I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had the “one-and-done” conversation with people who are rightly concerned about investing in long term food storage but don’t want to be inconvenienced by it.
Being compelled enough to invest money into food storage, buying a bunch of it all at one time, and then (having their conscience soothed), put it away and forget about it. Their thinking is that they have done their due diligence, with minimal inconvenience and now can get on with life giving no more thought to it.
The first time I heard this philosophy was a friend many years ago. They had learned of a new brand of food being sold locally, that had a very long shelf life. It was kinda pricey but the shelf life was attractive. They bought a year’s supply for their family of four, stacked it into a corner of their basement, and brushed off their hands so-to-speak. They were more than content with this marvelous plan; they had their food storage and didn’t have their life complicated with having to eat it. Simple. I admit, the idea was a little unsettling to me; it didn’t seem that life could really be that easy. Fast forward a couple decades. My friend had passed away of cancer. Their children had grown up. Her husband had remarried and moved to a different city. He called me one day. They’d had a house fire! All was lost including their long term food storage, which he had carried with him ten years before. Insurance had provided the money to replace it and he wanted to do exactly the same thing they’d done before.
1. USE IT
The reason he called me? Because he knew that at the time I sold Thrive Life foods, a relatively new brand of freeze dried food. “Just give me a reasonably varied assortment of food like I had before.” he said. He had no intention of ‘wasting’ it by eating it. It was intended as 100% food insurance, to be packed away again. We talked about the fact that most of the food he had depended on to ease his conscience for so long, was well over 20 years old, and not all of it was freeze dried, meaning it didn’t have the 25 year shelf life he thought it did. We talked about what he’d had previously – including milk and eggs (neither of which at the time he bought it, claimed to have the 25 year shelf life he believed everything had). As a friend, my counsel was to USE some of the food he was buying for two very important reasons: 1) to KNOW what one had, and 2) to know HOW to use it. Long term food storage is not the same as buying perishable food from the grocery store. It requires a little different ‘thinking’ to get used to it. He was adamant about “not bothering with all that”. What he had done two decades ago was conscience soothing and he wanted more of that.
We came up with a reasonable selection, and it was sent to him – which he stacked in a corner somewhere to never think about again.
His details involving the house fire may have been unique, but his philosophy was not. I have had that same conversation with many people over the years.
them: “Oh freeze dried food! I have a ton of that in my basement.” me: “Great. How do you like it?” them: “Oh, I have no idea; I’ve never used it.” me: “Why not?” them: “Because its FOOD STORAGE! And besides, I haven’t got a clue what to do with it.” me: “How long have you had it?” them: “We got it the year after we were married.” me: “How long have you been married?” them: “37 years.” me: “Wow. You know its 12 years past its expiry right? You don’t have milk and eggs in there do you? them: “Yes.” me: “Well, I know the food you’re talking about, and the shelf life of milk used to be 5 years, and eggs was 3 years. Those are over 30 years past their expiry date. You might wanna dispose of them. . . . . I wouldn’t even open them if I were you, just throw them out. . . . . So, . . . just curious, when were you planning to figure out how to use this food anyway?”
I have another friend who had pretty much the same idea. She had a lotta long-term-food-storage that she’d never had any intention of using, but a few years ago it became alarmingly evident to her that it was waaaay past its prime. She doesn’t want to waste it, (and waste all the money she spent on it), she wanted to learn how to use it. She had no recollection of how long she’d had the food (decades she admits), and there was no date on the cans. Apparently the labeling laws have changed since then.
My counsel? To USE it of course. I promised to come over and show her how to use them. We opened up her first can – broccoli. It was absolutely indistinguishable. Looking nothing like broccoli should, and smelling terrible. Nothing anyone would want to eat. “What can I do with it?” she asked. “Throw it in the compost.” was my suggestion. We opened a can of spinach with similar results.
On the left is dehydrated spinach that was deliberately left on the shelf waiting for some emergency that would justify opening it. No one could remember how old it was, and the owner mistakenly believed it was freeze dried when in actual fact it was dehydrated (with a much shorter shelf life). This is what happens when you don’t USE the food you store. The result was a lot of wasted food, and a total waste of the money spent to acquire it. The spinach on the right is a 7 year old can recently opened. It is what freeze dried spinach SHOULD look like today, tomorrow, next year and 17 years from now.
To be fair, the food we opened was much older than it was ever intended to be. It is not the manufacturer’s fault that the food was not used when it should have been. It is the result of faulty “save-and-protect” reasoning. But on the other hand, from the beginning she never knew what she had, what it looked like, or how to use it anyway. Ironically that scarcity mentality intended to not ‘waste’ food by using it, resulted in ultimate waste. Wasted food is wasted dollars. It’s simple math.
I well remember that same brand of freeze dried food when it was a new thing, trying to wrap my mind around the concept of it and trying to justify the cost. I bought some, used it, didn’t see the value at the time, nor the point. As the science of freeze drying got better over the ensuing years, the food got better, and the nutrition got better.
2. FIND THE BEST
In 2009, when I first started buying Thrive Life (the brand I finally settled on after trying several on the market), their guarantee was that the produce went from field to freezer in less than 24 hours. I was impressed with that. By the time I put that into print, the company corrected me – their guarantee was now less than 12 hours. “Can’t get better than that” I thought. Produce picked ripe, washed, peeled, chopped and into the freezer in less than 12 hours? Incredible. “Can’t get better than that” I told people. Wait! In another year, they raised the bar again. Produce picked at perfection when all nature’s goodness was at its height, and then washed, peeled, sliced and into the freezer in less than 6 hours! (usually 2 to 4 hours). Amazing. NOW with a pretty good degree of confidence I can be sure “it really canNOT get better than that!”
In summer months my household eats directly from my backyard garden. I am hard pressed to get produce from my garden to the table in four hours! Truly it cannot get better than two to four hours.
What does that mean to you and me? Why is that such a big deal?
Because all fruits and vegetables begin to deteriorate within the first hour after harvest. That’s why. They begin the process of deteriorating in colour, texture and nutritional value immediately. To pick a fruit before its fully developed is to start out with a handicap. Thrive Life has a commitment to excellence that forbids picking produce before its ripe. Then its a race against the clock. That produce is washed, peeled (if needed), sliced or chopped and flash frozen to -40C within four hours! In that frozen state the food is transferred to a facility where all the remaining moisture is removed in the second step of the two step process of “freeze-drying”.
When spinach or broccoli or mangoes or strawberries or whatever, goes into that BPA free can at the end, it is more nutritious than those same ‘fresh’ fruits we buy in the produce department of our local grocery stores – that in nearly all cases were picked before they were ripe, and have been shipped a thousand+ miles to ripen on the supermarket shelves sometime in the following week or two. Without any moisture, that food is sealed in an oxygen free can, giving it an exceptionally long shelf life. Zero moisture + zero oxygen = zero decomposition. So when I open a can of peaches that was packed 7 years ago, it is as nutritionally sound as it was the day it was sealed. If I open that can another 7 years from now, it is still the same. THAT is what we’re talking about. And that’s why timing is such a big deal.
“freeze drying food is not rocket science”
3. Benefits of using freeze dried food NOW
FAMILIARITY Becoming familiar with freeze dried food while our lives are comfortable and predicable is so important. Sometimes people fool themselves into believing they’ll use it when they have to, but a crises is not the time to start experimenting with foundational necessities like meals. There are bound to be some differences between what you’re using now and freeze dried food. Familiarity brings confidence, and confidence removes fear. When we are prepared, there is no fear.
KNOWLEDGE With familiarity comes knowledge and skill, opening a whole new world of possibilities. Learning how to use freeze dried food will make meal preparation a lot quicker and easier. Those fruits and vegetables are already washed and chopped, ready to eat straight out of the can, or to throw into your soup, casserole, omelette or stir fries. The cheese is already shredded, the meats are already cooked – ready to refresh and add to your meal. You’d be surprised at how streamlined your meals become. You can have dinner on the table in minutes.
ZERO WASTE Not only will you reduce the waste of produce in the fridge going bad before you can get to it, and the waste of trimming a good portion of your broccoli, cauliflower and peppers etc, but you will eliminate the waste of those cans of food timing out. Think of the waste that my friend experienced having to throw out most of her ‘shelf stable’ canned food. My other friend who replaced it all after the fire – he would have had to replace it all anyway, fire or no fire – because most of it was long expired before the fire.
When you regularly USE your food storage, it replaces perishable groceries that would other wise go into the trash. The North American average for household kitchen waste is up to 40%. That’s an incredible figure to wrap your mind around. If you’re the average North American consumer, up to 40% of the food you buy is going into the garbage! What if you could reduce that waste? How much money would YOU save in a month, in a year? Take a minute (knowing your monthly food budget), and use some simple math to roughly calculate what that might look like to you. Imagine what you could do with an extra $3000 or $4000 a year! You could probably have your food storage built up in a very short time for one thing.
CONVENIENCE One of the things we will depend on in any emergency is having food that will be convenient to prepare with fewer resources than we’re currently accustomed to. Knowing what that food is and what kind of variety is available ahead of time is helpful. Also knowing what your family prefers and doesn’t prefer ahead of time is pretty helpful too. You don’t want to learn that when its too late.
4. SCARCITY vs ABUNDANCE
A can of dehydrated cabbage, about twenty years past its expiration. This is the kind of thing that never should have happened.
A scarcity mindset is a way of thinking that focuses on the idea that there is a limited supply; one becomes obsessed with protecting it. Its a trap many of us fall into when it comes to food storage: “This is food storage. It must be protected.” But we’ve already seen where that thinking leads, and its a slippery slope. When the supply is not being replenished, protection mode kicks in. So what is the antidote?
Rotation. Rotation is a “1st in-1st out” mindset. It is continuously using and replacing. It is treating your food storage like groceries and your groceries like food storage. It is the philosophy you’ve heard me repeat many times if you’ve read anything I’ve ever written on the subject: Store what you EAT, and Eat what you STORE.
If you are constantly adding to your food supply every time you buy groceries, and constantly eating from it, then replacing it, you are ROTATING. This keeps everything fresh and updated, saving you money and providing peace of mind. Your food storage becomes an organic thing with a pulse, not an inorganic box of dead food that nobody wants that cost you too much money. Consider a different perspective.
5. CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT IT
When you change the way you look at it, everything about it changes. The missing link between the SCARCITY mindset and the ABUNDANCE mindset is ROTATION. Rotation of “using and replacing” helps us regain control, and allows us to see abundance instead of scarcity. Change the way you’re looking at things.
I truly believe that when we are prepared, there is no fear. It is a personal mission of mine to help people gain the freedom and peace of mind that BEING PREPARED offers. And that includes FOOD STORAGE. Part of that is to help people stop wasting the food they purchased and are currently purchasing, and to help people acquire their food storage in the best possible way, getting the best prices and benefits in the process.
This is a course of action I have followed my entire adult life; it is very important to me. In the process, I discovered Thrive Life freeze dried food in 2008, and by the beginning of 2009, I brought it into our family bookstore – Generations Bookstore in Edmonton, Alberta. One of our major sidelines was food storage and emergency preparedness so it was a perfect fit. Since that time, we sold the store, but I kept Thrive Life with me as a personal consultant. I believe it is the best brand on the market today for high quality freeze dried food, and I am committed to helping people benefit in the same way I do from it.
