I do not know what I ever did in the pre-earth life to deserve to be born in Canada. I suspect I didn’t ‘deserve’ it; nevertheless Heavenly Father saw fit to place me here and now. I am so grateful for that mercy and blessing.
There are so many things in our life to be grateful for …. sometimes we don’t even think about the blessing of ‘where we are’. Canada.
Thank you to all those immigrant grandparents and great grandparents who made it possible for this to be the land of my inheritance
I did not know this, but the last German POWs were not released from the Soviet Union until 1956!
While the western Allies released their final World War II prisoners in 1948, many German POWs in the U.S.S.R. were kept under lock and key for several more years. Most were used as slave labor in copper or coal mines, and anywhere between 400,000 and one million eventually died while in Russian custody. Some 20,000 former soldiers were still in Soviet hands at the time of Stalin’s death in 1953, and the last 10,000 didn’t get their freedom until 1955 and 1956—a full decade after the war had ended.
Among the delayed released POW’s (not likely in this picture) was one Gotthold Sulzle, Dan’s grandfather Jakob’s brother.
Gotthold appears to have been born in Cogealac, Romania. He went to Germany for work just prior to WWII and as a German was drafted into the German Army. He served on the Russian front and became a Russian POW. Gotthold was decorated with 2 iron crosses (a German military award awarded for bravery on the battlefront).
After WWII ended, Gotthold attempted to immigrate to Canada where other family members had immigrated, however he was unable to take his family with him at the time. Having already been separated from his family for too long, he decided instead to immigrate to Australia.
That is how a branch of Dan’s German family ended up in Australia.
– picture and information shared from Linda Sülzle-Michl.
*note: I am not making any statements about this nationality or that nationality. There were (and there are) terrible things that happened (and happen) to individuals and to families as a result of hate and wicked people – wherever they are. I do however have a tenderness for those who suffer, and an appreciation and admiration for those who overcome and show me a better way. I am attracted to real life examples of the strength and resilience of the indomitable human spirit. They strengthen me and encourage me.
I also feel so much love and appreciation for those first generation immigrants who in many cases sacrificed much so their children could have the better life that eluded them. Dan’s grandparents came from German occupied Poland shortly after the first world war. They had been people of means; educated, land owning farmers. For the rest of their lives while living in Canada, they were labourers and I personally never heard Dan’s grandmother speak very much English. But their children grew up on the prairies and all went on to have meaningful work as they raised their own families in a world of opportunity and comfort – free from fear for their safety. Their children’s children received good educations and also raised their children in a peaceful world of opportunity and comfort. All because Edmund and Olga sold all they had for ship passage, hoping for a better life on the other side of the ocean.
If you knew my dad, you’d agree that he looks just like him. Most of my paternal uncles also look like him. In fact, so do most of my paternal cousins. Even my kids do! Lol. I guess he had some pretty strong physical traits.
On September 13 this year (2024), he would have turned 127 years old, but he left this earth over 45 years ago. He’s my grandfather Leland Albert Harrison.
Grampa always seemed to be old. It shocks me now to realize that he was only a few years older than me for most of the time I knew him. He suffered from gout, and was in near constant pain which restricted his mobility. It didn’t help that he was quite heavy. Which came first, his weight or his gout is hard to say, but each condition aggravated the other. He always wore slippers, even when he was outside because his feet were constantly swollen and painful.
It is well known – especially among his grandkids (of which he had many), that he didn’t know how to deal with kids. He didn’t know how to chat with kids, interact with kids, how to even keep us all straight. So he resorted to teasing. It was his only way.
He’d sit in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, and try to catch us if we attempted to get by. We needed to get by because the kitchen was full of adults sitting around the table or standing, and the living room had red plastic building bricks (the only toy I ever saw in that house). He had an extended reach with his cane, and we learned not to underestimate his reflexes. Just because he couldn’t walk didn’t mean he couldn’t grab you. We’d watch him closely and when he seemed to be distracted we’d make a dash for it. It was really rather scary. He didn’t know what to do with us when we weren’t quick enough, so he’d give us a rough head rub or twist our ears (according to some cousins, but he never twisted mine).
An inconvenience for the older ones, but terrifying, maybe even traumatic for some of the younger ones. Now I look back on it and see an old man who did the best he knew how, but from the perspective of young grandchildren it was very tricky to navigate. I never knew him any other way. One day when I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, my grandmother had sent him out to put the sprinkler on the front lawn. I was outside running around with cousins when I came upon him kneeling on the ground beside the sprinkler, unable to stand up. I stood back and silently watched him as he struggled. It was almost a reverent moment for me. I’d never seen an adult in so much need. He asked me if I would bring him “that chair over there”. I brought it, silently. I stood back and watched as he used it as a prop (with much difficulty) to help him stand. When he was on his feet, I quietly walked away to rejoin my cousins. I liked him better after that, he wasn’t just the scary grampa who sat with a cane in the doorway. He was much more . . . . vulnerable.
He and gramma lived in a tiny house they built on his parents’ property in town. In that tiny house with one bedroom and a room reserved (so I’m told) as a place to store coal (later converted into Grampa’s bedroom), they raised 15 kids. Gramma bore 16 children: one died in infancy (Earl), and one died of typhoid fever just before her 15th birthday (Dorothy Ileen). Sadly my grandmother and his mother never got along ‘to put it mildly’. Living a stone’s throw from each other didn’t help, and it must have been very distressful for both of them. I’m sure it was a series of misunderstandings and misplaced pride on both sides that caused the rift, but those feelings perpetuated themselves as life continued and offenses piled up – the older boys tormenting their Gramma Harrison with childish pranks. I never knew my Great Grandmother Capitolia Harrison, she died when my dad was only 13. But I kinda suspect if she’d been alive when I was little, I still wouldn’t have known her. Sad that friction and even enmity in families can be such a thing. And sadder still that it can ooze into future generations long after the original offenses are forgotten. (hmmmm, a life lesson there for sure)
Many years later, while expecting my first child, I told my mother I was considering the name “Afton” as a good name for our new baby if it was a girl. This was my Grandfather’s sister’s name. My mother was mortified! and told me that Gramma Harrison would be unhappy with my choice as she very much disliked her sister in law. I didn’t want to bring any grief to my grandmother so I abandoned the idea, but I was curious about the harsh reaction. My mom had never even met her. I kinda regret never knowing that part of my dad’s family. They all lived in the same little town, and attended the same congregation on Sundays. Tragic when you think of it. I wonder how they reconciled those feelings after they all met each other again in the next world. I bet there are many regrets for how they let it go on for so long.
Leland and Pearl Harrison had a lovely cozy ‘little’ home. Emphasis on little again. And it was always clean; Gramma was fastidious about clean. She had iodine on a kitchen shelf and woe be to any kid who fell and scraped their knee. Iodine hurt worse than the wound. My dad inherited her fear of ‘germs’. He was only 6 years old when his sister died, but it seemed that the years following her death were ones of hyper anxiousness on the part of his mother; today we would called that PTSD. My whole young life was all about ‘not spreading germs’. From this vantage point, I empathise a lot more with my father’s preoccupation with washing hands and clean dishes. Typhoid fever is a terrible disease caused by a salmonella bacteria that is spread through contaminated food or water. It is most common in rural areas of developing countries where there isn’t modern sanitation. I guess small farming communities on the Canadian prairies in the 1930s qualify. And people continue to be contagious with typhoid fever long after they’ve recovered.
Grampa often asked us “whose kid are you?”
I would answer “I’m Wes’s daughter Grampa. I’m Cindy.” I was never certain whether he was teasing or if he really didn’t know. But now, I’m quite certain our sheer number and the fact that we only showed up for a few hours once a year in those days, didn’t help. There was never a hint of any question that Gramma knew us though. Gramma would cup our faces in her hands and kiss them and tell us she loved us. She knew where we fit in and who we belonged to. Her!
He’d call my sister and I “Winder and Cinder” which would always make us giggle, and implied to us that he at least knew OUR names. Some days anyway. He was a tease in every way. It was the only way he knew how to deal with people. And he teased my gramma mercilessly. There may have been a time early in their marriage that she laughed at his teasing, but she wasn’t laughing when I knew them lol. He’d tease her and she’d lash out with some rebuke, then he’d respond with “Don’t be mean to me Mama. You know you love me.” It was very entertaining to us grandkids, but I felt a bit bad for Grampa because it seemed he was always the injured party. One day when I was a young teenager, I confessed to my mom that I thought Gramma was mean to Grampa, and that she hurt his feelings. Mom told me that he’d often reach over and lift up her dress with his cane – which embarrassed her and prompted her rebukes. I had missed that little detail. No wonder she was mad at him.
He was also very accustomed to being waited on hand and foot. She took care of his every need. It probably never occurred to him to peel a potato or wash a dish or even push the toaster down. She fed him every meal he ever ate.
In those days 70 years old was a lot older than it is now, and though he never drank a drop of alcohol or smoked a cigarette in his life, he was not the picture of health. His sheer inactivity was probably his biggest problem. From my vantage point now, I think he deserves some credit for holding his own when literal hoards of adult children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren and other relatives would descend on their home on given day throughout the summer time. In that small house, there was only one place for him to be – sitting on his kitchen chair in the doorway.
I wish I had known the man inside him. I never did, but I treasure the few memories I share with my siblings and my cousins of him. As scary as they were while we lived them, they make us chuckle as we relive them. He died when he was 80 years old, one month before our first child – a son, was born. They overlapped for that short time in the spirit world. I hope they knew each other.
Happy birthday Grampa.
My guess is you’re celebrating with Lemon meringue pie. I’m quite certain they serve that in heaven. It was my dad’s favourite too; perhaps you’re sharing it together.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
* Grampa died March 17 1978. Leland Albert Harrison * Gramma died 12 years later, at the age of 88, April 16 1990. Pearl Cora Reece Harrison
Home Canning (and by that we really mean home ‘bottling‘) is the easiest, most reliable and economical way to preserve food at home. It can be done in your own kitchen, doesn’t require a whole lot of pricey equipment, and has a reasonably long shelf life – up to two years. Yes, I know you know someone who’s had their home canned food for eight years (we all do), and that supposedly “it’s still good”. To that I repeat: “the shelf life is UP to two years“. My suggestion is strongly not to push it too much past then.
Fact: Food is Food. You cannot prevent it from spoiling, you can only slow it down. Canning it will preserve it, but not forever.
Don’t expect home canned food to be what it cannot be, and everything will work out fine. It’s reality is that the nutritional value of canned foods (commercially or home canned) is about 40% of what it was when it went into the canner. I admit I was super disappointed when I learned that fact, mostly because I raised my children on home canned food, especially fruit, and I thought I was doing the best thing I could for them. In reality, I really was doing the best I could for them, but when one gives it some thought, those peaches are in boiling water for 40+ minutes. What did we expect? After the recommended shelf life of two years, we can expect that the food will lose more of its nutritional value, which is why I highly advocate not trying to keep it past that suggested time. Having said that, if something gets away from you and you’re into the third year, don’t sweat it – just use the food.
As with any type of food storage, the bottom line is to STORE WHAT YOU EAT, and EAT WHAT YOU STORE. If you do that, you’re gonna be okay, if you do not – you will end up wasting a lotta money. Canning isn’t magic. It cannot make something perishable last indefinitely.
So what’s the point? And why should I can?
Because it’s a good way of extending the valuable useable time of perishable food, preserving good and nutritious food today, to use tomorrow. Instead of preparing for immediate consumption, you are preparing food that you can store for months! Make no mistake, canning IS cooking, but it allows us to capture the best flavour at the peak of season—to enjoy all-year long! Garden Roasted Tomato Sauce, Homemade Garden Salsa, a bowl of peaches, rhubarb to go on your morning oatmeal, raspberry jam – all in the middle of winter! THESE are why we can!
Back when my kids were young we canned a LOT of fruit. When the price was good we’d buy a 100+ pounds of peaches (our favourite) and pears, maybe 50 pounds of cherries, apricots or plums. I’d can half of the plums and dehydrate the rest. Though I did the bulk of the work during the day it was a big job, so it had to be a family affair. Dan always pitched in when he was home and we required the kids to help out. And yes, I got backlash from time to time (especially from one of our boys who shall remain unnamed at this point), but I flat out insisted that everybody help. We all enjoyed the end result of having peaches with breakfast in February, so it only made sense that we all pitch in to make that a possibility. At some point, when this one un-named boy was a teenager, he put his foot down and refused to be involved in the project anymore. HE was not peeling peaches (or pears or whatever it was). He disliked the work and he’d had enough; it was too much work for him. He was too big to argue with so I told him that was fine, but as with anything there are always consequences, and the consequence to this choice would be that he’d be giving up enjoying the “fruits of our labour”. He couldn’t expect to eat peaches that someone else did all the work to put on the table. I reminded him about how much he enjoyed eating peaches in the winter. I also reminded him that the likelihood of me forgetting in February that he didn’t help in the summer was next to zero. He may have thought about it for all of thirty seconds, and in the end he trusted me, and put on an apron. I’m not gonna pretend he was happy about the job after that, but we never had that same conversation again.
