Preparedness – doesn’t have to be difficult or hardcore. It can be Simple and Straight forward with a little forethought

I hope, as you do, that this terrible situation we find ourselves in with the Corona Virus (late winter of 2020) will soon have an end; that we will accomplish what is needed to reduce the rate of spreading infection, as well as develop weapons to use against it, not-the-least-of-which is a vaccine. I hope that soon life will return to one where we can freely be in each other’s company again, and where we can reach out and ‘touch’. Who could have imagined that shaking hands and hugging would become taboo overnight? How can humanity – the social creatures that we are, go on indefinitely without the wonderfulness of ‘touch’?

But in the meantime, there are undoubtedly many things we can learn. Ways we can turn this awful experience to our good. If we come out of it unscathed and in time go back to the way things were, then it benefits us nothing. And I just cannot believe that such a BIG deal is meant to benefit us nothing. The Lord tells us “all things shall work together for your good” and here’s the clincher “if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another. ” (D&C 90:24) This is a ‘covenant verse’. [covenant see below] It carries with it a promise. IF you do this, THEN I will do that. In this case IF we walk uprightly and remember our covenants THEN the Lord will ensure all things work to our good. I love this verse. It is in my top ten favourites. In it I find hope and assurance, because He also said “I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (D&C 82:10) This is my mantra. It governs my life. Find out what the Lord wants me to do and DO IT. I cannot think of a single being that I am more anxious to have BOUND to me than my God. And He happily agrees to it. If I am to have Him work an experience to my good, then I am under strict obligation to honour my commitment which is to walk uprightly before Him (remember Him and obey His commandments) and honour my covenants.

I also find it interesting that He says “ALL things shall work together for your good“. He doesn’t say “some things”. He doesn’t even say “most things”. He doesn’t say “all things except drug abuse”, or “all things except for deliberate conscious, stupid choices”. He says “ALL things”. The word ALL is pretty inclusive in our language, and I will take Him at His word. I choose to believe He intended me to know He means “ALL things” including a global pandemic which may in fact take the life of someone I love.
I will go forward with that understanding. The question then is – what is my my part? my responsibility in this arrangement? We know that “there is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated – and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” (D&C 130:18-21) So it is simple. Find the law. Obey it.

There are certain principles of preparedness that are basic. I am sure we’d all select them in a multiple choice quiz, but it is shocking how many of us refuse to live by them. In fact we prefer not to think about them at all. We’d really rather laugh at the people who govern their lives by them. How boring right? Well, when it hits the fan and the unthinkable is happening, some things are just not so funny anymore. At the time of me writing this, we are in (what is probably) the beginning of the Corona Virus pandemic. Schools have closed. Gatherings of more than fifteen are prohibited. For the most part, citizens are voluntarily self isolating at home. Every detail of the fabric of our society has shifted in a matter of weeks. The changes are fluid. Moving targets. Policies replace policies almost every hour. Unemployment is high, stress and anxiety are epidemic, and the future is shrouded in mystery.

Recently I spoke to a friend of mine Helaman Petlacalco, who lives in Mexico, in an area that is 100% dependent on tourism for its economy, the Yucatan Peninsula. Tourism is to them what Oil is to us in Alberta. In light of the pandemic I asked him how he and his family were doing. I have read and re-read his answer multiple times. His perspective is refreshing, encouraging, even empowering. Let me share a little of it here. He reminded me of some memorable, relatively recent times that stood out to him as affecting their economy. Things such as *1985 earthquake in Mexico City – *1988 hurricane Gilbert in Cancun – *9-11 in 2001 which affected air travel and tourist confidence for a very long time – *2005 hurricane Wilma in Cancun – *global economic crises in 2008 – *2009 swine flu originating in central Mexico – *2017 a public shooting in the main police office in Cancun days only after another public shooting in close by Playa del Carmen. . . . . . . . .

He said “Thanks to all of these experiences and the gospel, I was ready and prepared. I told my kids and their spouses several weeks ago to get ready for this adventure. The thing I thank my Heavenly Father so much for, is that this is happening after our high season of tourism. He gave us the chance to work and to save money. Otherwise, it would be really very hard.”

