One day whe Luke was three or four years old, he said to me “Remember when Jesus came to our house Mom?” hmmmm, I was a just a little confused …. “Nooo Luke. I don’t remember that.” “Mom! He came. Remember?” I racked my brain trying to recall some bearded man who had recently come to visit us. But couldn’t. “uh, no Luke. I am sorrry. I don’t remember.” “Mom! You were there!” Had Brother Blommaert come to visit? He had a beard. “Mom! He ringed the doorbell!” Had Brother Blommaert dropped something off recently? When I wasn’t home perhaps? “And he gave you a present.” …. oh my – this was getting very mysterious. “Jesus gave ME a present Luke?” Brother Blommaert MUST have been by. “Yes! And the present was all wrapped up in a blanket.”
Feeling very sorry to disappoint him, but not recalling any recent event that might fit into the description he was giving me, I admitted defeat. “No Luke. I am sorry. But I cannot remember when Jesus came to our door and gave me a present.” “MOM! And he said SURPRISE! and when you opened it up, it was ME!” The light went on. “Oh Yes! I certainly do remember when Jesus gave me a wonderful surprise, and you’re right, it WAS you. Best surprise ever. …… But Luke, Jesus didn’t actually ring the doorbell.”
Luke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t heard the wonderful story of how he came to our family. “A long time ago, there was just Mommy and Daddy, and Jacob, and Sarah, and Zack and Joseph. But no Luke. We thought everybody in our family was home. But you weren’t with us yet. You were still living in heaven. You were waiting for your turn to come to us, but we didn’t know that because it was a surprise. And we were just going about doing our stuff. And you were saying “Wait! Wait for me.” but we couldn’t hear you. We were having a picnic, and riding our bikes, and eating dinner and reading stories and you were saying “Hey! Wait for me!” And then one day, Heavenly Father said “its time to go join your family” and you were so happy. And Heavenly Father told us “Surprise!” and He gave you to us. And we were so surprised! And so so so happy.”
Well that boy is almost thirty years old. And just about three decades ago Heavenly Father really did tell us “Surprise!”, and a few months later, Luke joined our happy family, completing that generation of it. April 7 1990. A Happy Day for all of us. Luke gave Jacob the chance to re-find his tender-big-brother-side, Sarah the chance to practice being a mommy on her own real-live doll. He gave Zack and Joseph a little brother to play with and to take care of. And he gave Dan and I another chance to put into practice all the things we learned from the other kids. Another chance to get it right. Baby Luke was a delight to us all. Never was there a little boy more loved and cared for, and cuddled and read to. He was always in someone’s arms. Sitting in church became a political problem …. he was three years old and everyone still wanted to hold him. I am amazed he ever learned to sit on his own, let alone walk on his own.
Why the story? Because at one point, before 1990 we thought we were finished having children. The doctors had strongly advised that my fourth caesarian should be my last, and after months of confusion, and praying for guidance about such an important decision, we decided at length to follow the doctor’s counsel and leave the details up to the Lord. We never had that conclusive feeling that our family was finished, but we knew with God all things are possible. We had good examples of adoption in our extended families. We had fostered briefly. We had provided a home for two years for the teenaged child of a friend. We knew there were numerous ways a child could join a family. It didn’t need to be traditional. We figured that if we were open and receptive, then one day, when the time was right, Heavenly Father would find a use for these parents who still had years to give. We trusted that one day – we might be surprised, and that if we would just be watchful, and receptive to the promptings, that we would respond appropriately when the time came, and the Lord might be able to work through us. It never occured to us that a child could come to us through the normal means after we had taken measures to ensure I didn’t get pregnant again. We didn’t think that was possible. Well, guess what? It is. With God – ALL things are possible. He knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And He was patient with our decision five years before – knowing afterall, that He was in control. “You do the best you can until you know Better.” right?
My fear was that one day Luke might hear the word ‘surprise‘ from another source,and another perspective. All of our friends and family knew the miracle by which he came to us. I was afraid that at some point, he might overhear a portion of his story out of context, and he might deduce that ‘surprise’ meant something else. I wanted him to always know he was important, and loved and welcomed to our family with open arms and open hearts. I wanted to make sure that he never had a reason to doubt that, and I concluded that the only way I could ensure he never thought differently was if he heard it all from ME first. So from before the time he could talk, he heard his story. About how we didn’t know he was going to come to our family, but we were so happy when we found out. I told him in a way that I thought he could absorb. Funny how kids fit truth into their own reality. They sort it out in the way that they see the world. In the way that makes sense to them. I was okay with that. I knew that as he grew and his understanding developed, he would sort out the details. The only thing that was critically important was that he always feel loved.
Somewhere along the line, Luke grew up. And now he has two babies of his own. Very wanted and welcomed and loved babies that he shares with his lovely wife Pam, and with the rest of us. Cause that’s what families do. But he’s still my baby. And I still refer to him as my baby. And sometimes the grandchildren feel the need to object. “Uncle Luke isn’t a baby!” they say. I tell them “oh yes he is. Don’t ever fool yourselves. Uncle Luke will always be our baby. And you know what? He likes being the baby. Don’t you Uncle Luke?”
“Yup.” (that’s how he talks)
And the world continues to turn. And babies grow up. And mom’s get older too. But some things should never change.
I have often wondered what it might have been like to live at the time of the Saviour, and to have been in His presence. I also wondered if I would have been among those who recognized Him for who and what he was. When describing the world He lived in, Robert Matthews spoke of “the spiritually barren and parched condition of a people led by proud and insistent Pharisees, [wealthy] and powerful Sadducees, exclusive rabbis and learned scribes, . . .” (Robert Matthews pg 84, BEHOLD THE MESSIAH)(1)
There were many who were in the presence of Christ while He lived on the earth, without recognizing Him. He simply wasn’t what they expected him to be. In John we read that “He was in the world and the world was made by Him and the world knew Him not. He came unto his own and his own received him not.” (John 1:10,11)
John the Baptist taught a group of Jewish leaders that the Messiah was not only already on the earth – but living and walking among them, and yet they had not recognized him. So it is fair and reasonable to wonder if we might be any different. And yet. . . . . . . There were those who DID recognize Him. They testified “we have found Him! We have found the Messiah!”
Andrew, Simon, Philip, and Nathanael were among the first who declared that. Simeon at the temple recognized him when he was only an infant. Anna at the temple recognized the baby in Mary’s arms. Elizabeth recognized him before he was born. The magi who travelled from the east knew who He was when they found him. The shepherds who were the very first to visit him knew who he was.
All of these people had two things in common – * THEY were SEEKING Him. They were familiar with the scriptures which spoke of Him, they knew the signs to watch for, they knew the time was at hand. And. They. Sought Him.
There is a difference between knowing the Saviour and knowing about him. We must first learn about Him it is true, and we can do that by reading or listening, but in order to KNOW him, *we must want to know him. *We must actively SEEK to know him. *We must obey his commandments. *And we must be given a spiritual witness from the Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ may only be known through Revelation.
If we had lived in Jerusalem and walked the same streets as did the Saviour, and saw him in the mortal flesh we would not have known that He was the Messiah unless the Holy spirit whispered it to our spirit. The same crucial witness that we require was required of them too. That witness of course, is personal revelation. (2)
So merely being in His presence does not mean FEELING THAT ONE IS IN THE PRESENCE OF CHRIST and vice versa – FEELING the presence of Christ, does not have to mean BEING in His physical presence. In fact, they couldn’t be more exclusive and independent.
There are days when I can truly say “I have found the Messiah!” – and my joy is so full that I literally cannot contain it. It leaks out my eyes. On those days there is nothing I’d rather do than be in His service and feel His arms around me, and I want to try my best to be a “window to His love”(4). Then there are other days when life gets busy and I lose myself in the temporal demands of my day, and although I don’t lose my way, I may not feel that same wonderful closeness that I yearn for.
In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Lehi shares a dream. In it he was led to a “Tree whose fruit was desirable to make one happy.” And he “did go forth and partook of the fruit thereof; and [he] beheld that it was most sweet, above all that [he] had ever before tasted. Yea, and [he] beheld that the fruit was white, to exceed all the whiteness that [he] had ever seen. And as [he] partook of the fruit thereof, it filled [his] soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore [he] began to be desirous that [his] family should partake of it also, for [he] knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.” (1N 8:10-12)
We know from Nephi that the tree represented the love of God. Everyone has the love of God, because God loves us all. But not all of us can FEEL the love of God. What is the difference? Action. Our action. Lehi partook of the fruit of the tree – the fruit of the love of God. What is the fruit of the love of God? Apostle David Bednar says that the “fruit is a symbol for the blessings of the Atonement.“(5) And what is the Atonement? It is the sacrifice Jesus Christ made to help us overcome sin, adversity, and death. He paid the price for our sins, took upon Himself death and was resurrected. So as Lehi PARTOOK of the fruit of the tree, so must we PARTAKE OF THE BLESSINGS OF THE ATONEMENT.
David Bednar said “partaking of fruit of the tree represents the receiving of ordinances and covenants whereby the Atonement can become fully efficacious in our lives.” (4) The love of God is there. Just like the tree. You don’t have to do anything to make it real. It is what it is. Whether you know its there, whether you care if its there – makes no difference. It IS there. And the fruit – it is there too. But in order to benefit from the fruit, in order to taste it and to be nourished by it – one must partake of it. One must EAT it. Just like Lehi did.
Like many of you, I have felt His spirit. I have partaken of the blessings of the Atonement, received the ordinances and covenants that make the Atonement efficacious in my life – and it IS like the fruit Lehi described. He said that it “was desirable to make one happy, . . . . .” and that it “filled [his] soul with exceeding great joy”. When one feels that kind of joy, one really does think immediately of those we love. Like Lehi, we begin to “be desirous that our family should partake also“.
Lehi’s Vision of the Tree of Life by Robin Luch (6)
That must be what it feels like to be in the presence of Christ. I think that – because there is nothing else quite like it. Lehi described it as being more sweet than anything he had ever before tasted, with a whiteness that exceeded anything he had ever before seen, and that it was desirable above all else. Those are very vague attempts at description. It is as if it defies description. As if words just cannot convey. There are times when what we feel simply cannot be put into words. Those are the times, that feelings leak out of our eyes. At those times, we can say “ahhhhh, this is what I have heard about. No wonder they couldn’t describe it.”
It is my hope that we might all feel that feeling at some point. I absolutely know that we can. If we DESIRE to know Him. If we SEEK to know Him. And if we willingly PARTAKE of the fruit of His love.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
footnotes
quote from Robert Matthews, pg 8 BEHOLD THE MESSIAH
Seasonal Affective Disorder (aka winter blues or winter depression) is a mood disorder in which people who normally enjoy good mental health experience mild to severe depression. In the winter.