In our house I’ve put it to the test. We’ve used it almost daily since those early years, and I know of which I speak.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on food storage and all things related. I welcome any questions you might have about Thrive Life specifically. Who knows? You might even want to become a consultant yourself.
I do not know what I ever did in the pre-earth life to deserve to be born in Canada. I suspect I didn’t ‘deserve’ it; nevertheless Heavenly Father saw fit to place me here and now. I am so grateful for that mercy and blessing.
There are so many things in our life to be grateful for …. sometimes we don’t even think about the blessing of ‘where we are’. Canada.
Thank you to all those immigrant grandparents and great grandparents who made it possible for this to be the land of my inheritance
I did not know this, but the last German POWs were not released from the Soviet Union until 1956!
While the western Allies released their final World War II prisoners in 1948, many German POWs in the U.S.S.R. were kept under lock and key for several more years. Most were used as slave labor in copper or coal mines, and anywhere between 400,000 and one million eventually died while in Russian custody. Some 20,000 former soldiers were still in Soviet hands at the time of Stalin’s death in 1953, and the last 10,000 didn’t get their freedom until 1955 and 1956—a full decade after the war had ended.
Among the delayed released POW’s (not likely in this picture) was one Gotthold Sulzle, Dan’s grandfather Jakob’s brother.
Gotthold appears to have been born in Cogealac, Romania. He went to Germany for work just prior to WWII and as a German was drafted into the German Army. He served on the Russian front and became a Russian POW. Gotthold was decorated with 2 iron crosses (a German military award awarded for bravery on the battlefront).
After WWII ended, Gotthold attempted to immigrate to Canada where other family members had immigrated, however he was unable to take his family with him at the time. Having already been separated from his family for too long, he decided instead to immigrate to Australia.
That is how a branch of Dan’s German family ended up in Australia.
– picture and information shared from Linda Sülzle-Michl.
*note: I am not making any statements about this nationality or that nationality. There were (and there are) terrible things that happened (and happen) to individuals and to families as a result of hate and wicked people – wherever they are. I do however have a tenderness for those who suffer, and an appreciation and admiration for those who overcome and show me a better way. I am attracted to real life examples of the strength and resilience of the indomitable human spirit. They strengthen me and encourage me.
I also feel so much love and appreciation for those first generation immigrants who in many cases sacrificed much so their children could have the better life that eluded them. Dan’s grandparents came from German occupied Poland shortly after the first world war. They had been people of means; educated, land owning farmers. For the rest of their lives while living in Canada, they were labourers and I personally never heard Dan’s grandmother speak very much English. But their children grew up on the prairies and all went on to have meaningful work as they raised their own families in a world of opportunity and comfort – free from fear for their safety. Their children’s children received good educations and also raised their children in a peaceful world of opportunity and comfort. All because Edmund and Olga sold all they had for ship passage, hoping for a better life on the other side of the ocean.
When I was a little girl my mother bought apples by the case this time of year. Usually Macintosh if I remember correctly. They were FRESH, crisp and wonderful, and we stored them in our cold room in the basement.
We loved eating them and could have one whenever we wanted during those weeks. I equate fresh crispy apples with fall school days.
My mom would put some in a bowl on the table and I took it upon myself to shine them so they looked nice enough for a table centrepiece. I took great pride in this task, and it was a continual job as the apples got used up quickly. They needed shining because they came to us looking like the apples in this picture. Once I shined them up with a clean damp cloth, they looked like the apples in the picture below – which incidentally, I just shone to go on the table before writing this.
Can you see the three lady bugs that came inside with them? They thought they found a safe hiding place for winter, but ….. sorry ladies, out you go, find another one. Did you know lady bugs can live three years? I love lady bugs.
By the time I was married, apples came from the store already shiny and I puzzled over my childhood memory of shining them. I missed the ritual, and wondered why my mom would have had me shine apples when apparently they were already shiny. (?)
Years later I learned that the apples we buy in the grocery store are ‘waxed’1 to have that shine. I didn’t know with what, but there was no option. They’re all like that after the initial harvest.
I began washing my purchased apples to ‘remove’ the shine . Ironic eh?
But today. Today we brought in our very own beautiful honey crisp apples. They’re in the fridge now, but some inner voice compelled me to shine up a few for the table.
That’s when it happened. My flash back. THIS! Déjà vu. This I have done before. …. Just exactly like this! With a clean cloth. And just like those in my childhood memory, these apples shone up quickly. Almost like magic. And beautifully.
THIS IS WHAT APPLES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!
Beautiful. Organic. Right outta your own backyard, or outta your community garden, or your nice neighbour’s yard. With a natural matt finish that shines up with the touch of a slightly damp cloth, till you can see the light reflecting in them. Apples in the fall are one of life’s great pleasures.
I hope you get some FRESH apples this fall, and I hope you have to shine them up. I’d love to hear your apple stories.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
Footnotes:
In an effort to make ‘fresh’ apples available to consumers all year round, it is necessary to treat them. “Waxing these foods seals them, protects them from pests and diseases, and prevents them from drying out, thus maintaining freshness.” (*my note: Interesting use of the word “freshness”) https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/food-nutrition/food-safety/information-product/fact-sheet-use-morpholine-apple-coatings.html I rest my case with regards to my opinion of eating IN the Season. Is it really necessary for us to eat ‘fresh’ apples 12 months of the year? ↩︎
It’s not very often I publish the words of someone else in this format, but from time to time – as I take notes for me to remember, it occurs to me that you might also appreciate them. These words from Chieko Okazaki, are comforting, reassuring and true.
Who is Chieko Nishimura Okazaki? She was an American writer, educator, and religious leader. I came to admire her while she served in the Relief Society general presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1990 to 1997. I looked forward to hearing her speak – she always started with “Aloha” to which the congregation always responded “Aloha” – and I enjoyed reading her words.
Chieko was born in Hawaii in October 1926, growing up in a Buddhist family of Japanese ancestry that was employed on Hawaiian plantations. She was 15 years old when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, and her family did not escape the horror that followed, especially for those of her ethnic and cultural status. She was Hawaiian born, from Japanese heritage, and spent most of her life living in mainland America, but she confronted racism throughout her life.
As a young teen, she became a Christian, working as a maid to pay for high school. Her family (parents and two brothers) sacrificed for her education, and education became her life’s work. She received her first degree in Education at the University of Hawaii in Honolulu, her Master’s degree in Education from the University of Northern Colorado when she was 51 years old, and another degree in Educational Administration.
Ironically, she was about the age I am now when I first became familiar with her as a speaker and writer. To me, she had a lotta credibility, and I loved her. She served in the trenches and she got it. She really got it.
In The Wilderness by artist: Ron DiCianni
“It’s our faith” said Chieko Okazaki “that He experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually.
That means He knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer — how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.”
. . . There is nothing you have experienced . . . that He does not also know and recognize. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were “And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down Syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that. He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and in our grief.” – Chieko N. Okazaki
One of my favourite songs by Kenneth Cope – Broken. Enjoy.
This tender image painted by the Danish painter Frans Schwartz at the end of the 19th century, was brought to my attention recently, and I find myself coming back to it again and again. It amazes me, the kind of emotion that can be captured by the talented brush strokes of an inspired artist. This is not the whole picture, its a close up of the faces. While the full image is breathtaking, I am drawn to, and am captivated by these faces.
We learn about it in Luke 22:43,44
“And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.“
Agony in the Garden by Frans Schwartz 1898
Years ago, I was reading this story from a beautiful illustrated children’s book to my then 4 year old granddaughter Rebecca. At this point in the story, when the angel comforted the Saviour, I said aloud “I wish I was that angel who did that for him.”
She sighed and softly replied “I wish ‘I‘ was that angel.” I reflect back on that previous shared moment from time to time. I’m quite sure she has no recollection of it. But among other things, it testified to me of the power of inspirational art to convey the spirit, and the ability that a child has to respond to it when given the quiet opportunity. And it testified to me as well, of the importance of seeking out those quiet opportunities.
I also reflect on the fact, that sometimes, all you can do is offer love and support. There wasn’t a single thing anyone in this universe could have done to take away His pain, or to even make it easier. But this! . . . THIS could be done. . . . A tender embrace, a demonstration of love and empathy, and in this case – heart rending gratitude. For some reason, we do not know the name of this angel, this privileged one sent from above, while many others undoubtedly stood ready, wanting to do the same. What an honour to have been the one to embrace Him at that pivotal moment in time. To have been the one to offer Him comfort, heavenly succor and support. And more personally – Gratitude. Because after all, He did it for us. For you and for me. Personally. Privately. And yet for us all.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf said “What the Saviour did from Gethsemane to Golgotha on our behalf is beyond my ability to grasp. He took upon Himself, the burden of our sins and paid an eternal and binding ransom not only for Adam’s original transgression but also for the sins and transgressions of the billions upon billions of souls who have ever lived. This eternal, sacred sacrifice caused ‘even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer in both body and spirit.’ (DC 19:18)”
Look closely at his reddened eyes in this achingly tender image. At the furrowed brows. I love that his eyes are open. Look at the soft and gentle face of the angel and the enveloping embrace. Though none of us will ever have to experience the depth of His suffering, we know that we do have “our own dark and bitter hours” as Elder Uchtdorf calls them. “Times when our sorrow and grief may appear to be greater than we can bear. There will be times when the weight and remorse of our sins will press mercilessly upon us.”
We can be assured at those times, that we are not alone. That He went before us, and suffered all those things. And not just for our sins, but for our sadness and grief, and hurts of every kind, for our sickness and afflictions. To take them all away. As I heard one say some time ago (referring to suicidal thoughts and intents) “We don’t have to die for our sins. Someone already has.” He knows and He understands. He’s been there. He gets it. He’s atoned for it all. He’s taken my name through the temple of Gethsemane, individually. I don’t pretend to know how, but I absolutely know it. He knows me. And He knows you. He can and will strengthen us. And by taking advantage of that sacrifice, we don’t cause him any more grief, we don’t add to the cost – because the price has already been paid. Whether we accept the gift or not, it has already been purchased. For us.
This song Wondering by Aaron Edson, was brought to my attention from a friend Ron Bissett many years ago. He played it to me over the phone, a poor recording he found somewhere. He wanted me to find him a CD (back before the days of Spotify etc). He asked me because we owned an LDS Bookstore at the time. I found it for him, and for me, and for several other customers, because that over the phone introduction made it personal for me too. Thanks for the tip Ron. Enjoy.
I really hope that I was that angel, but I kinda think I was not. Unlike the angel however, HE can take pain away. And I can be that angel to others, embracing, comforting, supporting, … not able to take grief away, but loving them through it, and hopefully pointing to the One who can take it away – who will take it away.
Just some of my thoughts on a tender subject. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
If you knew my dad, you’d agree that he looks just like him. Most of my paternal uncles also look like him. In fact, so do most of my paternal cousins. Even my kids do! Lol. I guess he had some pretty strong physical traits.
