years.

Sometimes neighbours even share BIG things.  We don’t often need a snow blower in Edmonton, but we live in a crescent so once in a while it sure would be nice to have one. But for the few times a year that you’d use one it was cost prohibitive and difficult to justify, unless . . . . you could co-own one . . . . .  Dan talked to the three neighbours closest to us and all agreed to jointly buy a snow blower.  You wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a stranger about entering into that kind of relationship, but this too, has worked well for many years. 
The common thread is that actually ‘knowing’ your neighbour, makes it easier to lend, borrow and jointly own – or not.

Sharing on building (and replacing) common fences is another ‘co-owned’ investment that benefits everyone involved.

5.  Good neighbours HELP. 
Its an easy thing to lend a hand when you see a neighbour struggling with a package, or involved in a project.  And even just a few minutes assisting someone can be relationship defining. Look for those opportunities, and take them.
We share a common front lawn with our neighbour.  Not really, but neither of us know nor care exactly where the property line is.  When one is mowing the front lawn, how easy is it to mow both sides of it?  So we do, and so do they.  Its been much appreciated on both sides, for many years. 

6. Good neighbours ARE RESPECTFUL AND CONSIDERATE.

Maintain your yard and shared spaces.  Keep your weeds down, and your pets under control.  Even if you’re not that motivated to keep your property tidy, consider what it looks like to your neighbours, and go the distance.   Don’t allow garbage to accumulate, keep your lawn watered and mowed and tidy.  If you don’t like to weed, then establish a low maintenance yard, but keep it tidy. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough.  

Don’t make a lot of noise, especially after dark. 
If you’re gonna have outdoor company with excessive noise or a fire in the backyard, give your neighbour the respectful heads up, and promise to keep it reasonable.
Don’t let your teens party hardy late into the night either.  They can make a LOT of noise.

If you’re having a large group and parking might be an issue, let your neighbours know ahead of time and try to keep it manageable.  Ask your company to be courteous.   If nothing else, apologize ahead of time. LOL

7. Good neighbours are PATIENT and Overlook the small stuff.
When our kids were young we had a trampoline.  It was a magnet for all their friends and the source of a lot of kid-noise.  We never had a neighbour complain.  To be fair, most of their kids spent considerable time on it too.  Once, when I was jumping on it, I noticed how visible many yards around us were from the high point of the jump.  No one had any real privacy with our trampoline. I realized that our trampoline affected people in the several houses immediately surrounding us.  It was not lost on me that no one had ever complained, and I really appreciated it. 

One of our next door neighbours used to have a few friends over once or twice on summer evenings to sit around the fire.  They played music and after a few beers, they could get a little noisy, and yes, maybe even a little irritating if you were trying to sleep.  It made it difficult to escape with our backyards adjoining and bedroom windows open as they most often are in the summer.  These were the times to remember our noisy kids on the trampoline in the daytime. We never complained about those noisy parties, they were infrequent enough that in the big picture, we considered them more than a fair trade.

For years I had several wind chimes hanging outside our kitchen door and along our back deck.  One day as I stood on the back deck visiting with Glenda our next door neighbour there was a slight breeze which made the wind chimes happy.  For the first time I took note of the fact that their bedroom window was open and right across the fence from my wind chimes.   Our bedroom window was around the corner, so on breezy evenings, we were never bothered by the chimes, but it was impossible for our neighbours to not be bothered from time to time.  So I asked “Do these chimes bother you at night sometimes?” Glenda admitted that sometimes they bothered George.  “OH! I am so sorry!”  I exclaimed “Why didn’t you say something?” 
“Oh it’s not that bad.” she claimed, but she was lying of course.  I know what its like to lay awake by an irritating night noise.  I took the wind chimes down that very hour, never to go back up in that area of our yard again.  They appreciated it.

Now in a different house, we have grandchildren. Once a year in the summer time, we have a Grandkids Day, (sometimes a few days).  All 18 of our grandkids come over to hang out with us.  Outside mostly.  On the trampoline, in the treehouse, riding bikes in the crescent, and making their share of noise.  That’s a lot of kids. And that can be a lot of ‘kid-noise’. In the beginning I was hyper sensitive about bothering our neighbours.  Dan and I delivered notes around the crescent to let them know of our plans, asking for their patience and also their extra care in backing out of their driveways with all the bikes, scooters, and other riding toys that would be in use.  They were and continue to all be very patient. 

As our teens grew they all got cars, and on the evenings their friends came over, there could be a lotta cars parked around our house.  Our most immediate neighbour jokingly commented once that living next door to the Suelzles was like living next door to a used car lot.  They weren’t that far off. Well, time went on and our kids all married and left home.  Most days it was just Dan and I.   But those same neighbour’s kids grew up and got cars.  Sometimes their friends would come over for the evening and there could be a lotta cars!  I jokingly complained to them one day that “Living next door to the Bowdens was like living next door to a used car lot!”  And more time went by. Their kids are all gone now too.  . . . There’s no sense in getting all bent outta shape about a minor irritation when in due time it will take care of itself.  Save those bent-outta-shape moments for when the problem is more serious. 

8.  Good neighbours are KIND and SUPPORTIVE. 
Neighbours care about each other, and can be counted on to lend a hand in time of need, and can be a good resource for kids to go to if they need help when you’re not home. 
* One winter day our 17 year old son played with the neighbours’ young children pulling their sleigh on the ice. Little did he expect they would come over often after that asking him to come out and play with them.  Sometimes it wasn’t convenient but he did when he could. 
* For years now Dan keeps small packages of cookies in the garage to give to the neighbour kids and grandkids when they come over.  One summer two wonderful little boys moved into the rental house on the corner. They were the only children in our crescent at the time, and as they rode their bikes one day, Dan gave them each a cookie. They were regular visitors after that, and sometimes we’d come home to find them playing with the riding toys we kept in the yard. I told them they were welcome to use them as long as they made sure to put them away when done. They were pretty good at that. I jokingly told Dan “I guess we’re the Mr. and Mrs. Wilson in our neighbourhood now“. (from Dennis the Menace if you don’t know). Those nice little boys only lived in our crescent for a year, but I missed them after they were gone. One neighbour’s grandkids call my husband “Cookie Dan” and come over when they’re visiting their grandparents asking “is Cookie Dan home?” Its mostly about the cookies of course, but that’s okay. LOL

* Dan and I are involved with our city’s annual Food Drive each fall. Our crescent neighbours contributed occasionally if they remembered, until the year we decided to talk to them all and introduce ourselves, putting a name and a face with the service project.  We didn’t ask for donations, just told them we were involved, and that on Saturday morning someone would be by to pick up donations, and if they could help us out we’d sure appreciate it. On Saturday morning we saw nearly 100% participation from the people we spoke to.  

* There have been times we’ve asked for a neighbour’s helping hand.  There have been times we lent a helping hand. The point is, you’re not going to ask a complete stranger to help move that bookcase, but you’d probably ask a good neighbour.

9. Good neighbours become FRIENDS. 

We find our friends in the areas of our lives we invest in.  We have something very important in common with each of our neighbours.  We each chose to make our homes in the same neighbourhood.  From there, we can find other things in common to share.  From friendly over-the-fence conversations about the weather, to sharing concerns about our children, we start to socialize and create relationships that we otherwise would not have had.  Don’t wait for that relationship to flourish, don’t wait for your neighbour to initiate it.  WE can and should be the ones who start the dialogue.  A smile and wave coming and going.  A plate of cookies, a loaf of homemade bread, a bouquet of garden flowers, asking to borrow that proverbial couple of eggs (and then returning them), sharing the news about a bargain we find at the grocery store, bringing a meal when a baby is born, a small Christmas gift, an invitation to sit around the fire, . . . .