Symptoms include a persistent low mood, decreased interest in work and sociability, feelings of isolation, increased anxiety, susceptibility to stress, increased television watching, over eating – especially of high carb foods, which often brings about lack of energy, weight gain, lack of physical exercise, feeling sluggish, over sleeping, and in general just being “SAD”. Believed to be related to light, or the lack of it, causal theories include a low production of the light producing chemical serotonin, and an over production of the dark producing hormone melatonin. People in northern climates are more likely to experience winter blues than people in areas where winters are not as cold, dark or long. Duh. Poor eating habits and resulting poor nutrition in winter months, particularly a reduced amount of fruits and vegetables is also related to symptoms of SAD. Common treatments include light therapy – which consists of the patient sitting beside a full spectrum light, increase in vitamin D levels, nutritional supplements, physical exercise, medication and counseling.
Okay, I’m not trying to pretend to be an expert on SAD, but like many people who live in areas with long months of dark and cold, I experience winter blues from time to time too. And in almost all cases, I could acknowledge a combination of any of the following as contributors: lack of light, extended stretches of extreme cold, going outside less, lack of exercise, minimal fruits and vegetables, lack of sociability and a lack of meaningful projects to occupy my time and mind. I believe that most people in the north experience some level of SAD during the winter months. And it has been my observation that even the worst cases are completely treatable, (if not altogether preventable) with a little extra care and attention given to the basics.
I think we would readily agree that bright, sunny summer days are uplifting to our spirits. It is easier to want to be outside, go for walks and eat better when the world is rosy. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that we would feel the opposite in the absence of those bright sunny days. While there is nothing we can do to lengthen the days or make the sun warmer, there are many things we can do to take charge of our own mental health.
TAKE CONTROL
You know yourself. You can anticipate from prior experience, the areas in which you will struggle as winter approaches. Be proactive. Learn to circumvent your depressive spells with strategy. In short – outwit SAD.
1. LET THE SUN SHINE IN
Winter isn’t completely dark. Take advantage of whatever natural light you have. When the sun is shining, take a few minutes to stand in the window and look outside. Enjoy the beauty of a lovely winter day that you may normally not take note of. Open the blinds. Greet the start of each new day by spending some time looking outside. Invite the sun into the house. Consider getting yourself a full spectrum light to read by. Many people find additional lighting helpful.
2. Bringing GREEN indoors
Get yourself some nice green plants to set in your sunniest spots. Take good care of them. Nurture them along. Their health and wellness can mirror your own. Aside from their visual appeal, plants have benefits that far exceed the aesthetic. When you add indoor plants you’re not just adding greenery. They literally interact with your body, mind and home in ways that enhances your quality of life. Being close to greenery makes us feel more at ease and we experience less stress. Whether in the home, office or in public buildings, plants have the effect of making our environment seem quieter and more relaxed. Research indicates repeatedly that interior plants have dramatic effects on our well being. But they’re not magic. Investing in their care is part of the process. It literally reconnects us with nature. Because plants have large surface areas and exchange gases and water with their surroundings, they reduce carbon dioxide levels, increase humidity in the air, and reduce the level of other certain air pollutants and airborne dust levels.
Not really a plant person? Spider plants and philodendrons are great starter plants as they thrive in even minimal light and are very forgiving. They can become your new best friends and make you feel like you have a real green thumb simply because they’ll thrive on minimal attention, but responding to their care is part of the process, so don’t neglect them. Pay attention to them and learn to read their signs. You’ll see when they need water because they’ll look thirsty. But don’t over water them. The soil should not feel ‘wet’ between waterings. Make sure the water can drain easily.
3. NUTRITION
This is huge. And we have so many more advantages today than what we had even one generation ago. When I was a child, our winter vegetables were still canned – ugh. Canned peas, canned beans, canned corn, even canned spinach. I know right! I shudder to even remember canned spinach. Can you spell s-l-i-m-e-y? By the time I was a teenager though, we began to see frozen vegetables in the grocery stores – which tasted better, and were more nutritious (not that we knew much about that). And now here we are – so many fruits and vegetables available throughout the winter. Variety our parents never saw, and our grandparents couldn’t even imagine – no matter what the season.
I don’t want to rain on this wonderful parade, but admit it, in the winter, most of this wonderful variety is coming from very far away, which means extended time from field to fork. It is a documented fact that nutrients start to diminish within an hour after harvest, so minimizing that time is vitally important to ensure the highest quality. For that reason it is still important that we focus on eating SEASONALLY. (I mean eating IN-THE-SEASON). For instance when we buy ‘fresh‘ broccoli in February in Edmonton, Alberta Canada – commonly it was picked two to three weeks before we see it on the grocery store shelf. And then we take it home and put it into our fridge for another week. Or more. I know right? But admit it. And much of the produce we eat had to be picked green (unripe) to get it to us before spoiling. Understanding that many nutrients develop in the last stages of ripening ON the plant, and that they begin to deplete within the HOUR after harvest, our nutritional expectations of so called ‘fresh’ produce in the winter time are unrealistically high. EVERY effort should be made to buy the MOST nutritious fruits and vegetables possible. And for the record, we’re not talking about organic or not-organic here. Organic still has to travel thousands of miles in the winter to make it to our plates, and so is still susceptible to the same nutrient depletion associated with that travel.
food is medicine
Freeze dried fruits and vegetables are without question, the most nutritious on the market today. With the exception of what we grow in our own backyard organic gardens, or possibly buy in a farmer’s market, nothing we can buy is going to be ‘fresher’. Why? Because they are flash frozen within hours of harvest – that’s why. While I cannot speak about all brands (and there are many brands), I can speak to a particular brand, the North American industry leader of freeze dried food: THRIVE LIFE. THRIVE Life fruits and vegetables are ripened ON the plants (unlike most produce we buy in the grocery store). This gives them the very best possible start. In ripening on the plant, the phytonutrients that nature intended are fully developed and INTACT. That is a huge advantage over produce that is picked unripe. Picked ripe, Thrive Life foods are flash frozen within hours of harvest, 2 – 6 hours. That in itself is amazing. But it gets even better. The process of flash freezing locks in the natural goodness including flavour, colour, texture AND nutrients. In this frozen state, the produce is transferred to a facility where it has all the remaining moisture removed through a vacuum like process called sublimation. The result? The most nutritional food on the planet.
Truly freeze drying is the answer to the food problems in most of the world. And for those of us who live with seasonal gardens, we can eat the best and most nutritious food twelve months a year! Literally, it is eating “in-the-season” all year long. Not simply because it is so readily available, but because the process of freeze drying is the most shelf-stable way of preserving food, AND the most nutrient dense. The shelf life of a sealed can of most freeze dried foods is 25+ years. Does it get any better than that?
So what does all this mean to us? It means that we can eat BROCCOLI (AND cauliflower AND zucchini AND spinach AND kale AND asparagus AND green beans AND red peppers AND peaches AND pineapple AND mangoes AND blueberries AND so many more fruits and vegetables in the middle of winter that are as nutritious as they were on the day they were picked ripe – every! single! day! of the year! Even in November, December, January, February, March and April. That means we can Eat better than we have ever been able to do before.
4. EXERCISE
Getting exercise in the middle of winter requires intent. It is not as easy as it was on sunny days to walk around the block. Frankly, it almost doesn’t matter what you choose to do – any and all exercise is going to benefit you. Whether you decide to go to a gym, do a daily routine along with a video, walk on the treadmill or any other choice, is not as important as simply DOING something. Make a point to set aside at least 30 minutes a day to involve yourself in intentional exercise. Doing it in five minute increments, or all at once – again, fit it in the best way you can. Try to increase your time and endurance as you gain stamina.
Set goals. Write them down. Track your exercise. It is a known and well accepted fact that daily physical activity overcomes fatigue and depression. The details are up to you.
5. GET OUTSIDE
When you can, go outside. Go for a walk. Shovel the driveway and sidewalks (good exercise too). Shovel your neighbours out. Go tobogganing. Skate. Ski – either cross country or downhill. Walk in the country or city parks. Feed the birds. Did you know that chickadees will come and eat right out of your hand!
Feed the birds in your own yard. Attracting them to a tree outside your window will provide enjoyment all winter long. Not only are you doing a good thing for them in the coldest months of the year, but you welcome their cheery chattering on the bright sunny days of winter. It is a wonderful way to bring the joy of outside – indoors.
6. BE SOCIALABLE and BELONG
Invite friends for dinner once a week. Force yourself at first if you have to. It will give you a reason to clean the house, put a smile on your face and cook a nice meal. Make social plans and don’t let yourself talk YOU out of it. Good conversation around a dinner table or around a game of cards makes you happy. Hosting is therapy and going out is good therapy too. Be a friend. Reach out. Think of others who might need a lift. Embrace others. Help others. Serve others. We are not meant to be alone. There is so much good we can do in this world.
Whether to a neighbourhood, a church congregation, a community league, a group of friends, a work place, or any other organization, we can each find an opportunity to contribute meaningfully to someone else. The social ties that accompany a sense of ‘belonging’ help us manage stress and other issues. When we support, and feel the support of others – we are not alone, we are more resilient and we can often cope more effectively with difficult times in our lives.
When we sold the store, it left a big void in my life. An empty spot. As much as I relished being home more, and being more involved with my grandchildren, the store had been a very social place for me. I had also served on a Board of Directors in our industry for over ten years. Within a niche market like store, people found quite an intimate gathering place, and I had come to love many of those people. Some had come to be dear friends: employees, customers, even vendors, artists, other independent store colleagues, and colleagues on the board. Because most of of my customers came from all over northern Alberta, our store was the meeting place, it was our common ground. When the store was gone, I knew that no matter how much I cared, I would never see most of those people again, and that was a lonely realization, the source of significant loss for me, even a degree of grief. Rather than continue to feel that emptiness, I decided to reach out to some of those former customers, and invite them for lunch. So began a few months of sharing meals and renewing friendships that was helpful for me.
For a few years prior to selling our store, I had monthly met with a handful of friends for lunch at each other’s homes. We would chat and catch up, and we found joy in each other’s company. We’ve continued our friendship through these many years, which has been important to me. Stupid Covid threw a monkey wrench into our gatherings for awhile, but we all look forward to reconvening when we can, and I have no doubt it will seem as if we’ve never been apart.
Similarly, Dan and I regularly get together with a group of friends on Monday evenings to have wholesome discussions and learn from one another. We’ve done this for several years, and have developed close friendships within this group. Covid tried to mess with that too, but we found a way around it with zoom. We look forward to meeting again in person like we used to.
The need to affiliate with and be accepted by members of a group is real. As a child we had the need to belong to a peer group at school, or sports team or something similar. And as adult we still have the need to be accepted by co-workers, to be part of an athletic team, social group, club or a religious group. The sense of belonging involves more than gaining acceptance FROM others, it also requires providing that same acceptance TO others. It can lead to changes in behaviours, beliefs and perspectives as we find ourselves influenced by and conforming to the standards of the group. This can be positive, or not so positive, so select the kind of group we want to belong to with care.