On September 13 this year (2024), he would have turned 127 years old, but he left this earth over 45 years ago. He’s my grandfather Leland Albert Harrison.
Grampa always seemed to be old. It shocks me now to realize that he was only a few years older than me for most of the time I knew him. He suffered from gout, and was in near constant pain which restricted his mobility. It didn’t help that he was quite heavy. Which came first, his weight or his gout is hard to say, but each condition aggravated the other. He always wore slippers, even when he was outside because his feet were constantly swollen and painful.
It is well known – especially among his grandkids (of which he had many), that he didn’t know how to deal with kids. He didn’t know how to chat with kids, interact with kids, how to even keep us all straight. So he resorted to teasing. It was his only way.
He’d sit in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, and try to catch us if we attempted to get by. We needed to get by because the kitchen was full of adults sitting around the table or standing, and the living room had red plastic building bricks (the only toy I ever saw in that house). He had an extended reach with his cane, and we learned not to underestimate his reflexes. Just because he couldn’t walk didn’t mean he couldn’t grab you. We’d watch him closely and when he seemed to be distracted we’d make a dash for it. It was really rather scary. He didn’t know what to do with us when we weren’t quick enough, so he’d give us a rough head rub or twist our ears (according to some cousins, but he never twisted mine).
An inconvenience for the older ones, but terrifying, maybe even traumatic for some of the younger ones. Now I look back on it and see an old man who did the best he knew how, but from the perspective of young grandchildren it was very tricky to navigate. I never knew him any other way. One day when I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, my grandmother had sent him out to put the sprinkler on the front lawn. I was outside running around with cousins when I came upon him kneeling on the ground beside the sprinkler, unable to stand up. I stood back and silently watched him as he struggled. It was almost a reverent moment for me. I’d never seen an adult in so much need. He asked me if I would bring him “that chair over there”. I brought it, silently. I stood back and watched as he used it as a prop (with much difficulty) to help him stand. When he was on his feet, I quietly walked away to rejoin my cousins. I liked him better after that, he wasn’t just the scary grampa who sat with a cane in the doorway. He was much more . . . . vulnerable.
He and gramma lived in a tiny house they built on his parents’ property in town. In that tiny house with one bedroom and a room reserved (so I’m told) as a place to store coal (later converted into Grampa’s bedroom), they raised 15 kids. Gramma bore 16 children: one died in infancy (Earl), and one died of typhoid fever just before her 15th birthday (Dorothy Ileen). Sadly my grandmother and his mother never got along ‘to put it mildly’. Living a stone’s throw from each other didn’t help, and it must have been very distressful for both of them. I’m sure it was a series of misunderstandings and misplaced pride on both sides that caused the rift, but those feelings perpetuated themselves as life continued and offenses piled up – the older boys tormenting their Gramma Harrison with childish pranks. I never knew my Great Grandmother Capitolia Harrison, she died when my dad was only 13. But I kinda suspect if she’d been alive when I was little, I still wouldn’t have known her. Sad that friction and even enmity in families can be such a thing. And sadder still that it can ooze into future generations long after the original offenses are forgotten. (hmmmm, a life lesson there for sure)
Many years later, while expecting my first child, I told my mother I was considering the name “Afton” as a good name for our new baby if it was a girl. This was my Grandfather’s sister’s name. My mother was mortified! and told me that Gramma Harrison would be unhappy with my choice as she very much disliked her sister in law. I didn’t want to bring any grief to my grandmother so I abandoned the idea, but I was curious about the harsh reaction. My mom had never even met her. I kinda regret never knowing that part of my dad’s family. They all lived in the same little town, and attended the same congregation on Sundays. Tragic when you think of it. I wonder how they reconciled those feelings after they all met each other again in the next world. I bet there are many regrets for how they let it go on for so long.
Leland and Pearl Harrison had a lovely cozy ‘little’ home. Emphasis on little again. And it was always clean; Gramma was fastidious about clean. She had iodine on a kitchen shelf and woe be to any kid who fell and scraped their knee. Iodine hurt worse than the wound. My dad inherited her fear of ‘germs’. He was only 6 years old when his sister died, but it seemed that the years following her death were ones of hyper anxiousness on the part of his mother; today we would called that PTSD. My whole young life was all about ‘not spreading germs’. From this vantage point, I empathise a lot more with my father’s preoccupation with washing hands and clean dishes. Typhoid fever is a terrible disease caused by a salmonella bacteria that is spread through contaminated food or water. It is most common in rural areas of developing countries where there isn’t modern sanitation. I guess small farming communities on the Canadian prairies in the 1930s qualify. And people continue to be contagious with typhoid fever long after they’ve recovered.
Grampa often asked us “whose kid are you?”
I would answer “I’m Wes’s daughter Grampa. I’m Cindy.” I was never certain whether he was teasing or if he really didn’t know. But now, I’m quite certain our sheer number and the fact that we only showed up for a few hours once a year in those days, didn’t help. There was never a hint of any question that Gramma knew us though. Gramma would cup our faces in her hands and kiss them and tell us she loved us. She knew where we fit in and who we belonged to. Her!
He’d call my sister and I “Winder and Cinder” which would always make us giggle, and implied to us that he at least knew OUR names. Some days anyway. He was a tease in every way. It was the only way he knew how to deal with people. And he teased my gramma mercilessly. There may have been a time early in their marriage that she laughed at his teasing, but she wasn’t laughing when I knew them lol. He’d tease her and she’d lash out with some rebuke, then he’d respond with “Don’t be mean to me Mama. You know you love me.” It was very entertaining to us grandkids, but I felt a bit bad for Grampa because it seemed he was always the injured party. One day when I was a young teenager, I confessed to my mom that I thought Gramma was mean to Grampa, and that she hurt his feelings. Mom told me that he’d often reach over and lift up her dress with his cane – which embarrassed her and prompted her rebukes. I had missed that little detail. No wonder she was mad at him.
He was also very accustomed to being waited on hand and foot. She took care of his every need. It probably never occurred to him to peel a potato or wash a dish or even push the toaster down. She fed him every meal he ever ate.
In those days 70 years old was a lot older than it is now, and though he never drank a drop of alcohol or smoked a cigarette in his life, he was not the picture of health. His sheer inactivity was probably his biggest problem. From my vantage point now, I think he deserves some credit for holding his own when literal hoards of adult children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren and other relatives would descend on their home on given day throughout the summer time. In that small house, there was only one place for him to be – sitting on his kitchen chair in the doorway.
I wish I had known the man inside him. I never did, but I treasure the few memories I share with my siblings and my cousins of him. As scary as they were while we lived them, they make us chuckle as we relive them. He died when he was 80 years old, one month before our first child – a son, was born. They overlapped for that short time in the spirit world. I hope they knew each other.
Happy birthday Grampa.
My guess is you’re celebrating with Lemon meringue pie. I’m quite certain they serve that in heaven. It was my dad’s favourite too; perhaps you’re sharing it together.
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle
* Grampa died March 17 1978. Leland Albert Harrison * Gramma died 12 years later, at the age of 88, April 16 1990. Pearl Cora Reece Harrison
Home Canning (and by that we really mean home ‘bottling‘) is the easiest, most reliable and economical way to preserve food at home. It can be done in your own kitchen, doesn’t require a whole lot of pricey equipment, and has a reasonably long shelf life – up to two years. Yes, I know you know someone who’s had their home canned food for eight years (we all do), and that supposedly “it’s still good”. To that I repeat: “the shelf life is UP to two years“. My suggestion is strongly not to push it too much past then.
Fact: Food is Food. You cannot prevent it from spoiling, you can only slow it down. Canning it will preserve it, but not forever.
Don’t expect home canned food to be what it cannot be, and everything will work out fine. It’s reality is that the nutritional value of canned foods (commercially or home canned) is about 40% of what it was when it went into the canner. I admit I was super disappointed when I learned that fact, mostly because I raised my children on home canned food, especially fruit, and I thought I was doing the best thing I could for them. In reality, I really was doing the best I could for them, but when one gives it some thought, those peaches are in boiling water for 40+ minutes. What did we expect? After the recommended shelf life of two years, we can expect that the food will lose more of its nutritional value, which is why I highly advocate not trying to keep it past that suggested time. Having said that, if something gets away from you and you’re into the third year, don’t sweat it – just use the food.
As with any type of food storage, the bottom line is to STORE WHAT YOU EAT, and EAT WHAT YOU STORE. If you do that, you’re gonna be okay, if you do not – you will end up wasting a lotta money. Canning isn’t magic. It cannot make something perishable last indefinitely.
So what’s the point? And why should I can?
Because it’s a good way of extending the valuable useable time of perishable food, preserving good and nutritious food today, to use tomorrow. Instead of preparing for immediate consumption, you are preparing food that you can store for months! Make no mistake, canning IS cooking, but it allows us to capture the best flavour at the peak of season—to enjoy all-year long! Garden Roasted Tomato Sauce, Homemade Garden Salsa, a bowl of peaches, rhubarb to go on your morning oatmeal, raspberry jam – all in the middle of winter! THESE are why we can!
Back when my kids were young we canned a LOT of fruit. When the price was good we’d buy a 100+ pounds of peaches (our favourite) and pears, maybe 50 pounds of cherries, apricots or plums. I’d can half of the plums and dehydrate the rest. Though I did the bulk of the work during the day it was a big job, so it had to be a family affair. Dan always pitched in when he was home and we required the kids to help out. And yes, I got backlash from time to time (especially from one of our boys who shall remain unnamed at this point), but I flat out insisted that everybody help. We all enjoyed the end result of having peaches with breakfast in February, so it only made sense that we all pitch in to make that a possibility. At some point, when this one un-named boy was a teenager, he put his foot down and refused to be involved in the project anymore. HE was not peeling peaches (or pears or whatever it was). He disliked the work and he’d had enough; it was too much work for him. He was too big to argue with so I told him that was fine, but as with anything there are always consequences, and the consequence to this choice would be that he’d be giving up enjoying the “fruits of our labour”. He couldn’t expect to eat peaches that someone else did all the work to put on the table. I reminded him about how much he enjoyed eating peaches in the winter. I also reminded him that the likelihood of me forgetting in February that he didn’t help in the summer was next to zero. He may have thought about it for all of thirty seconds, and in the end he trusted me, and put on an apron. I’m not gonna pretend he was happy about the job after that, but we never had that same conversation again.
My daughter on the other hand, looked forward to “canning season”. It was just as much work for her, but there was something about her that made that work enjoyable in its own way. My other boys were fine to pitch in and participate, it was after all – the means to the end we all wanted: fruit in the winter. Many memories were made in a hot and sticky kitchen on those long summer days. One summer I went away for a week with a friend. Sarah was 14 years old, and diligently went through the grocery store sales flyers in my absence. At one point she saw that peaches were a ‘good’ price and she believed they would likely not still be that price when I came home. With urgency, she told her dad that he must pick up several boxes of peaches on his way home from work the next day – which of course he did. While I drove home from New Brunswick with Peggy, Sarah and Dan canned those peaches from beginning to the end. I was amazed when I got home, and kinda still am as I look back on it. I was very proud of her, and I wish that I had expressed that better than I did. I was proud not only that she felt it her ‘motherly’ duty to can peaches in my absence, but also that she took it upon herself to judge when the price was right, make the decision to buy, judge when they were ripe enough to bottle, and then take charge of actually getting it done. Dan wisely let her do all that, and then in typical Dan style, he put on an apron and began peeling peaches.
the method
The method is to use high temperatures to kill microorganisms and inactivating enzymes that would cause food to spoil. The heating process pushes air from the jars, creating a vacuum seal as they cool. Without oxygen the bacteria, yeasts, and mould will not grow and the food will last a lot longer.