My daughter on the other hand, looked forward to “canning season”. It was just as much work for her, but there was something about her that made that work enjoyable in its own way. My other boys were fine to pitch in and participate, it was after all – the means to the end we all wanted: fruit in the winter. Many memories were made in a hot and sticky kitchen on those long summer days. One summer I went away for a week with a friend. Sarah was 14 years old, and diligently went through the grocery store sales flyers in my absence. At one point she saw that peaches were a ‘good’ price and she believed they would likely not still be that price when I came home. With urgency, she told her dad that he must pick up several boxes of peaches on his way home from work the next day – which of course he did. While I drove home from New Brunswick with Peggy, Sarah and Dan canned those peaches from beginning to the end. I was amazed when I got home, and kinda still am as I look back on it. I was very proud of her, and I wish that I had expressed that better than I did. I was proud not only that she felt it her ‘motherly’ duty to can peaches in my absence, but also that she took it upon herself to judge when the price was right, make the decision to buy, judge when they were ripe enough to bottle, and then take charge of actually getting it done. Dan wisely let her do all that, and then in typical Dan style, he put on an apron and began peeling peaches.
the method
The method is to use high temperatures to kill microorganisms and inactivating enzymes that would cause food to spoil. The heating process pushes air from the jars, creating a vacuum seal as they cool. Without oxygen the bacteria, yeasts, and mould will not grow and the food will last a lot longer.
There are two methods: hot water canning, and pressure canning. They are NOT interchangeable. This article deals with HOT WATER canning. How do you know which method is used for which type of food? It’s pretty straight forward: high acid foods require the hot water method – the easiest. What are high acid foods? Most types of fruit and berries. Some suggestions to consider: Apples: apple juice, apple jelly, apple butter, apple sauce, apple pieces, crab apples … Apricots, apricot jam, Berries whole, berry jam, berry syrup, Cherries whole, cherry jam, cherry syrup, cherry juice, Cranberries whole, cranberry sauce, cranberry jelly, cranberry juice, Grapes, grape juice, grape jelly, Grapefruit and Orange sections, Citrus marmalade, Mixed fruit combinations (cocktail), Nectarines, Peaches, Pears, Pineapple, Plums, Rhubarb
adding acid in the form or lemon juice or vinegar
To most fruits I add a Tablespoon of lemon juice to a pint (500 ml), and 2 Tablespoons lemon juice to a quart (or litre), just as an added precaution. I don’t bother with rhubarb because that is acidic enough.
Tomatoes (yes tomato is a fruit): cold pack whole or cut up, tomato sauce. Less ripe tomatoes are more acidic. Very ripe tomatoes are sweeter and less acidic. (Can them before they’re very ripe and soft.) I add 2-4 T vinegar to my tomatoes, depending on how ripe they are. Sometimes I use flavoured vinegar like basil vinegar – just for an added flavour that we like. Your choice.
Low acid foods require the higher temperatures that only using a pressure canner can provide. They include ALL vegetables and proteins.
Hot water canning involves boiling your fruit in glass jars in a big pot of water. There are pots specifically designed for this- called water bath canners – that consist of a large DEEP pot, a rack insert, and a lid. When purchasing, ensure that you have room for a quart jar to have at least two inches of water covering and plenty of room for water to boil. For small batch canning, I often just use my pasta pot because it checks all the boxes and its in my kitchen cupboard already so its handy. It is good for all my smaller jars: my pints, half pints and smaller that I may be using for jams or syrups.
If I am canning quart jars I use a bigger stock pot that I keep up high on my pantry shelf, so not easy to retrieve but not terribly inconvenient either. I can process up to seven quarts in this pot so its perfect! The important thing to remember when repurposing non-canning-specific pots is to put something on the bottom to prevent your jars from being directly on the bottom of your pot. A rack that will fit your pot will help keep the bottles from ‘jumping’ around when the water is fast boiling, preventing unnecessary trauma and possible breakage. If you have a rack that fits then go ahead and use it (I picked up a few different sizes from a thrift store years ago). Otherwise, use a folded dish towel in the bottom of your pot. You’re mostly trying to protect the bottles from banging around during boiling.
Boiling water is 212 degrees Fahrenheit, sufficient for high acid foods like most fruits, pickles, tomatoes, sauerkraut, relishes, salsas, and all sorts of jams. It is the acidity of these foods helps preserve them safely without the need of higher temperatures and pressure.
Supplies
Canning jars: not to be confused with single use jars. These are jars intended to be used at extremely high temperatures. Use ONLY clean jars without cracks or nicks in them.
Lids and rings (screw bands): those that are made for the particular jars you’re using. Do NOT reuse them. They are single use only.
Water bath canner: for water-bath canning, it isn’t necessary to purchase a special canner as long as you have a pot that has a fitted lid and is large enough to fully immerse the jars in water by 2 inches—and that will allow the water to boil when covered. You’ll also need a rack that fits inside the pot or canner.
Jar lifter: very important, this tool is relatively inexpensive but indispensable. It is essentially large tongs to assist you in putting jars into HOT water, and in removing them again out of boiling water.
Wide mouth Funnel: sure makes it easier to fill your jars without spilling and making a mess. You can buy plastic or stainless steal. I have both, but I prefer my stainless steal one. I use it for much more than camping – almost daily, for lots of applications.
Utensils: large spoon or ladle to fill jars, and a simple table knife to remove air bubbles.
Clean dish cloth to wipe jar rims, and clean dish towels upon which to place you processed jars.
10 Tips to Review Before you Start
Always use the FRESHEST produce possible – in peak condition. Overripe fruits are lower in acid and are already in a state of decomposing. It is important to know that produce begins to deteriorate IN THE HOUR it’s harvested, so fresh means AS IMMEDIATE AFTER HARVEST as you can get it.
Gather all your ingredients and equipment beforehand, so that they’re at your finger tips. It is so frustrating to realize at the point of no return, that you don’t have that extra bag of sugar or additional lids you thought you had.
It is critical to pay attention to “CLEAN” throughout every part of the process. Freshly CLEAN your jars in HOT soapy water – rinsed with hot water and set aside with a clean cloth cover. Sterilizing jars is good, but current advice is that if the food is going to be processed in a boiling water bath for at least 10 minutes, sterilizing is not necessary. CLEAN however is not negotiable; pay attention to it. If you have a dishwasher – running your clean jars through a cycle should get the job done. In years gone by, I always had my CLEAN jars in a hot oven till I used them, but I hardly ever take the time to do that anymore.
Use REAL canning jars, screw bands, and lids – intended for canning. Jars: Many jars that we may recycle are intended only as ‘single-use’ jars. They were not made to go in high temperatures and are liable to break. They also do not fit regular canning lids which are critical. Those single-use jars may be suitable for dry storage, but they are NOT suitable for canning. Lids: Use only NEW lids, not previously used. New lids have a rubber inner ring intended to seal during the process. They do not need to be heated to activate the sealing compound before placing on the jar top, but I usually heat them anyway – by placing them either in a pan of water that I bring to a boil, or by dipping them into the boiling hot water bath with a lid holder that I have for that purpose. This is just one further way of ensuring they’re CLEAN.
5. “Head Space” is the air space from the top of the contents of the to the top of the jar; it is important to ensure the jar seals properly. Head space and can vary depending on the food (usually between 1/4 inch to 1 inch but on average – 1/2 inch). During the boiling process, contents of your jars expand, and if the head space is too little for the contents (bigger contents like peaches, pears or tomatoes for example) the contents may expand into headspace and jeopardize the clean seal of the lid. Insufficient head space may even cause the contents to boil over and escape the lid, causing a big mess in your canner and again, jeopardizing the seal. You could leave up to an inch to prevent those contents from expanding into the headspace. It is important to remember that even liquid expands when it boils.
So what about too much headspace? If too much headspace is left, the food on the top may discolour in time. That in itself isn’t a terrible thing, but in the case of too much air, processing time may be inadequate to push out all the oxygen within the jar, again preventing a good vacuum and therefore a proper seal. Having said that, I’ve had times when the syrup in my fruit boiled over (having not left sufficient head space) and yet the jar sealed. I’ve had times that everything seemed perfect and yet the stupid jar didn’t seal. I’ve had time that I left too much head space and the jar sealed and times that I had too much when it didn’t seal. The bottom line is that we’re looking for optimum protection from potential spoilage through aerobic bacteria (an organism that can survive and grow in an ‘oxygenated’ environment) so we want to do our best to follow proper canning procedures. In principle, following the procedures closely will leave us with no oxygen in the jar. We’ll know we accomplished this when the jar seals.
6. It is VERY important is to wipe the jar rim and threads clean before putting on the lid and screw band. Having any fruit or syrup residue along the top will prevent a good seal with the lid. When putting on the ring / screw band – don’t tighten more than finger tight. It’s job is not to seal the jar, it is to keep the lid in place while the jar is processed and during the cooling process when the vacuum is complete. After 24 hours the ring can be removed to reuse on other jars.
7. Using the jar lifter, place each jar on the rack in the boiling water. I always put the jars in at a slight diagonal to prevent a possible air bubble creating in the slight dome on the jar bottom. Make sure that the jars are covered by at least 1 to 2 inches of water. Cover the pot with lid and bring the pot to the boil. Start counting processing time once the water has returning to a boil. I usually turn the heat down a bit to keep it at a steady rolling boil but not a furious boil. Allowing the water to hard boil at high heat the whole time, may cause some water loss. If that happens simply top it up with small amounts of new water making sure you don’t pour directly onto the jars.
8. When processing time is done, turn off the heat and remove the canner lid venting the steam away from yourself. Remove each jar with the jar lifter and place upright on a nice thick clean tea towel to cool. Keep a space between them of 1 to 2 inches. Let jars cool 12-24 hours. Do NOT make the mistake of tightening the rings as soon as you remove your jars from the canner. It’s typical that the rings may loosen a bit during processing – that’s okay. Adjusting them while the jars are hot may disturb the seal and interfere with successful sealing. Overcome that rookie temptation.
9. How do you know a jar has sealed? Another rookie temptation I’ve seen people give into is pushing the centre of the lid when the jar is still hot. Their intention is to “finish the seal”, but that is not what happens. The natural ‘ping’ of the jar sealing on its own is indication that it’s sealed. By interfering you don’t have that indication and you will not know if it has properly sealed. It is important to test each jar to ensure it’s sealed properly before putting it away. Wait until the jars have cooled at least 12 hours and up to 24 hours before you test the seals. You may notice that the level of the contents is lower. Relax. It’s okay and it is what it is.
A vacuum is created during the sealing process, by drawing the oxygen out of the jar – pulling the lid down, forming a shallow depression in the centre of it. So what you’re looking for is a concaved lid. * Gently press the centre of the lid with your finger. If it is properly sealed there will be no give, Great. If the lid springs down and up when you press and release your finger, there is no seal, Shucks! Don’t despair. It happens sometimes, especially in the beginning when you’re learning. Put that jar in the fridge and eat the contents in the next few days.
In general, your canned foods should last all year long, as long as they are stored in a cool, dry place. When you open your jar, you should have considerable resistance and need a spoon or table knife to loosen it. It should POP audibly when the seal is broken. If it opens too easily – like with your hand, the lid is NOT sealed and that’s a sure sign that air has gotten in. Not good. Do not keep it. Dispose of immediately.
What signs am I looking for down the road, that a seal has been jeopardized? *a broken seal (the lid is no longer concave) – this is likely because it wasn’t a good seal to begin with; *a bulging lid (in home canned or commercially canned food) is a sign of spoilage; *a lid (not the outside ring) that is corroded or rusty is a sign of spoilage; *when you open your jars or cans and see mould or bubbles or cloudiness, its a sign of spoilage. In all these cases – dispose of the contents immediately.
10. One sign that your jars have sealed properly is the gentle “popping” or “pinging” sound” you hear as the jars cool. The wonderful sound of jars ‘pinging’ is music to the ears of anyone who home cans. It tells you “Job Well Done!” Now all you have to do is wipe up the mess and wait for the next round. Jars that don’t seal can NOT be stored. Put them in the fridge and use within a few days.