7. TURN OFF THE TV and find a meaningful PROJECT
Give yourself a winter project to work on during the coldest days, the days when hours seem to stretch on. A new hobby. Painting, woodworking, knitting, writing, reading, cooking, baking, sewing, weaving, planning your garden, personal study, take a class, complete a home renovation project . . . . Having meaningful projects is excellent use of the slow hours that come with winter. It provides purpose for the hours that you’re tempted to spend in front of the television. Wasting those winter hours in front of the tube gives us more to regret, and no sense of accomplishment. Using those same hours to complete a project, or many projects gives you something to smile about. Something to celebrate. And feelings of celebration over a job well done cannot coexist with sadness.
8. GIVE YOURSELF SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO
It doesn’t have to be a winter vacation, but find something that you can plan and look forward to.
Gardening: Could be you’re looking forward to your garden. Do you plant a garden in the spring? If so, its time to start looking at what you’re gonna plant, and those improvements you thought of last summer. By the end of January, I’ve often purchased my seeds for the upcoming year. If you don’t have the space for a garden, consider renting a spot in one of the many community gardens that are springing up in urban areas.
Take a Class: Find a hobby or develop a skill. There are lots of classes, both on the community level and online, for beginners and experienced people alike. Check out your local Community league, social media groups, or your local greenhouses for their calendars.
a Getaway Vacation: There was a time I couldn’t even imagine the luxury of getting away in the winter. It took my husband quite a while to sell me on the idea. But once we sprung for that first one in January, it opened up a whole new world for us. Something to look forward to. Something to plan for. I learned to plan our getaway for later in the year. Going away in November only gave me four more months of winter with nothing to look forward to. An escape in November soon becomes only a memory for me. Going away in January was nice, but still – we came back to February (arguably the longest month of the year), and March which can be long and dreary, notwithstanding a little more ‘light’. I found that planning a trip for the end of February or the beginning of March – spread out the joy. It gave me something to look forward to all November, December, January and even February. A literal light at the end of my tunnel. It was empowering.
For many years, I managed our family’s business – a bookstore. I loved the bookstore, thoroughly enjoyed the environment and the people I dealt with – some of the best on this planet. I loved the product I was able to bring into their lives (and to our own as well). I found the work meaningful, and felt that I had lots of opportunity to lighten loads and brighten days – my own, as well as those of others. But it was a lot of work! And sometimes my days were long. And other things in my life got set aside for a season. And I missed important events, and time with my family. And there was related stress. Things didn’t always go smoothly. Bills were unrelenting. Christmas took on new meaning.
Our 4th quarter of the year was our most important and a more successful 4th quarter, meant we could pay our bills easier for quite some time the following year. Preparing for Christmas began in April, when I began ordering Nativities and other novelty items I liked to carry. By June I was pre-ordering books that wouldn’t be published till fall. In the summer I was attending trade shows and an annual convention in Utah, getting ready for 4th quarter sales. My biggest order of the year was September, followed by October. In November we were decorating for Christmas and making the best of every advantage we had. Heaven forbid if I got sick somewhere in there, or had a family wedding, or personal tragedy. And I still had a large family at home who needed a fulltime mom, and a husband, and a calling at church, and other responsibilities. And there was always the stupid Canadian dollar – fluctuating up and down (95% of our products came from the US), and the rising cost of transportation, and occasional bad roads in winter that interfered with us picking up product on time, and although I had wonderful customers, some of whom are still dear friends to this day, not all customers are nice. Some are grumps and nothing you do will ever make them happy, and I took all their criticism and grumpiness personally, and sometimes, it was defeating, and difficult to bear. . . . . and on and on and on. . . . Sometimes in the early fall, I would worry about the next few months to come, and stress about how I was going to ‘do it all again’, and keep the smile on, and be cheerful at work, and pay the bills, and “what if this big product investment I just made doesn’t pay off?” Knowing I was headed for long hours, with uncertain outcome, I would start to sink under the weight of it all. I worried if I could keep it up till Christmas was over, and even if I did, I still had to get through January and February and March – which were so long, and cold and dreary, and business was slow. And all that didn’t even touch issues on the home front: being a mom, and a new gramma, and of course a wife, and a friend, and a good neighbour, and . . . and . . . and.
I had learned in my young adult life that despair was real and that it could be debilitating. And I knew that I was not immune to it. I also knew that it could control me, if I didn’t control it first. I knew I needed something to look forward to. a literal light that I could stretch toward. It became an annual trip for Dan and I. I planned it deliberately for the last week of February and the first week of March. That way, when we came back, no matter what March had to throw at me, my attitude was one of empowerment. “Go ahead! Snow! Blizzard! Be cold! Give it your best shot Winter! Your days are numbered now, and we both know you’re on your way out. There is NOTHING you can do to change the calendar!” Literally, I could say those words with a smile because they were true. And what it did for me in September and October – was give me that light, that vision of warm sunny beaches to look forward to. I could say to myself “I can do this. I am in control. At the end of this, I’m going to Mexico, and when I get there, I’m gonna do a whole lotta nothing.” It didn’t matter what got thrown my way I would think “this is okay, because I’m going to Mexico in February / Who cares about …. ? I’m going to Mexico in February.” For me, it was therapy. And not just the trip itself, almost more than the trip, was the anticipation OF the trip.
Do not underestimate the Value of ANTICIPATION. Anticipating, can also be “savouring”. It can lighten burdens. It can initiate positive decision making. Anticipating a vacation can be as therapeutic as the vacation itself. Anticipating implies making plans and using one’s imagine. And it doesn’t have to be a winter vacation. Looking forward to going camping in the summer – looking forward to a concert in the spring – looking forward to a family reunion later in the year – looking forward to an upcoming family wedding, or a birth – looking forward to a homecoming – looking forward to graduation or any other significant life change . . . The point is to give yourself something to look forward to.
9. Read Good books:
Don’t discount the value of getting lost in a good book. A good book has the power to transport you to another place. It can literally be a vacation-of-the-mind. A good book can contain information about values, morals, and important life principles. Good books give us positive value, and bad books give us negative value.
Be careful about choosing books. There are millions of books in the world, and thousands of them are GOOD. Some of them are even GREAT. I am an avid reader, but I realized long ago that I couldn’t possibly read all the good books this world has to offer me. I am also a slow reader. It takes me twice as long as it takes Dan to read the same book. I read, and then I savour, and sometimes I go back and read that passage again. Sometimes if it was particularly moving, I bask in it for awhile, possibly even marking it for reference later. No wonder it takes me so long to read.
Like you perhaps, I find myself emotionally influenced by what I read. I can be discouraged and depressed or encouraged and uplifted. I can find joy in the resilience of the human spirit and the goodness of humanity. I can be drug down by the evil that exists in the world. Sometimes I can spend hours in a book and when I come to the end, think “what a stupid waste of time that was”. And I resent wasted time; I only have so many hours in my day. I have to protect my mental health and poor choices of where I spend my time can put me in a dark place.
So how to choose where I will devote my reading hours? I set up a single piece of criteria for the books I read. It is this: If at the end, I feel like I am a better person then it was worth it to me. Do I feel lighter? Do I feel closer to my Saviour? Do I feel courage to go forward and do good? Do I feel like I learned something worthwhile? Do I feel like I want to be a better friend, better mom, better wife, better . . . (you fill in the blank)? Do I feel happy? Did it make me smile? Did it make me chuckle or even laugh out loud? I am not saying I don’t read escape novels or even what I call FLUFF novels. Sometimes a good fluff novel is the best escape ever. And I’m not saying my choices are always great literature. But, in the end, if I feel like I am a better person for having read those pages, then it was worth it to me. Taking recommendations from friends is an excellent place to start when looking for a book to invest your precious time in.
10. SERVICE: Volunteer, and lose yourself in the needs of something outside of yourself
Two years ago, I considered the fact that pretty much all my friends, most of my social contacts outside of my own family and neighbours, were members of my own church. Not just my congregation, through my contacts at the bookstore, I had friends all over. But again, most of those were members of my church. I’m not complaining. They are some of the best people who walk the earth. But I felt that I was lacking. Because of my decades in the store, I didn’t have time to seek friends in other places. But we had sold the store in 2015, and I realized that I still had yet to expand contacts outside of my existing friends within the church.
I felt like with the store gone, I should be able to afford to spend some time outside of my usual sphere, and meet new people with whom I might have something in common. At length I decided community service was a good place to start. But it was the spring of 2020, and Covid was dominating everything. I reached out to our community league and emailed “I’d like to offer my time to our community league. I don’t know what you’re even able to do these days, but whatever it is, sign me up to volunteer with it. Just let me know where and when.” Almost as a surprise, I heard back from someone – her name is Karen. I began by volunteering at a customized Covid-style celebration of Canada Day. I was nervous and shy, and masked of course. I was the ‘new kid on the block’ among strangers. I was completely out of my comfort zone. But I was happy to have assisted.
I attended my first Community League meeting later that summer, all of us socially distanced and masked Covid style. Awkward. l listened to a stranger pitch her idea of a community garden, which was well received by the executive and others in attendance. If you know me, you know I ‘garden’. This, I felt was something I could help with. At the end of the meeting, I followed this lady out and told her I would help her in any way I could. We exchanged contact information, and so began a lovely friendship as we toured other community gardens in the city. Since then, we’ve worked together on several garden related projects and I support her happily, as her vision gradually became tangible with garden plots and real people sowing, nurturing and reaping. Her name is Myrna bytheway. Through my work in the garden, I’ve met others who I consider friends now. All people I never would have met without my service in our community.
I work a volunteer shift weekly at the Edmonton Temple for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I cannot express the joy I find in working that shift, and the beautiful people with whom I interact regularly. Many former customers of mine, who I thought I might never see again in this world, cross my path inside those doors and I love reconnecting with them.
Reach Out. Be brave. There are people like you out there who also seek meaningful relationships
I work part time as a Consultant for Thrive Life freeze dried foods, and I have come to know some fabulous people through my association with this great company. The company and products that I sell are completely in line with my personal values, so the people I work with: customers, other consultants like myself, as well as in the corporate office, all share those same core values. What a joy to find so many people I have important things in common with. Meaningful and sometimes lifelong friendships develop within this kind of association. This is not a winter thing, its a life hack.
In the end, what you are trying to do, is outwit SAD with avoidance strategies. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not a living breathing organic entity. You are! Don’t give it power over you. Imagine yourself in the ring with it. You are a child of God. Your nature is divine. You have agency and are in control of your choices. ‘It’ is none of those things. Unlike other kinds of depression, SAD can be summed up as a choice. Choose to be stronger than it. Choose to be in control. Choose to use your winter months to accomplish something meaningful and to regain control of your health and wellness.
I used to always tell my kids “be smarter than [the problem]”. I would sometimes lightheartedly add “It’s you and [the problem]. One of you has a high school diploma. See if you can figure this out.” Occasionally with SAD, I’ve had to take my own advice. “Be smarter than SAD. One of us has a high school diploma. I can figure this out.”
