Sometimes a kid’s just gotta to run away from home. And sometimes their parents wish there was a safe place they could run to.
If only they all could just ‘run away’ down the street to their Aunt Cindy’s house where they knew they’d be welcome and where an old Gramma Great lives who would sit with them. …. If only…
One memorable day, my great-nephew Elias had simply had enough — exasperated with life in general, but especially with his current ‘family’. Fed up, he declared that he was going to find a new family. His mom later told me that his older brother even helped him pack his bag—apparently, the feelings were mutual.
With determination, Elias marched down the street and into a familiar crescent. As it happened, I was at the community garden for a couple of hours, but Gramma Great was home. Though she doesn’t always catch every word he says, she understood enough to get the gist. She made him a snack (some crackers with peanut butter), and they sat and visited for awhile, but she was quite concerned – worried that his parents were looking for him. He on the other hand, had no such concern LOL.
There was a time Gramma Great would read stories to them. At the time of this particular visit, she is not able to see well enough anymore to read stories, and sometimes she can’t remember well enough to tell them either, but . . . sometimes she can. This is one of those times.
When I returned, I texted his mom to get the full story. Turns out, they knew exactly where he was, and had even seen him walk in the front door. Elias had made up his mind to have a sleepover, and—fortunately for everyone—that worked out just fine. He spent the evening with some old folks who love him, got tucked into a warm bed, and woke up with a much sunnier view of the world.
On this day 7 year old Elias had come over unannounced. 88 year old Gramma Great worried his parents were looking for him because the explanation she got out of him was pretty disjointed. But crackers and peanut butter and the Three Billy Goats Gruff can make everything better.
The next morning, his dad came to pick him up, and Elias went home cheerful and content—offenses on both sides forgiven, and balance restored.
One of the things I appreciated most about my mother in law Miriam Thomas, was that my kids (especially my troubled teens) always knew they were loved by her unconditionally. The fact that she lived within walking distance, made it possible for them to swing by on their way home from time to time – to get their bucket filled. She was pretty good at filling buckets.
I was always grateful they had someone nearby who didn’t have to lay down the law or enforce any rules. They could just go there and be loved, a safe place to take a breather and maybe even have some hot chocolate. A place where no questions were asked, and their presence was always welcome.
If only all kids had a safe place to go … and if only all parents knew they did.
an interesting memory popped up in my facebook profile today . . . and it caused me to reflect on how things could have been
June 12, 2010 early in the morning, I was suddenly awakened by a crashing sound outside in our backyard, and then silence. I looked out the window and couldn’t see anything until it occurred to me that I should be seeing a fence where I wasn’t. I watched the car who had backed into a panel of our fence and knocked it down, pull forward, and pull into the garage. The door shut.
With some incredulousness I told Dan “Someone just knocked our fence down.” He joined me at the window. I said “It was our neighbour. She just pulled into the garage.” We went outside and took a closer look. It was a Friday. We had a dog, so going the day without a fence wasn’t gonna work. Dan took the day off, went to Home Depot and spent the morning fixing it. He said it really wasn’t that bad.
Before I left for the store, I posted the following in facebook ….
“our neighbour across the alley just backed into our fence, knocked out several boards and knocked down the huge stack of firewood we had lined up against it onto several perineal plants in their path, and then quietly drove back into their garage and shut the door (while I watched from the window). … ”
Several people responded to my post; my daughter’s response (she knows her mom) was:
“firewood . . . fence . . . whatever. Plants! Boy are they in trouble!”
Some time in the morning, after I had left for work, Dan went over to talk to the neighbour. His wife was just driving away as he got there. The neighbour apologized. His wife had had some distress and was on her way to a doctor’s appointment. I do not remember what the story was, not even sure we heard it, but I know there was one. And clearly it was an accident; the kind of accident that your newly driving teenager might have. As the parent of that newly driving teenager, there would be a list of things one might do, including having the kid own it, and share some responsibility for paying for and repairing the damage.