It might sound at this point, that its all problems but in actual fact MOST jars seal, so relax – you’re doing the right thing. Home canning is still a good way to preserve food. Because you canned, you can enjoy the taste of summer fruits (and vegetables if you pressure can) in the middle of winter, and you can also customize recipes to suit your family’s taste preferences and dietary needs.
The biggest concern of any canning is botulism poisoning. Botulism is an illness caused by the botulinum toxin. Back in my grandmothers’ days, botulism was a real thing and something most people knew to be fearful of, but not always how to avoid it. Even today I hear people say things like “My grandmother canned all her vegetables in a hot water canner and they never had a problem.” That makes my blood run chill. I am ashamed to say I was one who blatantly (and I might add – foolishly) disregarded my father’s warning about botulism and canning vegetables without a pressure canner. I didn’t take it seriously in those days and I’m sure I caused some him some unnecessary stress by my flippant attitude. It’s a dangerous game to play. People die from stupid attitudes like that. My father’s sister died of typhoid fever when she was just 15 years old. It was scary and people didn’t always know how to avoid it. I expect that might have had something to do with him being especially vigilant about foodbourne or waterbourne illnesses. I’m glad I smartened up, but I do regret the worry I caused him.
In actual fact, the bacteria that causes botulism occurs naturally in soil and normally doesn’t cause a threat to people. However, they are a very hardy type of bacteria and thrive in LOW-ACID, low-oxygen environments, like those we create when we can foods. When food is canned improperly, the bacteria grows and produces their deadly toxin botulin, making the food unfit for consumption of humans or animals alike. 65% of botulism outbreaks have been traced to home-processed foods.
It is critical that the environment inside the bottled or canned goods be INhospitable to the bacteria by canning only high ACID foods at normal water boiling temperatures of 212 degrees Fahrenheit or 100 degrees Celcius. Low acid foods must be processed at 240 degrees F which can only be accomplished using pressure. For this reason, I habitually add a tablespoon of vinegar to my tomatoes and a tablespoon of lemon juice to all my fruit as an additional acid precaution (in honour of my dad).
I no longer can in the same quantity I used to. For one, I don’t have five growing kids living in my house anymore. I no longer buy fruit for the purpose of canning. I preserve the EXCESS of what I produce myself, and sometimes produce that is given to me – produce that we have more of than we can enjoy FRESH. The “excess” of that produce.
Another reason I don’t can in the same quantity anymore is that there is no such thing as ‘a good price’ for the fruit I used to can so much of. This makes it necessary to be more creative in what and how I preserve, and more ready to take opportunities when they come our way. It makes it more important for me to have a home garden and to make friends with the fruits and vegetables that want to grow in my part of the world. It makes it all the more important for me to find good nutritious food in times of plenty and to learn to preserve the excess of it for times of less.
And yet another reason I don’t can in the same quantity that I used to, is that about 12 years ago I discovered freeze dried food which has an extended shelf life and higher nutritional value. Not everything is suitable to be freeze dried, just as not everything is suitable for canning, drying or freezing. I love that I have the flexibility to take advantage of all preserving options. Click HERE to see other methods of preserving, and the freeze dried food I prefer.
In many ways it was easier back then, when I could count on finding peaches for a good price every July or August. All told, thousands of man-hours were spent in my kitchen by those who would eat later as well as today. I am glad I took those opportunities to learn the skill. I am glad for all that practice. I believe it is an important skill to have.
So go ahead, can the apples that you grow, cherries or plums. Find some recipes for jams that sound good to you, or that friends share with you. I’ll share some of my favourite jam recipes in another post. Find some recipes for sauces and salsa – I’ll share my favourites in another post. One of the fruits I can the most is tomatoes (and yes – tomato is a fruit). I fresh-can them and I roast them in the oven to can for sauces later. I have also begun canning rhubarb – never thought I’d see the day, but we love it in the winter this way.
I hope you’ll tell me about your experiences, including your successes and failures. Failure is just another lesson learned about how not to do it again. I’ve had lots of those – you likely will too.
over 100 questions to review with your sweetheart before you go any further
When my parents got married, they hardly knew each other. My dad had been serving in the Navy during the Korean Conflict, and my mom was a young teenager on the Canadian prairies. Her dad had recently died and she’d quit school to earn some cash to help out at home. In 1953 my dad was stationed on Vancouver Island. He took a leave and traveled by bus to southern Alberta to marry my mom. They hadn’t seen each other in nearly three years; she was not quite 18 years old. The night before the wedding they had a terrible fight – raising their voices. SHE hurled out “I don’t want to marry you!” HE surprised her by adding “I don’t want to marry you either.” That sobered them both up and they asked “What are we gonna do?” SHE said “I don’t know. But if we don’t get married, Mom will kill me. She’s been cooking all day.” . . . . . now this is a good moment to pause and reflect. Gramma was a widow with 8 children, struggling to make ends meet. My parents – being kids, decided that under the circumstances, their best option was to get married. Within 48 hours, they had all her worldly possessions packed into two suitcases, and were on a bus headed for the coast. Predictably, their life was not an easy one, they had little common ground. But they struggled their way through it.
Many years later, when I wasn’t much older than my mother had been, Dan and I lived in different cities during our courtship. Consequently we spent many hours on the highway driving from one place to the other. I lived in Cold Lake on the Military base finishing high school, Dan lived in Edmonton – a four hour drive. During those long drives (mostly in the winter and mostly in the dark), radio had poor reception the further north we drove, so we filled the time by talking. We shared opinions, philosophies and perspectives, as well as histories, traditions and dreams. We got to know each other. Touching just about every subject we could think of, we learned things about ourselves and each other, found common ground, made compromises, established boundaries, and agreed to agree on many things. I shared my fledgling testimony of the gospel.
Flashing forward a handful of years, we discovered that the things we understood better because of those long uninterrupted conversations set the groundwork for many little successes in our relationship. We had shared feelings about things that were important to us at the time, and made commitments of mutual respect to honour those feelings. We had sorted out some differences that likely would have been divisive later on.
We made a series of very important commitments to each other that sustained us for the decades that followed. We could not have guessed at how important or long lasting and strengthening those discussions would become. One thing we agreed on in those early years – long before any children came our way, was to never argue in front of our children. We agreed to never raise our voices at each other, never swear at each other, belittle or speak poorly of each other, never undermine the other – and above all, to maintain a “united front” of solidarity and mutual respect in front of our children. We understood that we wouldn’t always see eye to eye, but we agreed to take care of those issues privately until we did.
We had discussed family traditions, those we grew up with, those we observed outside our families, and those we wanted to establish in our future home. There were many things we couldn’t have anticipated, but in retrospect I am surprised at how many we did anticipate or accidentally hit on. I’ve always been glad we had that time – undisturbed by default, devoted to learning about each other as individuals, and US as a future family. It helped. It truly helped. Marriage is difficult enough – the merging of personalities, priorities, different backgrounds, expectations, feelings of right and wrong, and unique understanding of the world we live in. Difficult enough without adding powerful differences like our personal relationships with, and how we felt about God. We talked about that too; my feelings were much stronger. I had seen opposing examples of family life with God and without God, and my decision to establish a house with God had been cemented. Dan didn’t share that conviction but he respected it. It was almost enough.
As our kids grew up and began courting themselves, it became clear to me that they didn’t take the time to discuss the things I felt strongly that they needed to. They didn’t have those undisturbed hours on the highway without music or talk radio. I began to worry that they wouldn’t enjoy the unplanned but much appreciated benefit of those discussions that had served Dan and I so well. I decided to write down some of the questions that came to mind – the ones that stayed with me and that I was most grateful we had gone through. There will always be things one discovers later, things you wish you had talked about, ‘surprises’, but hopefully – with learned communication skills and a greater appreciation of the inner workings – they can be handled better.
The list of questions in this article is intended to be the beginning of ongoing dialogue between couples who are seriously dating and moving toward marriage. Ultimately, its purpose is to increase understanding and mutual respect between both and to prevent bringing unnecessary baggage to the marriage alter. Please go through them together, and in order as they are designed to progress – one section upon the other, from Temporal issues to Spiritual issues. Take your time, don’t rush through them. I suggest dedicating a whole week to each question. I also suggest you add your own questions as they come to mind.
You may discover one or two questions are repeated – this is not an accident. It is intended that the question be considered from a different perspective. Perhaps in your discussions, you might realize you have new insight. Perhaps in your discussions, you may find that your differences are irreconcilable. That will be very sad, but much better before the wedding than after. It happened twice in our family. It was sad to watch our kids’ broken hearts – but far better than marrying with those differences.
Temporal
FINANCES Money, and the use/misuse of it, is unavoidably part of our everyday lives and is one of the biggest causes for contention, arguments, and divorce.
? What is my/your/our – commitment toward TITHING? What is my / your testimony regarding this important commandment? What do I pay tithing based on – the gross or the net? How do I determine that? How strict am I in my obedience? We know that tithing is a principle with a promise. What promise? What blessings do I expect in return for my obedience? Is it wrong to expect a blessing when I am obedient to the principle upon which it is founded?
– Who will handle the day-to-day finances? – What are our long term financial goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to reach those goals? – What are our financial goals for the next year? For the next five years? – What kind of a budget will we set up? What kind of commitment will we have to it? – How will we pay for dentist bills? Eye glasses? Prescriptions? Car repairs? Emergency purchases like a new furnace? New fridge? – How will we make large purchases? – The strong counsel of the church has always been to stay out of unnecessary debt. What would constitute unnecessary debt? What is debt justified for? – How do I personally / you personally / we – feel about debt? What commitment do we have to adhering to the counsel of prophets on this important subject? – What purchases would we consider going into debt for? – Credit cards are a valuable tool in our world. They are also the vehicle for a terrible form of bondage. In what ways is this true? What is my commitment toward the use of credit cards? What am I willing to do without in order to keep that commitment? – How will we fit gifts into our budget? For each other? For others? How will we plan to pay for Christmas? – What is normal in my family / your family – regarding gift giving? What is tradition? What do I / you want to continue? What adjustments are we willing to make in order to be unified in this area? – Regarding gifts, does equal mean ‘the same’ / identical? Do we need to provide the ‘same’ way in order to provide equally? Do we need to spend the ‘same’ in all things in order to be equal? Do our individual needs, need to be ‘the same’ in order to be of equal importance? – Keeping in mind that we come from two entirely different backgrounds, what is important to one family, may not be important (or even meaningful) to the other. If one family has never done something before, and has no expectation of it, how necessary is it to begin doing it, simply to keep things ‘equal’ between our two families? – What examples can we think of that this might apply to? What can we do to avoid this being a contentious issue? What changes or compromises do I/you/we feel are important to make so that we bring the best of both our upbringings to this area, and so that we are both comfortable? – What things, or in what areas do I/you personally consider important enough to spend money that may not be an area others would consider important? What do I/you consider unimportant? What do I/you consider a waste of money? What would I/you really have a problem justifying spending money on? – What do I consider fair in the way of financial accountability to each other, and what do I consider over the top and being too controlling or too controlled? – There is a big difference between the financial struggle that accompanies shared goals, effort, sacrifice and growth, and when that ‘struggle’ morphs into feelings of helplessness and even despair. Although uncomfortable, struggle and growth are healthy and good. But there is no peace in debt. Living beyond our means soon enough causes distress. Financial distress causes despair. – In what ways is despair different than struggle? How will we be able to tell the difference? – What will we do if somehow, we have allowed ourselves to get into a financial situation that causes despair? What measures will we take to rescue ourselves? How will we stay united in this effort? – What commitment do we make to stand on our own two feet as a new family? – At what point do we go to our families and ask for help? How do we avoid or prevent ourselves from asking for help too frequently and expecting someone else to repeatedly rescue us from poor choices we’ve made? – Who will we feel comfortable asking for help? When do we ask for help? And what arrangements do we make to repay that help? – How important is it to share our good fortune with others? What obligation should we feel toward being charitable? What does charity mean to me/you? Is giving without sacrifice really charity? What sacrifices are we willing to make to help another in need?
2. CAREER You don’t have to choose career over marriage or marriage over career. You really should have both – and you can have both. TALK. And figure those details out together as you mutually move toward your goals.