I can outwit SAD. And so can you.
I’d love to hear your strategies in outwitting SAD in the winter time. What do you do? What are you planning to do?
I love the quote by Bill Copeland “the trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score“. This is a perfect visual image for me and I think it speaks volumes. Especially, as it seems, though goal setting is encouraged on every corner, in every area of life – educational goals, workplace or business goals, family and household goals, goals in gospel living – it has almost become too ‘common’ a term. And because of that, many of us miss the point. So what is the point of playing the game if all you do is run up and down the field kicking the ball? Eternal ‘practice‘? For what? Goal setting is MORE than a worthwhile endeavour, it is absolutely necessary to becoming the person we would like to become.
The truth is, without goals we will spend our lives either spinning our wheels in one spot, or aimlessly adrift being influenced by every wind. The key is to set attainable goals that are meaningful.
Whether they are long term all encompassing goals like getting out of debt, short term easier goals like getting on the treadmill five times a week, or even eternal goals of living with our families forever, the act of setting goals propels us forward. A ship leaving the harbour with no goal or destination? Preposterous. Throwing a dart without a target? For what purpose? And yet, we are no different when we allow ourselves to go through the whole day, a whole week, month or year without purpose, without visualization of a hoped for destination. A GOAL. Whatever talent and abilities we might possess, whatever potential is ours – without focus and directed energy, they will never amount to anything.
I like to look at the idea of LEGACY. Defined, legacy is anything “handed down” (be it good or bad), but for my purpose here, I am speaking specifically about what we as a person are remembered for after we’re gone. Its humbling to acknowledge that we have a lot of control over the legacy we leave behind. For the most part, what it will be is our choice. Imagine that. We create a good legacy through effort and energy, or we let our legacy default into meaningless. Again our choice. So ask yourself these three questions: 1) Where do you want to be in a year? five years? twenty years? 2) What is important to you? 3) What do you want to be remembered for? What legacy do you want to leave behind?
Whether we realize it or not – whether we actually use the words “goal setting” or not, most of us DO set goals for ourselves. I have some suggestions for ways we can make them more meaningful, and have a more empowering influence in our lives.
1. Goals give us Direction and propel us forward
Setting a goal provides a destination to work toward. When you set a goal you naturally direct your attention toward the first step in achieving it. Focusing on it leads your thoughts in a certain direction, and what you think about becomes behaviour.
2. Goals keep us on the path.
You can not walk a straight line without a fixed point to follow. When you have a goal in mind – a particular destination, you will focus on it, and you will be more inclined to avoid detours that would distract you from reaching it. The more specific your goals are, the more likely your path will be straighter and more direct. For example, it has been a life long goal of mine to eat healthily. Generally I do pretty good, but the goal itself is unspecific. In the last few years, my goal has been to be ‘smarter’ about my choices. Still very unspecific. So recently I committed to avoid sugar for one month. This is specific, and measurable (see point #3), and very relevant to me. A clear and relevant goal sets you on a path and provides incentive to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve it. There are always sacrifices involved in reaching a goal, because the nature of obtaining a desired outcome requires changing established behaviour. And that is never easy. Desirable maybe, but not easy.
3. Goals must be measurable to be of any value
By setting a worthwhile but immeasurable goal of “being a better person” or having a “successful business”, we never really know when or if we achieved it. We need to know where we are right now, and compare it to a fixed destination. Our goal should be “measurable“. A big goal to “get out of debt”, broken into smaller goals of paying off the credit cards, the student loan, the car loan, setting a minimum dollar amount aside for unexpected expenses and to eventually replace the car so you don’t take on another debt, are all manageable, measurable, and as you achieve each step you have reason to celebrate. A big goal of getting in a year’s supply of food storage, broken down into smaller goals of buying for one week ahead, one month ahead, and finally three months ahead, are all steps along the way, and are attainable. And measurable. And worth celebrating. The specificity of my goal to avoid sugar for ONE MONTH made it measurable and therefore attainable. I could see the end of the month from the beginning, the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. It was a mental exercise that made it easy to track success with every accomplishment. You cannot manage what you cannot measure. And you cannot improve what you cannot manage. (*1)
4. There must be flexibility in resetting your compass when working to achieve goals
Without compromising the end goal, you can be patient with yourself when you fall off the wagon briefly from time to time. Simply get back on. You are still better for being on the path, and it has been my observation that though our heart can change on a dime, behaviour sometimes takes time to follow, especially when you are dealing with a full out change of established habits and routine.
One of my favourite quotes is from Maya Angelou. She says simply “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, DO BETTER.” How very simple and yet profound such a statement is. It gives me permission to be patient with myself when I know that I am doing the best I can – on my path to do better. It steers me away from the temptation to beat myself up over former short comings, and to always move forward reaching for a new bar of excellence. It is motivating by not being unrealistically rigid.
5. Goals
provide accountability – especially when written down
When your goal is specific,
with a start date and an end in sight – you make yourself accountable to both. By
writing it down, you have more accountability.
A goal not written down is just a wish.
By placing it where we will see it often, it can be a constant reminder,
providing even more accountability. And of course sharing that goal with
another, or within a safe support group – strengthens that accountability more yet.
The combination of all the above, creates the best formula for success. Do NOT
allow yourself to procrastinate by giving yourself loopholes. Remember, “the Best time to do better was yesterday. But the second best time is RIGHT
NOW.” Be
firm. Don’t let yourself off the hook
with all your favourite excuses for not changing.
6. Goals provide motivation, and help us believe in
ourselves
Setting achievable,
measurable goals transforms mountainous challenges into manageable hills. Visualizing
the end result provides the incentive to keep working toward it. Without setting actual goals, be honest with
yourself, you’re just dreaming. Providing yourself with the accountability of
writing your goal down and sharing it, is excellent motivation to move forward.
Having a clear, compelling goal motivates you toward behaviour that will help
you reach it. The goal to pay off a specific debt is clear and concise. It is
easy to understand. It is measurable. Visualizing it and what it can mean for
you and your future from that point on provides the motivation necessary to
make it a reality. Fixing your focus on the
end result, and being mindful of your continual changing behaviour along your
path gives you continual feedback by which to measure your success. Success
breeds more success, and a constant motivation to move forward. It isn’t simply about creating a plan, it is
also about providing the inspiration and incentive to aim for and accomplish
great things. Without making that goal
and working everyday to achieve it, how would you ever expect to attain any
level of accomplishment? When you
actually SEE yourself making progress your dreams suddenly become
attainable and your motivation increases. Newton’s basic law of physics remains true in all areas of
life. “An object that is at
rest will stay at rest unless a force acts upon it. An
object that is in motion will not change its velocity unless a
force acts upon it.” Once an
object is moving, it is infinitely easier to keep it moving than to try to get
it moving again once it has come to a stand still. And the same principle applies in our journey
toward a specific goal.
7. Reaching a
Goal should be celebrated as the accomplishment it is!
Seeing progress is addicting. It is invigorating and it sustains momentum. On the path to being debt free are many accomplishments. When you pay off a specific credit card debt (job well done bytheway), you have every reason to rejoice in your progress toward your ultimate goal. On your way to losing twenty pounds, you have every reason to rejoice in losing five pounds, and every other success along the way. Don’t underestimate the mental stimulation of celebrating smaller successes on your way to large ones. Achieving goals builds character. And that is something to celebrate.
Zig Zigler once said, “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” Of this I think we can be assured. We can never be happy with merely putting in our time till life is over. As children of God, we are simply not wired that way. What we can accomplish by deliberately aiming ourselves toward something meaningful that is in harmony with those things that are most important to us – is absolutely limitless. Remember that what we get by achieving our goals is nothing compared to what we ‘become’ by achieving them.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
footnote: *1 I have no idea where that quote comes from, or who may have originally said it, or I’d be happy to give them proper credit. If if was you – thanks
November 18 of this year was a Sunday.
We woke up to an unusually cold house.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to confirm that our stupid furnace
wasn’t working. In fact, we suspected it stopped working the day
before. In November in Edmonton, you don’t get
along for too long without a furnace!
You may have experienced something similar. If a furnace is gonna quit, its gonna do it in the winter time when its working steady. I know lots of others have had this very thing happen. It may not be common, but it is not rare. It was SO not in our plan for that cold November Sunday. The problem is, these kinds of things never ARE in the plan. Who schedules the furnace quitting into your weekly calendar? But planning for these kinds of possibilities makes all the difference in how you get through them.
Provident Living We could spend hours talking about the different facets of it. But cutting to the quick, being “provident” means having foresight and providing carefully for the future. Its about taking care of yourself today AND tomorrow, and being prepared for the unexpected. And it IS God’s temporal plan for His children.
Many years ago, Dan’s uncle was selling his motorhome. It was a nice one and he had taken exceptionally good care of it, and Dan really thought we should have it. He spent considerable time trying to talk me into it, and finally convinced me. Sort of. Mostly, I just gave in. Then one day he came home from a session of General Conference and said “We’re not buying Uncle Ernie’s motorhome.” I was just starting to warm up to the idea. LOL
It was October 1998. President Gordon B. Hinckley had just told those attending a general session for the men of the church to GET OUT OF DEBT. “I am suggesting” he said ” that the time has come to get our houses in order … Self-reliance cannot obtain when there is serious debt hanging over a household. One has neither independence nor freedom from bondage when he is obligated to others.” He went on to say “I urge you brethren, to look to the condition of your finances. I urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchase to avoid debt to the extent possible. Pay off debt as quickly as you can, and free yourselves from bondage. This is part of the temporal gospel in which we believe.” He concluded his remarks with this “If you have paid your debts, if you have a reserve, even though it be small, then should storms howl about your head, you will have shelter for your wives and children and peace in your hearts.” 1
It wasn’t that we hadn’t heard the counsel to stay out of debt before. In fact, we felt strongly about it, and even tried to live it. But that particular talk became one of those defining teaching events in our lives. It spoke to Dan’s heart and when we discussed it, it spoke to my heart. It changed things for us. We recommitted ourselves and began working with intent toward becoming completely free of debt.
Three years later, Dan lost his job. A job we had every expectation that he would retire from. “Downsized” was a relatively new word at the time, but people were getting used to it. One day he went to work as usual, and a few hours later he was home. And that was that. The truth is, nothing ever went back to ‘normal’ after that day. We owe a LOT to our strict obedience – finally – to the emphatic admonishment President Hinckley gave that evening three years before. When a prophet speaks that forthrightly, that emphatically, and that urgently – it is a good idea to pay attention. I am so glad we did.
When we had a family meeting a few days later, to tell our kids that Dad no longer had a job, there was silence for a long time. Jacob was just home from his mission, and he asked the questions everyone wondered. “What does this mean? How is this going to affect us in the day to day?” Of course these were questions we had talked about ourselves before we met with the kids. We could tell them this: “Because we listened to, and obeyed the prophet’s counsel to get out of debt, we believe we will ride this out without too much pain. Our most important goal is to keep this house. It is the only thing we owe money on, and every energy must be spent on making sure this house is never in danger.”