There are two methods: hot water canning, and pressure canning. They are NOT interchangeable. This article deals with HOT WATER canning. How do you know which method is used for which type of food? It’s pretty straight forward: high acid foods require the hot water method – the easiest. What are high acid foods? Most types of fruit and berries. Some suggestions to consider: Apples: apple juice, apple jelly, apple butter, apple sauce, apple pieces, crab apples … Apricots, apricot jam, Berries whole, berry jam, berry syrup, Cherries whole, cherry jam, cherry syrup, cherry juice, Cranberries whole, cranberry sauce, cranberry jelly, cranberry juice, Grapes, grape juice, grape jelly, Grapefruit and Orange sections, Citrus marmalade, Mixed fruit combinations (cocktail), Nectarines, Peaches, Pears, Pineapple, Plums, Rhubarb
adding acid in the form or lemon juice or vinegar
To most fruits I add a Tablespoon of lemon juice to a pint (500 ml), and 2 Tablespoons lemon juice to a quart (or litre), just as an added precaution. I don’t bother with rhubarb because that is acidic enough.
Tomatoes (yes tomato is a fruit): cold pack whole or cut up, tomato sauce. Less ripe tomatoes are more acidic. Very ripe tomatoes are sweeter and less acidic. (Can them before they’re very ripe and soft.) I add 2-4 T vinegar to my tomatoes, depending on how ripe they are. Sometimes I use flavoured vinegar like basil vinegar – just for an added flavour that we like. Your choice.
Low acid foods require the higher temperatures that only using a pressure canner can provide. They include ALL vegetables and proteins.
Hot water canning involves boiling your fruit in glass jars in a big pot of water. There are pots specifically designed for this- called water bath canners – that consist of a large DEEP pot, a rack insert, and a lid. When purchasing, ensure that you have room for a quart jar to have at least two inches of water covering and plenty of room for water to boil. For small batch canning, I often just use my pasta pot because it checks all the boxes and its in my kitchen cupboard already so its handy. It is good for all my smaller jars: my pints, half pints and smaller that I may be using for jams or syrups.
If I am canning quart jars I use a bigger stock pot that I keep up high on my pantry shelf, so not easy to retrieve but not terribly inconvenient either. I can process up to seven quarts in this pot so its perfect! The important thing to remember when repurposing non-canning-specific pots is to put something on the bottom to prevent your jars from being directly on the bottom of your pot. A rack that will fit your pot will help keep the bottles from ‘jumping’ around when the water is fast boiling, preventing unnecessary trauma and possible breakage. If you have a rack that fits then go ahead and use it (I picked up a few different sizes from a thrift store years ago). Otherwise, use a folded dish towel in the bottom of your pot. You’re mostly trying to protect the bottles from banging around during boiling.
Boiling water is 212 degrees Fahrenheit, sufficient for high acid foods like most fruits, pickles, tomatoes, sauerkraut, relishes, salsas, and all sorts of jams. It is the acidity of these foods helps preserve them safely without the need of higher temperatures and pressure.
Supplies
Canning jars: not to be confused with single use jars. These are jars intended to be used at extremely high temperatures. Use ONLY clean jars without cracks or nicks in them.
Lids and rings (screw bands): those that are made for the particular jars you’re using. Do NOT reuse them. They are single use only.
Water bath canner: for water-bath canning, it isn’t necessary to purchase a special canner as long as you have a pot that has a fitted lid and is large enough to fully immerse the jars in water by 2 inches—and that will allow the water to boil when covered. You’ll also need a rack that fits inside the pot or canner.
Jar lifter: very important, this tool is relatively inexpensive but indispensable. It is essentially large tongs to assist you in putting jars into HOT water, and in removing them again out of boiling water.
Wide mouth Funnel: sure makes it easier to fill your jars without spilling and making a mess. You can buy plastic or stainless steal. I have both, but I prefer my stainless steal one. I use it for much more than camping – almost daily, for lots of applications.
Utensils: large spoon or ladle to fill jars, and a simple table knife to remove air bubbles.
Clean dish cloth to wipe jar rims, and clean dish towels upon which to place you processed jars.
10 Tips to Review Before you Start
Always use the FRESHEST produce possible – in peak condition. Overripe fruits are lower in acid and are already in a state of decomposing. It is important to know that produce begins to deteriorate IN THE HOUR it’s harvested, so fresh means AS IMMEDIATE AFTER HARVEST as you can get it.
Gather all your ingredients and equipment beforehand, so that they’re at your finger tips. It is so frustrating to realize at the point of no return, that you don’t have that extra bag of sugar or additional lids you thought you had.
It is critical to pay attention to “CLEAN” throughout every part of the process. Freshly CLEAN your jars in HOT soapy water – rinsed with hot water and set aside with a clean cloth cover. Sterilizing jars is good, but current advice is that if the food is going to be processed in a boiling water bath for at least 10 minutes, sterilizing is not necessary. CLEAN however is not negotiable; pay attention to it. If you have a dishwasher – running your clean jars through a cycle should get the job done. In years gone by, I always had my CLEAN jars in a hot oven till I used them, but I hardly ever take the time to do that anymore.
Use REAL canning jars, screw bands, and lids – intended for canning. Jars: Many jars that we may recycle are intended only as ‘single-use’ jars. They were not made to go in high temperatures and are liable to break. They also do not fit regular canning lids which are critical. Those single-use jars may be suitable for dry storage, but they are NOT suitable for canning. Lids: Use only NEW lids, not previously used. New lids have a rubber inner ring intended to seal during the process. They do not need to be heated to activate the sealing compound before placing on the jar top, but I usually heat them anyway – by placing them either in a pan of water that I bring to a boil, or by dipping them into the boiling hot water bath with a lid holder that I have for that purpose. This is just one further way of ensuring they’re CLEAN.
5. “Head Space” is the air space from the top of the contents of the to the top of the jar; it is important to ensure the jar seals properly. Head space and can vary depending on the food (usually between 1/4 inch to 1 inch but on average – 1/2 inch). During the boiling process, contents of your jars expand, and if the head space is too little for the contents (bigger contents like peaches, pears or tomatoes for example) the contents may expand into headspace and jeopardize the clean seal of the lid. Insufficient head space may even cause the contents to boil over and escape the lid, causing a big mess in your canner and again, jeopardizing the seal. You could leave up to an inch to prevent those contents from expanding into the headspace. It is important to remember that even liquid expands when it boils.
So what about too much headspace? If too much headspace is left, the food on the top may discolour in time. That in itself isn’t a terrible thing, but in the case of too much air, processing time may be inadequate to push out all the oxygen within the jar, again preventing a good vacuum and therefore a proper seal. Having said that, I’ve had times when the syrup in my fruit boiled over (having not left sufficient head space) and yet the jar sealed. I’ve had times that everything seemed perfect and yet the stupid jar didn’t seal. I’ve had time that I left too much head space and the jar sealed and times that I had too much when it didn’t seal. The bottom line is that we’re looking for optimum protection from potential spoilage through aerobic bacteria (an organism that can survive and grow in an ‘oxygenated’ environment) so we want to do our best to follow proper canning procedures. In principle, following the procedures closely will leave us with no oxygen in the jar. We’ll know we accomplished this when the jar seals.
6. It is VERY important is to wipe the jar rim and threads clean before putting on the lid and screw band. Having any fruit or syrup residue along the top will prevent a good seal with the lid. When putting on the ring / screw band – don’t tighten more than finger tight. It’s job is not to seal the jar, it is to keep the lid in place while the jar is processed and during the cooling process when the vacuum is complete. After 24 hours the ring can be removed to reuse on other jars.
7. Using the jar lifter, place each jar on the rack in the boiling water. I always put the jars in at a slight diagonal to prevent a possible air bubble creating in the slight dome on the jar bottom. Make sure that the jars are covered by at least 1 to 2 inches of water. Cover the pot with lid and bring the pot to the boil. Start counting processing time once the water has returning to a boil. I usually turn the heat down a bit to keep it at a steady rolling boil but not a furious boil. Allowing the water to hard boil at high heat the whole time, may cause some water loss. If that happens simply top it up with small amounts of new water making sure you don’t pour directly onto the jars.
8. When processing time is done, turn off the heat and remove the canner lid venting the steam away from yourself. Remove each jar with the jar lifter and place upright on a nice thick clean tea towel to cool. Keep a space between them of 1 to 2 inches. Let jars cool 12-24 hours. Do NOT make the mistake of tightening the rings as soon as you remove your jars from the canner. It’s typical that the rings may loosen a bit during processing – that’s okay. Adjusting them while the jars are hot may disturb the seal and interfere with successful sealing. Overcome that rookie temptation.
9. How do you know a jar has sealed? Another rookie temptation I’ve seen people give into is pushing the centre of the lid when the jar is still hot. Their intention is to “finish the seal”, but that is not what happens. The natural ‘ping’ of the jar sealing on its own is indication that it’s sealed. By interfering you don’t have that indication and you will not know if it has properly sealed. It is important to test each jar to ensure it’s sealed properly before putting it away. Wait until the jars have cooled at least 12 hours and up to 24 hours before you test the seals. You may notice that the level of the contents is lower. Relax. It’s okay and it is what it is.
A vacuum is created during the sealing process, by drawing the oxygen out of the jar – pulling the lid down, forming a shallow depression in the centre of it. So what you’re looking for is a concaved lid. * Gently press the centre of the lid with your finger. If it is properly sealed there will be no give, Great. If the lid springs down and up when you press and release your finger, there is no seal, Shucks! Don’t despair. It happens sometimes, especially in the beginning when you’re learning. Put that jar in the fridge and eat the contents in the next few days.
In general, your canned foods should last all year long, as long as they are stored in a cool, dry place. When you open your jar, you should have considerable resistance and need a spoon or table knife to loosen it. It should POP audibly when the seal is broken. If it opens too easily – like with your hand, the lid is NOT sealed and that’s a sure sign that air has gotten in. Not good. Do not keep it. Dispose of immediately.
What signs am I looking for down the road, that a seal has been jeopardized? *a broken seal (the lid is no longer concave) – this is likely because it wasn’t a good seal to begin with; *a bulging lid (in home canned or commercially canned food) is a sign of spoilage; *a lid (not the outside ring) that is corroded or rusty is a sign of spoilage; *when you open your jars or cans and see mould or bubbles or cloudiness, its a sign of spoilage. In all these cases – dispose of the contents immediately.