– What are his or her long range career goals? – Where does he or she realistically expect to be in one year? Five years? Ten years? – What effort will be required to achieve these goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to accomplish these goals? – What skill will we have acquired sufficiently and have enough experience in, to fall back on if or when an additional wage is needed? – What are we willing to do to ensure that she or he has an additional marketable skill? – Will she work after children come into the family? – What are our feelings in this area? What are our family backgrounds in this area? What are our personal priorities? How has my/your attitude and commitment been influenced by the experiences and priorities we grew up with? – How important is it to me that our children have a mom home fulltime? How important is it to you? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” – How important is it to us that we are in line with this or any other prophetic counsel? – What adjustments in our attitudes and perspectives do we need to make to be reconciled with this prophetic counsel? – What are we willing to sacrifice to achieve this?
3. HOUSEHOLD CHORES
* No matter how much we’d like to avoid them, they’re part of our life. While it is important to have spousal roles established, it is equally important to be flexible.
For instance: in our marriage, the house has always been Mom’s responsibility although Dad was quick to help whenever it was needed. Providing financially has always been Dad’s responsibility, but Mom has always done whatever possible to help ease the burden, and for awhile became the major breadwinner. Cars and yard work have always been Dad’s domain, while gardening has always been Mom’s, although both have chipped in when needed. Dad does the heavy work, Mom does the ‘fiddley’ work. Dad enjoys barbequing, Mom enjoys indoors cooking. Dad wants meat so he, for the most part cooks it, otherwise we would be eating much less of it. Those were our established ‘roles’, that we ourselves chose and were comfortable with. At times however, necessity demanded that we adjust – sometimes dramatically for a time. It was an ‘adjustment’, sometimes even a painful adjustment, but not a reversal of roles. When the need abated, former rolls fell back into place. – Cindy Suelzle
– What are your priorities in the area of roles and expectations? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” – How will the chores be divided up? How will they differ or adjust when ‘she’ quits work to nurture children? Or continues working? – Who will take responsibility for what area? – What are our role definitions? – What are our role expectations? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better wife/mother/nurturer? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better husband/father/provider? – What am I willing to do to learn better skills, and what am I prepared to do to help YOU learn and grow in your responsibilities?
4. FOOD, NUTRITION and HEALTH
There’s a connection. Undeniably.
– What do we consider important here? – What foods are “comfort foods” to me? or my personal or traditional favorites? Do I have an opinion on the ‘type’ of foods we eat as a family? – Am I willing to have new food experiences? – What foods do I have a strong dislike to? How will we compromise here? – Review Section 89 of the D&C. – How do we interpret this section? What are our insights? To what extent are we willing to follow the noncompulsory parts of its direction? – What kind of responsibility do I feel toward proper nutrition? – What are my standards on the “quality” of the food we buy or grow?
– How will we deal with minor illnesses in our family? – What kinds of medication do I consider appropriate? – How will we deal with major illnesses?
“When we were newly married, we decided on some basic things which we thought were important to acquire for our independence and self reliance. ie: a few flashlights, coal oil lanterns with extra wicks and sufficient oil for many days use, wheat grinder, food dehydrator, canner, sufficient jars for home canning, juicer, battery operated radio etc. Money was always an issue. We used birthdays and Christmases and any other opportunity to acquire them for each other or to put on our wish lists if anyone else was interested. ” – Cindy
– What are our priorities in the area of Family Preparedness and Emergency Preparedness? – What is the difference? – What are our goals? What are we prepared to do to meet these goals? – Read David A. Bednar’s talk WE WILL PROVE THEM HEREWITH
There is strong counsel to STORE WHAT YOU EAT, AND EAT WHAT YOU STORE. To store food you don’t normally eat, doesn’t make any sense at all. But to not eat what you’ve got stored so that it is constantly be rotated, also doesn’t make sense, and leads to waste.
– What are our individual opinions on the counsel to store food? – How do we feel about that counsel and what is my/your/our commitment to it? – How does that counsel fit into what we see going on in the world around us? – How much of our family budget are we prepared to spend building up and then maintaining our year’s supply of food and other necessities? – How will we obey the prophet’s counsel to plant a garden in whatever living situation we find ourselves? Remember that we receive no commandment without the Lord providing a way for us to accomplish that thing. (1N3:7)
6. ENTERTAINMENT and GIFTS
“When there is a good movie in town, consider going to the theater as a family. Your very patronage will give encouragement to those who wish to produce this type of entertainment, and use that most remarkable of all tools of communication, television, to enrich their lives. There is so much that is good, but it requires selectivity. Let those who are responsible for any efforts to put suitable family entertainment on television know of your appreciation for that which is good and also of your displeasure with that which is bad. In large measure, we get what we ask for.” “…if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (A/F 13) – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How will we honour ‘date night’? – Do we like to host? What is important to me/you in hosting? – What is my favorite type of entertainment? – What type of entertainment would I consider as a regular form of entertainment? – On a monthly basis? – On a once in awhile basis? – On a seasonal/yearly/anniversary celebration basis? – How much money would I consider fair and reasonable to budget/spend on these forms of entertainment?
– Some couples do not give gifts to each other. Some consider it very important. How do I feel about it? – How do YOU feel about it? If our opinions differ, what will we do here? – What do I expect in the way of a birthday gift? Christmas gift? Anniversary gift? – What would disappoint me and hurt my feelings concerning a gift from you? – What would I absolutely love to receive from you? – What type of gift would always be a hit with me?
7. PERSONAL STANDARDS
Personal standards are hugely important, and their variance affects every facet of our lives. We are ruled by our own personal standards. So what are mine? And am I consistent with them? Do they transition smoothly to all areas?
“The flood of pornographic filth, the inordinate emphasis on sex and violence are not peculiar to North America. The situation is as bad in Europe and in many other areas. The whole dismal picture indicates a weakening rot seeping into the very fiber of society. Legal restraints against deviant moral behavior are eroding under legislative enactments and court opinions. This is done in the name of freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of choice in so-called personal matters. But the bitter fruit of these so-called freedoms has been enslavement to debauching habits and behavior that leads only to destruction. A prophet, speaking long ago, aptly described the process when he said, “And thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell” (2 Nephi 28:21). ……. I am satisfied that there is no need to stand still and let the filth and violence overwhelm us or to run in despair. The tide, high and menacing as it is, can be turned back if enough … will add their strength to the strength of the few who are now effectively working. I believe the challenge to oppose this evil is one from which members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as citizens, cannot shrink. …. Respect for self is the beginning of virtue in men. That man who knows that he is a child of God, created in the image of a divine Father and gifted with a potential for the exercise of great and godlike virtues, will discipline himself against the sordid, lascivious elements to which all are exposed.” – Gordon B. Hinkley
– How do I feel about protecting my home, my family and myself from the plague of Pornography? – What steps am I prepared to take against it? – What about Inappropriate music? And other forms of entertainment which chase away the spirit of God? – How do I feel about the prophet’s admonition to not watch R–rated movies, or anything like unto them? – How important is it to me to have the spirit of the Lord in my home at all times? What am I prepared to do to make sure it is always there? – Do I sup from the scriptures daily? And do I consider it important to study daily as a couple and family? – How will we do this? What commitment will we make to each other to continue? – If circumstances interfere from time to time, what will we do to get back-on-the-wagon? – How important is it to me to align myself with the counsel of the leaders of the church? Of what value is this in my life? – How important is it to me to have a clean house? What does this even look like to me? What am I prepared to do to accomplish this? – Do we have similar standards on personal hygiene/grooming? Are we compatible in this area? – How important is it to me to keep a close relationship with my immediate family? – What am I prepared to do to learn to appreciate and come to love YOUR family? – If one of my siblings needs help, what obligation will I feel toward them? Will I feel the same obligation to one of your siblings?
Etiquette is a societal thing; it changes from one society to another, but wherever you live, it is very important. It is a set of ‘norms’ of personal behaviour in polite society. They show respect to others. Eating at someone else’s table where you don’t understand proper etiquette can be offensive, disrespectful, intimidating and embarrassing. Learning regional and cultural variances is easy to adjust to when you have a good foundational knowledge of some basics. Understanding and being comfortable with good table manners will always put an individual in the advantage. – Cindy Suelzle
– How important are table manners and table etiquette including setting a proper table to me? How will they help us be comfortable in social situations and help our kids to be comfortable eating with others as they grow older? – What about good manners in general?
Speaking about personal respect for each other . . . .
– How will we show respect to and for each other? – How will we honor each other? – How should we treat each other in public? What things should we agree to NOT discuss with other people? – What guidelines could we agree on to ensure that we do not say things around other people that may hurt our sweetheart’s feelings? – How will we know when we have offended our sweetheart’s feelings? And what will we do about it? – What do I consider RUDE? What do I consider inconsiderate or thoughtless? – How do we fix things between us? – What do I need to feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss with you, things that are important to me? …things that are sensitive to me? …. things that are hurtful to me? – What can I do to help YOU feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss those things openly with me? – We have been admonished to study “out of the best books”. What do we consider Best Books? – How important is a “gospel library” to me? – How important is it to me to have a good “classic library”? – What kind of plan should we implement to accomplish our goal?
“You know that your children will read. They will read books, and they will read magazines and newspapers. Cultivate within them a taste for the best. While they are very young, read to them the great stories which have become immortal because of the virtues they teach. Expose them to good books. Let there be a corner somewhere in your house, be it ever so small, where they will see at least a few books of the kind upon which great minds have been nourished. … Let there be good magazines about the house, those which are produced by the Church and by others, which will stimulate their thoughts to ennobling concepts. Let them read a good family newspaper that they may know what is going on in the world without being exposed to the debasing advertising and writing so widely found.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is music to me? – What do I consider worthy/appropriate music? How do I feel about a music library?
“Let there be music in the home. If you have teenagers who have their own recordings, you may be prone to describe the sound as something other than music. Let them hear something better occasionally. Expose them to it. It will speak for itself. More appreciation will come than you may think. It may not be spoken, but it will be felt, and its influence will become increasingly manifest as the years pass.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is it to me to develop a musical talent of mine? What kind of support will I expect?
7. TRADITIONS
– How did my family celebrate Christmas? What was my favourite part? – What was our traditional meal? – When did we open gifts? What kinds of things did we get in our stockings? – How do I feel about continuing my family’s Christmas traditions into our own family? – How do I think we should keep Christ in our Christmas celebrations? – What are the best parts of the ways we each celebrated Christmas in the families we grew up with? – What could we do differently in our home that we will both be happy with? – What traditions will I bring with me? You with you? Do we agree on the value of these traditions? – How did my family celebrate Easter? What was my favourite part? What part do I want to continue in my own family? – How do I feel about Halloween? – Thanksgiving? – Summer vacation? – What is my favorite holiday? And why? How can I share my enthusiasm for this special day with you? – What style of furniture do I like? What can I be happy with? What compromises am I willing to make?
Spiritual
8. TEMPLE ATTENDANCE
With temples being so close to the bulk of the membership, many couples set a goal for regular attendance. – What is my feeling about the promise of eternal families that temples represent? – What goal will we set for ourselves relative to attending the temple? – And of continual temple worthiness?
9. PERSONAL or PRIVATE SPIRITUAL COMMITMENT
– What commitment will we make specifically about scripture study, individual/couple/family prayer, journal writing and family record keeping? – How will we choose to preserve family memories? (i.e. photos, slides, videos, albums, scrapbooks etc) – What Christ-like attribute most impressed me about you? drew me to you? and made me want you for my companion? – What is the thing I admire/respect most about you that I would like to emulate in my life? – How important to me are the laws, ordinances and principles of the gospel? – How important is it to me to be align myself to them? How important do I think it should be? Is there even any value in obedience? – What efforts am I willing to make in my personal desire to have a relationship with my Saviour? – What is my feeling about regular church attendance? – What is my feeling toward church service? – The counsel of the brethren is to dress as if we are wearing temple garments, even if we are not. – How do I feel about modesty in dress and speech? – What commitment do I feel to dress so that I reflect church standards at all times?
Testimonies are living breathing things in need of constant nourishment. They can become weak and even sickly if they’re not taken care of. What will I do if you lose your testimony? What will you do if I lose mine?
10. CHURCH RESPONSIBILITIES
– What is my commitment level to callings and responsibilities within the Church? – How willing am I to serve selflessly and faithfully in the Church? – What will I do to encourage my partner in his/her ministering stewardships? – What will I do to support and sustain my partner in his/her individual callings?
11. TITHES and OFFERINGS
– What do I regard as an honest and full tithing? – Do we agree on what we consider Increase? – How do I feel about fast and other offerings? – What do I consider a generous fast offering? – Do we agree on this? – What about other donations such as the Perpetual Education fund or the Missionary fund? Do I believe that blessings will come into our lives as a result of our obeying the law of tithing and of contributing to other funds organized by the Church for the benefit of the charity the Church provides? – Do I have an understanding of the principle of ‘offerings’?