Things didn’t work out the way we hoped they would. Dan never re-entered his field. After months of looking, he re-entered the workforce taking a job paying $12 an hour. We had plenty of opportunity to reinforce our testimony to our kids of some very important principles. Like TITHING, FOOD STORAGE, and living within our means – which means avoiding DEBT.
I could not even begin to count the number of times I shook my head and said to myself, or to Dan, or to whatever kid happened to be standing nearby “Wow. Can you imagine? If we had had credit card debt, we would have lost this house by now! Who knew this would go on as long as it has?”
Provident living and being self reliant are not just Latter-day Saint ideals. It is a very popular concept among all sorts of people who focus on independence. However, there are a few things that I think are important to keep in mind when talking about Provident Living in a Latter-day Saint context. And as with all important things, we get our most reliable tutoring from the scriptures.
So where in the scriptures does it tell us to prepare for the furnace to quit, or to get a food storage in, or to stay out of debt, or put some money aside in case the unexpected happens?
Well, we know that when the Lord speaks thru his prophets, that is scripture to us. Almost 60 years before President Hinckley gave that talk, (in 1941) President Heber J Grant spoke from the pulpit “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family,” he said “it is to live within our means. And if there is any one thing that is grinding and discouraging and disheartening, it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.” 2
In the Doctrine & Covenants we read “… verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam your father, whom I created. Behold I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself; and I gave unto him commandment, but no temporal commandment gave I unto him, for my commandments are spiritual; they are not natural nor temporal …” (DC 29: 34,35)
For the 72 hours we were without a furnace last November, we were surprisingly comfortable. We were sure glad it wasn’t 37 below, but there were other things that made that easier for us. Being prepared for possibilities can take a near tragedy and make it nothing more than an inconvenience. And not being prepared can take an inconvenience and turn it into a tragedy. We had always worried about what we would do if we lost heat in the winter. That was the worst case scenario in our stay-at-home emergency plan. So over time, as we could afford it, we worked toward some solutions.
many years ago we spent considerable energy re-insulating our attic. We’ve noticed that it has made a big difference in our house retaining heat in the winter, and cool in the summer.
we have a gas fireplace which we turned on immediately.
we have a woodstove downstairs with a flat top for cooking if necessary
we have a few cords of wood stacked up outside, some of it by the back door, and some of it downstairs beside the wood stove
we’ve had some bad experiences learning to light that stupid stove when it was 30 below. We’ve smoked out the whole house that not only set off the smoke alarm, but took weeks to get rid of.
we had some money set aside for emergencies that we were able to use to fix the furnace
All these things we used on that Sunday and Monday. By Tuesday morning, it was as if nothing had ever happened, except that our house smelled slightly of wood smoke.
We were so grateful for planning ahead for a possibility we hoped would never happen. And who knows? That might have just been a test run. I hope not.
Provident Living and being Self Reliant means that we learn skills that will help our family should the unexpected rear its ugly head. Knowing those skills takes the fear out of the unexpected. Years ago – before I made my first long distance road trip without Dan, he thought it prudent to teach me how to change a tire. I admit, it wasn’t my finest moment. To say I was resistant would be giving me too much credit. I had absolutely no desire, but he insisted. He made me come out and watch him as he patiently explained each step while he removed a tire, and put it back on. I stood behind him watching and noticed how dirty his hands were getting and I thought “You canNOT be serious! I am not touching that. And what if I break a nail? That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.” I didn’t vocalize any of those thoughts and wisely Dan didn’t insist I actually demonstrate all I learned.
I have since learned to change a tire. I use a CELL PHONE. The way I look at it – I have five sons and a husband. And I didn’t put up with all those boys for 40 years for nothing! Problem is, I got a flat tire in Montana, when I was far from any of those boys. And far from AMA, and in a dead zone for cell coverage. My very pregnant, but smarter niece was with me. Guess who changed the tire? Another one of my un-finer moments.
If you drive, the likelihood of you having a flat tire is extremely high. In fact, I’d venture to say its inevitable. Just a matter of time. Its part of driving.
If you live in Canada, the likelihood of you having a furnace issue one day is real. Even high.
You may have some unexpected and unusually high bills one day – that knock the wind out of you.
One day you may find yourself unemployed.
None of these things have to destroy you. Every one of them can be dealt with better and more smoothly with a little bit of foresight and providence.
Sit as a family and review some possibilities. And then talk out possible solutions.
What would we do if we lost heat in the middle of winter? How would we get thru the first few hours? What if it went on for a few days?
What would we do if Dad suddenly couldn’t go to work? What is our plan to get thru the first few weeks? What if it went on for six months? What if he never worked again?
What skills should we learn to make our life more comfortable if things suddenly changed?
What if we had to cut our grocery budget in half?
What if we had a few bad months when we had zero money after the bills to buy groceries at all?
During some very lean years, it never occurred to me for a minute to say “Wow, wasn’t that lucky that we happened to have a food storage downstairs?”
When Dan lost his job, it never occurred to me for one minute to think “Wow, wasn’t that lucky that we decided several years ago to get out of, and then forever after avoid debt?”
Luck had no part in any of that. They were both results of obedience to the counsel a loving Heavenly Father – given for our comfort and peace of mind.
Some things to put on your list:
FOOD STORAGE: Get one! If you’ve got one, keep it up. I have heard too many older people say something like “Now that the kids are gone, there’s not much point. I don’t bother with it anymore.” Are you kidding me? Did you suddenly stop eating? Who’s supposed to feed you?
DEBT: Get OUT! Out Out Out. Avoid it like it is the plague it is. If you cannot pay for it by the end of this month, you cannot afford it.
Wait for it. Save for it. But do NOT “buy it on time”! There are very few necessary exceptions. Obviously we have to borrow for a house. Sometimes one has to borrow for a reliable vehicle. (be reasonable. Affordability is still key here.) Sometimes one has to borrow for an education. But make paying those debts off a priority, starting with the smallest one first.
You can say “We cannot afford this.” Try it. Its not as hard as you might think it is. Just form the words: “We. Can’t. Afford. It.” See? not that bad. Use that sentence more. If you cannot pay it off by the end of this month – you CAN. NOT. AFFORD. IT! Stop feeling ‘less than‘ because you don’t have all that someone else has. Perhaps they can’t afford it either, but they’ve unwisely chosen debt to make it look like they can. Come ON. Those are mind games we play with ourselves, and ultimately we’re the losers. Stop feeling that you deserve this or that. I’ll tell you what you deserve. You deserve peace of mind. And you’re never gonna have it, no matter how nice your truck is – as long as you owe money.
I do not speak against nice vehicles. I don’t speak against nice vacations. Or leather furniture. If you can afford it, do whatever your little heart desires. But remember – if you can’t pay for it by the end of the month – you cannot afford it. Live with that. And man up to it. Live within your means and be grateful for all you DO have, instead of counting all the things you don’t.
EMERGENCY SAVINGS: If you can only put $5 a week away, then put $5 a week away. But do something. The Lord blesses us when we obey. We don’t have to do great things. Small things count in His eyes, and the Lord blesses us for them.
When referring to the story of Nephi finding ore to build tools necessary to build a ship, L. Tom Perry said “I have sometimes wondered what would have happened if Nephi had asked the Lord for tools instead of a place to find the ore to make tools. I doubt the Lord would have honored Nephi’s request. You see, the Lord knew that Nephi could make the tools, and it is seldom the Lord will do something for us that we can do for ourselves.The Lord does help when we go to Him in times of need, especially when we are committed to His work and respond to His will. But the Lord only helps those who are willing to help themselves. He expects His children to be self-reliant to the degree they can be.”
Elder Perry went on to say “Independence and self-reliance are critical to our spiritual and temporal growth. . . . . If we increase our dependence on anything or anyone except the Lord, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act.” 3 (GC October 1991)
We all could go on and on and on – giving examples and bearing testimony of how living the principles of Providence and Self Reliance has helped us and how they put us in a position of being able to be more charitable. And we could be uplifted and edified by it all. And I think we should have those discussions. In this article, we could only skim over the basics of such an all encompassing gospel lifestyle. And make no mistake, that is exactly what it is. A lifestyle. Learning skills that will help us be self reliant is a life long focus. It is a lifestyle. And it yields gratitude and peace of mind.
I encourage us all to look again at our our situations – no matter where we are on the spectrum, and find a way to do better. Make it your goal this year to become more self reliant and work toward that goal every single day.
The Lord will help us, but remember what Elder Perry said, He will “help those who are willing to help themselves. He EXPECTS [us] to be self reliant to the degree that [we] can be.”
Two more scriptures to leave you with. I find them very motivating when I recommit myself to follow counsel from the Brethren “Why call me Lord, Lord and do not the things which I say?” (Luke 6:46)
“I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when you do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (DC 82:10) I cannot think of anyone I would rather have bound to me, than Him. And He promises. He says “I the Lord am BOUND when ye do what I say.” It is my prayer that we will all willingly “Bind” Him to us as we strive to live what He says. As we strive to live providently, and to know the peace and freedom of a self reliant life.
Loyal. . . . If I had to think of a word to describe that favourite piece of clothing that wears itself out in your service, I suppose it would have to be ‘loyal‘. In this favourite shirt or pair of jeans or pair of shoes, pajamas or whatever – you feel comfortable. You feel like ‘you‘. Even if you don’t always say the right thing, or feel all that confident around others, or have nagging doubts about important things – this shirt is your friend, and in it, you feel comfortable. Is it just me? Or do you have any of those? When I get a new fave its like I have nothing else in my closet. I understand that I might be a little over the top about that sorta thing. Then again, I might have some kindred spirits out there. ?
Truth is, I have a favourite shirt. A denim shirt. What can I say? I am a denim girl. I bought it a few years ago and as unhappy as I am to admit it, I’ve just about worn it out. This is most unfortunate and I have a hard time parting with a favourite companion like my denim shirt – which has served me so well. As it happens, my mom moved in with us several months ago – and although I can mend clothes as well as many others, my mom can do it better. When she mends, it’s professionally done. She breathes new life into the garment. She takes more care than the average mender – precise corners, that sorta thing. Like a true quilter. A few months ago, she saved my denim shirt with three small but important patches, in just the right colour of blue cloth. But as bad luck would have it, I ripped it in another spot and back it went into my mother’s sewing room where it hung for quite a while – while I spent weeks trying to convince her into giving it one last chance with another patch, and she spent those same weeks trying to convince me to let it go, and assuming I’d be reasonable. Reason I have discovered, is a relative thing. It took over a month, but I am happy to report I prevailed, and we went through her scraps looking for the piece that would work just right. Again.