That evening, after I was home from work, our lady neighbour came over to apologize. Dan had been able to stay home during the day to fix the fence. We introduced ourselves, had a good visit, no hard feelings. She offered to pay for the material, but Dan declined – saying it hadn’t been that expensive of a fix. Thank goodness the hit was between posts so they weren’t jeopardized. She promised him a jar of pickled beets for his trouble.
Good way to meet your neighbours and to make a few new friends. Even if you don’t like pickled beets – which Dan doesn’t LOL.
I recall being contemplative for many months when I looked back and considered the events of that day. Who knows what goes on in someone’s mind? What the backstory of any particular event might be? What they were dealing with? It wasn’t a tragedy. No one got hurt. There was no point in losing our minds over it. And within 24 hours, it was as if it hadn’t happened – except that we had a jar of pickled beets in the fridge. But today as that memory showed up on facebook, I reflected on it again. We have been here in this house for 26 years and have never really had too many interchanges with those neighbours across the alley. I cannot even tell you what they look like, not sure we’d recognize one another at the grocery store. Though I have spent more than a few hours working in the alley behind our fence over the years, we’ve seldom run into each other.
What a tragedy it could have been if we had had a bad interchange that day. If we had allowed such a minor incident to be the excuse to not behave kindly, it could have initiated bad feelings between us for years – which is sad to contemplate. To be fair, we were busy and preoccupied raising our five kids during those years, managing our bookstore and Dan’s business, serving in church, and involved with our respective families and aging parents. We didn’t have a whole lotta time to reach out to neighbours we rarely saw anyway. But what if our only interaction with them had been unpleasant? What if it had involved harsh words of judgement and anger? Those things are difficult to come back from.
What if she couldn’t muster up the courage to come over and apologize? Would that have made a difference? Sometimes people justify not being able to let things go because they didn’t receive an appropriate apology – effectively shifting control of their own life choices to someone else. Would we have had a harder time letting it go? What if the damage had been greater? More expensive? What if Dan wasn’t able to fix it and we had to hire someone? What if? What if?
Hard to say what would have transpired if some of those ‘what ifs’ had taken place instead of what actually did. But I truly believe – from our part, it wouldn’t have amounted to a hill of beans. It may have taken a little more time to repair, perhaps even a little more money, but it too would have faded into the past.
But what IF when Dan went over that morning, he had been angry? What if he had been confrontational? What if our neighbour had felt challenged by his actions or words? What if he had responded poorly? Could anyone blame our lady neighbour then, if she couldn’t bring herself to knock on our door later that day? And then what? Would we have resented her lack of follow up? How differently our actions that day could have made the outcome. What if we had insisted they pay for it? Insisted that they fix it? I’m sure they would have – it would have been the right thing for them to do – BUT . . . .
But we would have missed the opportunity to have had good feelings between us. . . . . we would have allowed a little incident to become bigger than it deserved to be. . . . . we would have disliked them and given them reason to dislike us. All these years later when we didn’t have reason or opportunity to interact, we could have blamed on that day.
I do regret not having or taking the time to be a better neighbour to them. We went to a garage sale there a couple years ago, where Dan bought the wagon he fixed up for me, and that I use all summer long to walk to and from the community garden with my plants and tools. We learned that her husband had passed away during Covid. A missed opportunity to bring over a meal and some flowers, and expressed caring – had we known.
I’ve had times in my life when I’ve been harsh, when I’ve said things I felt justified in, but that I later regretted. Those times are heavy to me. They undoubtedly affected someone else’s day, and have influenced their feelings toward me and perhaps even about themselves. Some of them I can perhaps still alter, but most are lost opportunities.
I feel impressed today to pay more attention to interactions I have with others – no matter how brief. To make sure that when I come to those forks, I take the kinder, gentler road; that I don’t leave this earth with any more regrets than I currently carry. If I may, I suggest we all pay more attention to our interactions with others. In the end, the person they will benefit the most will likely be ourselves.