12. SABBATH OBSERVANCE – What do I consider proper Sabbath observance? – What are some of the things we should DO on Sunday? – What are some of the things I feel that we should NOT do in order to keep the Sabbath day separate and holy? – What are our expectations of each other in this area? – What would disappoint me regarding our/your Sabbath observance?
13. FAMILY HOME EVENING
“A better tomorrow begins with the training of a better generation. This places upon parents the responsibility to do a more effective work in the rearing of children. The home is the cradle of virtue, the place where character is formed and habits are established. Family home evening is the opportunity to teach the ways of the Lord.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– What will we do to ensure that we observe the counsel to keep Monday evenings for family when we are still just a couple? What will we do to use this opportunity to strengthen our family in the gospel? – How will we keep it a priority? – What commitments are we prepared to make now that would directly impact our future children regarding Family Home Evening (FHE)?
ROMANCE
14. FRIENDSHIP
What things are important to me in our continued relationship as FRIENDS? What are my expectations from a best friend? What am I prepared to do to BE your best friend? What do I consider healthy as far as other best friends in my/your life? What freedom will I be willing to give my spouse in their pursuit of relationships with other friends?
15. DATE NIGHT
– How committed are we to obeying the council to have regular date night? What value do we see in this practice? – What good examples can I think of concerning regular date night observance? – What are we prepared to do on a daily basis to keep the romance in our marriage alive? – How will we observe special days such as our Anniversary? Each other’s birthdays? Valentine’s Day? Etc. (i.e. some couples celebrate their anniversary date by attending the temple to do sealings. In this way it is a continual reminder of the covenants they made and the promises they could depend on.)
If I intend to be happily married to you in 40+ years, what am I prepared to give until then to ensure it? – How will we talk about each other in front of other people? (even if we are upset with the other) – How will we talk toeach other in front of other people? – What precautions will we take to ensure we never undermine, belittle, ridicule, embarrass or insult our sweetheart? (in private or in front of others) – What if we do offend the other not intending to? – What if they get their feelings hurt over something we considered innocent or even funny? – How will we refer to each other? What terms of endearment am I comfortable with? – What will we do when we fall out of love? (WE WILL bytheway) – How will we stay married, and healthy and committed to each other if one day we think that we’ve grown apart? How will we help each other through it? – How will we communicate to each other that we are in distress, and that something is very wrong in our relationship? – What are we prepared to do to overcome major difficulties in our relationship? – What do we expect from each other in the area of commitment and communication? to our marriage – to our children – to our own family – to Family Home Evening – to Date Night – to our extended families – to our ward – to the Church – to God – and to our community?
16. INTIMACY and PREGNANCY
– How do I/you feel about purity before marriage? – Can we be honest with our personal history concerning that? – Can we deal with it? How will we deal with it? – Do we see the need for using a form of birth control? If so, what form will we use? – What will we do to make sure we are educated and properly informed about current methods of birth control? – How important is a feeling of ‘trust’ and safety to me in regards to intimacy? -How important do I think it is that we both feel comfortable about being open and honest in our discussions about intimacy? – What will we do to be sure we are educated and properly informed about pregnancy and child birth? – What will we do to ensure optimum health for Mom and baby? How involved do we want Dad to be in the birthing? – What if the unthinkable happens? ….. miscarriage? What if . . . our baby dies? How will we help each other through this hard thing? – What if another unthinkable happens? . . . . . infidelity? What will we do? – Can we see ourselves able to forgive? – What are our ‘non-negotiables’ in this area?
17. PARENTING
– How many children do we want? – Will Mom stay home to raise them? – What is my idea of discipline? – What are some things that I consider very important in child rearing? – What should we as parents do to ensure that we teach by example such things as respect for womanhood? Manhood? Etiquette? Table manners? Good housekeeping? Personal cleanliness? Personal responsibility? The law? – What are things I consider essential to teach children? -Where will we turn to learn parenting skills? – How will we teach our children that the Church is true? That we love, respect and obey the prophet? And that Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of our life? – How will I show my children that the scriptures are important to me? And that they can come to know Jesus Christ through their own personal study of them? – What efforts will we make to encourage our children to stay active in the Church? And to adhere to the counsel it provides? – How will I show them the importance of education and help them to develop a love of reading? – What are some absolute taboos concerning children in my opinion? – What do I feel very strongly about – concerning behaviors we will encourage, those we allow and behaviors we will absolutely forbid? Do we agree? What should we do to ensure compliance with these behaviors? – What if we have an unhealthy child? Perhaps a down syndrome child, or one who has a serious illness or disability? How do we plan to be the best parents possible no matter what that looks like? – What did our parents do right in the parenting department, that we’d like to emulate? – What improvements can we make over our parents’ best attempts, to continue to become the best parents our children deserve?
18. OTHER THINGS of IMPORTANCE TO CONSIDER
– What are my priorities in the area of TIME? – What do I consider a big waste of time? – a moderate waste of time? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my flexibility of my partner doing something I consider to be a waste of time, money and energy? Or something I abhor? – What are my priorities in the area of money? – It is likely that we may look at money differently. One might resent frugality. One might resent spending freely with no regard for budget. What do I consider a big waste of money? – a moderate waste of money? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my tolerance of my partner spending money in what I consider to be a waste of money? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day with you? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day without you?. .
These questions have been edited continually since I first drafted them for Sarah – many years ago.
You need not ‘report’ on any discussion, but I think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone that you have indeed been through each one. For my kids, I tried to give them one sheet at a time, and when they told me they were ready for another, I gave it to them.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to communicate, now and throughout your marriage. Take them seriously. I once asked a friend who used these “Did you not go through those questions?” She affirmed that they did. “Well how did this one get missed then? It’s pretty straight forward.” “I didn’t think it was that important. I didn’t think he was that serious about it.”
That’s not fair. Not being straight up and owning your words, not doing what you committed to do – not fair. If there are serious ‘issues’ with any of these questions, have those issues today, BEFORE you are married. If they cannot be resolved, it is best to learn that before you go to the alter.
When I was a little girl my mother bought a case of apples this time of year. Usually Macintosh if I remember correctly. They were FRESH, crisp and wonderful, and we stored them in our cold room in the basement.
We loved eating them and I equate fresh crispy apples with fall school days.
My mom would put some in a bowl on the table and my job was to shine them so they looked nice enough for a table center piece. I took great pride in this task, and it was a never ending job every fall. They needed shining because they came to us looking like the apples on the left. Once I shined them up with a clean damp cloth, they looked like the ones on the right – which incidentally, I just shone to go on the table.
By the time I was married, apples came from the store shiny and I puzzled over my childhood memory of shining them. I wondered why my mom would have me shine apples when apparently they were already shiny. (?)
Years later I learned that the apples we buy in the grocery store are waxed to have that shine. I don’t know with what so don’t ask me. There’s no option. They’re all like that.
Now I wash my purchased apples to ‘remove’ the shine . Ironic eh?
But today. Today we brought in our very own beautiful honey crisp apples. They’re in the fridge now, but some inner voice compelled me to shine up a few for the table.
That’s when it happened. My flash back. THIS! Déjà vu. This I have done before. …. Just exactly like this. With a clean cloth. And just like those in my childhood memory, these apples shone up quickly. Almost like magic. And beautifully.
THIS IS WHAT APPLES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!
Beautiful. Organic. Right outta your own backyard, or outta your community garden, or your nice neighbour’s garden. With a natural matt finish that shines up with the touch of a slightly damp cloth, till you can see the light reflecting in them. Apples in the fall are one of life’s great pleasures.
at the time of writing this, I am in the middle of RHUBARB Season – first part of July
Rhubarb is my best friend in the early part of the season. And stays my long suffering, generous, faithful friend right through till the cold puts it to bed at the end of the season. I try not to pick too much at the beginning of May when its first coming on, or in September when it’s getting tired, but other than that, the bounty is profuse!
Jam is one of rhubarb’s strengths. It can stand on its own – plain rhubarb jam – and be wonderful. Or when you pair it with strawberries, raspberries, honey berries, saskatoons or plums (or other summer fruits), something magic happens. Rhubarb, that ever generous friend – moves into the background and acts as a flavour ‘enhancer’. The taste of strawberries will prevail. Or raspberries. Or whatever. So why bother using rhubarb, if you can only identify the taste of raspberries?
I hardly ever make pure raspberry jam unless I have such a bumper crop that I don’t know what else to do with them. We use them ‘fresh’ every single day. Out of hand of course, on cereal in the morning, on salads, in desserts, in smoothies, . . . . I love to make a couple beautiful raspberry pies in the summer. I fill my freezer with raspberries to use all winter long. We wait a whole year for raspberries to come on, and there’s nothing quite as wonderful as ‘garden fresh’ raspberries, but their season is only a few weeks long and then they’re done. I am highly motivated to not miss them. Rhubarb on the other hand, just keeps on giving and giving. Rhubarb extends the raspberries. It’s like that. The quiet, subtle friend who stands in the background, making you look good and getting all it’s satisfaction from doing so. How can you not love rhubarb?
The other thing I love about rhubarb jam is that it doesn’t need a lot of sugar, and it doesn’t require pectin to set up and be the beautiful consistency you want to spread on your morning toast. If you’ve made the typical pectin recipe for any kind of jam, you know there’s more sugar than fruit in it; sometimes double the amount. yikes! That kept me from loving jam, and certainly from making a lot of jam most of my adult life. In fact, the current pectin recipe for rhubarb jam calls for 3 cups chopped rhubarb with 5 cups sugar, a pouch of pectin and even a few drops of red food colouring. yikes again! That’s a LOTTA sugar! And I hate using food colouring. That’s another reason I often pair rhubarb with other fruit for jam. Rhubarb isn’t all red, and when you cook the jam, it can sometimes be a little ‘brownish’ (hence the food colouring in some recipes). Adding other fruits half way through the process adds COLOUR!
Truth is, as sour as rhubarb is – it really doesn’t need as much sugar as we usually use to sweeten it. I know that seems counter intuitive, but you can trust me. Read on, and open your mind to try something that doesn’t make sense. If you don’t agree with me, you can always add another cup of sugar if you want.
Here is my basic rhubarb jam recipe. Keep in mind that when preparing it, these amounts are my ‘suggestions’. I am not precise in my measurements, I use them as guidelines. I taste along the way to reach the level of sweetness I desire.
Rhubarb Raspberry Jam this makes 5 pints. I usually can 4 and put the rest in the fridge to enjoy immediately, or to give away 12 cups chopped rhubarb 2 cups sugar 2-4 cups raspberries 1-2 more cups sugar (as you decide – taste test it)
Put a small lunch plate in the freezer. You’ll need it at the end.
How finely you chop is gonna influence how much rhubarb fits into a cup right? So shoot for about half an inch size pieces. Don’t use a one cup measuring cup. Use a bigger bowl. Pictured above is an 8 cup measuring bowl. Heaping is about 12 cups.
Measure your rhubarb out and put it into a large dutch oven pot. Sprinkle 2 cups sugar over top and lightly toss to incorporate it throughout. Let it sit for at least an hour to *macerate (1). I often leave it for much longer, sometimes chopping the rhubarb at night and letting it macerate all night. I mostly do this for my own convenience, not because its necessary. I’m usually trying to do several other things at the same time, and it just helps to do them in stages. In the morning, the sugar will have softened the rhubarb and have drawn a lot of liquid. Don’t discard it. This is good.
Put it on medium high heat and bring it to an easy rolling boil, stirring every few minutes to prevent scorching. You don’t have to stir constantly, but don’t go leaving the room and forgetting about it on the heat. Just try to stay close at hand so you can give it good attention, stirring frequently. I generally use this time to wash the jars, get the hot water bath boiling in another pot on the stove, and other general kitchen clean up. You can expect the process to take about an hour.
Continue cooking, adjusting heat as necessary. You’re looking for a good steady boil. You’ll see it begin to thicken after the first 15 minutes, continue stirring. As it thickens, the boiling will cause it to spit at you. Nothing you can do about that other than to wear an apron and be prepared to wipe up as necessary. Lowering the heat might help a little, but it will add a few minutes to your time. It’s just gonna ‘spit’. About half an hour in, add the raspberries. Stir well, taste and add another cup of sugar to sweeten. Stir while continuing to boil, and taste again, adding another 1/2 cup sugar at a time till you like the sweetness. You may find during the cooking process that a foam begins to form on top of the jam. With some jams or jellies it can be quite substantial. It shouldn’t be that much with this jam, so I just stir it in. But if you don’t like it, skim it off.