Can I just interject here? He refers to some of the worst times in their recent economic history as “good experiences”. What an interesting perspective. I happen to know that they were bad experiences for tens of thousands of Mexicans, including his own family, and yet – he reflects upon them as “good” experiences. Without trying to read too much into my friend’s words, he is of course, referring to what came out of those experiences. The lessons that were learned. Those lessons taught principles of self reliance by unveiling weak spots in current habits, and showing a better way.

Then he concluded his message by bearing personal testimony – revealing the true foundation for his hope and strength. “I don’t know how long it might take,” he said “but I would love so much if this was part of the second coming and to see my Saviour very soon! That is really exciting!” For millennia, people have referred to that “Great and Terrible Day” of when the Saviour returns. The two terms ‘great’ and ‘terrible’ are generally polar in definition, and imply that for some it might be great and for some it might indeed be terrible. I don’t want to get into a discussion of that right now, other than to acknowledge that my friend’s mention of it refers to more than just a physical, temporal preparation. Just saying. For now. Another conversation for another time.

He then concluded “I don’t know why my character is so positive, but I trust in Him and I understand that He knows what He is doing. I love Him for all that He did, does and will do for us.” – Helaman Petlacalco (private letter)

the Good Shepherd by Simon Dewey

There are pearls of wisdom in Helaman’s comments, that can help us all. We have all had times of difficulty from which we should have learned important life-lessons, and developed skills and attitudes that would sustain us in the future. If that is not the case, or if you can’t recall them specifically right now, then perhaps our current shared experience with the Corona Virus will help. Perhaps THIS will be our “good experience”. The one that teaches us what our strengths are, where weaknesses in our self-reliance lie, and where we can reliably place our trust. Will we get over this and return to normal? I believe we will get over it. I genuinely do. But I hope with all my heart that we don’t ever go back to ‘normal’. There are many things wrong with our ‘normal’. I hope that we will learn from this and become a better people – globally, nationally, in our own communities, neighbourhoods, and especially in our own homes, with our own families. We can only do that if we make the decision to learn, and to do better.

quote from Maya Angelou

Here are two foundational issues of temporal self reliance that I believe are critical for us to focus on. Our physical, mental and emotional well beings are intricately connected to them both.

Money

Most North Americans are a single pay check away from insolvency. That is a scary thought because we’re talking about real human beings – with faces and names, and families and homes that they will lose. Consumer debt is at an unprecedented high, and increasing at an alarming rate annually. This spells d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r for individuals, families, communities and nations. We MUST do our part by starting at home. Rules to live by:

over spending and mismanagement of household funds is a huge source of stress and anxiety
  1. Stay out of debt.
    Okay I said it. That’s where it begins and ends. If you couldn’t pay for it last month what made you believe you could pay for it this month? Or next month? There is no possession that will make you feel so good that it is worth the stress and burden of debt. Interest never sleeps. It has no sick days, and it never goes on vacation. It is constantly on the clock. And it is not your friend.
  2. Save Up rather than Pay Off.
    This requires some self governing. Maybe you don’t get that ‘thing’ right now. Maybe you save for another few months (or years) and get it when you can. Maybe you never do. That’s okay. You’re working toward something much more important. Peace of mind. There is no price nor substitute for PEACE of mind.
  3. You don’t ‘deserve’ that thing you want.
    What kind of foolishness is that line of thinking? Having a shiny new, fully loaded truck is not a basic human right. Get one you can afford. Yes, it might be used. Yes, it might not have all those bells and whistles. And yes, you might even want to learn to change your own oil. But above all, learn to distinguish between “privileges” and basic human rights. They are not the same.
  4. Live within your means.
    If you can’t pay for it by the end of THIS month, You-Cannot-Afford-it. There it is. Straight forward and unadorned. For something so difficult to live with, it is amazingly simple. Remind yourself of that continually. It gets easier. Trust me.
  5. Debt for this or that?
    Okay let’s be reasonable. I know some debt is necessary for some things in our society. But those things are FEW.
    – A house. Modest and affordable. One that you can reasonably hope to pay off, and one with payments you can manage without spending every last dollar.
    – A vehicle. Perhaps. But one that is modest and affordable and that you can pay off in a year or two at most.
    – An education. If necessary, and which should be reasonable and subsidised by seasonal or part time work when possible.
    NOT a vacation-in-the-sun. NOT a fancy new zoom-zoom car. NOT a brand new motor home. NOT dance lessons, dinner out, new clothes or a movie. And for heaven’s sake NOT food! Sacrifice what you need to, to put healthy food on the table – that you can afford. Garden if you can. Go back to the basics, just don’t spend what you don’t have. The other stuff: if you can pay for those things – enjoy them. If you cannot, wait till you can.