Its time to change my story – before it’s too late. We all can be better neighbours. We can make better stories than a fence, a wood pile and a jar of pickled beets.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments, and maybe even your experiences and suggestions.
We have my 88 year old mom living with us. She’s been here several years and we love having her. It’s not without adjustments of course, on both sides, but over all its been a good fit. For the most part she’s quite healthy and active for her age. Occasionally we’ve have some medical problems we needed help with. A few times in the last few years, she’s been in the hospital for issues that are not so minor when you’re 88. She has the beginnings of dementia, and though she can function in her normal day-to-day, when she’s sick of course, or when other things throw her equilibrium out, she becomes even more easily confused.
Gramma Great playing a game of Racko with great grandson Deacon
sourdough muffins with freeze dried blueberries
During one of her hospital visits, when she was there for a week or so, she was very confused and I didn’t want her to be alone. I sat with her every day and into the evening until she fell asleep, and was back every morning before she woke up. She’s hard of hearing and its difficult for her to understand what is going on, even though she’ll look right at the doctor when he’s talking, smile and nod as if she understood everything he tells her. It’s confusing for everyone else when she does that, because all her signals are that she heard you. You actually have to stop, and ask her “Did you understand what I said?” No one ever does that of course. She’ll easily give the wrong message simply because she didn’t understand the question. In an environment like a hospital, its easy to get confused—and that can be scary. This is very time consuming for me, so ‘things’ I would normally do get set aside for awhile.
freshly baked loaf of sourdough bread
There certainly wasn’t time for things like grocery shopping, but people still need to eat right? Dan was still packing a lunch to work, and I was still preparing meals for those who lived here and those who came by to visit Mom. Let’s face it—eating is something we all do. Every Single Day, whether it’s convenient or not. And if we’re not making our own meals, we’re buying them – because going without is not really an option.
Sour dough crepes made with freeze dried eggs. Served with freeze dried peaches and black berries
Several times I wondered about going to the grocery store, but honestly, I never really had a need to. I had everything I needed right here in my pantry, including freeze-dried fruits, veggies, dairy, and meat that were all healthy and nutritious – “fresher-than-fresh”. And meal prep gave me a distraction while still being present. Nevertheless, I found myself being quite amazed that I didn’t feel any compulsion to go to the grocery store, but there simply wasn’t anything we needed.
Why amazed? Because a few weeks before all this happened, Mom had gone to stay with my sister for a bit while Dan and I went on a pre-planned vacation. The week before we left, I cleared out the fridge—used up or gave away every last perishable item in there. When we got home, I considered grocery shopping . . . but I didn’t need anything, so – I didn’t. And now it had been several weeks of not going to the store. No fresh milk, no fresh eggs, no sour cream or ‘fresh’ produce in the fridge. No bread.
Mujadara with freeze dried onions, served with freeze dried green beans. and homemade tzatziki with freeze dried cucumbers.
Shortly after picking Mom up from my sisters is when she went into the hospital, and we started that unexpected routine. By the time I decided to go to the grocery store and pick up some fresh asparagus and a few other traditional things for Easter dinner, it had been 10 WEEKS since I had been shopping. I picked up some of the niceties – perishable vegetables, fruit, and a few dairy items. That was all I felt I needed.
So—what’s my point?
Sometimes life just happens. It doesn’t have to be some big emergency or crisis. Sometimes it can be as simple as you’re just busy, or your priorities temporarily shift, and the “everyday” stuff—like grocery shopping—just doesn’t fit in.
Fajitas with freeze dried peppers, served with rice n beans with ground beef and cheddar.
But what if you didn’t have to worry about that detail?
What if your pantry was stocked with whole, simple, healthy, shelf-stable food you could count on when life gets hectic? No stress. No scramble. Just open the cupboard and make a meal. What if much of those food items were freeze dried? so you had confidence in the high quality and level of nutrition? What if that included FRUIT, MILK, EGGS, VEGETABLES and yes, even MEAT? What if it included things like SOUR CREAM and BUTTER? What if it included things like CHEESE and Complete MEALS? What if you didn’t have to wash, peel or chop any of that because it was already done? What if you didn’t have to brown the meat because it was already cooked.