In approximately an hour, perhaps a little less, you may think it is thickening enough. Test the consistency by turning your spoon and dropping jam back into the pot; you’ll know when you like what you see (not too liquidy). Remember, it will set up a bit more as it cools. Take your small plate from the freezer, and drop about half a teaspoon of hot jam onto the plate. Don’t worry, that amount isn’t gonna break the plate. You’re trying to cool the jam quickly with this process. When the jam has cooled, draw your finger through it. If the two sides of jam stay separated, your jam is a good consistency. Turn the heat off.
Your jam is done.
If you plan to seal it for long term storage, ladle it into clean*(2,3) jars using a canning funnel. Allow plenty of head space in jar.*(4) Wipe with warm cloth to ensure the ridge is perfectly clean. Put a clean lid on, fasten it finger tight with the ring, and lower it on a slant into your boiling hot water bath.*(5) Make sure each jar is covered by at least an inch of water. You may have to add a little water. If you do, pour into the side of the pot, never directly onto the jars. Begin timing when the water returns to a boil. 10 minutes. When the time is up, remove from water with a jar lifter, and place on folded clean tea towel on the counter. Allow air space between your jars. Lightly cover with another clean cloth and let the jars cool. You will hear a ‘pop’ sound as the jars seal.
I made this jam three times in the last week or two. First one, I used 4 cups of sugar total. Second batch, I used 3.5 cups total. Last one, I used 3 cups. It was just enough – deliciously TART without being sour. My personal favourite.
*1. macerate means to soften – in this case, with sugar and time *2. I recommend using pint (2 cup) sized jars, or half pint jars (1 cup) *3. I do not sterilize my jars. I freshly wash them in hot soapy water, rinsing well, and air dry. I put the hot jam into room temperature jars and lower them into boiling water. Hot jam – Hot water. Jars do not need to be sterilized before canning IF they will be filled with food and processed in a boiling water bath canner for at least 10 minutes, or if they will be processed in a pressure canner. If you plan to process for less than 10 minutes, you should sterilize first (but what would you process for less than 10 minutes?) *4. Headspace is the space between the contents and the top of the jar. You want to leave enough headspace so that the food can swell and move about as it’s heated without boiling up and out of the jar, but not so much that there is an unnecessarily large quantity of air which may interfere with vacuum sealing it. If jam overflows, it will affect the integrity of the seal of the jar. Fill only to the bottom of the jar neck to allow for a vacuum to be created sealing the jar. *5. if you are using a large pot as a makeshift canner, make sure you have a rack or a folded tea towel on the bottom to keep your jars off the bottom of the pot. Failing to do this may result in jars breaking.
I hope you’ll make some Rhubarb Jam – alone, or paired with any other fruit that might be ready at the time. I use raspberries from the freezer – previous year’s bounty. As far as sugar goes, you are the boss. Dare to use less. Taste-test continually as you make your decisions. No surprises.
I had just laid my head down after spending another few hours in the garden that spring evening ….. finally got most of my herb plants and a few more flowers IN . . . when I heard it.
ARGHHHHH HAIL!
Hail. I hate hail. That great equalizer. Natures way of reminding us who is in charge, and that we are always dependent on Him. Big mistake to rely solely on “the arm of flesh”.
I timed it.
From beginning to end less than six minutes. But I knew it wouldn’t take more than that. It never does. It doesn’t have to. I mentally went through my garden beds and realized there was no one or two places that I could reasonably even hope to cover. If I had had warning. I was completely at the mercy of hail. My thoughts turned, as they often do, to my great grandparents who repeatedly got hailed out on the prairies after putting in all their blood, sweat and tears. I thought of them standing there, at the door, watching the hail fall, weeping. Not much else to do. . . . . And as always, my heart went out to them. My people. Most of whom I’ve never even met.
early family garden in the city when the kids were little, around 1989
For me hail means frustration, disappointment and inconvenience. For them it meant everything! For them it could have cost them their entire year, and they would have wondered how they were gonna feed their family in the winter to come. I knew there was nothing I could do but hope and pray. Just as they knew there was nothing more they could do.
I went out the following morning to check my gardens. Fine. I checked each plant I put in last night. Fine. All fine. If I hadn’t heard the hail storm the night before, I likely wouldn’t even have known about it. I am relieved. And I am grateful. And again as I do so often, I wondered “why I am so favoured?”. And I love and appreciate all the more, those people who came before me, to this land. And paid such a high price, so that I could have what I have, a long time after they’re dead and gone. Thank you. Thank you to Charles and Sarah, to Alonzo and Elizabeth, to Andreas and Inger, Pearl and Leland, Heber and Capitolia, and all the others who sacrificed so that my children could be born HERE in this place, NOW in this time. The fullness of times.
And I thank my Heavenly Father again for the bounty we enjoy in this land. And I recommit myself to Him, with the reminder that I am nothing without Him. All I can do for myself can be wiped away in 6 minutes, or less. Yes, I will continue to work hard. But in Him alone will I put my trust.
In the name of family and of all that is good in this world, we have this beautiful, tender scene painted by Robert T. Barrett – of two brothers embracing. It is a scene of forgiveness, and one of a shared bond that was ultimately stronger than differences. After two decades of separation, caused by two opposing perspectives, offence given and offence taken, misunderstanding and vengeful anger, they come together on a field that could have just as likely, been a bloodbath. Every reason to hate still valid, because though a lifetime had lapsed, the facts still remained. The ball was in Esau’s court so to speak, he could have gone either way. He may have even been uncertain himself, after all he came out to meet Jacob with 400 men. But there. On that field. After long absence, and tremendous mutual familial loss, including the death of their mother in Jacob’s absence, we see one of scripture’s great lessons on forgiveness.(1) Esau let go. There was no chance of bringing back what was lost, nor of undoing what had been done, and to persist in a attitude of vengeance would only cause further hurt and further loss.
Esau and Jacob Embrace by Robert T. Barrett
At what point does one say “Enough is enough. And this truly IS enough!” ? Does it take a year? a decade? more? A veritable lifetime of separation? Does it take the death of a parent? Wherever that point was for Esau, he had reached it and crossed over. And though Rebekah did not, Isaac lived to see it. I can scarce imagine the gut wrenching sobs and father-tears of both grief and joy to hear the news and to feel with his very own hands (for his sight had long ago failed him), both of his boys at the same time. I’m sure he had all but given up hope that he ever would.
Such a reunion! And how could Rebekah not have looked on with similar emotion from her heavenly vantage point? Brothers. Sisters in law. Cousins who never knew each other. Each family had followed a different path, and their futures wouldn’t necessarily be intertwined, but old grudges were gone and peace could once again prevail, as they parted ways, this time with mutual acceptance and respect. “That’s what its all about, ” says singer songwriter Sam Payne “Having good reason to hate each other and not hating each other anyway.” (2)
Most of us can pull an Esau-Jacob story from our family files. Maybe they ended well, maybe they have not yet. For me, I have a few. Some are not quite completed. One saw resolution many years ago, and has gone on to yield life long loving familial relationships, and eternal blessings not even imagined before. My dad came from a large family of sixteen natural born children. Fourteen of those children grew to adulthood and had families of their own, and yes, you’re right – that makes for a lotta cousins for me. When I was very young, we lived many hours drive from my grandparents. We generally saw them once a year. But my Harrison cousins, many of them also lived many hours drive, and I saw them seldom. We had our very first “Harrison” family reunion when I was in elementary school. In Waterton park. I was shy around so many aunts and uncles and cousins. I had a brief but memorable exchange with one cousin from far away during that reunion. I didn’t know how we fit together, but the adults told us we were cousins, so we played. Her name was Jerilyn. We were the same age and we shared the same last name because our dads were brothers. We had been playing together for a time when her family got ready to go on a planned outing; she invited me to come with them. I’m not sure what motivated me to accept, as they were virtual strangers and I was very shy, but I did, and my mom consented. Her dad was an anomaly to me. He was soft spoken and kind. He laughed – with children! He genuinely seemed to want to be with them. He spoke to me directly. He told dad jokes and my cousins were easy and comfortable around him. My memory of that event is brief, and would have faded altogether I believe, had it not been for a converging of our two families only a few short years later.
Sometime in my childhood, whether before or after that reunion I don’t know, my father had been sent to Winnipeg on an assignment. He was in the Royal Canadian Air Force (as it was called then). While there, he was invited to dinner at his brother’s house. This same brother, who also served in the Air Force. My dad was a couple of years older, both in their mid 30’s. By all accounts, dinner went well. I’m sure it was delicious – my aunt was a good cook. I’m sure my cousins were well behaved, there were 4 of them. All girls. After dinner, my dad pulled out a cigarette as was the habit of smokers. It was no secret that he smoked. Most adults did in those days, certainly the ones in my world. Whether it was my aunt or my uncle who asked my dad not to smoke in the house, is unclear, but my dad attributed it to Aunt Jolayne. He went outside on the front porch to have his cigarette. It was winter. He might have been mildly annoyed at first, but as he stood there smoking, he became increasingly annoyed – even offended. It is so common for people to not smoke in homes nowadays that it may be difficult to imagine a time when it was not only acceptable, but very common. My dad was easily offended at the best of times, so this was the perfect opportunity to do what came naturally for him. As he blew smoke out, he became quite indignant at having to do so outside. In the winter no less. And he walked away. Building up a defensive wall with every step. He had been insulted in the house of his brother. Offended. Never would he darken his door again. My uncle’s wife had insulted my dad, and by association, so did he. They were intolerant and inhospitable, and judgmental, and rude. The extent of the perceived offence grew as the distance between them grew. I can only imagine what that may have felt like from the perspective of my aunt and uncle inside the house. Especially if they watched my father walk away. They had all been raised in southern Alberta “Mormon” towns, in Mormon families. Both families lived by the tenants of their religion and keep the word of wisdom – which included abstaining from tobacco, alcohol and tea and coffee. My dad was one of the brothers who deviated from the family religion.
Distance and time created more distance and time, and as sometimes happen, the wound festered. You could say it had even become infected. I didn’t know my aunt and uncle, and I didn’t know this story, until when I was ten years old we learned that they were moving to our base. My uncle Merlin had been transferred to the airforce base in Cold Lake, Alberta. As children, we couldn’t even imagine what having cousins live so close might be like. My parents did not seem happy about the news, so we were filled with concern, but secretly, I was just a little excited at the possibilities. The old wound however resurfaced, and if we had missed it before, we understood more fully now how significantly bad it was. I didn’t even know what my Aunt Jolayne looked like, but I knew she was a “religious fanatic“. I knew she kicked my dad out of her house for smoking. On a winter day! Smoking in my world was like breathing. Every adult did it. Her action was unimaginable and there was no question that it was unforgiveable. We prepared for the worst.
My uncle came ahead and lived temporarily in the barracks while he waited for a PMQ, and for his family to arrive. One night we invited him for dinner. My dad wasn’t home, so my mom and I went to the barracks to pick him up. We shared a meal with this stranger who we knew was our uncle, and he was . . . nice! And kind. He brought us gifts. Hot chocolate mix, something we had never seen before. All four of us got our very own, which my mom protested was too generous, but he insisted and we were very happy. He was complimentary of the meal, and spoke easily with all of us, even directly to us kids. He asked about our interests and school. We didn’t know how to take him – I had not taken note of too many times in my life that an adult other than a teacher, had spoken directly to me, let alone being interested enough to listen to my response. After dinner, he sat at the table with me as I did my homework. I was writing some kind of report about the pyramids in Egypt, using our ‘Book of Knowledge’ encyclopedia. He told me he had been to Egypt! He had seen the pyramids, the very ones in the picture we looked at. I had never met another man like him in all my long life of ten years. I went with my mother to drive him home and listened to them chat in the front seat. When he got out of the car and waved goodbye, I said to my mom “I like him.” She said “I like him too.”
Sometime after that dinner, Uncle Merlin’s family arrived. They came to visit us and we may have had supper together. We cousins became acquainted with each other. I showed my cousin Shawna my guitar, and played her a song I was learning. Having cousins live in our community was such a strange idea. They would even be coming to our school!
When they got settled in their new house, they invited us to dinner. We were all familiar with “the story” by then, and we wondered how it would play out. We were not just a little apprehensive, and I seem to recall my mom reassuring my dad that all would be well, and that he could suck it up for one evening. After all, he had sworn to never go there again. It was . . . our field. And quite literally, it was our Esau and Jacob moment. Though our two households had had touch-points, we had never as a family, been in their ‘home’. We went, my dad – less willing and still carrying his comfortable crutch – a ‘grudge’. He had after all, been offended, and that could not be forgotten, nor set aside.