    “Look to the condition of your finances. Discipline yourself in your purchases, avoiding debt to the extent you can. In most cases, you can avoid debt by managing your resources wisely. If you do incur debt, such as a reasonable amount in order to purchase a modest home or complete your education, work to repay it as quickly as possible and free yourself from bondage. When you have paid your debts and accumulated some savings, you will be prepared for financial storms that may come your way. You will have shelter for your family and peace in your heart” (True to the Faith, 2004, 48–49).
  6. Save for a rainy day.
    I know it is easy to say we should all set some savings aside, but I also know what it is like when there simply isn’t anything left at the end of the month. We too went through years of living hand to mouth, barely able to make it through the month, being stressed about kindergarten fees, school supplies, additional field trip expenses, new clothes for the kids, and inside shoes for school, not to mention birthdays, Christmas and all those ‘extra’ things that are part of family life. Putting money in the bank seemed impossible. We’ve all read the counsel to “pay yourself first”. Whatever! When you have nothing, that is insulting to even hear. I know.

    But I am here to tell you that even $10 in the bank is better than nothing. And $10 once a month turns into $120 in twelve months. And one year turns into two years, then pretty soon ten. The point is to start where you are. Put something aside. Anything. And then do it again. And again. Consistently. Tires need replacing, kids need braces, furnaces quit in the middle of winter cold snaps, …. emergencies that could have put you into debt can be met head-on by a rainy day fund. It gets easier as time goes on. And watching it grow (even slowly) is immensely satisfying.
  7. Be charitable.
    I saved this for the last, not because it is of lesser importance, but because I want to emphasize it. Moroni tells us that “charity is the greatest of all“, and that though all things must fail, “charity never faileth“. Charity, he clarifies, is the pure love of Christ, and we must all possess it. (Moroni 7:46,47) Taking care of oneself should never be at the expense of charity. How can one reconcile the two when our own personal need is great? They are not mutually exclusive. Jacob counsels us to “seek ye for the kingdom of God …. before ye seek for riches“. (Jacob 2:18) It becomes a principle of faith. We always have something we can share when the spirit prompts, even though there might be sacrifice involved in the sharing of it.

    Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are asked to go without food for a period of time every month. The money that would normally be spent on those missed meals is freed up to give to those who have less. We call that a ‘fast offering’, and there are real and tangible blessings that come from a generous fast offering. Yes, it is another principle of faith – to give when you feel you don’t have much to give, but it is a principle that becomes easier with testing. “I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say”(D&C 82:10) is the comforting, and accompanying principle that attends any example of obedience, including charity.

    Sharing as the spirit prompts and giving service as opportunity presents itself, will never be in conflict with basic principles of self reliance. One should still avoid debt and live within our means; we cannot give what is not ours to give. It has been my experience that the Lord will never allow himself to be in our debt. When we sacrifice, He blesses us. When we sacrifice again, He repays more. No matter how much we try to get ahead of him, we will always be the ones in His debt, because the attending blessings are too great to number. Trust in Him, and like the Widow of Zarephath, you too will be blessed for your charity.

    In our effort toward Self Reliance and Preparedness, never think to get ahead at the expense of charity.

the way out

I am not pretending to be an expert on debt reduction, but we have been on both sides of it. More than once I am embarrassed to admit. We first hand know the despair that comes from over spending and unmanageable debt. Of living outside of our means. We also know the relief of that final payment, and the peace of mind that follows. We know what it is like to lose our house in a season of unemployment. We also know what is to NOT lose our house in another season of unemployment. And I don’t want to trivialise the journey by giving some trite recommendation; it deserves a much bigger picture than that. Such as I have something to offer, I will address it in a future post. But for now, we can say it requires the DECISION to do so, and then the commitment to follow through on that decision. Make the decision now to do whatever it takes to begin the journey of being debt free.

