Michael McLean said something to me years ago that has reframed my life.
It has helped me hundreds of times, when I needed to come out of my personal comfort zone and do what needed to be done. He said simply this: “Its never about YOU.” Then he added the following, summarized in my own words, and edited over more than a decade of implementation, but the essential concept in this post came from Michael McLean.
His counsel: Every time you walk into a room (or situation) you have a decision to make. As you stand briefly in that threshold, before you actually walk through the door, you should ask yourself one question. That question is “Who is the most important person in this room?” If the answer to that question is “ME!” then you are completely justified in all kinds of self centred thoughts like “I am uncomfortable here …. This is awkward for me … No one ever sits beside me … Why bother? … This is soooo out of my comfort zone …. I’d really rather not be here …. ” etc etc – because after all, you ARE the most important person in that room. However, (and this is the clincher), IF the answer to your question today is . . . . . “that woman over there!” or “Laura!” or …. then suddenly, as soon as you’ve made that decision, your thoughts become all about her. “I should go sit beside her – I should tell her how I LOVE her new hair – I should tell her how much I enjoyed her son’s talk last week – I should tell her how much I appreciated that comment she made the other day, and how much it helped me” etc etc. Notice how all your previously self centred thoughts and feelings, turned 180 degrees to focus on someone else. I really think we all want to BE nice. We all want to BE the kind of person who makes other people feel good about themselves. What that boils down to, is that we want to BE more Christlike. More like Christ. Well, if that is genuinely true, then think for a moment. WHEN was it about Him? When did He put himself first and say “nobody likes me”, “They’re not gonna like what I have to say” “I am so stinkin’ sick and tired” … Even when He hung on the cross, it still wasn’t about Him! “Father forgive them.” and “Woman, behold thy son” (John 19). When? When there are other people involved, when should it be all-about-me?
The fact is – sometimes it IS about me. Sometimes I really have to say “this time – I just cannot do that“. And those times are okay. But they should be rare exceptions, not the rule. Most of the time, no matter how you’re feeling, w
hen you’re in a place where you see someone who might need a kind word or wave, or even more – simply ask yourself – “WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THIS ROOM?” I cannot tell you how much that has helped me be a better person and get over myself for the moment. Thank-you Michael.
The only time it backfires is when you raise your children with this philosophy, and then one day when you’re really struggling and feeling sorry for yourself, your daughter says “So why is this all about you mom? Who’s the most important person here anyway?” Stupid kid!
Warmly,
Cindy Suelzle