If our neighbour needs a ride to pick up their car from the shop, will they feel comfortable asking us?   Would we feel comfortable doing the same?
If our neighbour has an emergency and can’t make it home in time for the kids coming home from school, will they feel comfortable phoning and asking us to watch for them? Will their kids feel comfortable with us?  Would we do the same?   Do they even have our number? Do we have their’s?

We can also learn much from people who are different than us. Becoming friends bridges a gap between cultures and customs as well as religion.  Sharing our differences enriches all parties and expands understanding and tolerance.  It doesn’t mean we are trying to convert others, it means we are feeling safe enough to share an important part of us.  It involves risk and vulnerability, but it makes us relatable.  When we first moved to our current house, our neighbours were Sikhs. A little older than us, with adult children.  The parents didn’t speak much English.  We had little in common and it was difficult to communicate short of a smile unless their kids were home. Within a short time we were sharing garden herbs, and building our joint fence together.  We were invited to their daughter’s wedding which was a wonderful opportunity to experience a religion and culture very different from our own. They have long since moved and we may never see each other again, but I am so glad we got to know them when we did.   That neighbourly opportunity opened up a whole new world for both of us.

10.  Good neighbours are INclusive.
It is good to develop a friendship with our neighbours, and its alright if we feel closer to one or two, but it is not alright to exclude some from a circle that should be inclusive.  Remember that all of Heavenly Father’s children have the same social needs of feeling Safe, Loved and Important.  That means the neighbour two doors down as well as the one next door, and the one across the street too.  Be the glue that ties others together.

Years ago we had a yearning to get to know our neighbours better.  We were young, shy, busy and quite introverted.  But it bothered us that though we could wave and smile at each other, none of knew each other’s last names.   We decided to take the plunge, the RISK (make no mistake, it is a risk), and host a neighbourhood get-together in our backyard, including our immediate neighbours on either side of us and the three directly across the street.  It was August and fresh corn was available, so we chose to have a corn-roast thinking it would be easier in the backyard. Corn roast made it an easy menu and the kids could jump on the trampoline.  We picked a date and went to each one of those five doors to introduce ourselves, and invite them to a ‘get-to-know-your-neighbour corn roast‘ in our back yard.  The reception we received was hesitant, even strained. And in the end not a single one of them ended up coming. We were very disappointed and more than a little discouraged.  It shook our confidence and our resolve for a few months, but soon those same nagging feelings that we could be doing better began to surface, and we decided to try again.

By this time it was February so we would have to meet indoors, that meant adult only.  We had a small house with five children, and hosting a sizable group ‘inside’ was a little intimidating to us, but in February there aren’t a whole lot of options in Edmonton, so ‘inside’ it would have to be.  I made up some handwritten invitations in the shape of a house.  We referred to ourselves “the-people-in-the-brown-house-with-all-the-kids“, and we called them “the-people-across-the-street-in-the-white-house-with-the-spruce-tree-in-their-front-yard” or whatever they were.  We went together and knocked on their door.  I readily admit we were terrified.  It is always easier on paper, but once you knock on the door you’re committed.  We introduced ourselves again.  “Hi.  We’re Dan and Cindy. We live over there in the brown house with all the kids.”  We handed them the invitation, telling them we were inviting them to a neighbour party. We didn’t ask for a commitment right away, but told them to RSVP before Thursday. Then we said our goodbyes with a  “hope you can make it,  we look forward to all getting together,”  and went to the next house.

Once the initial invitations were given, we set about happily readying ourselves.   But then we started second guessing ourselves, wondering what on earth we were thinking, wondering where we got the idea that we were up to this, wondering if they’d think the games we planned were lame, wondering if we’d make fools of ourselves, wondering if it would just be one big awkward mess!  All our insecurities came to the surface.  And then a new thought entered my mind.  What if they smoked in the house?  What if someone brought a case of beer?  We were a non smoking, non drinking house – I wasn’t prepared to deal with that possibility, didn’t even know how I might, it had never happened before.

One by one our neighbours called before Thursday to say they were coming.  Each new phone call solidified the reality of the mess we’d gotten ourselves into. The day of, I was a total wreck.  I worked myself into such a state that I cried all day.  Was the house clean enough?  What about the food I planned?  Was there enough?  Why did I pick that dish anyway?  And now there was no time for a change in menu. Dan offered to cancel it.  Secretly he was hoping I’d take him up on it so he could use me as the excuse.  He was just as nervous as I was.  But I knew if we cancelled, we’d never rise above it. We would have lost our best chance to get to know our neighbours, and for them to know each other, and it would be even harder to try again . . . .  

The end of the story is that we went ahead with it.  And yes, we had a few surprises.
1) We were surprised to observe that each of our neighbours were nervous when they arrived. 
2) We were pleasantly surprised that no one brought alcohol, and no one smoked in the house (this was in the days when people still smoked in houses). 
3) We were surprised that everyone enjoyed the games we chose. 
4) Our biggest surprise of all was that though each of them knew our first names and perhaps the first names of the people directly beside them, none of them knew anyone else, even though most of them had lived there much longer than us. 
Into the evening we were laughing and thoroughly enjoying each other.  We all commented about how wonderful it was to finally get together and we promised to do it again. Which we did. Several more times over the next few years, each taking turns hosting.  In retrospect, it was the best thing we ever could have done for each other.  Since then we’ve moved out of that neighbourhood, but we still remember fondly those wonderful people we shared a it with.  They made it hard to leave. Recently we ran into Ann-Marie at a hospital.  We greeted each other warmly and caught up with each other like the old friends we were.  We each walked away smiling, happy to know the other was doing well. 
. . . . . . .

People of faith preach a gospel of peace. We accomplish this through our actions, using words only when necessary.  Doing so makes the world a better place for everyone.  It makes the world our neighbourhood.

It is easier to love people that we live in close proximity with, and as we get to know them personally, we feel a connection that bridges possible differences.  Though it sometimes might feel complicated or intimidating to reach out to strangers (even those who  live beside us), the concept of loving our neighbour is really very simple. We are here to love each other.  Jesus taught us to “love thy neighbour” in the New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. (DC 59:6, 3 N 12:43)   In fact he said it was “like unto the first and great commandment” which is to love the Lord with all our heart, and with all our soul and with all our mind. (Matt 22:37-40).  While we know that this admonition to love our neighbour includes more than the people we live near, home is a good place to start. 

I’d love to hear about your experiences in building a better community within your neighbourhood. Please share your comments below. I promise to read them.

Warmly,


Cindy Suelzle

Posted on

Lessons I Learned from my Garden #2

Hope is critical to a positive outcome

All things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart.  (D&C 59:18).

Gardening is a lot about preparation. And waiting. You clean up, rake out, dig up, move around, plan for, mow, chop, burn, haul here and haul there for days and days. It means dirty hands, dirty-all-over, and sore muscles. Then you wait till the forecast is favourable and finally you plant! If you’re like me you plant in stages. Spinach first, assuming it’s bed is ready. Then potatoes and peas, carrots and beets and so forth. Lastly are the delicate bedding plants like tomatoes, hoping that you’re not jumping the gun. And very lastly is basil (persnickety little princess that it is). Its a happy day when everything is looking your way, and the sun appears to commit to a lengthy stay – the tomatoes are finally into their summer home. And then! . . . you wait. . . . sigh . . . .

I cannot be the only gardener who wishes things would grow a littler faster. We can prepare the beds, fertilize, water, mulch, weed and water some more, but I’ve never met a seed in a hurry. Every year I try to be more realistic. “Get real!” I tell myself. “Stop peeking.” I tell myself. And I do. For maybe a week. Then we get a good two day rain, and I cannot help but take the inevitable day-after-the-rain-garden-tour, looking closely for any shoots of . . . anything. If I was honest, I am always disappointed. Having said that however, I am still utterly amazed at the difference two weeks in May can make to a garden.