Italian wedding soup made with freeze dried sausage crumbles, onions and spinach.
Whether you’re thrown a curveball and you spend several days in the hospital; or you find yourself caring for a loved one for long hours in each day; or perhaps you’re the one who’s sick and you are not well enough to tend to the normal errands like grocery shopping, or (heaven forbid), you find yourself stuck in the house isolating because of something unforeseen like say, . . . a pandemic; or the truckers go on strike and too many shelves at the grocery store are empty, or perhaps you find yourself without power for a few days; or you experience unemployment; or some unexpected expenses cut into your budget and you simply have nothing left at the end of the month; or any number of different scenarios – what if you didn’t have to worry about the detail of food?
Samosa pancakes made with freeze dried onions, peas, green beans, peppers, and potatoes; served with fresh applesauce.
Let’s face it—eating is something we all do. Every Single Day, whether it’s convenient or not. And if we’re not making our own meals, we’re buying them – because going without is not really an option.
What made the difference in my situation? Having a well stocked pantry was certainly one of the things that took the stress over meals out of the equation. But that on its own, is not enough. I adhere to the rule of “STORE WHAT YOU EAT, and EAT WHAT YOU STORE”. Simply put, this means I am familiar with what’s in my pantry, and I am comfortable preparing it. I know how to use it.
freeze dried shredded beef served with homemade stuffing, freeze dried mashed potatoes, freeze dried corn, fresh carrots and freeze dried green beans
Decades ago, when Dan and I were just starting our life together, and our kids were little, money was tight, with the only flexibility in our budget being ‘groceries’. If something had to give, it was always gonna be in the grocery department, as that was the only place there was flexibility. Perhaps you can relate. I considered possible scenarios and I worried how they might affect my children. I wanted to shield them from the hard things in life. I wanted them to be comfortable, and to have confidence that our family was doing okay. No matter what.
I didn’t want the worry of debt to hover over our heads. Life is full of worries as it is, I didn’t want preventable ones to crowd in. The solution to all of these things was ‘preparedness’. Dan and I saw eye to eye on this. Being prepared meant many things, but one of the simplest things was to STORE WHAT WE EAT, and to EAT WHAT WE STORE. I cannot begin to tell you of the peace of mind that comes from planning ahead and managing those PREVENTABLE worries.
That philosophy has made our life much more comfortable in every single way. Life is hard enough. It doesn’t make any sense to make it harder because of lack of planning.
yogurt bowl with freeze dried berries and freeze dried spinach. Don’t knock it till you try it. DElicoius and super nutritious. Complete protein, fresher-than-fresh produce.
In the situation that prompted me to reflect and write this post – before having my elderly mom live with us, I hadn’t had the experience of being at someone’s bedside day after day after day. There had been prior reasons that prevented regular grocery shopping, but this was a new one. I cannot express the comfort of not having to worry about it. The weightless peace of mind that attended us as we navigated those weeks. And yet, the comfort of outward things continuing on as ‘normal’.
Tabouli with freeze dried tomatoes, onions, peppers and cucumbers
Several years ago (2009 to be exact) I discovered a new line of freeze dried foods that became a game changer in the way I lived my life of preparedness. Yes, we had tried freeze dried food before, but we didn’t much like them. This was different. Yes, we had tried some of the longer shelf life food before, but they were horrible. Yes, food storage was important to us, but variety was an issue, and vegetable were pretty much non existent.
I was introduced to THRIVE LIFE freeze dried foods, and they became the game changer. Soon after, I decided I wanted to be the one to introduce others to the solutions I found here. I did that. And I’ve been doing it ever since.
Because life just happens, . . . . . but we still need to eat. Even if its inconvenient. You could say “Peace of mind” is my big WHY.
If you’d like to learn more about it – go ahead and check out my link.