Food and other Necessities

Home Storage
During the early days of the Corona crises, we were all shocked at the sudden shortages of certain items in grocery stores that resulted from panic-buying. Ridiculous items like toilet paper. One person’s full cart prompts another to reconsider their decision to buy only one, which prompts another and another. We are so susceptible to social suggestion, and sometimes make regrettable decisions based on crowd mentality. Surely all that money spent on toilet paper could have been put in more sensible purchases if a little forethought had been applied. Whatever the motivation – personal use? possible future trade? business investment? or to take advantage of others later … the whole fear-fed panic purchasing situation is so preventable with a little preparation.

If you are one who relies on weekly grocery shopping or regular take-out, it might seem overwhelming to have a long term supply of food on hand. What to buy? How and where to store it? And most importantly, how to afford it? …. Step back. Take a breath. This is not only good counsel, it is very doable. It may take time (and it should take time), but with a little planning and consistent execution you will start to feel the peace that comes from being a week ahead, two weeks ahead, … a month ahead, six months ahead.
Consider these steps:

Don’t go to extremes.
Calm down. Avoid the temptation to go into debt by trying to establish your food storage all at once. Remember the rule above – if you can’t pay for it, you cannot afford it. Have a plan. Gradually adding to your ‘Home-Store’ one step at a time, will not be a financial burden to you. I promise.

Store what you Eat and eat what you store.
Don’t go all crazy and buy a bunch of shelf stable stuff you have never eaten before and don’t even like. Doing that gives “food storage” a bad reputation. If it would take a zombie apocalypse to talk ourselves into eating it, then we have made some poor food choices. But get real, this might imply that we start integrating more basic foods into our daily routine, so that we can learn to prepare them and become accustomed to using them.

Don’t forget the fruits and vegetables. Yes, the basics: flour, rice, beans, grains, pasta etc, but good health is intricately connected to good nutrition, and good nutrition is dependent on FRUITS and VEGETABLES. Clearly with fruits and vegetables, a form of preservation is required. Nutrition should be our primary focus when considering what form of fruits and vegetables we intend to store. Most fruits are picked before they’re ripe, for better travelling. This is unfortunate as the final stages of ripening involves the development of many vital nutrients, that would get utterly missed if picked before fully ripe.

Options:

* Canned:
Whether commercially canned or home bottled, the process retains approximately 40% of the food value. Not ideal, but still an easy and reliable method of home preservation.
Shelf life TWO years. Caution: often contains other less desirable ingredients.

* Frozen:
Whether frozen at home, or commercially frozen, the process retains approximately 60% of the food value. Must be properly prepared and properly stored.
Shelf life three to twelve months, depending on what it is. Caution: completely dependent on electricity.

* Dehydrated:
Could retain up to 80% of food value but assurances of this and the shelf life are unstable due to the number of variables. Whether home dried, or commercially dehydrated (drum dried), answers to the questions of *temperature during drying process? *length of time from harvest to dehydrator? *how much moisture did you remove? *are you sure about that? was the use of sulphurs used in the process? all contribute to the bigger picture.

* Freeze dried:
Freeze drying could retain up to 98% of the original food value. Whether freeze dried at home or done commercially, it is a two step process that involves 1) freezing as fast as possible, and 2) removing the remaining moisture through a vacuum-like process using no heat. This yields a food that is completely without moisture. When it is packed in an oxygen free container, it’s shelf life is a remarkable twenty five years.

With all these methods of preservation, it is critical to process fruits or vegetables as quickly as possible from the garden to the kitchen. This ensures nutrient stability as produce begins to deteriorate within the first hour after harvest. Buying fruit that was picked green a week ago to can, freeze, dehydrate or freeze dry yields a substandard product to begin with. Attention to this detail is important. When purchasing freeze dried foods, you should have assurance that time from field to freezer is as short as possible.