10. One sign that your jars have sealed properly is the gentle “popping” or “pinging” sound” you hear as the jars cool. The wonderful sound of jars ‘pinging’ is music to the ears of anyone who home cans. It tells you “Job Well Done!” Now all you have to do is wipe up the mess and wait for the next round. Jars that don’t seal can NOT be stored. Put them in the fridge and use within a few days.
It might sound at this point, that its all problems but in actual fact MOST jars seal, so relax – you’re doing the right thing. Home canning is still a good way to preserve food. Because you canned, you can enjoy the taste of summer fruits (and vegetables if you pressure can) in the middle of winter, and you can also customize recipes to suit your family’s taste preferences and dietary needs.
The biggest concern of any canning is botulism poisoning. Botulism is an illness caused by the botulinum toxin. Back in my grandmothers’ days, botulism was a real thing and something most people knew to be fearful of, but not always how to avoid it. Even today I hear people say things like “My grandmother canned all her vegetables in a hot water canner and they never had a problem.” That makes my blood run chill. I am ashamed to say I was one who blatantly (and I might add – foolishly) disregarded my father’s warning about botulism and canning vegetables without a pressure canner. I didn’t take it seriously in those days and I’m sure I caused some him some unnecessary stress by my flippant attitude. It’s a dangerous game to play. People die from stupid attitudes like that. My father’s sister died of typhoid fever when she was just 15 years old. It was scary and people didn’t always know how to avoid it. I expect that might have had something to do with him being especially vigilant about foodbourne or waterbourne illnesses. I’m glad I smartened up, but I do regret the worry I caused him.
In actual fact, the bacteria that causes botulism occurs naturally in soil and normally doesn’t cause a threat to people. However, they are a very hardy type of bacteria and thrive in LOW-ACID, low-oxygen environments, like those we create when we can foods. When food is canned improperly, the bacteria grows and produces their deadly toxin botulin, making the food unfit for consumption of humans or animals alike. 65% of botulism outbreaks have been traced to home-processed foods.
It is critical that the environment inside the bottled or canned goods be INhospitable to the bacteria by canning only high ACID foods at normal water boiling temperatures of 212 degrees Fahrenheit or 100 degrees Celcius. Low acid foods must be processed at 240 degrees F which can only be accomplished using pressure. For this reason, I habitually add a tablespoon of vinegar to my tomatoes and a tablespoon of lemon juice to all my fruit as an additional acid precaution (in honour of my dad).
I no longer can in the same quantity I used to. For one, I don’t have five growing kids living in my house anymore. I no longer buy fruit for the purpose of canning. I preserve the EXCESS of what I produce myself, and sometimes produce that is given to me – produce that we have more of than we can enjoy FRESH. The “excess” of that produce.
Another reason I don’t can in the same quantity anymore is that there is no such thing as ‘a good price’ for the fruit I used to can so much of. This makes it necessary to be more creative in what and how I preserve, and more ready to take opportunities when they come our way. It makes it more important for me to have a home garden and to make friends with the fruits and vegetables that want to grow in my part of the world. It makes it all the more important for me to find good nutritious food in times of plenty and to learn to preserve the excess of it for times of less.
And yet another reason I don’t can in the same quantity that I used to, is that about 12 years ago I discovered freeze dried food which has an extended shelf life and higher nutritional value. Not everything is suitable to be freeze dried, just as not everything is suitable for canning, drying or freezing. I love that I have the flexibility to take advantage of all preserving options. Click HERE to see other methods of preserving, and the freeze dried food I prefer.
In many ways it was easier back then, when I could count on finding peaches for a good price every July or August. All told, thousands of man-hours were spent in my kitchen by those who would eat later as well as today. I am glad I took those opportunities to learn the skill. I am glad for all that practice. I believe it is an important skill to have.
So go ahead, can the apples that you grow, cherries or plums. Find some recipes for jams that sound good to you, or that friends share with you. I’ll share some of my favourite jam recipes in another post. Find some recipes for sauces and salsa – I’ll share my favourites in another post. One of the fruits I can the most is tomatoes (and yes – tomato is a fruit). I fresh-can them and I roast them in the oven to can for sauces later. I have also begun canning rhubarb – never thought I’d see the day, but we love it in the winter this way.
I hope you’ll tell me about your experiences, including your successes and failures. Failure is just another lesson learned about how not to do it again. I’ve had lots of those – you likely will too.
Our first grandchild was born twenty two years ago yesterday. A grandson. His name is Samuel Raymond Daniel Burgess.
He didn’t stay here very long, only a few days. His destiny was different than many of ours. His was to gain a body and belong to a family. He accomplished both of those and then went back to heaven. I like to think he interacted with our other grandchildren before they left their heavenly home, and that he currently enjoys the company of his several great grandparents and a favourite uncle who live there now too.
We think of him often and wonder what life is like where he lives, but we never wonder IF he lives. We appreciate this week especially. It was a difficult time for his young mom and dad, but at the same time it was a privilege. Some babies are just like that. Spirits too special to stay here.
I have a stone from his grave displayed on a shelf in my living room. Its been there these 22 years. I have his name written on it and his birth date and death date. I called it Samuel’s rock. When his younger sister was little I would ask her from time to time (wanting to remind her about heaven and angels and such) “Olivia, where is Samuel?” She would go and get the rock.
I would say “No, this is a rock. Samuel lives in heaven.”
Then a few days later I would ask her again “Where is Samuel Olivia?” She would go and get the rock, and I would repeat “No, this is a rock. Samuel lives in heaven.”
And so it would go, eventually I hoped to solicit a response like “Samuel lives in heaven.”
One day I asked “Olivia, where is Samuel?”
She responded dismissively “Oh, he’s a rock.” I decided to wait a few months before we revisited the concept.
She and her younger siblings have it down pat by now. They get it. They know exactly where he is, and even all the cousins know about their older cousin who none of them met (at least not here). How grateful I am that families are eternal and that we know Samuel is not lost to us, and we’re not lost to him.
We are family. And that means, that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can live together again as families.
In the meantime, Happy 22th Birthday Sammy. If you were here, I have no doubt you’d laugh a lot with your younger siblings. They’re a hoot. But perhaps you chuckle with them even now, from your current vantage point. And probably roll your eyes a little at their shannanaggins. Like me.
Warmly,
Gramma Suelzle January 2024
PS I so appreciate the beautiful heartfelt words of someone who has gone through something deeply personal and moving. And I appreciate their willingness to share those sentiments so that others can feel the spirit of them – speaking right to, and right ‘from’ their own hearts. With that in mind, included here are the beautiful lyrics to a song written and recorded by Larry Pearson and Marie Pearson. Chosen by Samuel’s parents, and sung at his funeral by friend Leanne Smetaniuk, accompanied by friend Linda Purnell. Thank you Larry and Marie (brother and sister bytheway).
To Let Your Son Go Ever since I held him close and saw that tiny face I believed I understood why I’m in this place. Birth is but a letting go from the arms of God, But every tear of mine I’ve shed – When I had to give him back again.
Maybe someday I will understand, But if he’s not in my arms, then at least I’m sure He’s home within yours.
And within his newborn eyes, I’m sure I saw a light An angel as a living soul, too perfect for this life. I never knew what miracles I’d know because of him; If I knew how it would end – I still would go through everything again. He left Your home, then he left my own. I guess You know what it is really like – To let Your son go.
Please here my prayer, heal me now in my deepest need. Cause it’s enough to help me through To know the one who understands – is You.
He left Your home, Then he let my own. I guess You know what it is really like – To let Your son go.
the CD “One by One” by the Pearsons, produced cc 1998. I am sharing this image in the hopes that perhaps you might be able to find it one day either in the original CD, or Spotify or YouTube or wherever. It was independently done and I’ve looked in vain on line for any version that I could share with you here. Well worth the effort if you can find it.
note from Cindy: Let me introduce my friend Sandi. I’ve known her for about 20 years and in the last few years, as I’ve learned more about WHO she really is, we’ve become quite close. I have tremendous respect for her, to the point that I think she’s a real live super hero (not all superheroes wear capes you know). Sandi came to Edmonton from southern BC, as an 18 year old for a job with ETS (Edmonton Transit System) in their book-keeping department. It was an exciting time despite the homesickness that naturally came being so far away from all that was familiar, and though she didn’t know a soul before arriving, she made a life for herself.
Flash forward these many years later, through lots of ups and downs, including a failed marriage that blessed her with two children, now grown up and much loved grandchildren. She raised her kids on her own, a single mother with no local support system, in the days before daycare subsidies. There were often tough, tough choices to make. Sometimes daycare expenses were as high as rent, and some of those choices were between groceries and childcare, but childcare enabled to her go to work, which paid the rent . . . . so food insecurity became a constant companion.
25 years ago, she started a side business helping other ETS employees with their tax returns, to be able to afford necessities that her current income didn’t allow, and to have some needed financial flexibility. To build herself a ‘community’, she volunteered wherever she saw the opportunity – often bringing her kids.
She wears many hats these days: an administrator (City of Edmonton), a personal tax specialist, a Bookkeeper, a chief trustee (Civic Service Union 52), a board member (ABCU Credit Union), a Thrive Life Consultant, an active church member, an active member of her community league, and a VOLUNTEER many times over. She grows a garden at home, and is actively involved in her local community garden. She helps her neighbours. Okay but that’s not what I want to tell you. That’s just all the preface to this: Sandi is out of debt. Now that in itself may not amaze you, but there was a time when she in her own words, ‘had more credit card debt than she earned in two years’. Yikes. I fear there are many who can relate to that kind of bondage. She went from there to being completely debt free other than her mortgage – which is under control and nearing its last days. For this reason, I think most of us can learn a lot from her.
It should be of no surprise to learn that one of her volunteer positions is the Food Bank facilitator in her local Community Garden. In the growing and harvest seasons of gardening, Sandi is regularly delivering produce to homes she’s come to identify in her community with food insecurity.
In our society more of us are IN unmanageable debt, than are out of debt. Did you know that Canada has one of the highest rates of consumer debt in.the.world!?! Not something to be particularly proud of. In this environment, and with every excuse under the sun to BE in debt, she dug her way out of it. Not only that, but she has a respectable start on her family’s food storage. So I asked her to speak at a local event on FOOD STORAGE that I was hosting. I asked her to address the question “How Can I Afford To Build a Storage?”. I asked her to do that because I hear “I can’t afford it” all the time, and I always think of Sandi. – Cindy
So Sandi, How DO you afford to build a food storage? And what suggestions would you have for those who would like to.
Sandi’s words below:
My answer – just do it!
Let me ask you this Question: what is your biggest fear or reason for not having a Food Storage? These are the worries I most often hear . . . . . * I don’t know where to start * I can’t afford it * I have no space to store * I don’t know how to use the stored items to create real meals * I don’t think my family will eat that food
I’ve been a single mom for most of my parenting years. I have two adult children and five grandchildren. They are my life. As a single mom with limited means, I struggled tremendously with providing healthy, nourishing meals for my children on the limited income I earned when they were little. I wanted better for my family and I searched out ways that I could afford better options. Over 25 years ago, I started my home based business of helping people with their taxes, to allow for the extras that I could not afford otherwise. Over time that transitioned into other earning streams and I utilize all my resources to ensure I have what I need for today, tomorrow and next year with the peace of mind that I have the basics covered.