May 1: my world is brown.
A few hearty weeds starting to unashamedly show themselves, and the promise of buds on a few early trees.

May 15:
The trailing bell flower (I call it devil-weed) is the most hardy green thing in the yard and it’s happy to be alive. (I’m not happy its alive) Dandelion leaves are beautifully tender in texture and taste. More buds on more trees. Most perennials are up, even the hostas have started poking their pointy heads through. Leaves have budded out on the chestnut tree. Blossoms on the Mayday tree, and the scent of them on the breeze. Tulips are blooming. Things are starting to green up.

May 21:

The stupid red lily beetles have sprung out of NOWHERE and are eating every relative of the lily family for miles around. Pink blossoms on the crabapple trees, and white blossoms on the cherry tree. Popcorn literally popping on trees all over our yard. The Delphiniums are two feet high. Mint is poking through the soil. Borage is in the four leaf stage. Mullein is nice and big and fuzzy. Lovage is already three feet high. The bright cheery yellow daisy-like flowers of Leopard Bain are in glorious full bloom. The world is suddenly every shade of green!

June 1:
The garden is full of promise and hope! Above all, hope. When all is said and done, after all is said and done – there is nothing one can do to rush the outcome. What if the carrot seeds don’t germinate? What if that one time I let it go dry was the critical time when they were their most vulnerable? What if stupid idiot cutworms cut the cucumbers off again? (stupid idiot cutworms) What if it hails? I hate hail.

faith vs hope

“One of the most delightful things about a garden is the anticipation it provides.”
– W. E. Johns

I do not have faith that my seeds will germinate. That would be a misplacement of my faith, as I have seen times that seeds have not germinated. Many factors influence that outcome. Of course, I HOPE they will, and I water them as if they will, and I keep hoping till I see it actually happen.

I don’t even have faith that I will have a harvest. Again I hope every year for a good harvest, but my faith is reserved for something much more dependable than the weather, or the fickle nature of ‘nature’. I have faith in God, and in His Son Jesus Christ. I have faith that He will answer my prayers, and that He will bless me according to my diligence and obedience to the laws and principles upon which those blessings are predicated, and of course those He desires to bless me with. I have faith in His promises; promises like families are eternal and that I will see my dad again. Other things I don’t have faith in.

For my garden, I hope the weather will be good. I hope that the sun will be hot. I hope that we’ll get enough rain and that our rain barrels will refill frequently. I hope that day will follow night, and that night will follow day again the way I’m used to. The way I like it. But this year of Covid19 has taught me that even the things I thought were constant and dependable, are volatile and removable. Do I have faith that life will always be what it is right now? Absolutely not.

If there was no hope in a harvest why would we plant a garden?

our city backyard family garden cc 1988

I love garden fresh carrots. Crunchy and juicy at the same time, there is nothing quite like them. But carrot seeds are very small and they take forever to germinate, and keeping them moist while they germinate is critical and truth be told, . . . . . I’m not always on top of it. Watering them can cause a flood and push them all into one area leaving another area empty. You could easily have 8 billion carrots growing so closely together that you must thin them out or they’ll be puny, spindly, little things.

This year I hit upon two reeeeeally good ideas for growing carrots and I happily carried them out. One was to soak the seeds for four days till they begin to sprout, then suspend them in a cornstarch slurry inside a small ziplock bag. You plant them through a small hole snipped in the corner of the bag, squeezing the slurry of seeds into a pre-watered trench. The other idea was to sprinkle the seeds into a pre-watered area and then keep them under a board to protect them from drying out or from being washed away by water. Both hacks required constant moisture of course. I used the best of both ideas and was ‘hopeful’ (even giddy) for excellent results, reasonably certain of a positive outcome. Between hand watering and the rain, I was confident the row never dried out. After about a week I allowed myself to peek, and thereafter peeked almost daily. Carrots can take an easy twenty plus days to germinate (I told you they took forever), but I was delighted to see little white spears poking out of the ground in less than two weeks. I gingerly lifted off the boards to let the sunlight start greening them up. The ground seemed moist enough but I soon got distracted and didn’t get back to them till the next day. Bone dry with not a sign of seedlings I saw the day before. (sad face) I was certain I had killed the tender startlings by uncovering them too soon. I hoped I hadn’t. I watered gently and often, continuing to ‘hope’ for the best but I had lost my prior confidence. I was just considering taking next year’s seeds (I always buy one year in advance) to begin soaking them. Our season is short enough, that every day that goes by gets closer to being too late to start seeds in the garden, so I didn’t have a lotta flex time to weigh it out. I continued to hope, watering daily for the best possible scenario, and checking daily. A few more days and I saw those wonderful grassy-looking tiny bright green speers poking through the dirt along the carrot trails! I am SO glad I didn’t give up.

If hope hadn’t existed I would have ceased to water, ceased to check daily, ceased to expect the best, and consequently I would have sabotaged potential, losing any chance of carrots in my garden this year.

“When the world says give up, hope whispers ‘try it one more time.‘” – anonymous

Hope is a choice. It doesn’t just happen to us; we consciously and intentionally choose it.
Hope strengthens us mentally and emotionally.
Hope provides a positive outlook on life. It literally makes us happy.
Hope reduces stress and anxiety.
Hope improves our general state of health and boosts our immune system.
Hope is essential to our feelings of self worth.
Hope moves us forward and makes the future look like a brighter place, one in which we’d like to live.
Hope energizes us. When we are positive and cheerful it is easier to have energy.
Hope increases faith. And faith increases hope. They are very closely tied together
Hope is healing. Depression is a state of hopelessness, and the opposite is true.
Hope is not stagnate, it is all about ‘doing‘. Acting on hope yields more results than sitting on hope.
Hope is infectious. Just like laughing makes us laugh and smiling makes us smile, hope in another inspires hope in ourselves.
Hope is realistic. Hope in a fairy tale world is not hope, its fantasy. Hope for a pony while you live in an apartment is not hope, it is pleasant musing.

“Every thing that is done is this world is done by hope.” – Martin Luther

The truth is, hope may let you down. It seems cruel but sometimes even those things we have the greatest amount of hope for, don’t happen. Its at those times we wonder why we ever invested in it. It seems briefly that had we not hoped, we wouldn’t have fallen so far, and wouldn’t hurt so much. But for the most part, hope is such a pleasant companion while we’re walking with it, that at the end of the journey, we decide it really was worth it, and we yearn to walk with it again, because with hope everything looked brighter, and our days were better. I wouldn’t ever want to live without it. No matter what happens, I hope ‘hope’ and I can always be friends.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus

~

The next few blog posts will follow the theme of Lessons I learned from my Garden.
I hope you’ll join me. I would love to hear your comments, and your own experiences about lessons learned in your own garden.

Warmly,

Cindy

Posted on

Lessons I Learned from my Garden #1

Good things start with a DESIRE

Having grown up on military bases, other than relatives I rarely saw, I never knew any one personally who had a garden. Gardens were exotic places that I saw from a distance when visiting cousins during summer vacation. I really had no clue as to their purpose, or how many hours were spent in them. It wasn’t until I was a newly married 18 year old and heard a wise man say that everyone should plant one, that I even gave the idea more than a cursory nod. Little could I have comprehended then, the life long relationship I would have with my garden.

We planted our first garden in a corner of my mother in law’s vegetable garden our very first summer. A wise man I trusted and loved had openly counselled that we should ALL plant a garden. So we did. We didn’t know a bush bean from a potato plant, but we were enthusiastic and happy to be engaged in the project. By mid summer, morning sickness took over my life and ruled everything I ate, smelled or even thought of. I lost interest in weeding or harvesting that fledgling garden, but my mother-in-law brought an arm full of produce every time she came to visit. I appreciated the gesture, but I really had no interest in anything that ‘smelled’, and that summer, everything ‘smelled’.