It reminded me of a certain pair of jeans when I was about fourteen years old. In my view they were a patchwork piece of art. In my mom’s opinion they were an embarrassment. She kept saying “this is the LAST patch Cindy” to which I would readily agree, thinking surely this one would be the last needed. But inevitably within another couple of days I was back with my jeans in hand saying “Please Mom?“
She came from war years – where patched clothing may have been a necessity but it sure wasn’t a happy one, and any self respecting kid would have been mortified to have had half as many patches as I wore. Nowadays moms are saved the trouble. My grandkids prefer holes to the patches. But that wasn’t cool in the 1970’s when I was a teenager. Patches were.
Whatever happened to those jeans remains a mystery. They simply vanished one day, never to be seen again. I had already on a few occasions, rescued them from the garbage, to my mother’s embarrassment, so it is not difficult to imagine their eventual fate. But I am not bitter. I promise. And she claims she has no recollection of their fate anyway.
Flash forward a few decades. I am a mother and a grandmother, but it seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Some things just keep getting repeated. There I was in my mother’s sewing room again, pleading “Please Mom. Just one more chance. I’m not ready to give up on it.” And her saying “Cindy, have some respect. Give it a proper burial.” This is the same conversation we’ve had over several white cotton nightgowns over the last two or three or four decades.
She did it. She always relents in the end. My denim shirt lived to see another day. We both hope the next rip will not be too soon. Have you ever had a favourite something that you just wore out but couldn’t give up on? Truth be told, I’ve had a few. A worn out patchwork quilt that I talked Mom into making into a housecoat for me when I was in high school. I took it with me into my marriage. Wisely, Dan didn’t have an opinion. And several nightgowns that eventually transitioned into another realm after becoming transparent from wear.
Its not that I don’t like new things. Its just that have such an appreciation for the old. The stalwarts. The faithful friends. Old clothes. Old dishes. Old pictures. Old friends. Old houses.
And I’d like to say that my sentiments are that practical, and I may have even justified myself from time to time with this philosophy. But nah, if I was completely honest – it is because I too am loyal.
I began my parental relationship with Santa Claus with slight trepidation. After introducing him to our four and five year old children I still worried (I was such a worrier) about whether we had done the right thing. The kids understood that Santa had a few rules to follow if he was to remain welcome in our home, and I tried to tread that ground carefully, balancing my idealism with allowing my children to enjoy the gift of magic and excitement that he had always brought to me as a child. I didn’t want to hold him hostage, but . . . . . .
Santa sitting in Charlie’s rocking chair
Oh how I wish that I could have had the slightest glimpse into the future – just enough to know that all would be well so that I could have relaxed a bit.
As time went on, I witnessed Santa evolve into the central figure in our Christmas celebrations as we enjoyed sharing the holiday with grandparents and aunts and uncles who delighted in the few children in both our families. We were riding a wave that I felt powerless to control, and I wasn’t happy about it. The way Christmas had developed – not because we actively created it, but because we allowed it – left me unsatisfied and feeling that I was letting our children down. Santa had become all I said I’d never allow him to become. He became our Christmas. I knew I could ask him to leave. I had reserved that right after all, but now there were so many others to consider. The overwhelming reality however, was that we were still the parents, and it was our responsibility to follow our hearts and reclaim the way we celebrated Christmas.
I tossed it around for months, considering different angles, and discussing the few that seemed reasonable with Dan. Santa and Jesus didn’t have to be mutually exclusive and although we had tried to talk about the source of the tender spirit-of-giving that motivated Santa, it seemed that our kids were so busy being ‘children’ (huh), full of the childhood wonder of Santa Claus with all his trappings, that I feared I had missed something really important. I sensed that time was ticking, and their memories were becoming more firm and important. It was clear that if were were to reclaim the way we chose to celebrate Christmas, we needed to create meaningful Christ-centered traditions. We were approaching Christmas 1986. We had four children, our youngest was just a year old.
In the end, we hit on a plan. We agreed to give Christmas Day to Santa Clause, but we reserved Christmas Eve for the Saviour. I wanted Christmas EVE to BE about Him. We wanted to talk about him and imagine the night of his birth. I realize that many families re-enact the nativity, but that wasn’t ‘us‘. We needed something that worked for us.
We talked about what kind of dinner Mary and Joseph might have had during their travels and after they arrived in Bethlehem. Research resources were not what they are now, but it seemed reasonable that their meal was very simple, and humble.
There was likely cheese. And undoubtedly bread. Flat bread. Perhaps figs or dates if they were lucky. Or dried fish. More than likely they would have drank water from a well or fresh wine / which wouldn’t have been much more than grape juice. It was probable that during their stay in Bethlehem they may have acquired mutton from time to time . . . . After dark, their only light would have been from candles or small lamps. A picture began forming.
We envisioned, and then planned out our meal. It would be a simple one of white cheese with homemade flat bread, and grape juice. By candlelight. . . Preparing it was a family event. Making the bread. Cutting the cheese. Making the juice. Then we lit the candles and turned off the lights. Low light often reduces volume, and quiet discussion allows for tender feelings to be expressed. These are things we discovered while eating bread and cheese in the soft light of candles.
We have eaten bread and cheese by candlelight every Christmas Eve since 1986. There were years that were lean and cheese was expensive so there was less of it. In those years, we put homemade jam on the table. There were other years of plenty that saw fish and olives on the table. Other foods have been added from time to time. Figs. Dates. Pomegranates have become a personal favourite of mine. Oranges. More varieties of cheese. But always homemade flatbread. Always white cheese. Always purple grape juice. The grape juice has become our own, from our own purple grapes – saved for this meal.
It has become our most favourite Christmas tradition of all. One that we have maintained for over three decades. Half of my life. It is a delight to us to watch our children carry it on in their own homes with their children, and to hear that it remains their favourite tradition.
When does Santa get his time?
When the meal is over and cleaned up, and stories have been shared, and songs have been sung, . . . When guests have left, teeth have been brushed, . . . then we gather into the family room and Dan reads a favourite poem that we all know by heart but we listen to him anyway –
“Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In the hopes that St. Nickolaus soon would be there ….. “
I’ll admit it gets a little animated. And for families who normally don’t role-play, or do charades, kid after kid has always wanted a chance to portray the “plump, jolly old elf with a broad face and a little round belly, that shook, when he laughs like a bowlful of jelly.”
We owe a lot to Clement C. Moore – it is his description we rely on when we visualize Santa Claus. And he should know, because he spied him in his very own parlour all those years ago. I am grateful he took the time to write his experience down so that all of us might benefit.
I have come to love Santa Claus – and all he represents to me. I no longer quarrel with him. I am satisfied that he has done our family a great service in visiting us every Christmas Eve since that inaugural visit in 1982. We have felt his spirit as each of our children have discovered for themselves in their own time – who he really is, and what he really looks like, and WHAT HE DOES.
I think the tipping point for me in making that final decision all those years ago, was that I never felt the betrayal I’ve heard others speak of. Of course like others, I reached the age of doubting, but my mother always maintained that she believed. You could never get her to verbalize anything to the contrary. To this very day at over eighty years old, she still maintains that she believes in Santa Clause and always has. Because she always has, I always have, even though I wondered for a few years, whether I’d invite him into our lives as young parents.
One Christmas Eve when I was fourteen years old my older sister and I talked my mother into letting us help fill the stockings. Our Dad was working that night. We prevailed, and she allowed us into the inner sanctuary reserved for parents on Christmas Eve. The next morning I was shocked to wake up and still feel the magic. I confided to my mother that even though logically I understood, and for goodness sakes, had even filled the stockings, I couldn’t help it – I still “believed”! She never let me help again. Not even when I was seventeen years old and protested mightily. Not even after I was married. Until my own children hung their stockings, I was excluded from her private ritual. Although outwardly I rebelled, inwardly I always appreciated her refusal to give in. It kept the magic alive for me. And I have tried very hard to do the same for my kids.
In this house WE BELIEVE.
I’d love to hear how you incorporate your important family values into Christmas traditions. Please comment below.
…… that is a question every parent must come to terms with at some point early in their parenting. (part 1 of “to Santa or not to Santa”)
And its not a question to be taken lightly, because whatever you decide, it isn’t your right to wreck it for others’ who may choose a different path. For me, in our very first year of parenting it could be avoided. We had the only grandchildren on both sides, so the precedent hadn’t been established. We in fact, unintentionally – had the responsibility for establishing a precedent in both of our families. A place of considerable pressure for someone as young and idealistic as we were.
The dilemma I felt was that I wanted our children to love the Saviour and to recognize that Christmas was first and foremost about celebrating His birth, and to acknowledging the important part He played in our life. I felt that a celebration the magnitude of Christmas, could be justified just as well with or without Santa Claus. But on the other hand, I had many fond memories of Santa and didn’t want to deny my kids the wholesome magic that he brings with him. But still, Santa had overshadowed any feeling I might have had as a child for the Saviour. In fact in my early childhood, I had no knowledge of the birth of Jesus and its connection to Christmas. Nativities were not a part of our Christmas. Truth be told, I don’t believe they were a part of very many people’s Christmas in those days. I never saw one when I was a child, or a youth.
I successfully dodged that bullet for a few years, while our extended families, the grandparents and aunts and uncles stood a respectful distance away from Santa while allowing us the privilege of making that decision. Christmas of 1982 was the year I needed to jump off the fence and make a decision. Jacob was four and a half years old. Sarah was three and a half. They were going to have memories of this Christmas and it was time for me to make the choice: Was Santa going to be a part of our Christmas or not? The problem was, that I didn’t have a crystal ball and couldn’t tell how inviting Santa into our lives would impact our family long term. Dan wanted Santa. Our folks all wanted Santa. All our kids’ aunts and uncles wanted Santa. . . . . And there were other issues to consider. Like how to introduce him at this point?
Finally, I hit upon a plan. I discussed it with Dan and we had an important family council with our kids. It was time. We told them about the old man who lived at the north pole, who loved children. His delight in life we told them was to make children happy, and because of that, he spent his whole year building toys for them which he gave to them once a year on Christmas Eve. We held nothing back. We laid out for them the whole picture. The red suit and beard, the sleigh and reindeer, the elves, the list, …. everything. They were spell bound, wide eyed and enthralled. We told them that there was only one thing Santa loved more than children. He loved Jesus Christ. And he celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ by giving gifts and spreading good cheer because it made him so happy to do so, BUT his one fear and worry, was that children would get so excited about him and the presents, that they would forget about the “reason for the season” – the celebration of the birth of our Saviour.
His commitment was that if that happened in any house he normally visited, he would simply stop coming to that house. As long as the children remembered Jesus, and were grateful for Santa’s gifts then he would come every year for their whole lives. But if the children got too caught up in Santa and thought that Christmas was all about him and not about Jesus, he would stop coming to them. Of course, he might depend on us as parents to let him know how that was going. We told our kids that Dad and I thought they were big enough for us to invite Santa for Christmas – if of course, they wanted him to come. You won’t be surprised to know that they very much wanted him to come! And they promised that they would always remember the reason we celebrated Christmas, which was also the reason Santa did all his wonderful stuff.