I continue to learn each and every day and I have a wish list always on the go to ensure I keep that peace of mind and better the lives of myself, my children and my grandchildren. Accounting runs in my blood but unfortunately I do not have an accounting designation. Nevertheless most of what I do for work revolves around finances. So it is interesting to me that though finances used to be my biggest worry, my understanding of them became my biggest ally.
I wear many hats in addition to my main jobs of a mother and grandmother. A year ago, I was invited to teach a class in my community about getting out of debt because – other than my mortgage – I AM OUT OF DEBT. It was thought that because I had reached that important goal myself, I might have something to offer people like me – who at one time couldn’t see how getting out of debt was even possible. Some thought that my story might help people feel they could DO IT too. The truth is – it’s been a tough road but I knew I was the only chance my kids had to have a better life than my own. I was their sole provider, their support system, and their example – for good or bad. Remaining in debt wasn’t going to help me be a better mom, and it certainly wasn’t going to help me with any of those priorities.
Our community thought my story provided me with some credibility, and that along with my practical advice, I might be able to provide hope. I don’t know how much influence or credibility I might have in those areas – but I know one thing. I LIVED THE LIFE. I DID IT. I GOT MYSELF OUT OF DEBT. For all those same reasons, I am here to address the problem many people think they have when it comes to Food Storage. The “I CANNOT AFFORD IT” mindset. That is a DEFEATIST statement and I spent my share of time with that kind of defeatist attitude. It got me NOWHERE. Long ago, I decided that I had to be stronger than that. When one really thinks something is important – when it Really IS important, then it’s amazing what you can do to make it happen. You will do whatever you need to!
I admit, when I first became serious about it, Food Storage was not foreign to me, but when it became important to me, it became a PRIORITY. I knew that I would find a way and I found a way. I’ll share my secrets with you. Hopefully you may find some of them helpful.
FOOD STORAGE Rules I live by:
1. Never, EVER buy food storage with money you do not have!
2. Set a monthly budget and stay within it – if you don’t have one yet START now! Keep your grocery receipts for a one month period and write down an itemized list of what you bought. Were those items on your grocery list?
3. Shop the Sales but only purchase what you use – don’t add in exotic or one-of meal add-ons to start off with.
Consider making a multi-family purchasing group so that you can buy in bulk and each family gets a share of the discounted product. ie: I can’t use a case of store bought soup in my food storage but I would like to have 4-6 cans and can share the rest. This could also be preserving equipment that could be shared between a group (ie meat slicer, vacuum sealing unit, pressure canner, etc).
4. Make your money work for you – I purchase on a credit card that gets paid off each month but I earn air miles on my purchases or scene points that I can redeem for other items my family can use during the year: cash back, points, aeroplan miles, store apps for discounted/coupons, etc. WARNING: This only works if you are IN CONTROL of yourself and DON’T GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATION to overspend.
5. ONLY STORE WHAT YOU EAT. When you do otherwise, it is wasted money that you could have used to buy something more useful. This also includes your grocery store fruits and vegetable purchases – only purchase if you are using it in your meal prep that week. Stats say 47% of food is wasted in Canada. That’s a shocking $47 out of every $100! As a single person I am in a risk category for high food waste, especially when it comes to produce. Because of that, I take precautions to avoid waste. I want to buy food that I never have to throw out. That counts big time in my books.
6. EAT WHAT YOU STORE. You need to be rotating your stock and have confidence that every item is usable to you and your family. Space is at a premium when you are building a 6 month to 1 year food storage – don’t waste that space on something you won’t be using. Make sure your food storage takes many different forms – a single form (ie freezer), may not be that convenient and long lasting if you lost power for a few days. Frozen, canned, freeze dried, cold storage, home preserved – these all have a place in your food storage as they all have varying lengths of storage life and costs.
Slow and Steady wins the race. 7. Be patient, and long sighted. This is a long term goal. You will never reach it if you give up. Dedicating a portion of your budget to Food Storage is moving forward constantly. Use it and rotate it so that it becomes ‘groceries’. When you have extra money – devote it to Food Storage. Those bulk purchases are a GOD-send.
Make it a lifestyle. It is my choice to have a food storage – with all that goes into that choice. With it, comes PEACE OF MIND in a troubling world where nothing is certain. It is worth it to me. In the end, my food storage isn’t quite where I’d like it to be, but I am content with my continued progress.
The average Albertan spends almost $300 per person on monthly groceries. I tend to fall right into that average. In the summer, I garden, which helps with fresh produce; in the winter I purchase more fruits and vegetables so my spending may go up an additional $50 per month. I also buy freeze dried food on a monthly basis, which I use regularly. This keeps my waste to a minimum (wasted food = wasted money).
When I have extra money, I set it aside for the bigger sales (which I’ve learned come every spring and fall). During those bigger sales (for which I budget extra money) I buy more expensive items that get higher discounts at these times. Make no mistake, I eat very well. Nutrition is a priority with me. I have made some big health changes in the last couple of years that I’m very happy about. And I am committed to moving forward with them.
When I started really getting serious about building my food storage, I knew that freeze dried food was where I wanted to focus my energies and resources. I do it gradually, adding to it every month, and so it made sense that I’d want the biggest bang for my buck. I decided if I was going to buy monthly anyway, I might as well get a kickback in the way of commission on my own purchases that I could turn around and reinvest if I wanted to. So I became a consultant. My original intention was not to work the business, just to benefit from available perks, but I found myself dabbling in the business and enjoying the process when I told others about it. You never know where something like this will lead you, and I’ve been around enough to know I enjoy new adventures.
I enjoy sharing my resources as well as my knowledge, but I don’t consider myself an expert at Food Storage. I’m just a mom who wants the best for my kids, doing what I think is the best.
over 100 questions to review with your sweetheart before you go any further
When my parents got married, they hardly knew each other. My dad had been serving in the Navy during the Korean Conflict, and my mom was a young teenager on the Canadian prairies. Her dad had recently died and she’d quit school to earn some cash to help out at home. In 1953 my dad was stationed on Vancouver Island. He took a leave and traveled by bus to southern Alberta to marry my mom. They hadn’t seen each other in nearly three years; she was not quite 18 years old. The night before the wedding they had a terrible fight – raising their voices. SHE hurled out “I don’t want to marry you!” HE surprised her by adding “I don’t want to marry you either.” That sobered them both up and they asked “What are we gonna do?” SHE said “I don’t know. But if we don’t get married, Mom will kill me. She’s been cooking all day.” . . . . . now this is a good moment to pause and reflect. Gramma was a widow with 8 children, struggling to make ends meet. My parents – being kids, decided that under the circumstances, their best option was to get married. Within 48 hours, they had all her worldly possessions packed into two suitcases, and were on a bus headed for the coast. Predictably, their life was not an easy one, they had little common ground. But they struggled their way through it.
Many years later, when I wasn’t much older than my mother had been, Dan and I lived in different cities during our courtship. Consequently we spent many hours on the highway driving from one place to the other. I lived in Cold Lake on the Military base finishing high school, Dan lived in Edmonton – a four hour drive. During those long drives (mostly in the winter and mostly in the dark), radio had poor reception the further north we drove, so we filled the time by talking. We shared opinions, philosophies and perspectives, as well as histories, traditions and dreams. We got to know each other. Touching just about every subject we could think of, we learned things about ourselves and each other, found common ground, made compromises, established boundaries, and agreed to agree on many things. I shared my fledgling testimony of the gospel.
Flashing forward a handful of years, we discovered that the things we understood better because of those long uninterrupted conversations set the groundwork for many little successes in our relationship. We had shared feelings about things that were important to us at the time, and made commitments of mutual respect to honour those feelings. We had sorted out some differences that likely would have been divisive later on.
We made a series of very important commitments to each other that sustained us for the decades that followed. We could not have guessed at how important or long lasting and strengthening those discussions would become. One thing we agreed on in those early years – long before any children came our way, was to never argue in front of our children. We agreed to never raise our voices at each other, never swear at each other, belittle or speak poorly of each other, never undermine the other – and above all, to maintain a “united front” of solidarity and mutual respect in front of our children. We understood that we wouldn’t always see eye to eye, but we agreed to take care of those issues privately until we did.
We had discussed family traditions, those we grew up with, those we observed outside our families, and those we wanted to establish in our future home. There were many things we couldn’t have anticipated, but in retrospect I am surprised at how many we did anticipate or accidentally hit on. I’ve always been glad we had that time – undisturbed by default, devoted to learning about each other as individuals, and US as a future family. It helped. It truly helped. Marriage is difficult enough – the merging of personalities, priorities, different backgrounds, expectations, feelings of right and wrong, and unique understanding of the world we live in. Difficult enough without adding powerful differences like our personal relationships with, and how we felt about God. We talked about that too; my feelings were much stronger. I had seen opposing examples of family life with God and without God, and my decision to establish a house with God had been cemented. Dan didn’t share that conviction but he respected it. It was almost enough.
As our kids grew up and began courting themselves, it became clear to me that they didn’t take the time to discuss the things I felt strongly that they needed to. They didn’t have those undisturbed hours on the highway without music or talk radio. I began to worry that they wouldn’t enjoy the unplanned but much appreciated benefit of those discussions that had served Dan and I so well. I decided to write down some of the questions that came to mind – the ones that stayed with me and that I was most grateful we had gone through. There will always be things one discovers later, things you wish you had talked about, ‘surprises’, but hopefully – with learned communication skills and a greater appreciation of the inner workings – they can be handled better.
The list of questions in this article is intended to be the beginning of ongoing dialogue between couples who are seriously dating and moving toward marriage. Ultimately, its purpose is to increase understanding and mutual respect between both and to prevent bringing unnecessary baggage to the marriage alter. Please go through them together, and in order as they are designed to progress – one section upon the other, from Temporal issues to Spiritual issues. Take your time, don’t rush through them. I suggest dedicating a whole week to each question. I also suggest you add your own questions as they come to mind.
You may discover one or two questions are repeated – this is not an accident. It is intended that the question be considered from a different perspective. Perhaps in your discussions, you might realize you have new insight. Perhaps in your discussions, you may find that your differences are irreconcilable. That will be very sad, but much better before the wedding than after. It happened twice in our family. It was sad to watch our kids’ broken hearts – but far better than marrying with those differences.
Temporal
FINANCES Money, and the use/misuse of it, is unavoidably part of our everyday lives and is one of the biggest causes for contention, arguments, and divorce.
? What is my/your/our – commitment toward TITHING? What is my / your testimony regarding this important commandment? What do I pay tithing based on – the gross or the net? How do I determine that? How strict am I in my obedience? We know that tithing is a principle with a promise. What promise? What blessings do I expect in return for my obedience? Is it wrong to expect a blessing when I am obedient to the principle upon which it is founded?