I not only felt like a gardening failure, but disloyal to the new wholesome lifestyle it represented. A lifestyle that only a few short months before, I had been so committed to. Some time during the months that followed, that incessant flu-like sickness faded away and we focused on the new baby that would soon be coming to make our family ‘three’. I had such visions of how it was going to be. He arrived in April. We found a house soon after and made an offer to buy it. We were to move in July 1. It had a small spot perfect for a garden and we received permission to plant seeds while we awaited our possession date. We were excited for all it represented, anxious to begin this next step in our life together, but one week before we moved in, Dan got laid off at work. We never did move in, and since we had given notice in our rental, our plans were readjusted quickly. We moved the three of us and everything we owned into Dan’s mom’s basement while we figured out our next step.

Later that summer I learned an important lesson. One of those defining lessons that shapes the rest of your life. That wise man who said everyone should plant a garden, was a prophet (that wasn’t the lesson). His name was Spencer W. Kimball, and when he had said “plant a garden”, it felt like he was speaking directly to me, and I committed to do whatsoever he told me to do (that wasn’t the lesson either). “We encourage you to grow all the food that you feasibly can on your own property.” he said “Berry bushes, grapevines, fruit trees—plant them if your climate is right for their growth. Grow vegetables and eat them from your own yard.” he said “Even those residing in apartments … can generally grow a little food in pots and planters. Study the best methods of providing your own foods. Make your garden … neat and attractive as well as productive. If there are children in your home, involve them in the process with assigned responsibilities.” – Spencer W. Kimball, April GC 1976

He had a way of driving things home, and he spoke to my young heart. He reminded us of the scripture in Luke 6:46 “Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” He had me. And yet, as that summer ended we were back in another apartment, Dan going to school. Though we had tried to have a garden twice, there we were. Friends generously shared of their excess: cucumbers, tomatoes, zucchini and other produce, and I marveled at the bounty in my kitchen. I mused this blessing over with a friend one day, saying that I believed we enjoyed more produce this month than we ever could have harvested from our little garden. My wise friend Shirley said “It is because of your garden that you are being blessed this way.“ She pointed out the principle of obedience. That promise that when we obey a law, we receive the blessings associated with it. Plain and simple according to her. The prophet said “plant a garden” – we had. The circumstances surrounding the fact that we didn’t harvest it were incidental. The principle stood. She bore testimony to me in her straight forward way, that I could count on that principle for all the days of my life. “There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated. And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which is is predicated.” (D&C 130:20,21) THAT WAS THE LESSON. I didn’t know it then, but my life changed that day. I had seen the fruit of the principle with my own two eyes. And yes, Shirley was right, I had planted a garden. Pitiful though it may have been, I had been obedient. I had tried my best to obey. That was all that mattered. God is in the details. He doesn’t ask us to feed five thousand. He asks merely that we bring our loaves and fishes to the picnic. Thank-you Shirley Clelland, for being such a wise friend and such a patient mentor.

I was no longer a girl. I was a mother. With the responsibility now to take care of my little one. And as a mother, there was one thing I knew I wanted – NEEDED. Yearned for. To obtain blessings from God. Which blessings? All of them. And I now knew how to access them. Obey the laws upon which they are predicated. “I the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (D&C 82:10) I could think of nothing I wanted more than to have the Lord bound to me, and I committed myself that day to do whatever it took to accomplish that.

There are many lessons I learned from my garden over the years, but they all began from that first one – which was that any good thing must start with a DESIRE to do that good thing. Hearts can change on a dime. I’ve seen it happen. But behaviour takes time. Don’t expect to BE everything in the beginning. Start with the desire to ‘be’. And work from there. Alma summed it up in his sermon to the Zoramites: “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than DESIRE to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:27)

The next few blog posts will follow the theme of Lessons I learned from my Garden.
I hope you’ll join me. I would love to hear your comments, and your own experiences about lessons learned ‘from’ or ‘in’ your own garden.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

Posted on

Preparedness – doesn’t have to be difficult or hardcore. It can be Simple and Straight forward with a little forethought

I hope, as you do, that this terrible situation we find ourselves in with the Corona Virus (late winter of 2020) will soon have an end; that we will accomplish what is needed to reduce the rate of spreading infection, as well as develop weapons to use against it, not-the-least-of-which is a vaccine. I hope that soon life will return to one where we can freely be in each other’s company again, and where we can reach out and ‘touch’. Who could have imagined that shaking hands and hugging would become taboo overnight? How can humanity – the social creatures that we are, go on indefinitely without the wonderfulness of ‘touch’?

But in the meantime, there are undoubtedly many things we can learn. Ways we can turn this awful experience to our good. If we come out of it unscathed and in time go back to the way things were, then it benefits us nothing. And I just cannot believe that such a BIG deal is meant to benefit us nothing. The Lord tells us “all things shall work together for your good” and here’s the clincher “if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another. ” (D&C 90:24) This is a ‘covenant verse’. [covenant see below] It carries with it a promise. IF you do this, THEN I will do that. In this case IF we walk uprightly and remember our covenants THEN the Lord will ensure all things work to our good. I love this verse. It is in my top ten favourites. In it I find hope and assurance, because He also said “I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (D&C 82:10) This is my mantra. It governs my life. Find out what the Lord wants me to do and DO IT. I cannot think of a single being that I am more anxious to have BOUND to me than my God. And He happily agrees to it. If I am to have Him work an experience to my good, then I am under strict obligation to honour my commitment which is to walk uprightly before Him (remember Him and obey His commandments) and honour my covenants.

I also find it interesting that He says “ALL things shall work together for your good“. He doesn’t say “some things”. He doesn’t even say “most things”. He doesn’t say “all things except drug abuse”, or “all things except for deliberate conscious, stupid choices”. He says “ALL things”. The word ALL is pretty inclusive in our language, and I will take Him at His word. I choose to believe He intended me to know He means “ALL things” including a global pandemic which may in fact take the life of someone I love.
I will go forward with that understanding. The question then is – what is my my part? my responsibility in this arrangement? We know that “there is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated – and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” (D&C 130:18-21) So it is simple. Find the law. Obey it.

There are certain principles of preparedness that are basic. I am sure we’d all select them in a multiple choice quiz, but it is shocking how many of us refuse to live by them. In fact we prefer not to think about them at all. We’d really rather laugh at the people who govern their lives by them. How boring right? Well, when it hits the fan and the unthinkable is happening, some things are just not so funny anymore. At the time of me writing this, we are in (what is probably) the beginning of the Corona Virus pandemic. Schools have closed. Gatherings of more than fifteen are prohibited. For the most part, citizens are voluntarily self isolating at home. Every detail of the fabric of our society has shifted in a matter of weeks. The changes are fluid. Moving targets. Policies replace policies almost every hour. Unemployment is high, stress and anxiety are epidemic, and the future is shrouded in mystery.

Recently I spoke to a friend of mine Helaman Petlacalco, who lives in Mexico, in an area that is 100% dependent on tourism for its economy, the Yucatan Peninsula. Tourism is to them what Oil is to us in Alberta. In light of the pandemic I asked him how he and his family were doing. I have read and re-read his answer multiple times. His perspective is refreshing, encouraging, even empowering. Let me share a little of it here. He reminded me of some memorable, relatively recent times that stood out to him as affecting their economy. Things such as *1985 earthquake in Mexico City – *1988 hurricane Gilbert in Cancun – *9-11 in 2001 which affected air travel and tourist confidence for a very long time – *2005 hurricane Wilma in Cancun – *global economic crises in 2008 – *2009 swine flu originating in central Mexico – *2017 a public shooting in the main police office in Cancun days only after another public shooting in close by Playa del Carmen. . . . . . . . .