Starting Small Works:
During your normal shopping trip, when you come across a good deal of what you would normally buy – buy an additional one, or even a few more than you ordinarily would. As you can afford it. It really IS as simple as that. When you go home, set it aside as the beginning of your Home-store. A few extra tubes of toothpaste, an extra package of toilet paper, a few additional cans of tomatoes, etc. Keep it up, and watch as it grows, perhaps slowly at first, but steadily nonetheless. Focusing on those foods that are already IN your ‘normal’. reliance. Buy what you can afford, but remember that paying interest on top of a good deal – defeats the ‘good deal’. Every week you will feel more peace-of-mind about your increasing level of self

Rotating food:
Every food has a shelf life, and yes, I know that the food doesn’t self destruct the day after that best-before date, but nutrition is lessening every week that goes by. The answer of course, is to USE the food in our Home-store. When we buy more, put the new cans in the back so that we are always using the oldest cans first. I usually write the date I buy the food on the lid so that I see that information readily.
With freeze dried food, the open shelf life is generally a year. I mark the day I open the can on the lid to keep it front-of-mind. Remember to keep the lid on, as being without moisture the food will readily absorb moisture in the air (even when you don’t think there is any). Moisture won’t spoil the food, but it will take away its ‘crispness’, and that is what gives it its long shelf life. I keep open cans in my kitchen so they are hand to use for every day meals.

HOME-Store vs Food Storage:
The concept of a “Home-store” is that when the kitchen runs out, one simply goes to the home store to bring another one into the kitchen. A Home-store is in a constant state of replenishment because it’s constantly being used.
I cannot count to the number of people I have spoken to over the years who live by the principle that food storage is Food Storage and groceries are Groceries, and never the two shall meet. No offence intended, but what kind of goofiness is that? It is contrary to the whole concept of rotation and the counsel to “store what we eat, eat what we store”. We all know how quickly time flies and soon even the food with the 25 year shelf life will be a decade old. I have known people who boasted “I have a whole lot of freeze dried food in my food storage.” As soon as I hear this, I know how the conversation will develop. I ask “How do you like it?” They say “Oh I’ve never used it.” I say “Why not?” They say “Because its FOOD STORAGE. And besides, I haven’t got a clue what to do with it.” Then comes the clincher. I ask “How long have you had it?” The answer: “we bought it the year we moved here.” How long ago was that? “We’ve been here 37 years.” . . . . pause . . . . “You realize its 12 years PAST the expiry date right? When exactly were you thinking about using it?”

I get the concept of ‘protecting’ one’s food storage. But by doing that, we more often unintentionally waste it. Can using it regularly, continually replenishing in a Home-store model, be more expensive than throwing out $6000 worth of food that is decades older than it was ever intended to be?

It is my hope and prayer that we will learn valuable lessons from the wonderful hands-on experience we’re sharing in this Corona Virus chapter. We are in fact living History. Books will be written about what we are going through at this very moment in our lives. Our grandchildren will learn about it, the way we learned about the world wars, deadly Spanish flue epidemic and great Depression. Many of us will suffer more than we needed to, but the lessons we are learning are ones we could never have learned any other way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’d love to hear your strategies for navigating these waters, and riding this wave of social isolation and the tremendous effect it is having on our economy.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

references

do better … that’s enough

Studies show that of the 45% of Canadians who make New Years Resolutions, 75% maintain the momentum thru the first week of January. 46% of us last past the 6 month mark, and 8% follow through sufficiently enough to reach their goals.

The key words of course are: FOLLOW THROUGH.
If it was a good idea on Dec 31, then it is still a good idea. If we have slipped or wavered from our intentions, we don’t have to throw our hands up in the air and give up – again. There is an alternative. Admitting that you fell off the wagon may be discouraging, but getting back on the wagon is a good strategy.

Self-improvement or education related resolutions take the top spot at 47%. I’m surprised, because I didn’t know there was any other kind of resolution. I mean really, if its not going to make you a better human being, what was the point of making the goal? Oh well, who am I to question statistics?

I know enough however, to know that anything we do that is better than we did, is a step in the right direction. The Best time to Do Better was a long time ago, but the second best time is always today.

I have this quote silk screened onto a scarf that I wear often. It is a personal reminder to me of my commitment to do better, and permission to let go of mistakes: “Do the Best that you can until you know Better. Then when you know better, DO Better.” Maya Angelou

Here’s to RE-commitment to better choices even though January is over ….