The Spirit of Christmas by Greg Olson
That was it then. We officially invited Santa Claus into our Christmas the year of 1982. We were expecting our third child the next spring. It was time we moved on. I had some trepidation, but I was determined to monitor our Santa-meter and keep our Christmases in balance.
As it would happen, Santa Claus happened to be visiting our local shopping mall that Saturday and I asked the kids if they’d like to go see him. They had never seen him – or any likenesses of him, before then. It is wonderful, the control a parent has over the influence the world has on a four year old. Don’t we all wish we could protect them for a life time with the same care and attention we could when they were toddlers? We controlled what they saw on television, what they read and what they saw of the world. And until we were ready, I prevented any exposure they had to Santa Claus. We made preparations to go the very next day to see him.
As we stood in a long line of excited children, (another new experience for Jacob and Sarah, as I normally avoided crowds and malls) – I noted that Santa was asking kids what they wanted for Christmas. Yikes. I forgot about that important detail. Our kids did not know they could make gift requests. I coached them “Santa Claus may ask you what you want for Christmas. If he does, Jacob why don’t you tell him you’d like a covered wagon made out of wood with horses?” “Okay!” he readily agreed. “Sarah, how bout you ask him for a princess dress?” “Okay!” she joined. Whew. That wasn’t so hard. We got closer and Jacob and Sarah were very observant of all that was going on around them. I too watched the minutes unfold – this truly was a departure point for our little family, at least where the kind old man of Christmas was concerned. My kids were getting big enough that it was time for me to let some of the world into their lives – while I could still control the circumstances.
Finally, we were at the front of the line. Santa invited them to come near to him. I accompanied. He asked them if they had been good children. They assured him they had. As predicted, he asked them what they would like for Christmas. Jacob announced that he would like a toy covered wagon drawn by horses. Sarah told him she would like a princess dress (which bytheway, in 1982 was not the Disney princess dresses we’re so familiar with nowadays). Santa nodded and made mental note, then asked “What else would you like?” Oops. I hadn’t anticipated that one. “We don’t know.” Jacob confided “Our mom didn’t tell us that one yet.” Whew. Quick thinking Son. We said our good byes and received candy canes for our visit. Dad happily waited on the other side to hear about our experience.
It was a happy day for him and the kids. A bit traumatic for me, but happy nonetheless. Our family was growing up. And we had just taken a big step into a new world that could never be reversed. A tangible innocence was traded in that day, for another circumstance – another innocence that would carry us for several more years until our children were ready to make another transition: a coming-of-age discovery that Santa Claus would play a big part in. In fact, he was here to stay the rest of their lives – in one form or another.
(this is part 1 of our Santa story) I’d love to hear about how you made that important choice of inviting (or not inviting) Santa into your family’s lives.
So a couple of weeks ago, my son’s family’s carbon monoxide detector went off in the middle of the night. My daughter in law admitted that her first reaction was to assume it was a mistake and to shut it off before it woke the kids. Do you ever think like that? Really. Did she truly want to wake the kids up? Get them out of the house at midnight on such a chilly night? It was November! In her exhausted state, she was certain that if she went back to sleep it would all be better in the morning. She didn’t realize it then, but this line of thinking is a symptom of carbon monoxide poisoning. How do I know that? First hand experience.
Gratefully her more sensible side prevailed before she allowed herself to fall back asleep. “What is the point of having a carbon monoxide detector if I’m going to argue with it?” she reasoned. “Who do you even call at midnight anyway? Where do I take the kids if we have to leave the house?” Of course this had to happen during the ONE night her husband was away from home. Figures! She called 911. They told her to get the kids up and get out of the house! She did. They all bundled up in the van. Four little sleepy-heads, not up for an adventure in the wee hours of the morning. Not much of an adventure anyway, when you’re stuck in car and all the action is going on in the house. But there WAS a firetruck! And the firemen WERE wearing masks. And all those things helped to make the adventure a little more “fun”. “Fun” bytheway, is all in the eyes of the beholder.
In the end, it was determined that the exhaust from a running car in the attached garage had filtered through the air and apparently took a couple of hours before it rose to the second level where the family slept and finally set off the alarm. After an investigation by the gas company and an airing out of the house, it was safe for everyone to go back inside for the last couple hours of sleep – a little wiser for the experience.
Several lessons learned. 1 – car running in the garage with the exhaust pointed toward the inside door – even though the big garage door was open to the fresh evening air …. ooops. 2 – Yes. Pay attention to the carbon monoxide detector and assume it ‘knows’ more than we do about the invisible, odourless, silent killer – carbon monoxide. 3 – GET OUT! Get fresh air. 4 – Call 911 5 – Don’t go back inside till you get the all-clear from a professional.
Know why she didn’t go back to sleep? Because she remembered hearing something about an experience many years ago that nearly cost us everything that mattered. The night we very nearly went to sleep forever. The memory came back, vague as it was, as she laid in a nice warm bed wondering what to do. It motivated her to get up.
As we chatted about it the next day, that long ago December night came back to me in vivid colour. Like a movie replaying, where I had a front row seat. I watched it unfold in slow motion – although the whole event in reality took only a few minutes.
Jacob and Sarah sitting on the front door step of our first house in Calmar, probably in the summer of 1982. He would have been 4, she would have been 3.
We lived in an old house. A fixer-upper. But we had fixed it up and it was cozy. And it was ours. Well, we shared it with the bank. We lived in a little farming town just south west of Edmonton called Calmar. My husband commuted to Edmonton. We had a garden. I ground wheat to make our bread, just like the “Little Red Hen“.
We had lived there almost five years. Two of our three children were born during those five years.
It had all the charm of quaint old houses and all of the problems that often come with them too.
Money was tight in those days, but we took on projects as they rose to the top of our priority list and as we could afford them. During our second summer we re-shingled our roof and re-insulated our walls and roof. (of course when I say ‘we’, I mean the ‘royal we’, as in “DAN”). Bytheway, you’d be amazed at how little insulation is actually IN old houses. Not much! No wonder our walls frosted up in the winter. Original furnace too. It was kinda neat. Not very efficient, but waaaaaay cool. And huge. Took up half the basement. Our house was older than my dad! Which at the time seemed really, really old. At least as old as my Gramma’s house where he was born and raised. Many good memories were lived out in that house. …. And then again – there is THIS memory.
It had been an unseasonably cold autumn. The furnace ran all the time it seemed. I hardly ever left the house in those days anyway – which is a subject for another time. The house seemed to always have a chill. We wore sweaters and slippers, but I didn’t mind. It was part of the charm of living like the Little Red Hen in an old house. Part of the romance I suppose. I know right? What can I say? I was very idealistic in those early years.
I spent a lotta time standing on the heat register, reminded of doing the same thing on chilly mornings when I was a child. But I had a constant headache. A dull throb that never seemed to go away. I suspected it had something to do with the air I was breathing, standing on the heat register – warm air directly from the furnace. And I wasn’t feeling well most days. Funny why I suspected that.
To be cautious we called our local gas company, and asked if they would come out and check our furnace for possible gas problems. Perhaps even carbon monoxide I suggested. This stupid headache! Calgary Power sent out a service man and he checked our house. How he did so I have no idea, because he missed a deadly problem that should have hit him right in the face. Nope. ‘Nothing amiss‘ he said. Sorry about your headache but no connection to your furnace. It was a relief at least to have that nagging question resolved.
Days and weeks passed. Dan went to work and came home. The kids and I went for days without leaving the house. That was just kinda the way I rolled in those days. As Christmas approached we made plans to go to my folk’s house for the holidays. In Fort Kent, Alberta. Another little farming town about four hours northeast.
It was Christmas of 1983. Our three children were Jacob – five years old, Sarah – four years old and Zack – an infant. We spent a few wonderful days visiting Gramma and Grampa, cozied up in their comfortable acreage home. The best way to do winters in Canada. Or at least how I did them.
After a few days, we loaded everyone back into the car and drove home. Not sure what time we arrived, but it was dark. And night time. (Dark doesn’t always mean night time at the end of December up here.) We were anxious to get the car unloaded and get to bed, but Jacob and Sarah were refreshed from the walk between the car and house, and they wanted to play with their new toys. Santa had been good to us. New toys to play with, new books to read. I let them play while we got settled. Zack fell asleep as soon as I laid him down. Huh. That was unusual for him.
I became very tired myself and sat in the rocking chair while Dan continued to unload the car. I was so tired. Jacob and Sarah soon lost interest in their toys and laid on the floor of the toy room – within my sight line. I told them to put their toys away and go to bed, but they continued to lay there. Unusual for them. Frustrated, and so wanting to go to bed myself, I told them to just go to bed, we’d put everything away in the morning. They slowly drug themselves off the floor and walked past me to their bedroom. Tipsy. Like they were dizzy and couldn’t walk straight. I became alarmed. They shouldn’t be this tired. Come to think of it, neither should I. I could not get myself off the chair to go check on them. When Dan finished unloading the car and came into the living room I said “Dan, there’s something very wrong. Jacob and Sarah wouldn’t listen to me, and when I told them to go to bed, they could hardly walk straight. And I am. So. Tired.”
Dan went to the basement and came flying back up the stairs. “Cindy! GET UP. We have to get out of here. The house is FULL of carbon monoxide!” He phoned his dad in St. Albert, a good hour north of us, to see if we could go there. No cell phones in those days. “Cindy! GET UP! Grab the baby. We have to get out of here!” He ran past me to grab an already sleeping child and took them out to the car. “Cindy! GET UP! Grab the baby!” He ran past with another sleeping child.
I recall watching him in slow motion, thinking very clearly “I better get up. …. We need to leave the house. …… We can’t stay here. …. Yeah. I need to stand up and go pick up the baby. I really should help Dan. … We need to get out of here.”
“CINDY!” he shouted again and ran by with the baby. “GET UP! I NEED your help. Grab a suitcase. We’re going to Dad’s.” Then he was back for me. Three sleeping children in the car, he pulled me from the chair and walked me out the back door. I have a vague recollection of the walk and of getting into the car. The fresh air was good to breathe. I hadn’t realized my stupid headache had come back.
Somewhere during that hour’s drive to St. Albert, with my window cracked open and fresh air clearing my head, I said “We could have died.” There wasn’t anything else to say. We drove mostly in silence.
Christmas holidays isn’t the easiest time to find someone to replace your furnace, and we imposed on my inlaws longer than we expected, but it didn’t take long to sort out what had been happening in our home while we were gone. Slowly, over the cold weeks of October and November, our old furnace had been leaking carbon monoxide into our home. The daily opening and closing of the doors I suppose – of Dan going to work and coming home, had been enough to keep the air from being lethal. But four days of being closed up tight had filled the house with a higher concentration which literally took only minutes to incapacitate all those within.
What if? What if?