– Who will handle the day-to-day finances? – What are our long term financial goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to reach those goals? – What are our financial goals for the next year? For the next five years? – What kind of a budget will we set up? What kind of commitment will we have to it? – How will we pay for dentist bills? Eye glasses? Prescriptions? Car repairs? Emergency purchases like a new furnace? New fridge? – How will we make large purchases? – The strong counsel of the church has always been to stay out of unnecessary debt. What would constitute unnecessary debt? What is debt justified for? – How do I personally / you personally / we – feel about debt? What commitment do we have to adhering to the counsel of prophets on this important subject? – What purchases would we consider going into debt for? – Credit cards are a valuable tool in our world. They are also the vehicle for a terrible form of bondage. In what ways is this true? What is my commitment toward the use of credit cards? What am I willing to do without in order to keep that commitment? – How will we fit gifts into our budget? For each other? For others? How will we plan to pay for Christmas? – What is normal in my family / your family – regarding gift giving? What is tradition? What do I / you want to continue? What adjustments are we willing to make in order to be unified in this area? – Regarding gifts, does equal mean ‘the same’ / identical? Do we need to provide the ‘same’ way in order to provide equally? Do we need to spend the ‘same’ in all things in order to be equal? Do our individual needs, need to be ‘the same’ in order to be of equal importance? – Keeping in mind that we come from two entirely different backgrounds, what is important to one family, may not be important (or even meaningful) to the other. If one family has never done something before, and has no expectation of it, how necessary is it to begin doing it, simply to keep things ‘equal’ between our two families? – What examples can we think of that this might apply to? What can we do to avoid this being a contentious issue? What changes or compromises do I/you/we feel are important to make so that we bring the best of both our upbringings to this area, and so that we are both comfortable? – What things, or in what areas do I/you personally consider important enough to spend money that may not be an area others would consider important? What do I/you consider unimportant? What do I/you consider a waste of money? What would I/you really have a problem justifying spending money on? – What do I consider fair in the way of financial accountability to each other, and what do I consider over the top and being too controlling or too controlled? – There is a big difference between the financial struggle that accompanies shared goals, effort, sacrifice and growth, and when that ‘struggle’ morphs into feelings of helplessness and even despair. Although uncomfortable, struggle and growth are healthy and good. But there is no peace in debt. Living beyond our means soon enough causes distress. Financial distress causes despair. – In what ways is despair different than struggle? How will we be able to tell the difference? – What will we do if somehow, we have allowed ourselves to get into a financial situation that causes despair? What measures will we take to rescue ourselves? How will we stay united in this effort? – What commitment do we make to stand on our own two feet as a new family? – At what point do we go to our families and ask for help? How do we avoid or prevent ourselves from asking for help too frequently and expecting someone else to repeatedly rescue us from poor choices we’ve made? – Who will we feel comfortable asking for help? When do we ask for help? And what arrangements do we make to repay that help? – How important is it to share our good fortune with others? What obligation should we feel toward being charitable? What does charity mean to me/you? Is giving without sacrifice really charity? What sacrifices are we willing to make to help another in need?
2. CAREER You don’t have to choose career over marriage or marriage over career. You really should have both – and you can have both. TALK. And figure those details out together as you mutually move toward your goals.
– What are his or her long range career goals? – Where does he or she realistically expect to be in one year? Five years? Ten years? – What effort will be required to achieve these goals? – What sacrifices are we prepared to make to accomplish these goals? – What skill will we have acquired sufficiently and have enough experience in, to fall back on if or when an additional wage is needed? – What are we willing to do to ensure that she or he has an additional marketable skill? – Will she work after children come into the family? – What are our feelings in this area? What are our family backgrounds in this area? What are our personal priorities? How has my/your attitude and commitment been influenced by the experiences and priorities we grew up with? – How important is it to me that our children have a mom home fulltime? How important is it to you? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” – How important is it to us that we are in line with this or any other prophetic counsel? – What adjustments in our attitudes and perspectives do we need to make to be reconciled with this prophetic counsel? – What are we willing to sacrifice to achieve this?
3. HOUSEHOLD CHORES
* No matter how much we’d like to avoid them, they’re part of our life. While it is important to have spousal roles established, it is equally important to be flexible.
For instance: in our marriage, the house has always been Mom’s responsibility although Dad was quick to help whenever it was needed. Providing financially has always been Dad’s responsibility, but Mom has always done whatever possible to help ease the burden, and for awhile became the major breadwinner. Cars and yard work have always been Dad’s domain, while gardening has always been Mom’s, although both have chipped in when needed. Dad does the heavy work, Mom does the ‘fiddley’ work. Dad enjoys barbequing, Mom enjoys indoors cooking. Dad wants meat so he, for the most part cooks it, otherwise we would be eating much less of it. Those were our established ‘roles’, that we ourselves chose and were comfortable with. At times however, necessity demanded that we adjust – sometimes dramatically for a time. It was an ‘adjustment’, sometimes even a painful adjustment, but not a reversal of roles. When the need abated, former rolls fell back into place. – Cindy Suelzle
– What are your priorities in the area of roles and expectations? – The Proclamation on the Family states: “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” – How will the chores be divided up? How will they differ or adjust when ‘she’ quits work to nurture children? Or continues working? – Who will take responsibility for what area? – What are our role definitions? – What are our role expectations? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better wife/mother/nurturer? – What skills do I need to acquire or improve upon to be a better husband/father/provider? – What am I willing to do to learn better skills, and what am I prepared to do to help YOU learn and grow in your responsibilities?
4. FOOD, NUTRITION and HEALTH
There’s a connection. Undeniably.
– What do we consider important here? – What foods are “comfort foods” to me? or my personal or traditional favorites? Do I have an opinion on the ‘type’ of foods we eat as a family? – Am I willing to have new food experiences? – What foods do I have a strong dislike to? How will we compromise here? – Review Section 89 of the D&C. – How do we interpret this section? What are our insights? To what extent are we willing to follow the noncompulsory parts of its direction? – What kind of responsibility do I feel toward proper nutrition? – What are my standards on the “quality” of the food we buy or grow?
– How will we deal with minor illnesses in our family? – What kinds of medication do I consider appropriate? – How will we deal with major illnesses?
“When we were newly married, we decided on some basic things which we thought were important to acquire for our independence and self reliance. ie: a few flashlights, coal oil lanterns with extra wicks and sufficient oil for many days use, wheat grinder, food dehydrator, canner, sufficient jars for home canning, juicer, battery operated radio etc. Money was always an issue. We used birthdays and Christmases and any other opportunity to acquire them for each other or to put on our wish lists if anyone else was interested. ” – Cindy
– What are our priorities in the area of Family Preparedness and Emergency Preparedness? – What is the difference? – What are our goals? What are we prepared to do to meet these goals? – Read David A. Bednar’s talk WE WILL PROVE THEM HEREWITH
There is strong counsel to STORE WHAT YOU EAT, AND EAT WHAT YOU STORE. To store food you don’t normally eat, doesn’t make any sense at all. But to not eat what you’ve got stored so that it is constantly be rotated, also doesn’t make sense, and leads to waste.
– What are our individual opinions on the counsel to store food? – How do we feel about that counsel and what is my/your/our commitment to it? – How does that counsel fit into what we see going on in the world around us? – How much of our family budget are we prepared to spend building up and then maintaining our year’s supply of food and other necessities? – How will we obey the prophet’s counsel to plant a garden in whatever living situation we find ourselves? Remember that we receive no commandment without the Lord providing a way for us to accomplish that thing. (1N3:7)
6. ENTERTAINMENT and GIFTS
“When there is a good movie in town, consider going to the theater as a family. Your very patronage will give encouragement to those who wish to produce this type of entertainment, and use that most remarkable of all tools of communication, television, to enrich their lives. There is so much that is good, but it requires selectivity. Let those who are responsible for any efforts to put suitable family entertainment on television know of your appreciation for that which is good and also of your displeasure with that which is bad. In large measure, we get what we ask for.” “…if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (A/F 13) – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How will we honour ‘date night’? – Do we like to host? What is important to me/you in hosting? – What is my favorite type of entertainment? – What type of entertainment would I consider as a regular form of entertainment? – On a monthly basis? – On a once in awhile basis? – On a seasonal/yearly/anniversary celebration basis? – How much money would I consider fair and reasonable to budget/spend on these forms of entertainment?
– Some couples do not give gifts to each other. Some consider it very important. How do I feel about it? – How do YOU feel about it? If our opinions differ, what will we do here? – What do I expect in the way of a birthday gift? Christmas gift? Anniversary gift? – What would disappoint me and hurt my feelings concerning a gift from you? – What would I absolutely love to receive from you? – What type of gift would always be a hit with me?
7. PERSONAL STANDARDS
Personal standards are hugely important, and their variance affects every facet of our lives. We are ruled by our own personal standards. So what are mine? And am I consistent with them? Do they transition smoothly to all areas?
“The flood of pornographic filth, the inordinate emphasis on sex and violence are not peculiar to North America. The situation is as bad in Europe and in many other areas. The whole dismal picture indicates a weakening rot seeping into the very fiber of society. Legal restraints against deviant moral behavior are eroding under legislative enactments and court opinions. This is done in the name of freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of choice in so-called personal matters. But the bitter fruit of these so-called freedoms has been enslavement to debauching habits and behavior that leads only to destruction. A prophet, speaking long ago, aptly described the process when he said, “And thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell” (2 Nephi 28:21). ……. I am satisfied that there is no need to stand still and let the filth and violence overwhelm us or to run in despair. The tide, high and menacing as it is, can be turned back if enough … will add their strength to the strength of the few who are now effectively working. I believe the challenge to oppose this evil is one from which members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as citizens, cannot shrink. …. Respect for self is the beginning of virtue in men. That man who knows that he is a child of God, created in the image of a divine Father and gifted with a potential for the exercise of great and godlike virtues, will discipline himself against the sordid, lascivious elements to which all are exposed.” – Gordon B. Hinkley
– How do I feel about protecting my home, my family and myself from the plague of Pornography? – What steps am I prepared to take against it? – What about Inappropriate music? And other forms of entertainment which chase away the spirit of God? – How do I feel about the prophet’s admonition to not watch R–rated movies, or anything like unto them? – How important is it to me to have the spirit of the Lord in my home at all times? What am I prepared to do to make sure it is always there? – Do I sup from the scriptures daily? And do I consider it important to study daily as a couple and family? – How will we do this? What commitment will we make to each other to continue? – If circumstances interfere from time to time, what will we do to get back-on-the-wagon? – How important is it to me to align myself with the counsel of the leaders of the church? Of what value is this in my life? – How important is it to me to have a clean house? What does this even look like to me? What am I prepared to do to accomplish this? – Do we have similar standards on personal hygiene/grooming? Are we compatible in this area? – How important is it to me to keep a close relationship with my immediate family? – What am I prepared to do to learn to appreciate and come to love YOUR family? – If one of my siblings needs help, what obligation will I feel toward them? Will I feel the same obligation to one of your siblings?
Etiquette is a societal thing; it changes from one society to another, but wherever you live, it is very important. It is a set of ‘norms’ of personal behaviour in polite society. They show respect to others. Eating at someone else’s table where you don’t understand proper etiquette can be offensive, disrespectful, intimidating and embarrassing. Learning regional and cultural variances is easy to adjust to when you have a good foundational knowledge of some basics. Understanding and being comfortable with good table manners will always put an individual in the advantage. – Cindy Suelzle
– How important are table manners and table etiquette including setting a proper table to me? How will they help us be comfortable in social situations and help our kids to be comfortable eating with others as they grow older? – What about good manners in general?