Cindy Suelzle

money really did buy happiness – best money ever spent

Thirty years ago we bought the best trampoline that we could afford with the money we earned delivering flyers for two years. It was a long two years of seeing little reward except the hope and promise of a trampoline. We had four kids at the time and it was a family effort, not without it’s share of frustration. Hot days. Cold days. Rainy days. Busy days. Days when they’d rather do anything else. Days when they said “This is stupid. I don’t even want a trampoline!” Sometimes I said it too. Quietly to myself. Shhh.

We wondered if we’d EVER have enough, but every nickel we earned went into that savings account, and then one day it was over! We took our money and all of us went to buy the trampoline we had chosen after much research and deliberation.

Our kids grew up on that trampoline. Thousands of hours of fun and noise. Very patient neighbours. Innumerable memories. Not a single regret. Not even for those flyer delivering days.

Three decades later our grandkids are growing up on it too. 
Seriously this trampoline is right up there with the Top 10 Best Purchases of our life.

What would you say are a few of your Top 10 Best Purchases?

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle

Remember When Jesus Gave You a Present and He Said SURPRISE!?

One day whe Luke was three or four years old, he said to me “Remember when Jesus came to our house Mom?”
hmmmm, I was a just a little confused …. “Nooo Luke. I don’t remember that.”
“Mom! He came. Remember?”

I racked my brain trying to recall some bearded man who had recently come to visit us. But couldn’t. “uh, no Luke. I am sorrry. I don’t remember.”
“Mom! You were there!”
Had Brother Blommaert come to visit? He had a beard.
Mom! He ringed the doorbell!” Had Brother Blommaert dropped something off recently? When I wasn’t home perhaps?
“And he gave you a present.”
…. oh my – this was getting very mysterious. “Jesus gave ME a present Luke?” Brother Blommaert MUST have been by.
“Yes! And the present was all wrapped up in a blanket.”

Feeling very sorry to disappoint him, but not recalling any recent event that might fit into the description he was giving me, I admitted defeat. “No Luke. I am sorry. But I cannot remember when Jesus came to our door and gave me a present.”
“MOM! And he said SURPRISE! and when you opened it up, it was ME!”

The light went on.
Oh Yes! I certainly do remember when Jesus gave me a wonderful surprise, and you’re right, it WAS you. Best surprise ever. …… But Luke, Jesus didn’t actually ring the doorbell.”

Luke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t heard the wonderful story of how he came to our family. “A long time ago, there was just Mommy and Daddy, and Jacob, and Sarah, and Zack and Joseph. But no Luke. We thought everybody in our family was home. But you weren’t with us yet. You were still living in heaven. You were waiting for your turn to come to us, but we didn’t know that because it was a surprise. And we were just going about doing our stuff. And you were saying “Wait! Wait for me.” but we couldn’t hear you. We were having a picnic, and riding our bikes, and eating dinner and reading stories and you were saying “Hey! Wait for me!” And then one day, Heavenly Father said “its time to go join your family” and you were so happy. And Heavenly Father told us “Surprise!” and He gave you to us. And we were so surprised! And so so so happy.

Well that boy is almost thirty years old. And just about three decades ago Heavenly Father really did tell us “Surprise!”, and a few months later, Luke joined our happy family, completing that generation of it. April 7 1990. A Happy Day for all of us. Luke gave Jacob the chance to re-find his tender-big-brother-side, Sarah the chance to practice being a mommy on her own real-live doll. He gave Zack and Joseph a little brother to play with and to take care of. And he gave Dan and I another chance to put into practice all the things we learned from the other kids. Another chance to get it right. Baby Luke was a delight to us all. Never was there a little boy more loved and cared for, and cuddled and read to. He was always in someone’s arms. Sitting in church became a political problem …. he was three years old and everyone still wanted to hold him. I am amazed he ever learned to sit on his own, let alone walk on his own.