He said “Thanks to all of these experiences and the gospel, I was ready and prepared. I told my kids and their spouses several weeks ago to get ready for this adventure. The thing I thank my Heavenly Father so much for, is that this is happening after our high season of tourism. He gave us the chance to work and to save money. Otherwise, it would be really very hard.”

Can I just interject here? He refers to some of the worst times in their recent economic history as “good experiences”. What an interesting perspective. I happen to know that they were bad experiences for tens of thousands of Mexicans, including his own family, and yet – he reflects upon them as “good” experiences. Without trying to read too much into my friend’s words, he is of course, referring to what came out of those experiences. The lessons that were learned. Those lessons taught principles of self reliance by unveiling weak spots in current habits, and showing a better way.

Then he concluded his message by bearing personal testimony – revealing the true foundation for his hope and strength. “I don’t know how long it might take,” he said “but I would love so much if this was part of the second coming and to see my Saviour very soon! That is really exciting!” For millennia, people have referred to that “Great and Terrible Day” of when the Saviour returns. The two terms ‘great’ and ‘terrible’ are generally polar in definition, and imply that for some it might be great and for some it might indeed be terrible. I don’t want to get into a discussion of that right now, other than to acknowledge that my friend’s mention of it refers to more than just a physical, temporal preparation. Just saying. For now. Another conversation for another time.

He then concluded “I don’t know why my character is so positive, but I trust in Him and I understand that He knows what He is doing. I love Him for all that He did, does and will do for us.” – Helaman Petlacalco (private letter)

the Good Shepherd by Simon Dewey

There are pearls of wisdom in Helaman’s comments, that can help us all. We have all had times of difficulty from which we should have learned important life-lessons, and developed skills and attitudes that would sustain us in the future. If that is not the case, or if you can’t recall them specifically right now, then perhaps our current shared experience with the Corona Virus will help. Perhaps THIS will be our “good experience”. The one that teaches us what our strengths are, where weaknesses in our self-reliance lie, and where we can reliably place our trust. Will we get over this and return to normal? I believe we will get over it. I genuinely do. But I hope with all my heart that we don’t ever go back to ‘normal’. There are many things wrong with our ‘normal’. I hope that we will learn from this and become a better people – globally, nationally, in our own communities, neighbourhoods, and especially in our own homes, with our own families. We can only do that if we make the decision to learn, and to do better.

quote from Maya Angelou

Here are two foundational issues of temporal self reliance that I believe are critical for us to focus on. Our physical, mental and emotional well beings are intricately connected to them both.

Money

Most North Americans are a single pay check away from insolvency. That is a scary thought because we’re talking about real human beings – with faces and names, and families and homes that they will lose. Consumer debt is at an unprecedented high, and increasing at an alarming rate annually. This spells d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r for individuals, families, communities and nations. We MUST do our part by starting at home. Rules to live by:

over spending and mismanagement of household funds is a huge source of stress and anxiety
  1. Stay out of debt.
    Okay I said it. That’s where it begins and ends. If you couldn’t pay for it last month what made you believe you could pay for it this month? Or next month? There is no possession that will make you feel so good that it is worth the stress and burden of debt. Interest never sleeps. It has no sick days, and it never goes on vacation. It is constantly on the clock. And it is not your friend.
  2. Save Up rather than Pay Off.
    This requires some self governing. Maybe you don’t get that ‘thing’ right now. Maybe you save for another few months (or years) and get it when you can. Maybe you never do. That’s okay. You’re working toward something much more important. Peace of mind. There is no price nor substitute for PEACE of mind.
  3. You don’t ‘deserve’ that thing you want.
    What kind of foolishness is that line of thinking? Having a shiny new, fully loaded truck is not a basic human right. Get one you can afford. Yes, it might be used. Yes, it might not have all those bells and whistles. And yes, you might even want to learn to change your own oil. But above all, learn to distinguish between “privileges” and basic human rights. They are not the same.
  4. Live within your means.
    If you can’t pay for it by the end of THIS month, You-Cannot-Afford-it. There it is. Straight forward and unadorned. For something so difficult to live with, it is amazingly simple. Remind yourself of that continually. It gets easier. Trust me.
  5. Debt for this or that?
    Okay let’s be reasonable. I know some debt is necessary for some things in our society. But those things are FEW.
    – A house. Modest and affordable. One that you can reasonably hope to pay off, and one with payments you can manage without spending every last dollar.
    – A vehicle. Perhaps. But one that is modest and affordable and that you can pay off in a year or two at most.
    – An education. If necessary, and which should be reasonable and subsidised by seasonal or part time work when possible.
    NOT a vacation-in-the-sun. NOT a fancy new zoom-zoom car. NOT a brand new motor home. NOT dance lessons, dinner out, new clothes or a movie. And for heaven’s sake NOT food! Sacrifice what you need to, to put healthy food on the table – that you can afford. Garden if you can. Go back to the basics, just don’t spend what you don’t have. The other stuff: if you can pay for those things – enjoy them. If you cannot, wait till you can.

    “Look to the condition of your finances. Discipline yourself in your purchases, avoiding debt to the extent you can. In most cases, you can avoid debt by managing your resources wisely. If you do incur debt, such as a reasonable amount in order to purchase a modest home or complete your education, work to repay it as quickly as possible and free yourself from bondage. When you have paid your debts and accumulated some savings, you will be prepared for financial storms that may come your way. You will have shelter for your family and peace in your heart” (True to the Faith, 2004, 48–49).
  6. Save for a rainy day.
    I know it is easy to say we should all set some savings aside, but I also know what it is like when there simply isn’t anything left at the end of the month. We too went through years of living hand to mouth, barely able to make it through the month, being stressed about kindergarten fees, school supplies, additional field trip expenses, new clothes for the kids, and inside shoes for school, not to mention birthdays, Christmas and all those ‘extra’ things that are part of family life. Putting money in the bank seemed impossible. We’ve all read the counsel to “pay yourself first”. Whatever! When you have nothing, that is insulting to even hear. I know.

    But I am here to tell you that even $10 in the bank is better than nothing. And $10 once a month turns into $120 in twelve months. And one year turns into two years, then pretty soon ten. The point is to start where you are. Put something aside. Anything. And then do it again. And again. Consistently. Tires need replacing, kids need braces, furnaces quit in the middle of winter cold snaps, …. emergencies that could have put you into debt can be met head-on by a rainy day fund. It gets easier as time goes on. And watching it grow (even slowly) is immensely satisfying.
  7. Be charitable.
    I saved this for the last, not because it is of lesser importance, but because I want to emphasize it. Moroni tells us that “charity is the greatest of all“, and that though all things must fail, “charity never faileth“. Charity, he clarifies, is the pure love of Christ, and we must all possess it. (Moroni 7:46,47) Taking care of oneself should never be at the expense of charity. How can one reconcile the two when our own personal need is great? They are not mutually exclusive. Jacob counsels us to “seek ye for the kingdom of God …. before ye seek for riches“. (Jacob 2:18) It becomes a principle of faith. We always have something we can share when the spirit prompts, even though there might be sacrifice involved in the sharing of it.

    Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are asked to go without food for a period of time every month. The money that would normally be spent on those missed meals is freed up to give to those who have less. We call that a ‘fast offering’, and there are real and tangible blessings that come from a generous fast offering. Yes, it is another principle of faith – to give when you feel you don’t have much to give, but it is a principle that becomes easier with testing. “I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say”(D&C 82:10) is the comforting, and accompanying principle that attends any example of obedience, including charity.