What if Dan hadn’t been in and out and in and out bringing in luggage and Christmas presents and all the other paraphernalia that fills up a car when you travel with three kids? What if he’d too said “I’m tired. Lets go to bed. We can finish this in the morning.” ? What if he hadn’t thought to check the furnace? How could he possibly have known what it meant to find the rusted out chimney? The image to the left is not our old furnace, but it is the nearest image I could find to illustrate it. At a certain point a metal pipe exhausts into the brick chimney. When Dan touched it to check the join, it crumbled in his hand – screaming the horrible truth that the air that should have been leaving the house for all these months, had in fact been staying in the house.
I’ve thought about that young and incompetent Calgary Power repair man from time to time over the years. Why didn’t he catch it? Because we trusted him we didn’t trust ourselves when we suspected that we had a “furnace issue”. He was the expert after all. What did we know about the price-of-rice-in-China? That’s why you call a professional. What else should we have done? If there is one thing I have learned repeatedly over the years, it is to trust that ‘feeling’, that inner voice that speaks of something amiss. When someone contradicts that ‘feeling’ – it is better to continue to trust the feeling than the often well meaning person who says otherwise.
We replaced the furnace that week between Christmas and New Years. It took every dime we had saved for a rainy day. All Dan’s holiday pay from the whole year of not taking vacation. Who knew what we had been saving up for? How grateful we were to have had it. Grateful for whatever inspiration had prompted us to set it aside. After all, sometimes rainy days are in the middle of winter. When we finally returned home about a week later, we marvelled at how modern and sleek the new furnace looked. How little room on the floor it took compared to the old gravity fed octopus of a furnace that had nearly killed us. It seemed immediately that our air was cleaner. Fresher. No more headache.
Soon enough the memory faded. Tucked away behind the everyday urgencies of life with a growing family. Every once in awhile I’d hear something on the radio about a family who all died in their sleep. Victims of carbon monoxide poisoning. And I would remember. And I would shiver at all the what-ifs. I would wonder what their final hours had been like. Before they all decided to go to bed. Had they received warnings that they ignored? Did somebody say “Something isn’t right. We should get out of here.” Many years later, we learned of a new fangled thing called a carbon monoxide detector that one could buy and have in their home. You can bet we own a few.
I’ll tell you what I believe. I believe in guardian angels. I don’t believe they have wings. I think they look pretty much like you or me. I believe that an angel – one especially assigned to us, stood in our living room and watched those few minutes unfold. Yes, all that happened in probably less than fifteen or twenty minutes. I believe he or she had (and still has) a vested interest in us. He or she loved us, and was very likely related to us. A wise man named Jeffrey R. Holland told me that in a talk I heard years later, and I knew when I heard it that it was true. I already had a testimony of it, but the truth of what he said resonated in my heart again as if he spoke directly to ME. I knew that we had been warned weeks before that night when I first formed the words “carbon monoxide“. I didn’t even fully comprehend what carbon monoxide was, but the words were meaningful to me nonetheless. We had been warned repeatedly in various ways, right up till that very night – when we “luckily” decided to get-the-job-of-unpacking-done before retiring for a well deserved winter’s sleep. I really, truly believe that. And I thank my Heavenly Father for tender mercies. I thank Him for allowing two other children to join our family in the years following that night, and for allowing our original three children and their new brothers to grow to adulthood and have children of their own. I thank Him for paying attention to us, for watching over us. And I thank Him for guardian angels.
– – – – – – – –
Carbon Monoxide is a silent, invisible, odourless, ruthless killer. It is a gas formed by incomplete combustion of carbon. Although our homes and furnaces are considerably better than they used to be, CM still claims victims every year – especially in the winter time.
Here are some tips to help prevent carbon monoxide from building up in your home:
install carbon monoxide alarms on all levels of your home and test the alarms regularly
never idle vehicles in an attached garage, not even with the garage door open
have your fuel-burning appliances (furnaces, fireplaces, gas dryers) cleaned and checked annually
contrary to what I once believed, carbon monoxide is not heavier than air, so installing a detector lower on the wall is not helpful. In fact, carbon monoxide is slightly lighter than air and diffuses evenly throughout the room.
it is recommended to install your detector centrally outside of each separate sleeping area in the immediate vicinity of the bedrooms. If you have more than one sleeping area, then install detectors in all sleeping areas.
do not install carbon monoxide detectors directly above or beside fuel-burning units such as fire places, wood stoves or gas appliances, as appliances may emit a small amount of carbon monoxide upon start-up. A carbon monoxide detector should not be placed within fifteen feet of heating or cooking appliances.
clear snow from all fresh air intake vents, exhaust vents and chimneys
do not use gas-powered generators, charcoal or propane barbecues/grills, or kerosene stoves indoors, or in closed space.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EXPOSURE TO CARBON MONOXIDE?
Symptoms of CM poisoning are tricky. They are similar to other ailments and are progressive. They closely resemble the flu. Initially, you may have a dull headache, feel nauseous, dizzy, weak, a general unwellness that lingers. Left long enough, you may even start vomiting. The conditions become worse over time and you may eventually feel chest pains, shortness of breath, trouble thinking clearly, blurred vision, possible convulsions and finally, loss of consciousnesses. The poisoning can be fatal.
In my case, I had been feeling symptoms for weeks – no doubt made worse by the fact that I often stood on top of the heat register, breathing the warm air that was blowing up and keeping me warm. I would sometimes even read while I stood there – completely oblivious to what was coming with that ‘warmth’. The poisoning was gradual, leading to a continuous state of feeling poorly, but I kinda think that if we’d had such thing as a Carbon Monoxide detector, it would have been screaming! I hope you have one. I hope you replace the batteries often enough. I hope it works!
If for any reason, you suspect carbon monoxide is in your home or people are experiencing symptoms:
Have a professional come in and check it out. We did that, and it wasn’t much help – in fact it caused me to second guess myself and gave me a false sense of security. Trust yourself and how you’re feeling. Get someone else to check it out. If you have a CM detector, that IS your professional.
If your CM detector goes off – GET. OUT! Leave the house immediately.
call 911 once everyone is outside
don’t go back inside till you’ve got the all clear from a professional
My personal advice for those of us who love old houses – REPLACE THE FURNACE.
Old houses might be great, but old furnaces are not.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
footnotes
1. Jeffrey R. Holland
– Ministry of Angels, Ensign, November 2008, pg 29
Michael McLean said something to me years ago that has reframed my life.
It has helped me hundreds of times, when I needed to come out of my personal comfort zone and do what needed to be done. He said simply this: “Its never about YOU.” Then he added the following, summarized in my own words, and edited over more than a decade of implementation, but the essential concept in this post came from Michael McLean.
His counsel: Every time you walk into a room (or situation) you have a decision to make. As you stand briefly in that threshold, before you actually walk through the door, you should ask yourself one question. That question is “Who is the most important person in this room?” If the answer to that question is “ME!” then you are completely justified in all kinds of self centred thoughts like “I am uncomfortable here …. This is awkward for me … No one ever sits beside me … Why bother? … This is soooo out of my comfort zone …. I’d really rather not be here …. ” etc etc – because after all, you ARE the most important person in that room. However, (and this is the clincher), IF the answer to your question today is . . . . . “that woman over there!” or “Laura!” or …. then suddenly, as soon as you’ve made that decision, your thoughts become all about her. “I should go sit beside her – I should tell her how I LOVE her new hair – I should tell her how much I enjoyed her son’s talk last week – I should tell her how much I appreciated that comment she made the other day, and how much it helped me” etc etc. Notice how all your previously self centred thoughts and feelings, turned 180 degrees to focus on someone else. I really think we all want to BE nice. We all want to BE the kind of person who makes other people feel good about themselves. What that boils down to, is that we want to BE more Christlike. More like Christ. Well, if that is genuinely true, then think for a moment. WHEN was it about Him? When did He put himself first and say “nobody likes me”, “They’re not gonna like what I have to say” “I am so stinkin’ sick and tired” … Even when He hung on the cross, it still wasn’t about Him! “Father forgive them.” and “Woman, behold thy son” (John 19). When? When there are other people involved, when should it be all-about-me?
The fact is – sometimes it IS about me. Sometimes I really have to say “this time – I just cannot do that“. And those times are okay. But they should be rare exceptions, not the rule. Most of the time, no matter how you’re feeling, when you’re in a place where you see someone who might need a kind word or wave, or even more – simply ask yourself – “WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THIS ROOM?” I cannot tell you how much that has helped me be a better person and get over myself for the moment. Thank-you Michael.
The only time it backfires is when you raise your children with this philosophy, and then one day when you’re really struggling and feeling sorry for yourself, your daughter says “So why is this all about you mom? Who’s the most important person here anyway?” Stupid kid!
“Who do you even call at midnight anyway? Where do I take the kids if we have to leave the house?” Of course this had to happen during the ONE night her husband was away from home. Figures! She called 911. They told her to get the kids up and get out of the house! She did. They all bundled up in the van. Four little sleepy-heads, not up for an adventure in the wee hours of the morning. Not much of an adventure anyway, when you’re stuck in car and all the action is going on in the house. But there WAS a firetruck! And the firemen WERE wearing masks. And all those things helped to make the adventure a little more “fun”. “Fun” bytheway, is all in the eyes of the beholder. 
And I wasn’t feeling well most days. Funny why I suspected that.
How could he possibly have known what it meant to find the rusted out chimney? The image to the left is not our old furnace, but it is the nearest image I could find to illustrate it. At a certain point a metal pipe exhausts into the brick chimney. When Dan touched it to check the join, it crumbled in his hand – screaming the horrible truth that the air that should have been leaving the house for all these months, had in fact been staying in the house.
A wise man named Jeffrey R. Holland told me that in a talk I heard years later, and I knew when I heard it that it was true. I already had a testimony of it, but the truth of what he said resonated in my heart again as if he spoke directly to ME. I knew that we had been warned weeks before that night when I first formed the words “carbon monoxide“. I didn’t even fully comprehend what carbon monoxide was, but the words were meaningful to me nonetheless. We had been warned repeatedly in various ways, right up till that very night – when we “luckily” decided to get-the-job-of-unpacking-done before retiring for a well deserved winter’s sleep. I really, truly believe that. And I thank my Heavenly Father for tender mercies. I thank Him for allowing two other children to join our family in the years following that night, and for allowing our original three children and their new brothers to grow to adulthood and have children of their own. I thank Him for paying attention to us, for watching over us. And I thank Him for guardian angels.
Carbon Monoxide is a silent, invisible, odourless, ruthless killer. It is a gas formed by incomplete combustion of carbon. Although our homes and furnaces are considerably better than they used to be, CM still claims victims every year – especially in the winter time.
hen you’re in a place where you see someone who might need a kind word or wave, or even more – simply ask yourself – “WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THIS ROOM?” I cannot tell you how much that has helped me be a better person and get over myself for the moment. Thank-you Michael.