Why the story? Because at one point, before 1990 we thought we were finished having children. The doctors had strongly advised that my fourth caesarian should be my last, and after months of confusion, and praying for guidance about such an important decision, we decided at length to follow the doctor’s counsel and leave the details up to the Lord. We never had that conclusive feeling that our family was finished, but we knew with God all things are possible. We had good examples of adoption in our extended families. We had fostered briefly. We had provided a home for two years for the teenaged child of a friend. We knew there were numerous ways a child could join a family. It didn’t need to be traditional. We figured that if we were open and receptive, then one day, when the time was right, Heavenly Father would find a use for these parents who still had years to give. We trusted that one day – we might be surprised, and that if we would just be watchful, and receptive to the promptings, that we would respond appropriately when the time came, and the Lord might be able to work through us. It never occured to us that a child could come to us through the normal means after we had taken measures to ensure I didn’t get pregnant again. We didn’t think that was possible. Well, guess what? It is. With God – ALL things are possible. He knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And He was patient with our decision five years before – knowing afterall, that He was in control. “You do the best you can until you know Better.” right?

My fear was that one day Luke might hear the word ‘surprise‘ from another source,and another perspective. All of our friends and family knew the miracle by which he came to us. I was afraid that at some point, he might overhear a portion of his story out of context, and he might deduce that ‘surprise’ meant something else. I wanted him to always know he was important, and loved and welcomed to our family with open arms and open hearts. I wanted to make sure that he never had a reason to doubt that, and I concluded that the only way I could ensure he never thought differently was if he heard it all from ME first. So from before the time he could talk, he heard his story. About how we didn’t know he was going to come to our family, but we were so happy when we found out. I told him in a way that I thought he could absorb. Funny how kids fit truth into their own reality. They sort it out in the way that they see the world. In the way that makes sense to them. I was okay with that. I knew that as he grew and his understanding developed, he would sort out the details. The only thing that was critically important was that he always feel loved.

Somewhere along the line, Luke grew up. And now he has two babies of his own. Very wanted and welcomed and loved babies that he shares with his lovely wife Pam, and with the rest of us. Cause that’s what families do. But he’s still my baby. And I still refer to him as my baby. And sometimes the grandchildren feel the need to object. “Uncle Luke isn’t a baby!” they say.
I tell them “oh yes he is. Don’t ever fool yourselves. Uncle Luke will always be our baby. And you know what? He likes being the baby. Don’t you Uncle Luke?”

Yup.” (that’s how he talks)

And the world continues to turn. And babies grow up. And mom’s get older too. But some things should never change.

Warmly,

Cindy Suelzle


making room in the Inn for Santa

part 3 of “to Santa or not to Santa”

I began my parental relationship with Santa Claus with slight trepidation. After introducing him to our four and five year old children I still worried (I was such a worrier) about whether we had done the right thing. The kids understood that Santa had a few rules to follow if he was to remain welcome in our home, and I tried to tread that ground carefully, balancing my idealism with allowing my children to enjoy the gift of magic and excitement that he had always brought to me as a child. I didn’t want to hold him hostage, but . . . . . .

Santa sitting in Charlie’s rocking chair

Oh how I wish that I could have had the slightest glimpse into the future – just enough to know that all would be well so that I could have relaxed a bit.

As time went on, I witnessed Santa evolve into the central figure in our Christmas celebrations as we enjoyed sharing the holiday with grandparents and aunts and uncles who delighted in the few children in both our families. We were riding a wave that I felt powerless to control, and I wasn’t happy about it. The way Christmas had developed – not because we actively created it, but because we allowed it – left me unsatisfied and feeling that I was letting our children down. Santa had become all I said I’d never allow him to become. He became our Christmas. I knew I could ask him to leave. I had reserved that right after all, but now there were so many others to consider. The overwhelming reality however, was that we were still the parents, and it was our responsibility to follow our hearts and reclaim the way we celebrated Christmas.

I tossed it around for months, considering different angles, and discussing the few that seemed reasonable with Dan. Santa and Jesus didn’t have to be mutually exclusive and although we had tried to talk about the source of the tender spirit-of-giving that motivated Santa, it seemed that our kids were so busy being ‘children’ (huh), full of the childhood wonder of Santa Claus with all his trappings, that I feared I had missed something really important. I sensed that time was ticking, and their memories were becoming more firm and important. It was clear that if were were to reclaim the way we chose to celebrate Christmas, we needed to create meaningful Christ-centered traditions. We were approaching Christmas 1986. We had four children, our youngest was just a year old.