When we arrived, they met us at the door and welcomed us in. My aunt Jolayne handed my dad a clear, glass ashtray, purchased for this occasion. She told him “Wes, you can smoke in my house any time you want.” To this day, I cannot think of that single gesture without weeping. I don’t recall my dad’s response, but on the drive home, he said to my mom “Well, if that doesn’t beat all. All these years, she hasn’t forgotten. It has been eating at her like it was eating at me.” He affirmed that never in this life, would he be disrespectful enough to smoke in Aunt Jolayne’s house, but that thoughtful gesture skyrocketed her in his esteem. His dislike transformed almost instantly into admiration, even respect. And over the years that we both lived in Cold Lake, it evolved into love. We spent many happy hours in the company of Uncle Merlin’s family. My dad was a better dad in his brother’s company. Without being too dramatic, it set the wheels in motion for not only life altering changes in my life, and life long friendships between our households, but eventually, the sealing of our family as an eternal unit. That is another story for another time. A story of my utter love and gratitude to Uncle Merlin’s family, and for all that came from the seemingly insignificant gift of a small glass ashtray.
Destructive conflict is “when our inability to collaboratively solve problems with others leads us to hurting others or ourselves.” so says Chad Ford, Professor in Intercultural Peacebuilding at Brigham Young University-Hawaii. “With destructive conflict comes a fear of pain both in anticipation and as a consequence of the conflict, a fear of not being loved or seen the way we want to be seen . . . .” (3) Though our dislike of someone who has offended us may devolve into hatred, hopefully it doesn’t de-escalate to the murderous level Esau’s did. He had sold his birth right to Jacob for a bowl of lentil soup (see Genesis 27: 6-29). At the time, he didn’t have proper respect for the value of his inheritance, and when the time came that he had to own his choice, and live with its consequence, he hated Jacob. So great was that hate, that he swore to kill him. Knowing the violent propensity of their elder son, both Jacob’s parents encouraged him to leave home and to travel to the distant land of his mother’s people – where he could not only find temporary refuge, but also find a wife among believers of the one true God. For two decades, Jacob lived among his mother’s people, marrying two of her brother’s daughters, and accumulating for Laban (his father in law), great wealth by his industry and the blessings of God. Laban recognized that God was with Jacob. At length, God directed Jacob that it was time for him to return to Canaan, the land of his inheritance, which in conference with his wives, he set about to do.
As they travelled and neared the place where he grew up, Jacob worried about Esau and his murderous grudge. He prayed for help. “Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.“(4) He sent notice announcing that he was coming home. His servants returned, telling Jacob that they delivered the message and that Esau was in fact coming out to meet him. With four hundred men! – a veritable army. Rightly fearing his brother’s intent, Jacob separated his company into two groups, reasoning that if Esau attacked one group, the other would have time to escape. He separated generous gifts and sent them ahead with instructions to graciously deliver them to his brother, hoping to communicate his desire to reconcile before they met face to face. Unbeknown to Jacob, Esau may have already reached his peace. Whether Esau had forgiven him before that day, or whether it was a gradual transition, softened by the demonstration of good faith as he was offered generous gifts, we’ll never know – and he himself may not even have known. And it doesn’t even matter. What mattered was that he allowed the gesture to touch his heart, and he was softened to his brother. (My dad was softened toward his brother and sister in law, but it wasn’t until the gift of the ashtray, that he finally allowed the sweet spirit of charity, the gift of final forgiveness to take hold and sooth all that had passed – never to be revisited except to recount a happy outcome.)
Brother’s Road by singer songwriter Sam Payne
When they came within view of each other after so long, Jacob prostrated himself respectfully, and was no doubt surprised that “Esau RAN to meet him, and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him; and they wept.“(5) What a glorious scene! Can anything be more beautiful than unresentful reconciliation, powered by true and open forgiveness, a letting go of a former grudge? Who cares what past offense fueled it? In this beautiful story, we see the example of truly “letting go”, of genuine and sincere forgiveness. Of charity in its truest form – which scripture defines as the pure light of Christ. “Deciding to love those who could hurt us allows us to push past fear and become filled with charity.” says Chad Ford. “Love allows us to see our brothers and sisters we are in conflict with, so clearly that THEIR needs and desires matter as much to us as our own . . . . We’ll do whatever it takes to find solutions that meet their needs as well as our own.” (6)
“It took courage for Jacob and Esau to acknowledge the truth that they were not enemies – they were Brothers. It took mercy to forgive each other. It took righteousness – the kind of justice that makes right what we or others have made wrong. . . . When all three of those elements were present, it allowed them to live in peace.” (7)
We all have our Esau and Jacob moments. Offence is given and offence is taken. It’s unavoidable, part of our mortal experience. Perhaps they are within our own family. Perhaps they are between neighbours, former friends, or colleagues at work. It never matters which character in the story we play, but the script is usually recognizable. When we are in destructive conflict we justify our behaviour and our feelings. We rationalize that we are in the right, and that no right-minded person could see otherwise. If they try, we firmly place them in the opposite camp. We may villainize the offender, refusing to empathize with them or the situation. We may rally our troops to try to “infect” others with our intolerance of the offender, and their great offence against us. We in fact, do not want to see their side. We do not want to forgive, or to extend ‘mercy’. We crave only justice, but not justice for all, only justice for us.
We cannot start the process of reconciliation without Courage. I cannot imagine the trepidation that my aunt must have felt in trying to make peace for an offence she didn’t willfully intend, but nevertheless perpetrated. We cannot proceed without Mercy. We must try to see the situation from the perspective of the other person. We must try to FEEL it the way they feel it, without trying to explain away or minimize our own part in it. Mercy requires Empathy. And we cannot sustain it without a commitment to continued Righteousness in our chosen path of reconciliation. We cannot truly ‘let go’ without a change of heart that we are committed to. True forgiveness never goes back. To experience the lasting effect of that sweet spirit of final forgiveness, is to never revisit it, “except to recount a happy outcome“.
The picture at the top – Esau and Jacob Embrace by Robert T. Barrett, spoke to my heart. When I first saw it, I saw a powerful story. One of the world’s great stories of forgiveness. A story of siblings who were angry with each other, and felt justified in their resentment. Insults were given and received – whether accurate or magnified doesn’t even matter; they were real enough to them. I saw the inability or refusal to feel empathy, and of course, the resulting offences. All. Let. Go. On that field. Symbolized by a long, tearful brotherly embrace. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and it was to me. As a mother that is my wish, my hope, and my daily prayer. That unlike Rebekah, I will witness such an embrace, and I won’t have to wait to do so from an other world’s vantage point.
I’ve read many different perspectives on the story of Esau and Jacob. Some paint Jacob as ‘the deceiver’. Some paint Rebekah as the conspiring accomplice. Some paint Esau as a brute who was outwitted. Some paint Isaac as a puppet. All those are short sighted and one sided in my opinion, too easy to judge people of antiquity by the ‘woke’ standards of our day. The story is complex with many layers that would take volumes to discuss. My point here is only to get to the core of what matters most: unconditional love. True ‘Charity’. Moroni says “if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth.” He says that charity “is the greatest of all, for all things must fail— But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever “. (8)
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
footnotes: 1. Genesis 25-35 2. introduction to Brother’s Road, youtube live video 3. Liahona magazine March 2022 pg 26 4. Genesis 32:11 5. Genesis 33:4 6. Liahone magazine March 2022 pg 27 7. ibid pg 28 8. Moroni 7: 46,47
One day whe Luke was three or four years old, he said to me “Remember when Jesus came to our house Mom?” hmmmm, I was a just a little confused …. “Nooo Luke. I don’t remember that.” “Mom! He came. Remember?” I racked my brain trying to recall some bearded man who had recently come to visit us. But couldn’t. “uh, no Luke. I am sorrry. I don’t remember.” “Mom! You were there!” Had Brother Blommaert come to visit? He had a beard. “Mom! He ringed the doorbell!” Had Brother Blommaert dropped something off recently? When I wasn’t home perhaps? “And he gave you a present.” …. oh my – this was getting very mysterious. “Jesus gave ME a present Luke?” Brother Blommaert MUST have been by. “Yes! And the present was all wrapped up in a blanket.”
Feeling very sorry to disappoint him, but not recalling any recent event that might fit into the description he was giving me, I admitted defeat. “No Luke. I am sorry. But I cannot remember when Jesus came to our door and gave me a present.” “MOM! And he said SURPRISE! and when you opened it up, it was ME!” The light went on. “Oh Yes! I certainly do remember when Jesus gave me a wonderful surprise, and you’re right, it WAS you. Best surprise ever. …… But Luke, Jesus didn’t actually ring the doorbell.”
Luke couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t heard the wonderful story of how he came to our family. “A long time ago, there was just Mommy and Daddy, and Jacob, and Sarah, and Zack and Joseph. But no Luke. We thought everybody in our family was home. But you weren’t with us yet. You were still living in heaven. You were waiting for your turn to come to us, but we didn’t know that because it was a surprise. And we were just going about doing our stuff. And you were saying “Wait! Wait for me.” but we couldn’t hear you. We were having a picnic, and riding our bikes, and eating dinner and reading stories and you were saying “Hey! Wait for me!” And then one day, Heavenly Father said “its time to go join your family” and you were so happy. And Heavenly Father told us “Surprise!” and He gave you to us. And we were so surprised! And so so so happy.”
Well that boy is almost thirty years old. And just about three decades ago Heavenly Father really did tell us “Surprise!”, and a few months later, Luke joined our happy family, completing that generation of it. April 7 1990. A Happy Day for all of us. Luke gave Jacob the chance to re-find his tender-big-brother-side, Sarah the chance to practice being a mommy on her own real-live doll. He gave Zack and Joseph a little brother to play with and to take care of. And he gave Dan and I another chance to put into practice all the things we learned from the other kids. Another chance to get it right. Baby Luke was a delight to us all. Never was there a little boy more loved and cared for, and cuddled and read to. He was always in someone’s arms. Sitting in church became a political problem …. he was three years old and everyone still wanted to hold him. I am amazed he ever learned to sit on his own, let alone walk on his own.
Why the story? Because at one point, before 1990 we thought we were finished having children. The doctors had strongly advised that my fourth caesarian should be my last, and after months of confusion, and praying for guidance about such an important decision, we decided at length to follow the doctor’s counsel and leave the details up to the Lord. We never had that conclusive feeling that our family was finished, but we knew with God all things are possible. We had good examples of adoption in our extended families. We had fostered briefly. We had provided a home for two years for the teenaged child of a friend. We knew there were numerous ways a child could join a family. It didn’t need to be traditional. We figured that if we were open and receptive, then one day, when the time was right, Heavenly Father would find a use for these parents who still had years to give. We trusted that one day – we might be surprised, and that if we would just be watchful, and receptive to the promptings, that we would respond appropriately when the time came, and the Lord might be able to work through us. It never occured to us that a child could come to us through the normal means after we had taken measures to ensure I didn’t get pregnant again. We didn’t think that was possible. Well, guess what? It is. With God – ALL things are possible. He knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And He was patient with our decision five years before – knowing afterall, that He was in control. “You do the best you can until you know Better.” right?
My fear was that one day Luke might hear the word ‘surprise‘ from another source,and another perspective. All of our friends and family knew the miracle by which he came to us. I was afraid that at some point, he might overhear a portion of his story out of context, and he might deduce that ‘surprise’ meant something else. I wanted him to always know he was important, and loved and welcomed to our family with open arms and open hearts. I wanted to make sure that he never had a reason to doubt that, and I concluded that the only way I could ensure he never thought differently was if he heard it all from ME first. So from before the time he could talk, he heard his story. About how we didn’t know he was going to come to our family, but we were so happy when we found out. I told him in a way that I thought he could absorb. Funny how kids fit truth into their own reality. They sort it out in the way that they see the world. In the way that makes sense to them. I was okay with that. I knew that as he grew and his understanding developed, he would sort out the details. The only thing that was critically important was that he always feel loved.
Somewhere along the line, Luke grew up. And now he has two babies of his own. Very wanted and welcomed and loved babies that he shares with his lovely wife Pam, and with the rest of us. Cause that’s what families do. But he’s still my baby. And I still refer to him as my baby. And sometimes the grandchildren feel the need to object. “Uncle Luke isn’t a baby!” they say. I tell them “oh yes he is. Don’t ever fool yourselves. Uncle Luke will always be our baby. And you know what? He likes being the baby. Don’t you Uncle Luke?”