Speaking about personal respect for each other . . . .
– How will we show respect to and for each other? – How will we honor each other? – How should we treat each other in public? What things should we agree to NOT discuss with other people? – What guidelines could we agree on to ensure that we do not say things around other people that may hurt our sweetheart’s feelings? – How will we know when we have offended our sweetheart’s feelings? And what will we do about it? – What do I consider RUDE? What do I consider inconsiderate or thoughtless? – How do we fix things between us? – What do I need to feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss with you, things that are important to me? …things that are sensitive to me? …. things that are hurtful to me? – What can I do to help YOU feel ‘safe’ enough to discuss those things openly with me? – We have been admonished to study “out of the best books”. What do we consider Best Books? – How important is a “gospel library” to me? – How important is it to me to have a good “classic library”? – What kind of plan should we implement to accomplish our goal?
“You know that your children will read. They will read books, and they will read magazines and newspapers. Cultivate within them a taste for the best. While they are very young, read to them the great stories which have become immortal because of the virtues they teach. Expose them to good books. Let there be a corner somewhere in your house, be it ever so small, where they will see at least a few books of the kind upon which great minds have been nourished. … Let there be good magazines about the house, those which are produced by the Church and by others, which will stimulate their thoughts to ennobling concepts. Let them read a good family newspaper that they may know what is going on in the world without being exposed to the debasing advertising and writing so widely found.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is music to me? – What do I consider worthy/appropriate music? How do I feel about a music library?
“Let there be music in the home. If you have teenagers who have their own recordings, you may be prone to describe the sound as something other than music. Let them hear something better occasionally. Expose them to it. It will speak for itself. More appreciation will come than you may think. It may not be spoken, but it will be felt, and its influence will become increasingly manifest as the years pass.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– How important is it to me to develop a musical talent of mine? What kind of support will I expect?
7. TRADITIONS
– How did my family celebrate Christmas? What was my favourite part? – What was our traditional meal? – When did we open gifts? What kinds of things did we get in our stockings? – How do I feel about continuing my family’s Christmas traditions into our own family? – How do I think we should keep Christ in our Christmas celebrations? – What are the best parts of the ways we each celebrated Christmas in the families we grew up with? – What could we do differently in our home that we will both be happy with? – What traditions will I bring with me? You with you? Do we agree on the value of these traditions? – How did my family celebrate Easter? What was my favourite part? What part do I want to continue in my own family? – How do I feel about Halloween? – Thanksgiving? – Summer vacation? – What is my favorite holiday? And why? How can I share my enthusiasm for this special day with you? – What style of furniture do I like? What can I be happy with? What compromises am I willing to make?
Spiritual
8. TEMPLE ATTENDANCE
With temples being so close to the bulk of the membership, many couples set a goal for regular attendance. – What is my feeling about the promise of eternal families that temples represent? – What goal will we set for ourselves relative to attending the temple? – And of continual temple worthiness?
9. PERSONAL or PRIVATE SPIRITUAL COMMITMENT
– What commitment will we make specifically about scripture study, individual/couple/family prayer, journal writing and family record keeping? – How will we choose to preserve family memories? (i.e. photos, slides, videos, albums, scrapbooks etc) – What Christ-like attribute most impressed me about you? drew me to you? and made me want you for my companion? – What is the thing I admire/respect most about you that I would like to emulate in my life? – How important to me are the laws, ordinances and principles of the gospel? – How important is it to me to be align myself to them? How important do I think it should be? Is there even any value in obedience? – What efforts am I willing to make in my personal desire to have a relationship with my Saviour? – What is my feeling about regular church attendance? – What is my feeling toward church service? – The counsel of the brethren is to dress as if we are wearing temple garments, even if we are not. – How do I feel about modesty in dress and speech? – What commitment do I feel to dress so that I reflect church standards at all times?
Testimonies are living breathing things in need of constant nourishment. They can become weak and even sickly if they’re not taken care of. What will I do if you lose your testimony? What will you do if I lose mine?
10. CHURCH RESPONSIBILITIES
– What is my commitment level to callings and responsibilities within the Church? – How willing am I to serve selflessly and faithfully in the Church? – What will I do to encourage my partner in his/her ministering stewardships? – What will I do to support and sustain my partner in his/her individual callings?
11. TITHES and OFFERINGS
– What do I regard as an honest and full tithing? – Do we agree on what we consider Increase? – How do I feel about fast and other offerings? – What do I consider a generous fast offering? – Do we agree on this? – What about other donations such as the Perpetual Education fund or the Missionary fund? Do I believe that blessings will come into our lives as a result of our obeying the law of tithing and of contributing to other funds organized by the Church for the benefit of the charity the Church provides? – Do I have an understanding of the principle of ‘offerings’?
12. SABBATH OBSERVANCE – What do I consider proper Sabbath observance? – What are some of the things we should DO on Sunday? – What are some of the things I feel that we should NOT do in order to keep the Sabbath day separate and holy? – What are our expectations of each other in this area? – What would disappoint me regarding our/your Sabbath observance?
13. FAMILY HOME EVENING
“A better tomorrow begins with the training of a better generation. This places upon parents the responsibility to do a more effective work in the rearing of children. The home is the cradle of virtue, the place where character is formed and habits are established. Family home evening is the opportunity to teach the ways of the Lord.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
– What will we do to ensure that we observe the counsel to keep Monday evenings for family when we are still just a couple? What will we do to use this opportunity to strengthen our family in the gospel? – How will we keep it a priority? – What commitments are we prepared to make now that would directly impact our future children regarding Family Home Evening (FHE)?
ROMANCE
14. FRIENDSHIP
What things are important to me in our continued relationship as FRIENDS? What are my expectations from a best friend? What am I prepared to do to BE your best friend? What do I consider healthy as far as other best friends in my/your life? What freedom will I be willing to give my spouse in their pursuit of relationships with other friends?
15. DATE NIGHT
– How committed are we to obeying the council to have regular date night? What value do we see in this practice? – What good examples can I think of concerning regular date night observance? – What are we prepared to do on a daily basis to keep the romance in our marriage alive? – How will we observe special days such as our Anniversary? Each other’s birthdays? Valentine’s Day? Etc. (i.e. some couples celebrate their anniversary date by attending the temple to do sealings. In this way it is a continual reminder of the covenants they made and the promises they could depend on.)
If I intend to be happily married to you in 40+ years, what am I prepared to give until then to ensure it? – How will we talk about each other in front of other people? (even if we are upset with the other) – How will we talk toeach other in front of other people? – What precautions will we take to ensure we never undermine, belittle, ridicule, embarrass or insult our sweetheart? (in private or in front of others) – What if we do offend the other not intending to? – What if they get their feelings hurt over something we considered innocent or even funny? – How will we refer to each other? What terms of endearment am I comfortable with? – What will we do when we fall out of love? (WE WILL bytheway) – How will we stay married, and healthy and committed to each other if one day we think that we’ve grown apart? How will we help each other through it? – How will we communicate to each other that we are in distress, and that something is very wrong in our relationship? – What are we prepared to do to overcome major difficulties in our relationship? – What do we expect from each other in the area of commitment and communication? to our marriage – to our children – to our own family – to Family Home Evening – to Date Night – to our extended families – to our ward – to the Church – to God – and to our community?
16. INTIMACY and PREGNANCY
– How do I/you feel about purity before marriage? – Can we be honest with our personal history concerning that? – Can we deal with it? How will we deal with it? – Do we see the need for using a form of birth control? If so, what form will we use? – What will we do to make sure we are educated and properly informed about current methods of birth control? – How important is a feeling of ‘trust’ and safety to me in regards to intimacy? -How important do I think it is that we both feel comfortable about being open and honest in our discussions about intimacy? – What will we do to be sure we are educated and properly informed about pregnancy and child birth? – What will we do to ensure optimum health for Mom and baby? How involved do we want Dad to be in the birthing? – What if the unthinkable happens? ….. miscarriage? What if . . . our baby dies? How will we help each other through this hard thing? – What if another unthinkable happens? . . . . . infidelity? What will we do? – Can we see ourselves able to forgive? – What are our ‘non-negotiables’ in this area?
17. PARENTING
– How many children do we want? – Will Mom stay home to raise them? – What is my idea of discipline? – What are some things that I consider very important in child rearing? – What should we as parents do to ensure that we teach by example such things as respect for womanhood? Manhood? Etiquette? Table manners? Good housekeeping? Personal cleanliness? Personal responsibility? The law? – What are things I consider essential to teach children? -Where will we turn to learn parenting skills? – How will we teach our children that the Church is true? That we love, respect and obey the prophet? And that Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of our life? – How will I show my children that the scriptures are important to me? And that they can come to know Jesus Christ through their own personal study of them? – What efforts will we make to encourage our children to stay active in the Church? And to adhere to the counsel it provides? – How will I show them the importance of education and help them to develop a love of reading? – What are some absolute taboos concerning children in my opinion? – What do I feel very strongly about – concerning behaviors we will encourage, those we allow and behaviors we will absolutely forbid? Do we agree? What should we do to ensure compliance with these behaviors? – What if we have an unhealthy child? Perhaps a down syndrome child, or one who has a serious illness or disability? How do we plan to be the best parents possible no matter what that looks like? – What did our parents do right in the parenting department, that we’d like to emulate? – What improvements can we make over our parents’ best attempts, to continue to become the best parents our children deserve?
18. OTHER THINGS of IMPORTANCE TO CONSIDER
– What are my priorities in the area of TIME? – What do I consider a big waste of time? – a moderate waste of time? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my flexibility of my partner doing something I consider to be a waste of time, money and energy? Or something I abhor? – What are my priorities in the area of money? – It is likely that we may look at money differently. One might resent frugality. One might resent spending freely with no regard for budget. What do I consider a big waste of money? – a moderate waste of money? – Where would I absolutely draw the line in my tolerance of my partner spending money in what I consider to be a waste of money? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day with you? – How would I like to spend the hours of an entire free day without you?. .
These questions have been edited continually since I first drafted them for Sarah – many years ago.
You need not ‘report’ on any discussion, but I think it would be helpful to be accountable to someone that you have indeed been through each one. For my kids, I tried to give them one sheet at a time, and when they told me they were ready for another, I gave it to them.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to communicate, now and throughout your marriage. Take them seriously. I once asked a friend who used these “Did you not go through those questions?” She affirmed that they did. “Well how did this one get missed then? It’s pretty straight forward.” “I didn’t think it was that important. I didn’t think he was that serious about it.”
That’s not fair. Not being straight up and owning your words, not doing what you committed to do – not fair. If there are serious ‘issues’ with any of these questions, have those issues today, BEFORE you are married. If they cannot be resolved, it is best to learn that before you go to the alter.
. Ironic eh? 
I decided to wait a few months before we revisited the concept. 
They get it. They know exactly where he is, and even all the cousins know about their older cousin who none of them met (at least not here). How grateful I am that families are eternal and that we know Samuel is not lost to us, and we’re not lost to him.