    Sharing as the spirit prompts and giving service as opportunity presents itself, will never be in conflict with basic principles of self reliance. One should still avoid debt and live within our means; we cannot give what is not ours to give. It has been my experience that the Lord will never allow himself to be in our debt. When we sacrifice, He blesses us. When we sacrifice again, He repays more. No matter how much we try to get ahead of him, we will always be the ones in His debt, because the attending blessings are too great to number. Trust in Him, and like the Widow of Zarephath, you too will be blessed for your charity.

    In our effort toward Self Reliance and Preparedness, never think to get ahead at the expense of charity.

the way out

I am not pretending to be an expert on debt reduction, but we have been on both sides of it. More than once I am embarrassed to admit. We first hand know the despair that comes from over spending and unmanageable debt. Of living outside of our means. We also know the relief of that final payment, and the peace of mind that follows. We know what it is like to lose our house in a season of unemployment. We also know what is to NOT lose our house in another season of unemployment. And I don’t want to trivialise the journey by giving some trite recommendation; it deserves a much bigger picture than that. Such as I have something to offer, I will address it in a future post. But for now, we can say it requires the DECISION to do so, and then the commitment to follow through on that decision. Make the decision now to do whatever it takes to begin the journey of being debt free.

Food and other Necessities

Home Storage
During the early days of the Corona crises, we were all shocked at the sudden shortages of certain items in grocery stores that resulted from panic-buying. Ridiculous items like toilet paper. One person’s full cart prompts another to reconsider their decision to buy only one, which prompts another and another. We are so susceptible to social suggestion, and sometimes make regrettable decisions based on crowd mentality. Surely all that money spent on toilet paper could have been put in more sensible purchases if a little forethought had been applied. Whatever the motivation – personal use? possible future trade? business investment? or to take advantage of others later … the whole fear-fed panic purchasing situation is so preventable with a little preparation.

If you are one who relies on weekly grocery shopping or regular take-out, it might seem overwhelming to have a long term supply of food on hand. What to buy? How and where to store it? And most importantly, how to afford it? …. Step back. Take a breath. This is not only good counsel, it is very doable. It may take time (and it should take time), but with a little planning and consistent execution you will start to feel the peace that comes from being a week ahead, two weeks ahead, … a month ahead, six months ahead.
Consider these steps:

Don’t go to extremes.
Calm down. Avoid the temptation to go into debt by trying to establish your food storage all at once. Remember the rule above – if you can’t pay for it, you cannot afford it. Have a plan. Gradually adding to your ‘Home-Store’ one step at a time, will not be a financial burden to you. I promise.

Store what you Eat and eat what you store.
Don’t go all crazy and buy a bunch of shelf stable stuff you have never eaten before and don’t even like. Doing that gives “food storage” a bad reputation. If it would take a zombie apocalypse to talk ourselves into eating it, then we have made some poor food choices. But get real, this might imply that we start integrating more basic foods into our daily routine, so that we can learn to prepare them and become accustomed to using them.

Don’t forget the fruits and vegetables. Yes, the basics: flour, rice, beans, grains, pasta etc, but good health is intricately connected to good nutrition, and good nutrition is dependent on FRUITS and VEGETABLES. Clearly with fruits and vegetables, a form of preservation is required. Nutrition should be our primary focus when considering what form of fruits and vegetables we intend to store. Most fruits are picked before they’re ripe, for better travelling. This is unfortunate as the final stages of ripening involves the development of many vital nutrients, that would get utterly missed if picked before fully ripe.

Options:

* Canned:
Whether commercially canned or home bottled, the process retains approximately 40% of the food value. Not ideal, but still an easy and reliable method of home preservation.
Shelf life TWO years. Caution: often contains other less desirable ingredients.

* Frozen:
Whether frozen at home, or commercially frozen, the process retains approximately 60% of the food value. Must be properly prepared and properly stored.
Shelf life three to twelve months, depending on what it is. Caution: completely dependent on electricity.

* Dehydrated:
Could retain up to 80% of food value but assurances of this and the shelf life are unstable due to the number of variables. Whether home dried, or commercially dehydrated (drum dried), answers to the questions of *temperature during drying process? *length of time from harvest to dehydrator? *how much moisture did you remove? *are you sure about that? was the use of sulphurs used in the process? all contribute to the bigger picture.

* Freeze dried:
Freeze drying could retain up to 98% of the original food value. Whether freeze dried at home or done commercially, it is a two step process that involves 1) freezing as fast as possible, and 2) removing the remaining moisture through a vacuum-like process using no heat. This yields a food that is completely without moisture. When it is packed in an oxygen free container, it’s shelf life is a remarkable twenty five years.

With all these methods of preservation, it is critical to process fruits or vegetables as quickly as possible from the garden to the kitchen. This ensures nutrient stability as produce begins to deteriorate within the first hour after harvest. Buying fruit that was picked green a week ago to can, freeze, dehydrate or freeze dry yields a substandard product to begin with. Attention to this detail is important. When purchasing freeze dried foods, you should have assurance that time from field to freezer is as short as possible.

Starting Small Works:
During your normal shopping trip, when you come across a good deal of what you would normally buy – buy an additional one, or even a few more than you ordinarily would. As you can afford it. It really IS as simple as that. When you go home, set it aside as the beginning of your Home-store. A few extra tubes of toothpaste, an extra package of toilet paper, a few additional cans of tomatoes, etc. Keep it up, and watch as it grows, perhaps slowly at first, but steadily nonetheless. Focusing on those foods that are already IN your ‘normal’. reliance. Buy what you can afford, but remember that paying interest on top of a good deal – defeats the ‘good deal’. Every week you will feel more peace-of-mind about your increasing level of self

Rotating food:
Every food has a shelf life, and yes, I know that the food doesn’t self destruct the day after that best-before date, but nutrition is lessening every week that goes by. The answer of course, is to USE the food in our Home-store. When we buy more, put the new cans in the back so that we are always using the oldest cans first. I usually write the date I buy the food on the lid so that I see that information readily.
With freeze dried food, the open shelf life is generally a year. I mark the day I open the can on the lid to keep it front-of-mind. Remember to keep the lid on, as being without moisture the food will readily absorb moisture in the air (even when you don’t think there is any). Moisture won’t spoil the food, but it will take away its ‘crispness’, and that is what gives it its long shelf life. I keep open cans in my kitchen so they are hand to use for every day meals.

HOME-Store vs Food Storage:
The concept of a “Home-store” is that when the kitchen runs out, one simply goes to the home store to bring another one into the kitchen. A Home-store is in a constant state of replenishment because it’s constantly being used.
I cannot count to the number of people I have spoken to over the years who live by the principle that food storage is Food Storage and groceries are Groceries, and never the two shall meet. No offence intended, but what kind of goofiness is that? It is contrary to the whole concept of rotation and the counsel to “store what we eat, eat what we store”. We all know how quickly time flies and soon even the food with the 25 year shelf life will be a decade old. I have known people who boasted “I have a whole lot of freeze dried food in my food storage.” As soon as I hear this, I know how the conversation will develop. I ask “How do you like it?” They say “Oh I’ve never used it.” I say “Why not?” They say “Because its FOOD STORAGE. And besides, I haven’t got a clue what to do with it.” Then comes the clincher. I ask “How long have you had it?” The answer: “we bought it the year we moved here.” How long ago was that? “We’ve been here 37 years.” . . . . pause . . . . “You realize its 12 years PAST the expiry date right? When exactly were you thinking about using it?”

I get the concept of ‘protecting’ one’s food storage. But by doing that, we more often unintentionally waste it. Can using it regularly, continually replenishing in a Home-store model, be more expensive than throwing out $6000 worth of food that is decades older than it was ever intended to be?