In the end, we hit on a plan. We agreed to give Christmas Day to Santa Clause, but we reserved Christmas Eve for the Saviour. I wanted Christmas EVE to BE about Him. We wanted to talk about him and imagine the night of his birth. I realize that many families re-enact the nativity, but that wasn’t ‘us‘. We needed something that worked for us.

We talked about what kind of dinner Mary and Joseph might have had during their travels and after they arrived in Bethlehem. Research resources were not what they are now, but it seemed reasonable that their meal was very simple, and humble.

There was likely cheese. And undoubtedly bread. Flat bread. Perhaps figs or dates if they were lucky. Or dried fish. More than likely they would have drank water from a well or fresh wine / which wouldn’t have been much more than grape juice. It was probable that during their stay in Bethlehem they may have acquired mutton from time to time . . . . After dark, their only light would have been from candles or small lamps.
A picture began forming.

We envisioned, and then planned out our meal. It would be a simple one of white cheese with homemade flat bread, and grape juice. By candlelight. . . Preparing it was a family event. Making the bread. Cutting the cheese. Making the juice. Then we lit the candles and turned off the lights. Low light often reduces volume, and quiet discussion allows for tender feelings to be expressed. These are things we discovered while eating bread and cheese in the soft light of candles.

We have eaten bread and cheese by candlelight every Christmas Eve since 1986. There were years that were lean and cheese was expensive so there was less of it. In those years, we put homemade jam on the table. There were other years of plenty that saw fish and olives on the table. Other foods have been added from time to time. Figs. Dates. Pomegranates have become a personal favourite of mine. Oranges. More varieties of cheese. But always homemade flatbread. Always white cheese. Always purple grape juice. The grape juice has become our own, from our own purple grapes – saved for this meal.

It has become our most favourite Christmas tradition of all. One that we have maintained for over three decades. Half of my life. It is a delight to us to watch our children carry it on in their own homes with their children, and to hear that it remains their favourite tradition.

When does Santa get his time?

When the meal is over and cleaned up, and stories have been shared, and songs have been sung, . . . When guests have left, teeth have been brushed, . . . then we gather into the family room and Dan reads a favourite poem that we all know by heart but we listen to him anyway –

“Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that St. Nickolaus soon would be there
….. “

I’ll admit it gets a little animated. And for families who normally don’t role-play, or do charades, kid after kid has always wanted a chance to portray the “plump, jolly old elf with a broad face and a little round belly, that shook, when he laughs like a bowlful of jelly.”

We owe a lot to Clement C. Moore – it is his description we rely on when we visualize Santa Claus. And he should know, because he spied him in his very own parlour all those years ago. I am grateful he took the time to write his experience down so that all of us might benefit.

I have come to love Santa Claus – and all he represents to me. I no longer quarrel with him. I am satisfied that he has done our family a great service in visiting us every Christmas Eve since that inaugural visit in 1982. We have felt his spirit as each of our children have discovered for themselves in their own time – who he really is, and what he really looks like, and WHAT HE DOES.

I think the tipping point for me in making that final decision all those years ago, was that I never felt the betrayal I’ve heard others speak of. Of course like others, I reached the age of doubting, but my mother always maintained that she believed. You could never get her to verbalize anything to the contrary. To this very day at over eighty years old, she still maintains that she believes in Santa Clause and always has. Because she always has, I always have, even though I wondered for a few years, whether I’d invite him into our lives as young parents.

One Christmas Eve when I was fourteen years old my older sister and I talked my mother into letting us help fill the stockings. Our Dad was working that night. We prevailed, and she allowed us into the inner sanctuary reserved for parents on Christmas Eve. The next morning I was shocked to wake up and still feel the magic. I confided to my mother that even though logically I understood, and for goodness sakes, had even filled the stockings, I couldn’t help it – I still “believed”! She never let me help again. Not even when I was seventeen years old and protested mightily. Not even after I was married. Until my own children hung their stockings, I was excluded from her private ritual. Although outwardly I rebelled, inwardly I always appreciated her refusal to give in. It kept the magic alive for me. And I have tried very hard to do the same for my kids.

In this house WE BELIEVE.

I’d love to hear how you incorporate your important family values into Christmas traditions. Please comment below.

Warmly,


Cindy Suelzle