“Yup.” (that’s how he talks)
And the world continues to turn. And babies grow up. And mom’s get older too. But some things should never change.
November 18 of this year was a Sunday.
We woke up to an unusually cold house.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to confirm that our stupid furnace
wasn’t working. In fact, we suspected it stopped working the day
before. In November in Edmonton, you don’t get
along for too long without a furnace!
You may have experienced something similar. If a furnace is gonna quit, its gonna do it in the winter time when its working steady. I know lots of others have had this very thing happen. It may not be common, but it is not rare. It was SO not in our plan for that cold November Sunday. The problem is, these kinds of things never ARE in the plan. Who schedules the furnace quitting into your weekly calendar? But planning for these kinds of possibilities makes all the difference in how you get through them.
Provident Living We could spend hours talking about the different facets of it. But cutting to the quick, being “provident” means having foresight and providing carefully for the future. Its about taking care of yourself today AND tomorrow, and being prepared for the unexpected. And it IS God’s temporal plan for His children.
Many years ago, Dan’s uncle was selling his motorhome. It was a nice one and he had taken exceptionally good care of it, and Dan really thought we should have it. He spent considerable time trying to talk me into it, and finally convinced me. Sort of. Mostly, I just gave in. Then one day he came home from a session of General Conference and said “We’re not buying Uncle Ernie’s motorhome.” I was just starting to warm up to the idea. LOL
It was October 1998. President Gordon B. Hinckley had just told those attending a general session for the men of the church to GET OUT OF DEBT. “I am suggesting” he said ” that the time has come to get our houses in order … Self-reliance cannot obtain when there is serious debt hanging over a household. One has neither independence nor freedom from bondage when he is obligated to others.” He went on to say “I urge you brethren, to look to the condition of your finances. I urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchase to avoid debt to the extent possible. Pay off debt as quickly as you can, and free yourselves from bondage. This is part of the temporal gospel in which we believe.” He concluded his remarks with this “If you have paid your debts, if you have a reserve, even though it be small, then should storms howl about your head, you will have shelter for your wives and children and peace in your hearts.” 1
It wasn’t that we hadn’t heard the counsel to stay out of debt before. In fact, we felt strongly about it, and even tried to live it. But that particular talk became one of those defining teaching events in our lives. It spoke to Dan’s heart and when we discussed it, it spoke to my heart. It changed things for us. We recommitted ourselves and began working with intent toward becoming completely free of debt.
Three years later, Dan lost his job. A job we had every expectation that he would retire from. “Downsized” was a relatively new word at the time, but people were getting used to it. One day he went to work as usual, and a few hours later he was home. And that was that. The truth is, nothing ever went back to ‘normal’ after that day. We owe a LOT to our strict obedience – finally – to the emphatic admonishment President Hinckley gave that evening three years before. When a prophet speaks that forthrightly, that emphatically, and that urgently – it is a good idea to pay attention. I am so glad we did.
When we had a family meeting a few days later, to tell our kids that Dad no longer had a job, there was silence for a long time. Jacob was just home from his mission, and he asked the questions everyone wondered. “What does this mean? How is this going to affect us in the day to day?” Of course these were questions we had talked about ourselves before we met with the kids. We could tell them this: “Because we listened to, and obeyed the prophet’s counsel to get out of debt, we believe we will ride this out without too much pain. Our most important goal is to keep this house. It is the only thing we owe money on, and every energy must be spent on making sure this house is never in danger.”
Things didn’t work out the way we hoped they would. Dan never re-entered his field. After months of looking, he re-entered the workforce taking a job paying $12 an hour. We had plenty of opportunity to reinforce our testimony to our kids of some very important principles. Like TITHING, FOOD STORAGE, and living within our means – which means avoiding DEBT.
I could not even begin to count the number of times I shook my head and said to myself, or to Dan, or to whatever kid happened to be standing nearby “Wow. Can you imagine? If we had had credit card debt, we would have lost this house by now! Who knew this would go on as long as it has?”
Provident living and being self reliant are not just Latter-day Saint ideals. It is a very popular concept among all sorts of people who focus on independence. However, there are a few things that I think are important to keep in mind when talking about Provident Living in a Latter-day Saint context. And as with all important things, we get our most reliable tutoring from the scriptures.
So where in the scriptures does it tell us to prepare for the furnace to quit, or to get a food storage in, or to stay out of debt, or put some money aside in case the unexpected happens?
Well, we know that when the Lord speaks thru his prophets, that is scripture to us. Almost 60 years before President Hinckley gave that talk, (in 1941) President Heber J Grant spoke from the pulpit “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family,” he said “it is to live within our means. And if there is any one thing that is grinding and discouraging and disheartening, it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.” 2
In the Doctrine & Covenants we read “… verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam your father, whom I created. Behold I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself; and I gave unto him commandment, but no temporal commandment gave I unto him, for my commandments are spiritual; they are not natural nor temporal …” (DC 29: 34,35)
For the 72 hours we were without a furnace last November, we were surprisingly comfortable. We were sure glad it wasn’t 37 below, but there were other things that made that easier for us. Being prepared for possibilities can take a near tragedy and make it nothing more than an inconvenience. And not being prepared can take an inconvenience and turn it into a tragedy. We had always worried about what we would do if we lost heat in the winter. That was the worst case scenario in our stay-at-home emergency plan. So over time, as we could afford it, we worked toward some solutions.
many years ago we spent considerable energy re-insulating our attic. We’ve noticed that it has made a big difference in our house retaining heat in the winter, and cool in the summer.
we have a gas fireplace which we turned on immediately.
we have a woodstove downstairs with a flat top for cooking if necessary
we have a few cords of wood stacked up outside, some of it by the back door, and some of it downstairs beside the wood stove
we’ve had some bad experiences learning to light that stupid stove when it was 30 below. We’ve smoked out the whole house that not only set off the smoke alarm, but took weeks to get rid of.
we had some money set aside for emergencies that we were able to use to fix the furnace
All these things we used on that Sunday and Monday. By Tuesday morning, it was as if nothing had ever happened, except that our house smelled slightly of wood smoke.
We were so grateful for planning ahead for a possibility we hoped would never happen. And who knows? That might have just been a test run. I hope not.
Provident Living and being Self Reliant means that we learn skills that will help our family should the unexpected rear its ugly head. Knowing those skills takes the fear out of the unexpected. Years ago – before I made my first long distance road trip without Dan, he thought it prudent to teach me how to change a tire. I admit, it wasn’t my finest moment. To say I was resistant would be giving me too much credit. I had absolutely no desire, but he insisted. He made me come out and watch him as he patiently explained each step while he removed a tire, and put it back on. I stood behind him watching and noticed how dirty his hands were getting and I thought “You canNOT be serious! I am not touching that. And what if I break a nail? That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.” I didn’t vocalize any of those thoughts and wisely Dan didn’t insist I actually demonstrate all I learned.
I have since learned to change a tire. I use a CELL PHONE. The way I look at it – I have five sons and a husband. And I didn’t put up with all those boys for 40 years for nothing! Problem is, I got a flat tire in Montana, when I was far from any of those boys. And far from AMA, and in a dead zone for cell coverage. My very pregnant, but smarter niece was with me. Guess who changed the tire? Another one of my un-finer moments.
If you drive, the likelihood of you having a flat tire is extremely high. In fact, I’d venture to say its inevitable. Just a matter of time. Its part of driving.
If you live in Canada, the likelihood of you having a furnace issue one day is real. Even high.
You may have some unexpected and unusually high bills one day – that knock the wind out of you.
One day you may find yourself unemployed.
None of these things have to destroy you. Every one of them can be dealt with better and more smoothly with a little bit of foresight and providence.
Sit as a family and review some possibilities. And then talk out possible solutions.
What would we do if we lost heat in the middle of winter? How would we get thru the first few hours? What if it went on for a few days?
What would we do if Dad suddenly couldn’t go to work? What is our plan to get thru the first few weeks? What if it went on for six months? What if he never worked again?
What skills should we learn to make our life more comfortable if things suddenly changed?
What if we had to cut our grocery budget in half?
What if we had a few bad months when we had zero money after the bills to buy groceries at all?
During some very lean years, it never occurred to me for a minute to say “Wow, wasn’t that lucky that we happened to have a food storage downstairs?”
When Dan lost his job, it never occurred to me for one minute to think “Wow, wasn’t that lucky that we decided several years ago to get out of, and then forever after avoid debt?”
Luck had no part in any of that. They were both results of obedience to the counsel a loving Heavenly Father – given for our comfort and peace of mind.
Some things to put on your list:
FOOD STORAGE: Get one! If you’ve got one, keep it up. I have heard too many older people say something like “Now that the kids are gone, there’s not much point. I don’t bother with it anymore.” Are you kidding me? Did you suddenly stop eating? Who’s supposed to feed you?
DEBT: Get OUT! Out Out Out. Avoid it like it is the plague it is. If you cannot pay for it by the end of this month, you cannot afford it.
Wait for it. Save for it. But do NOT “buy it on time”! There are very few necessary exceptions. Obviously we have to borrow for a house. Sometimes one has to borrow for a reliable vehicle. (be reasonable. Affordability is still key here.) Sometimes one has to borrow for an education. But make paying those debts off a priority, starting with the smallest one first.
You can say “We cannot afford this.” Try it. Its not as hard as you might think it is. Just form the words: “We. Can’t. Afford. It.” See? not that bad. Use that sentence more. If you cannot pay it off by the end of this month – you CAN. NOT. AFFORD. IT! Stop feeling ‘less than‘ because you don’t have all that someone else has. Perhaps they can’t afford it either, but they’ve unwisely chosen debt to make it look like they can. Come ON. Those are mind games we play with ourselves, and ultimately we’re the losers. Stop feeling that you deserve this or that. I’ll tell you what you deserve. You deserve peace of mind. And you’re never gonna have it, no matter how nice your truck is – as long as you owe money.
I do not speak against nice vehicles. I don’t speak against nice vacations. Or leather furniture. If you can afford it, do whatever your little heart desires. But remember – if you can’t pay for it by the end of the month – you cannot afford it. Live with that. And man up to it. Live within your means and be grateful for all you DO have, instead of counting all the things you don’t.
EMERGENCY SAVINGS: If you can only put $5 a week away, then put $5 a week away. But do something. The Lord blesses us when we obey. We don’t have to do great things. Small things count in His eyes, and the Lord blesses us for them.
When referring to the story of Nephi finding ore to build tools necessary to build a ship, L. Tom Perry said “I have sometimes wondered what would have happened if Nephi had asked the Lord for tools instead of a place to find the ore to make tools. I doubt the Lord would have honored Nephi’s request. You see, the Lord knew that Nephi could make the tools, and it is seldom the Lord will do something for us that we can do for ourselves.The Lord does help when we go to Him in times of need, especially when we are committed to His work and respond to His will. But the Lord only helps those who are willing to help themselves. He expects His children to be self-reliant to the degree they can be.”
Elder Perry went on to say “Independence and self-reliance are critical to our spiritual and temporal growth. . . . . If we increase our dependence on anything or anyone except the Lord, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act.” 3 (GC October 1991)
We all could go on and on and on – giving examples and bearing testimony of how living the principles of Providence and Self Reliance has helped us and how they put us in a position of being able to be more charitable. And we could be uplifted and edified by it all. And I think we should have those discussions. In this article, we could only skim over the basics of such an all encompassing gospel lifestyle. And make no mistake, that is exactly what it is. A lifestyle. Learning skills that will help us be self reliant is a life long focus. It is a lifestyle. And it yields gratitude and peace of mind.
I encourage us all to look again at our our situations – no matter where we are on the spectrum, and find a way to do better. Make it your goal this year to become more self reliant and work toward that goal every single day.
The Lord will help us, but remember what Elder Perry said, He will “help those who are willing to help themselves. He EXPECTS [us] to be self reliant to the degree that [we] can be.”
Two more scriptures to leave you with. I find them very motivating when I recommit myself to follow counsel from the Brethren “Why call me Lord, Lord and do not the things which I say?” (Luke 6:46)
“I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when you do not what I say, ye have no promise.” (DC 82:10) I cannot think of anyone I would rather have bound to me, than Him. And He promises. He says “I the Lord am BOUND when ye do what I say.” It is my prayer that we will all willingly “Bind” Him to us as we strive to live what He says. As we strive to live providently, and to know the peace and freedom of a self reliant life.
. Ironic eh?