It is my hope and prayer that we will learn valuable lessons from the wonderful hands-on experience we’re sharing in this Corona Virus chapter. We are in fact living History. Books will be written about what we are going through at this very moment in our lives. Our grandchildren will learn about it, the way we learned about the world wars, deadly Spanish flue epidemic and great Depression. Many of us will suffer more than we needed to, but the lessons we are learning are ones we could never have learned any other way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’d love to hear your strategies for navigating these waters, and riding this wave of social isolation and the tremendous effect it is having on our economy.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

references

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do better … that’s enough

Studies show that of the 45% of Canadians who make New Years Resolutions, 75% maintain the momentum thru the first week of January. 46% of us last past the 6 month mark, and 8% follow through sufficiently enough to reach their goals.

The key words of course are: FOLLOW THROUGH.
If it was a good idea on Dec 31, then it is still a good idea. If we have slipped or wavered from our intentions, we don’t have to throw our hands up in the air and give up – again. There is an alternative. Admitting that you fell off the wagon may be discouraging, but getting back on the wagon is a good strategy.

Self-improvement or education related resolutions take the top spot at 47%. I’m surprised, because I didn’t know there was any other kind of resolution. I mean really, if its not going to make you a better human being, what was the point of making the goal? Oh well, who am I to question statistics?

I know enough however, to know that anything we do that is better than we did, is a step in the right direction. The Best time to Do Better was a long time ago, but the second best time is always today.

I have this quote silk screened onto a scarf that I wear often. It is a personal reminder to me of my commitment to do better, and permission to let go of mistakes: “Do the Best that you can until you know Better. Then when you know better, DO Better.” Maya Angelou

Here’s to RE-commitment to better choices even though January is over ….

Cindy Suelzle

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One step at a time. One project at a time.

Every year since we bought our first house in our early married years (a real honest to goodness fixer upper), we’ve kept to a plan of home improvements as we could afford them. Limiting ourselves to two projects a year, helped motivate us without overwhelming us. It also kept it affordable. Over the years, we’ve stuck to it in every house we lived – even when it was a low income rental when Dan went back to school. It kept us thinking, planning, and making things better for ourselves, while keeping projects in perspective and manageable, All these many years later, we still follow the same formula. One inside project. One outside project.

Some have been big projects – like 2015’s kitchen, and the 2021 greenhouse.  
Some have been smaller projects – like planting a tree, painting a wall, replacing a fixture or a single window or laying some reclaimed brick in the garden paths. The outside project is in the warm months, the inside project is reserved for the cold months. No one wants to waste beautiful summer days working in the house.

hard to see the glass brick patio in this little bistro area off the kitchen door, but this is where it is. To the right, you can catch a glimpse of a 45 gallon rain barrel hooked up to the rainspout

One year we scored some glass bricks from a friend’s reno project. I was so happy! Dan – not so happy. They sat around for a year or two, Dan trying to talk me into getting rid of them, (hoping they’d break so I’d have to) and me just ‘knowing‘ they had a higher purpose in my life. LOL.

In 2002 a big bush winter killed and had to be removed. Just outside the kitchen door, which was very provident! I had the boys chop it down and dig the roots out. We could have planted another tree, but I had visions of a little bistro-type area. Zack and Joseph were willing to make my vision come to life. Dan was not convinced it would work, and didn’t like the idea of the glass bricks being a floor, so he kept his distance from what he was sure was a doomed project. The boys created a base out of sand from the sandbox, and laid the glass bricks as if they were ‘bricks’. Truth be told, I only expected those bricks to last a year or two. None of us were very hopeful about what the winter might do to them, but we had nothing to lose by trying, and everything to gain.  So we did it anyway.

These pictures were taken 14 years later. We’ve had to replace a brick or two from time to time, but not more than 6 or 8 in total. They’ve sunk a little bit, owing to our amateur job of packing the base layer in. But they’re still wonderful, and I still love the spot on our east side, just outside the kitchen door. The perfect spot for a summer breakfast, or a dinner in the shade.  In the picture above you can see the strings from the hammock (on the left) strung from this tree to the one next to it.

In 2016, our inside project was a big one that took 10 times longer than we anticipated. We created a bathroom downstairs adjoining a room that we call “Gramma’s room” for my mom. This was the first big project in preparation for my mother coming to live with us, hence the name “Gramma’s room“. We used to call it Uncle Luke’s room, but things have changed. It was a very big deal. The first project quite so all inclusively complicated. When it was done, we considered having a “Bathroom Done Party” to celebrate. If you came to visit in the months after it was finished, we probably invited you to come see it. LOL. We rejoiced for months and I found myself going down to look at it several times a day for the first few weeks.

We had started the bathroom in January and finished the end of June. When I use the word “WE”, I am of course referring to the “royal WE”. Meaning Dan, although I do the clean up when things get done. There were lots of domino projects that had to get done simultaneously to make it possible. It was a big project that impacted every room downstairs before it was done, and our grandchildren couldn’t play downstairs for so long, they forgot we had a downstairs.

The adjoining bedroom “Gramma’d bedroom” would be the next year’s inside project, but that was a subject we avoided discussing for a very long time. Not surprisingly, the outside project that year was a small one. It was tempting to not do anything that year, but we had made the decision long ago, and that meant we would make one improvement a year outside and one inside. And sticking to it was important.

We painted the fence panel behind our bistro area in the backyard. I know. Big deal. It only took me one day. (We needed easy because the bathroom sucked all our energy.) But easy doesn’t mean ‘do nothing‘. It is important to be flexible with our energy and our expenses, and to not bite off more than we can chew, or afford. Some jobs are big and some are just small. But each one moves us forward, and brings with it a sense of accomplishment. It is just as important to stick to the plan, and move forward. Progress means forward. One step at a time.

Do you have a plan for fixing things up in your little world? I’d love to hear it.


Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

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I Will Walk You Thru the Night. . . . . a mother’s promise

There were many times as a younger mom when I knew I had made a mistake.

Sometimes I would be so ashamed – I wanted so much to be a ‘good mom’.  I wanted to raise my children to the Lord, and have them be well rounded and strong and healthy in every way.  I wanted them to enter their youth and adulthood prepared for all that this telestial world could throw at them.  But alas, I was so flawed as a mother – that sometimes I realized I was failing miserably at being the mom they deserved.

Sometimes I would try to make it right – and I’d sit on my oldest son’s bed at night and tell him “I know you didn’t mean to ….. I know you’ve never been a little boy before and you’re just learning how, and that you’re doing your best. I never have been a mommy before either, and I’m just learning how, and sometimes I make mistakes too. But I’m trying to get better.”  Sometimes I would make deals with him, and always I would promise to be better at it tomorrow.  But I don’t know that I always was.  More likely, I just discovered a new mistake to make.  I was always great at making discoveries. 🙂
image by Brian Kershisnik
One day when he was a teenager and we were having yet another one of our ‘disagreements‘, he sarcastically asked “Is this gonna be another one of those times when you come sit on my bed and say you’re sorry?”
Whoah!  To say his timing was poor – was to put it mildly.  I was after all, still the flawed Mother, and I certainly was in no mood to hear that!

“MaaaaayBe.” I retorted “But right now – it doesn’t feel that way!”
I admit it, it wasn’t my finest mothering moment, and I do believe it marked the end of those tender little bedtime talks.
. . . .
So, long story short – we finally made it, and my kids are all grown up.  I’d like to say I finally got it right and that all my mistakes are in the past. ….. But sadly – I am painfully aware that I’m still making them.  Sheeeesh.  I hate to break it to all you moms who are younger than me, but you may never really ‘get it‘. ….. Or maybe YOU will. ….. Thank goodness, I don’t seem to be repeating a lot of the same mistakes.  Nooooo, I am inventing new ones as I go.  I told you I was good at making discoveries.  It is a talent I don’t seem to have lost.

I am comforted by a revelatory experience I had when my oldest was about 7 or 8 years old.  It suddenly occurred to me that he was now the age that I was when I began collecting more vivid memories from my childhood, and specifically of my own mom.  I realized that the memories my kids were making NOW would be with them their whole lives, and I also realized – with a stark reality check, and a healthy dose of humility, that my mom had done the very best she knew how – just like I was trying to do. And I was filled with compassion for her, and forgiveness – for whatever mistakes she may have made along the way, and for whatever faults she may have had. And I fervently hoped that one day, my kids would realize the same thing, and would also forgive me for all my mistakes in this great circle of life, because one day in their turn, they too would be doing the best they know how to do, and one day to follow, they too would pray for forgiveness for not always getting it right. I hoped they would learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones – that somehow they would be better than me, and that with every generation we could minimize the mistakes in our family, and become better parents and better people. Who knows? Maybe – if we were allowed enough generations before this ol’ world comes to an end, and if we put all of our effort into it, we might even become really good parents.

I came across a quote from May Angelou a few years ago and it is very prominently displayed in my home. “Do the BEST you can until you know better. Then when you know better, DO BETTER.”  I don’t beat myself up about things I did.  I know I did the best I knew how to do, and there is great comfort in that.  But I do know better now, and it is my obligation to act on what I know.

Cherie Call put some of my most tender thoughts as a mom to music (she seems to read my mind sometimes) in this wonderful song WALK YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT on her album GRACE.  (Mercy River also sings it on their album COME ALIVE.)  Perhaps the words speak for you too. Thank-you Cherie – you speak to my heart.

“I may not be the best at very many things
but I believe I love you perfectly . . . ”

If good mothering could be judged by that attribute alone, then I could be the best mom ever!

“. . . you are bound to have some nightmares
so am I
but you can count on me to hold you
when you cry . . . .
I can’t promise that I’ll always get it right,
but I will walk you thru the night.”

Thank goodness, its not over and I still have time to learn.  Grandchildren are the great gift of second chances – a chance to make restitution.  Whew! And I hold out hope that one day – perhaps by running out of mistakes to make, I will have exhausted the list, and I will finally get it right, and be the kind of mom my kids deserve.

“If God will grant my wish then I will wait for you
beyond the veil, just before you slip through.
As you softly close your eyes I will sing my lullabies to you,
and before you make your way into the light
I will walk you thru the night.”

click HERE to find out more about Cherie

image by Brian Kershisnik

Cindy Suelzle

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Remember When Jesus Gave You a Present and He Said SURPRISE!?

One day whe Luke was three or four years old, he said to me “Remember when Jesus came to our house Mom?”
hmmmm, I was a just a little confused …. “Nooo Luke. I don’t remember that.”
“Mom! He came. Remember?”
I racked my brain trying to recall some bearded man who had recently come to visit us. But couldn’t. “uh, no Luke. I am sorrry. I don’t remember.”
“Mom! You were there!” Had Brother Blommaert come to visit? He had a beard.
“Mom! He ringed the doorbell!” Had Brother Blommaert dropped something off recently? When I wasn’t home perhaps?
“And he gave you a present.”
…. oh my – this was getting very mysterious. “Jesus gave ME a present Luke?” Brother Blommaert MUST have been by.
“Yes! And the present was all wrapped up in a blanket.”

Feeling very sorry to disappoint him, but not recalling any recent event that might fit into the description he was giving me, I admitted defeat. “No Luke. I am sorry. But I cannot remember when Jesus came to our door and gave me a present.”
“MOM! And he said SURPRISE! and when you opened it up, it was ME!”
The light went on.
“Oh Yes! I certainly do remember when Jesus gave me a wonderful surprise, and you’re right, it WAS you. Best surprise ever. …… But Luke, Jesus didn’t actually ring the doorbell.”

Luke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t heard the wonderful story of how he came to our family. “A long time ago, there was just Mommy and Daddy, and Jacob, and Sarah, and Zack and Joseph. But no Luke. We thought everybody in our family was home. But you weren’t with us yet. You were still living in heaven. You were waiting for your turn to come to us, but we didn’t know that because it was a surprise. And we were just going about doing our stuff. And you were saying “Wait! Wait for me.” but we couldn’t hear you. We were having a picnic, and riding our bikes, and eating dinner and reading stories and you were saying “Hey! Wait for me!” And then one day, Heavenly Father said “its time to go join your family” and you were so happy. And Heavenly Father told us “Surprise!” and He gave you to us. And we were so surprised! And so so so happy.”

Well that boy is almost thirty years old. And just about three decades ago Heavenly Father really did tell us “Surprise!”, and a few months later, Luke joined our happy family, completing that generation of it. April 7 1990. A Happy Day for all of us. Luke gave Jacob the chance to re-find his tender-big-brother-side, Sarah the chance to practice being a mommy on her own real-live doll. He gave Zack and Joseph a little brother to play with and to take care of. And he gave Dan and I another chance to put into practice all the things we learned from the other kids. Another chance to get it right. Baby Luke was a delight to us all. Never was there a little boy more loved and cared for, and cuddled and read to. He was always in someone’s arms. Sitting in church became a political problem …. he was three years old and everyone still wanted to hold him. I am amazed he ever learned to sit on his own, let alone walk on his own.

Why the story? Because at one point, before 1990 we thought we were finished having children. The doctors had strongly advised that my fourth caesarian should be my last, and after months of confusion, and praying for guidance about such an important decision, we decided at length to follow the doctor’s counsel and leave the details up to the Lord. We never had that conclusive feeling that our family was finished, but we knew with God all things are possible. We had good examples of adoption in our extended families. We had fostered briefly. We had provided a home for two years for the teenaged child of a friend. We knew there were numerous ways a child could join a family. It didn’t need to be traditional. We figured that if we were open and receptive, then one day, when the time was right, Heavenly Father would find a use for these parents who still had years to give. We trusted that one day – we might be surprised, and that if we would just be watchful, and receptive to the promptings, that we would respond appropriately when the time came, and the Lord might be able to work through us. It never occured to us that a child could come to us through the normal means after we had taken measures to ensure I didn’t get pregnant again. We didn’t think that was possible. Well, guess what? It is. With God – ALL things are possible. He knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And He was patient with our decision five years before – knowing afterall, that He was in control. “You do the best you can until you know Better.” right?

My fear was that one day Luke might hear the word ‘surprise‘ from another source,and another perspective. All of our friends and family knew the miracle by which he came to us. I was afraid that at some point, he might overhear a portion of his story out of context, and he might deduce that ‘surprise’ meant something else. I wanted him to always know he was important, and loved and welcomed to our family with open arms and open hearts. I wanted to make sure that he never had a reason to doubt that, and I concluded that the only way I could ensure he never thought differently was if he heard it all from ME first. So from before the time he could talk, he heard his story. About how we didn’t know he was going to come to our family, but we were so happy when we found out. I told him in a way that I thought he could absorb. Funny how kids fit truth into their own reality. They sort it out in the way that they see the world. In the way that makes sense to them. I was okay with that. I knew that as he grew and his understanding developed, he would sort out the details. The only thing that was critically important was that he always feel loved.

Somewhere along the line, Luke grew up. And now he has two babies of his own. Very wanted and welcomed and loved babies that he shares with his lovely wife Pam, and with the rest of us. Cause that’s what families do. But he’s still my baby. And I still refer to him as my baby. And sometimes the grandchildren feel the need to object. “Uncle Luke isn’t a baby!” they say.
I tell them “oh yes he is. Don’t ever fool yourselves. Uncle Luke will always be our baby. And you know what? He likes being the baby. Don’t you Uncle Luke?”

“Yup.” (that’s how he talks)

And the world continues to turn. And babies grow up. And mom’s get older too. But some things should never change.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle